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It’s silly.
It’s stupid, it’s silly, and it’s not something Apo should even care about. All she’s supposed to care about is her duty to Soluna, and by extension, the princess.
But it’s just something nagging at her, just something that she can’t quite ignore, as Cherri practically hangs off of Katie’s arm, as the knight (She wasn’t even really knighted, but neither was Apo, so the moon knight supposed she couldn’t judge) picks up a rather large branch. Cherri coos at Katie, and Apo forces herself not to bristle.
“Oh! You’re so strong…” Cherri says, letting go of Katie to allow her to place the branch along with the firewood they’re gathering. Apo wants to say that it’s a useless branch, that they might as well cut it now, since it’d be too big to carry back. But Katie is nothing if not a show off, and the last thing that Apo wants is for Katie to leave the rest to her, while Cherri calls her ‘so strong and brave!’.
Therein lies the problem. It wasn’t that Apo wanted Cherri to stop saying those things about Katie, it was that she wanted Cherri to say those things about her. In all her years working for both the princess, and Soluna, the princess had not once given her a genuine compliment for her service. Genuine, because Cherri could jokingly compliment her, but Apo knew she didn’t ever mean it. At least not like she did when she talked about Katie.
“Yep! That’s- That’s me!” Katie says, puffing out her chest proudly. It makes Apo grimace slightly, as she hoists a couple of rather large pieces of wood in both of her arms, carrying them over like it’s nothing. She places them on the growing pile of firewood.
Cherri does not call her strong for it. In fact, Apo is pretty sure the princess has completely forgotten she’s here at all. Cherri just brushes hair out of her eyes, and smiles warmly at Katie, still displaying a stupid show of confidence.
Whatever. It’s silly, like Apo said. It’s a silly thing to want, and an even sillier thing to be jealous of. It’s not like she can just tell Cherri to call her brave, or compliment how strong she is. That’s weird! Apo doesn’t have any right to demand anything out of a princess, nonetheless a simple compliment. She wasn’t insecure about her service or anything, (She was), she just felt it was… improper for Cherri to show such a preference for another knight!
Had Cherri grown tired of her protection? Was the princess just too nice to say it? Maybe Apo wasn’t doing as good of a job as she thought she was? Cherri had gotten into trouble more times than Apo could count, but Apo had always gotten Cherri out of that trouble! Usually safely, too!
Was she looking for a knight that would both protect her, and indulge her in her tomfoolery? Was Apo just not right for Cherri?
The knight huffs particularly loudly at the thought, as she picks up another set of logs. Her arms strain under the pressure, and her back is beaded with sweat as she carries them over. At the breathy exhale, both Cherri and Katie look over, and Apo fights off an embarrassed frown.
“You okay?” Cherri says, a frown on her lips immediately. Apo mourns the loss of her smile as she continues, “Seriously Apo, you should be taking it easy.”
Yes, Apo had taken an arrow to the shoulder almost a week earlier during a training session gone wrong. Cherri had fired an arrow, aiming for the target Apo had set up, and had almost comically missed the target by a mile. It was less comical for Apo, who now had to avoid hissing in pain whenever she moved her right arm.
Cherri had been more than apologetic, and Apo had refused healing magic, deeming it not important enough. There was no looming threat of an attack or anything, and it wouldn’t take more than two weeks to heal. It wasn’t a deep wound.
“It’s nothing. I’m fine.” Apo says, dipping her head to the princess. “Thank you, though.”
Rather than pressing it, and worrying over Apo like Cherri sometimes does, the princess lets the subject drop, turning back to Katie and continuing their conversation.
Whatever. Whatever! It’s not like Apo had any right to care. It’s unreasonable to expect Cherri to insist she stop working. However, Apo’s chest aches softly, and she doesn’t think her heart cares about being reasonable.
So, she just chops more of the trees she cut down (All by herself, she might add, Katie hasn’t been much help), and tries to ignore the sting in her shoulder.
Dear Soluna, it’s way too hot outside. Without a second thought, Apo pulls off her dress shirt, leaving her in a tank top. She rolls her shoulders experimentally, and decides that it’s much better than the previous temperature. She wipes her brow, and then lifts the logs.
