Work Text:
“🙏BLESS!🙏”
The blinking red light dies down. Remnants of the Internet Angel seeps out of a tired vessel as its dead, unblinking eyes stared down the screen in front of it until the display died and only the same pair of eyes remained staring back.
No more follower counts on display for her to keep thinking about.
No more fake comments from disconcerting fans who feigns concern over her.
No more of the cute, pastel pink layout that make her eyes sore in the dimly lit room.
At least, not until the next press of that power button.
Not until she moves her mouse and powers up the PC again.
With that, she moves her hand away and stands up wobbily. The entire place spins and distorts into purple, blue, then white glitches. Just like her computer, she thought. Sooner or later, this online sanctuary will become her reality too.
Right as she was sinking into the pool of apathy that comes with acceptance, a splitting headache stabs sharply through her already throbbing brain of artificial chemicals and she sees it: a vision of the success that will be bestowed unto the angel of the online world.
Fame. Money. Love.
All currencies that KAngel deserves, but not the vessel of KAngel — Ame, if anyone cared to learn a nobody’s name. Ame doesn’t deserve any of the splendor the angel possessing her and she knows this in herself. Her heart threatened to burst inside her chest, reminiscent of the one thing this divine persona lacked — a pervasive mortality and a fragile mind.
KAngel was sensitive, that had been part of her streaming appeal, but was she fragile? Whereas Ame, a loser who dropped out of high school because of some bullying she received, was sensitive over things that only made her life worse, KAngel on the other hand was sensitive over things that made her streaming career take off.
It’s as if the flaws Ame possessed and still present in KAngel were all blessings in contrast. Ame was sure if she was the actual face of her streams, she would never get anywhere, because she, herself, is the curse — and KAngel is the antithesis of her.
Hot, red vision floods the front of her brain and the ungrateful vessel grabs her benefactor’s colorful lock of hair from her head and hurls it towards the computer. The computer, no more than a mid-tier Windows 9x, is left unscathed as the wig falls down into the pink seat instead — even part of the angelic cosplay could not actually harm the hardware, like a testament to its virtues. Ame was not satisfied, she practically tears the silvery top from her torso after aggressively loosening the tie, peeling it away like a second skin before stepping out of the short skirt that no doubt was the reason for some of these nerds still watching her.
At last, she was KAngel no more. It was just Ame now. But what does Ame do? Who is Ame? What is Ame here for? In this small compartment unbefitting of a rising celebrity, barely housing her selfish ambitions, what is Ame’s purpose?
Was all of this — the fame, the money, the followers, everything — never really Ame’s?
Is the rest of Ame’s youth going to be spent on housing KAngel in her body?
P-Chan… Is P-Chan only for KAngel to have?