Maybe if she lifts more logs, Cherri might notice how hard she’s working? So Apo piles a couple more logs than necessary on, thinking at the very least it’ll get her out of being forced into proximity with the two women. If the weight makes her shoulder twinge a little more, she ignores it. Something about working through the pain, and how she’ll heal stronger? She hisses a little through the pain though, and drops the logs into the pile. The loud clattering of wood hitting wood makes Cherri and Katie glance over, and Apo turns, eager to grab more of the firewood when a hand on her shoulder forces her to turn back around.
“Apo, what are you doing?” Cherri’s voice is alarmed, and it doesn’t take long for Apo to realize why, as the princess grips the bandages at her shoulder, putting pressure on the wound where it has started bleeding again. “You’re overworking yourself. I told you you needed to rest.”
The care that she’s getting now doesn’t make Apo feel any better, as shame washes over her. Cherri wasn’t proud of her at all. She didn’t think Apo was strong, she didn’t think that it was brave of her to be shouldering all the weight. She thought Apo was hurt and needed to rest, and more importantly, that she was too incompetent to do this task.
“I was just–” Apo protests, but Cherri quickly shuts her up by putting more pressure on the wound, making Apo hiss in pain.
“I don’t care what you were doing!” Cherri says, giving Apo a stern look that makes the knight feel almost childish. “You have to rest. Go back to the kingdom. Me and Katie will handle the rest.
Her and Katie, huh?
Part of Apo wonders how often she’ll be hearing that phrase in the future; wonders if it’ll just become the new norm. “No, Apo, I don’t need your help, Katie is here!”, “Oh, Katie and I will handle it.”, “Why don’t you leave us, Apo? I’m sure Katie can protect me.”
Apo shakes her head, as if to clear it, but the feeling still remains, and she resolves to make it go away at all costs. Whether it be coming to terms with the ugly inevitability of change, or the even uglier feelings inside of her.
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Apo rolls her shoulders again, as if checking that her shoulders are in fact still there. She’d been out there for hours now, fighting mobs in the darkness of night. Training, or so she had called it. In reality, she could barely sleep. Her earlier worries were swarming her now, and Cherri being in the same house didn’t exactly help her much.
So Apo had snuck out, grabbed her armor, and made out for the gates. Mobs were as good as any opponent, and Apo needed something, anything, to distract herself.
And she was good at fighting.
Or at least she thought she was. Apo tries to keep the bitter thought out of her head. After Cherri and Katie had gotten back from collecting firewood, the princess had excitedly recounted how a creeper had nearly knocked her off of her feet, if not for the brave Katie, who saved her.
Katie the brave. Apo the… what? Stupid? Pathetic? Desperate?
The knight blows out a forceful breath against the cool night air, rubbing at her sore knuckles. She’s got a gash on her cheek that has mostly stopped bleeding, but other than that, she’s fine, aside from being sore, and tired. But, the tiredness is just because of the fact that it’s probably around 2am, and usually, Apo would be sleeping. She should be, if she wants to perform her duties to their fullest extent.
But, part of her, a selfish, bitter part of her, thinks that Cherri will be just fine without her. Besides, if Apo isn’t up to par with the princess’ standards, she should focus on that.
As if on cue, Apo hears a groan from her left, and she unsheathes her sword in less than a second, the diamond glinting in the moonlight, faintly stained by blood. Or. Undead goop? Did zombies have… blood? They certainly didn’t need it, right? No hearts to pump it… nothing to use it for…
Apo shakes her head, huffing as she steps towards the zombie, who is staggering towards her. Just as she’s about to slash at it, she feels a scratch down her leg, and looks down to see a horrifyingly small zombie scrambling at her legs like it’s feral.
‘And Katie saved me! Can you believe that? She’s such a good knight.’
She kicks it away, slashing at the undead in front of her, but it manages to tear its nails down her arm before it slumps, leaving a bloody wound down the length of Apo’s sword arm.
Fuck. That was stupid. Amateur mistake. Apo tries to stop the comparison to Katie, as she quickly takes down the smaller zombie with ease. Then, she just barely gets her shield up, before an arrow is sticking out of it, as a skeleton saunters forward, already notching another arrow with its bony fingers.
Apo’s ears are ringing as she blindly charges towards the skeleton, trying to ignore the voice in her head that sounds a lot like Cherri, telling her that she’ll never live up to being a worthy knight. She’ll never be a worthy knight, much less a worthy lover.