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA̵̯̺̗̥̭̗̜̐̀̔̌͂̀͗̿͛͒͘͜À̷͓͌́͊̆A̷̡͔͉͓̼͙̠̺͚̞̲̓̅̈́͗̋Ă̴̢̛̼̬͕̪̓̍̇̎͊̇́̾̀̈̚͠ͅA̶̢̠̼͕̐̓̇̐́̐̚̕Ä̵͙̙͔̜͖̀̆̏̆͗̚͘Ā̴̢̪̲̙̮̜͖̟̹̹̣͍͂̓̔͜ͅA̵̡̢̛͖̱͎͉̞̤̝͆̾̅̅̎̌̂͌͋͐͜͝͝͝Ả̷̧̧̛̮̼̠̙̲̥̯̻̤̗͍̲̝̀̏͒͋̍̊͆̓̚̚Ä̶̝͉̯̺̬͔̫̜͔̬̖̝̰́̉̿́͗͆͐̍̔̏͘͝A̸̧̨͈̼̝͉̞͑!̶̯̥̦͉͈̖͎̫̭̞͓͔̊̌̏̆́̇͐̓̈́̎̀͒͘͜ͅͅ!̵̨͖̫͕̺͉̣̱̟͈̜̊̑!̵̭͈͓̗̼̿͗̏͒̿̅̇̇̾͋!̶̱͍͇̺̰̞̣̺̰̺̹̲̂̌͒̂͊̀̈́̒̊̈́̃̓́̅͝!̸̛͖͚͓̀̅̈̿̐̂̒̈͌̇̏̓!̴̡̜͙͚͛̄̓͆̃͗̀̔͒̒̒̿͆͠!̴̨̢̡̨͎̖͚͎̺͎͉̲̞̾͂̃̎̒̈̿!̸̠̭͓̯͙̙̖͎͚̰̎͒̔̀́͐̐́̂̈͛!̸̰͛!̴̨̺̭͕̤͘!̶̬̠̮̲̤̜͚̤̞̥̥̖̗̩͋̽͛̅̏̀!̸̮̻͖̘͆͋̎́̈̀̒̾̔̚̚̚̚͠!̶̡̠̪̩͖͎̩̹̘͍͍͙̣̋̂͑̈̽̍͘͝!̷̧̟͎̠͎̖͍̪͉̦̫̞͛̏́͑̿̌̒̀̉̄̓͌͘͝͝!̷̧͓̭̳̞̺͍̜̥̦͓̺͖̱͊̈́͛̋́͘͝!̶̡̧̩͎͔̱̰̙̝̗̝̖͓͇́̈́͗̑͌̇͑̃̃͆̒̒͗͝ͅ!̷̢̡͙͉̜̹̿̀͑̃͛̍̊̅́̕͝͝ͅ!̸̡̡̱̲̹̙͎̦̦͙̘̺͕͒̏̏͜͝!̸̧̻̱͈̮̮͕̲͕͍͛ͅ!̶͚̱̠̙͈͔̥̟͓̀̓̾̐͆̽͊͐̓̐̊̎͑́͜͝!̷̞̮̖̥̀̓̀̒͋͋̃̀̏̓͝ͅ!̸̞͐͘̚̚!̵͈̰͉̀̌͝͝!̵̡̨̛̬̮̭̗͙͚̙̟̜̼͓̒͋͑̍̋!̷̣̟̯̻̜͉̻̄̇̽͒̈͗!̷͕̰̫̩͉͚̱̞̱͚͍̮̱͗͂̉͂̑͆͌̿!̸̨̘͍͈̞̙͇̝̖͚͇̬̗̼̙͛̑͗͑̆̉̓̍͐͝!̸̡̡̟̹̪͗̊͜ͅ!̷̨̨̛̛̤̪̭̯̬͈͌̅́̏̉̅̏̀̉͒!̶̢̗͈̹̩͉͙̬̬̼̞͇̾͂̓̾͋̍̓̇̑!̵̡̛̻̲̱̓̾͗̊͐͋!̴̨̲̫̝͇͇͊̌͆͂̔͝͝!̴̛̩͙͔̬̋͌͑̈́͛̓̆̈́̒!̴̣̏͗͌̒͗̀́͂̓͛̅̾͑!̵͉̖̘̿̌̆!̸̧̮̰̝̜̰̠̫̣̣͋͌̍̓̑̅͋̾̅͒͛͆!̴̧͔͇̤̙̜̼̟͍͙̈͊̍̋̃̆̀̌̀̅̏͊͘̕͠!̴͈̬̤̓̍̋̊̀̒͂͛̅͘͠”
Cold.
Heavy.
Unrelenting.
The air strangled Ame, forcing her to choke out her sobs. A warm ray of moonlight makes it way through the glass panel of her closed windows, bathing her in its silver light. The ground beneath her shook and there was an unmistakable sound of someone hitting the ceiling multiple times. She could not hear.
She could only feel the imminent fear seeping into her bones. The realization that none of this life was hers to begin with. Just when she thought she was finally getting better, just when she thought things were becoming better, it became clear who actually owned all of it and it was never Ame.
“Ah-ah.”
Ame blinked and looked up slowly towards the direction of the disapproving voice. There she was — the full moon, radiant in all of its glory, watching over her through her window. A hopeful reminder that she has survived another phase, another month of living hell.
That’s right. Her — KAngel’s — streaming career only had two more days to go. Then, she — they — will go over the statistics and determine the outcome of whether or not the painful charade will continue on or if she will ascend to greater heights.
Like a nosy neighbor, KAngel heard her thoughts and appears right before her, spreading her wings wide in the room that felt claustrophobic previously. That smug, well-meaning smile could not be erased from her adorable face sculpted by the heavens itself. Her feet did not touch the ground for what kind of angel with wings would not use it to float?
“She must feel so good about herself,” Ame thought. “Even the emissaries of the Almighty cannot resist Pride, after all, one of them invented it. And KAngel is the living, modern equivalent of it.”
Ame can feel it — the weight of her gaze, the coldness of her stare. There’s pity in those eyes that she cannot begin to meet. If she did, would that make her no lesser than those pitiful nerds who worship her behind a screen?
“A~me~chan~!” KAngel sang in her sing-song voice as she begins to hover closer. Still, Ame cannot look her in the eyes and she refuses to — the ray of moonlight glowing behind her grows brighter with every inch she closes in. Pale fingers stretch out to grip Ame’s chin and she freezes, slowly, the pale hand tilts her face up; forcing her to gaze into the blue skies in KAngel’s pupils. Unlike the strong light of the computer screen, the bright light of the moon was not an eyesore on this divinity before her. What it did instead was highlight the features that captured the heart of millions of fans around the world.