Apo hisses in pain, as she holds her arm, where the scratches are bleeding profusely. Fuck, fuck fuck! Not only is it her sword arm, but it’s not like she can just stop fighting. She lunges forwards, spearing the skeleton in the eye, before planting her foot on its ribcage, and using the leverage to pull out her sword.
Apo finishes off another zombie, and then, as more emerge, she decides, ‘huh, maybe I shouldn’t fight wounded?’. So, Apo hobbles off as quick as possible, her sword still in hand, and her desperation to get home more prevalent than ever.
In her haste, a zombie gets the jump on her, biting her other arm. Apo groans, her mind foggy with both blood loss and exhaustion, and swings her sword blindly. By some stroke of good luck, she ends up hitting the undead, and it slumps backwards, as Apo drags herself within the limits of the Red Kingdom.
“Shit…” Apo hisses, staring up at the moonlight for a moment. She feels tears prick her eyes. Apo doesn’t cry. Not often, at least, but the frustration, insecurity, and blood loss is getting to her, so a tear drips down her face, and she sniffs rather embarrassingly.
At least no one can hear it. No one can hear the unmistakable truth of Apo’s feelings. No one knows what it means to need to be needed. Apo needs Cherri to need her. Otherwise, what are they doing? Sleeping in the same house, spending time together? Does Cherri even like Apo?
Is she just not worth it? If her previous blunders earlier, which had led to her injuries, were any indication, Apo might as well just bleed out now. What kind of knight let this happen to her? What kind of knight couldn’t fight off some lousy mobs?
“Apo?” A small, yet unmistakable voice calls, as a figure hurries towards the knight. Apo angles her face away from the sky, finally, looking towards the shadowed figure running towards her. “Apo!”
Cherri’s face is beautiful in the moonlight, and her hair frames her face perfectly, so much so that Apo can only stare, a little breathless (Blood loss), and silent (Exhaustion).
“Apo are you- why did you- Are you bleeding?” Cherri starts and stops multiple sentences, before settling on complete horror as Apo just nods wordlessly. “What the- Come here.”
Cherri hooks her arms around Apo’s shoulder, allowing the knight to lean her weight on the other woman. Apo tries not to, as hard as she can, but once Cherri scolds her for it, only a second later, she gives in, slumping over.
“What were you doing? What were you thinking?” Cherri frets as they enter their shared home. “Are you stupid?”
Apo hangs her head, partly in embarrassment, and partly because she’s feeling lightheaded, as Cherri eases her into sitting on a wooden chair at their kitchen table. The knight’s back hits the chair, and she can't help but slump over, unable to keep herself upright for much longer. She watches through drooping eyes, as Cherri rummages around in their shared kitchen, murmuring under her breath.
“Where is- Got it.” Cheri pulls out two bottles. One is more of a vial, and Apo vaguely realizes that it’s the magical disinfectant that Scott had given them a couple weeks earlier, boasting that it cured zombie wounds way faster than a regular healing spell. (He had used the words ‘regular degular’.)
Cherri practically dumps the entire bottle down Apo's arm, and the knight hisses as the sting seems to reach her bones, settling into the wounds. “Ow…”
Cherri scolds her a moment more, but Apo focuses on trying not to pass out, and consequently tunes the princess out.
“Would you mind telling me what sort of idea you had in your head, that told you to go traipsing through the woods at night?” Cherri says, wrapping a bandage around Apo’s forearm. The knight feels a little more lucid now, the healing potion already taking effect. It speeds up when Cherri pours another vial on the bandages, soaking them through.
“Don’t waste potions on me.” Apo says instead, pushing Cherri’s arm away. The rest of the healing potion spills onto the floor, and the princess bristles.
“Don’t you dare tell me what to do.” Cherri shakes her head, and Apo, with distinct fear, recognizes the tears in her voice. “Not after this shit.”
“Cherri I’m sorry-”
“You’re sorry? To who? Yourself?” Cherri says, her voice still strangely panicked. “What were you doing?”
“Training.” Apo says vaguely, looking away from Cherri.
“During the nighttime? Without a sparring partner?”
“I used the mobs.”
“‘You used the–’ Do you have any idea how reckless you sound?” Cherri says, running a nervous hand through her hair. “Don’t do that!”
“Do what?” Train? Was Cherri so keen to give up on her?
“Worry me! Don’t take off again! I woke up and you were- You were gone!”
Apo finally looks at Cherri. Not like she had been. Really, really looking now. Cherri’s breathing is panicked, and she looks more concerned than anything else. Not mad, not disappointed, just… concerned. Worried about something, or someone. Worried about Apo.
“I’m sorry.” Apo apologizes immediately, reaching out her good hand to– to what? Console Cherri? She promptly drops the hand back to her side. “I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to worry you.”
“Why were you out there? You never train at night. You tell me it’s too dangerous whenever I suggest it.” Cherri seems to have sobered up from her worry now, and she furrows her brow as she speaks.
“I…” Apo considers telling her the truth. The full truth, jealousy and all. “I’ve been slacking off with my knightly duties, and training as well.”
“No you haven’t,” Cherri objects, her face even more confused. “You’ve been doing the same amount of work as usual, even though your shoulder keeps acting up.”
“Today, in the woods with Katie, I wasn’t there.” Apo says dejectedly, hanging her head almost like a sad child. “I couldn’t protect you.”
“But if you were there, you would’ve.” Cherri’s face is hardened now, and she continues. “Apo, you need to stop over–”
“No!” Apo shakes her head, pursing her lips, “No, that’s not it. I wasn’t there but- but-”
“But Katie was.” Cherri’s face falls, falls, falls, and Apo thinks she might just keep falling into it forever, until the princess’ face flashes with recognition. “Oh my god.”
Apo feels tears prick at her eyes, and silently curses herself. One of the worst things about her was that any intense emotion made her cry far too easily. Not very knightly at all.
“You were… jealous?” Cherri guesses correctly, and Apo can only nod pathetically. “Oh my god Apo.”
“I’m sorry. It’s not a very knightly thing to feel.” Apo confesses, looking back up at Cherri’s face. She bows it again almost immediately as a sign of respect, unable to look the princess in the eyes. “I should not be your knight. I think my time away from Soluna has softened me.”
“Softened you?” To Apo’s surprise, Cherri laughs, and the knight looks up, the world around her somehow seeming a little brighter than before. “Apo, nothing could soften you.”
Well, maybe not nothing.
“My time away–”
“Your time spent resting, you mean?” Cherri smiles warmly, and her hand finds Apo’s uninjured hand, where she starts tracing shapes into it with gentle fingers. Apo could die on the spot. “Don’t worry about it.”
“But–”
“But nothing,” Cherri insists, her smile softening, if that’s even possible, “Once you recover, I’m sure you’ll serve me well. Right?”
Apo nods frantically, as if any other answer might get her stoned to death. “Yes! Yes, I will, princess.”
“Just Cherri is fine, as I keep telling you.” Cherri winks, and Apo feels her face heat up. The princess pretends to think for a moment. “Also, I don’t think Katie would make a very good personal knight.”
“R- really?” Apo tries her best not to sound too excited about Cherri’s opinion on the other knight. She fails, spectacularly. Cherri smiles a little wider.
“Yes, really. As much as she is brave, she’s also a bit reckless.” Cherri whispers it, as if it’s a confession meant for only Apo’s ears. “To tell you the truth, you keep me out of trouble better than she could.”
Apo feels a rush of warmth flood from her chest outwards at the compliment. The pride flows to her head, and before she realizes it, she’s smiling. It’s small, slight, but still a smile, still filled with a joy and pride that she doesn’t think she has felt in years.
“That is… good to know.” It is good to know. It’s nice to know, great to know, even.
Cherri’s eyes soften at Apo’s smile, and her hand starts tracing a different shape now, but the knight is too busy riding the high of being called competent at her job. In fact, she’s so high up on cloud nine, that she hurriedly bids Cherri a goodnight (With the widest smile), and heads up to her room with a little bit of pep in her step.
Her worries feel a little less significant now. Even if she is to slack off, Katie can’t take her position as Cherri’s personal knight. She won’t, of course, slack off, but it’s a comforting notion that Cherri doesn’t want anyone else protecting her. Apo doesn’t either.
No one can protect Cherri like Apo can. They have something special.
And maybe… just maybe, it could become something real.