In her eyes, Ame can see the heaven she seeks. A world where she needs no longer worry about a boring life or a torture of uncertainty. And P-Chan’s there too.
“You know what you want, my dear Ame.” KAngel says, smiling down on her. “You can see it in my eyes.”
Ame opens her mouth, but no voice comes out. The hand gripping her chin releases its hold on her, but Ame can’t stop looking at her now. Pleased, KAngel outstretches a hand.
“Come, my poor online soldier, I will relieve you of your suffering.”
Ame finally chokes out a crackling laughter as tears gathered in the corner of her wavering eyes. “My suffering… Haha, that’s right… I’ve suffered for so long… Everyone, especially those stupid adults, have done me wrong…”
“Everyone has done everyone wrong at some point in their life, it’s unavoidable, Ame-chan.” KAngel continues. “But you can do better than that. You are a beacon of hope for the losers online who waste away their lives craving validation like you. Only you can make them smile with the goodness in your heart.”
“I… I’m not the one behind that screen, KAngel… It’s always been you… You’re the one they love…”
“Ahahaha, you’re hilarious, Ame-chan.” KAngel laughs, but her smile does not reach her eyes. “Is the moon any less a light for humans if I tell you that the sun has been behind it all along and shining through it?”
Ame stammers. “I… ah…”
“Of course not, you poor, stupid nerd. Without the moon, the sun wouldn’t have anything to shine through and the night would be dark! The stars can only do so much in a vast sky after all. You’re the one who stands out among them. And with my light, you can do so much more.”Out of pure benevolence, KAngel finally lets her feet touch the ground and she crouches down in front of Ame. With gentleness never felt before, she cradles Ame’s tearful face in both hands.
“Without you, KAngel’s streams would not be possible.” KAngel says with the gentlest look in her eyes that she has never received from anyone before. “And without you, millions of nerds would not be able to bask in the divine glory of their savior. I know one day I’ll ascend, but until my purpose is fulfilled, please…” She brings their faces closer and touches her forehead with hers, Ame’s breath hitches and the sounds of her sobbing stops for a moment.
“Please stream KAngel for all of the internet everyday, all day!”
Something begins to weigh on the sockets of Ame’s eyes, making them droop as the request KAngel made echoes in the space of her mind. She attempts to blink away the tiredness as she tries to remain present for more of this encounter with her internet angel, but instead, with each wake of her vision, the sight of KAngel becomes more distorted and glitchy.
On the last vestige of resolution she had to open her eyes, KAngel wasn’t there anymore. A blue butterfly had taken her place, glitching along with her vision before flying towards her and merging with her. The real KAngel appears just for a moment as a holographic vision and the Earth slowed time during her fall to let its savior whisper into her ear.
“I believe in you, Ame…”
THUD!
...
When Ame opened her eyes, her stomach was already lurching forward. After one quick trip to the bathroom and a long squelching and groaning sound, Ame comes out of the bathroom, wiping away the vomit from the corner of her mouth. The sun is already out and is attempting to peek through the curtains of her room like an unwanted stalker.
Ame approaches the computer where P-Chan resided and the statistics of her streaming journey persisted as a pop-up on the corner of her screen. Her cursor hovered on the bright wallpaper before being guided over towards JINE. It opens to her last conversation with P-Chan: her venting about her abusive childhood and them being an idiotic partner (like usual) and only sending a “love forever” sticker three times.
A giggle escapes her.
However, not too long after, the pop-up statistics demands her attention once again by making itself known after the VINE pop-up itself has been closed.
“Nine million followers…”
Nine million people, all waiting for KAngel’s smile and her guidance. Only one million followers more and KAngel will become the most popular streamer not just in Japan but in the whole wide world (www).
With her physical presence and KAngel’s charm, that future is inevitable. The nerd have given so much to her already and she was so ungrateful to question all of it the previous night. This is it, this is her time to give back — her chance to help make a change for young people like her who are also seeking refuge in the internet. KAngel will finally become their true, unrestricted savior.
Ame finally makes her decision.
Using her phone, she goes on her JINE and breaks the news to her beloved while tears of joy leaves droplets on her phone screen.
‘p-chan, i talked to kangel last night’
‘from now on, i will become the sole vessel of kangel’s divinity’
‘no more mornings and afternoons to dread being ame’
‘after all, only i can handle kangel and her angelic powers’
‘tonight, i’m going to announce the good news to those thirsty nerds lol’
‘the internet angel is real and she will bring in a golden era for the internet’
‘even if i’m doomed to forever be a body for kangel’
‘please don’t forget that i, ame, have always loved you’
‘now, i must help kangel fulfill her purpose’
‘thanks for all your help, pchan’
She has finally found her purpose in this world.
ENDING: New World Angel