Archive of Our Own

Ray hated Tuesdays for one reason - he couldn't arrive to school on time. Every week he began with the same routine. It started with alarm ringing too quiet to be heard in his dreamy state, his parents had earlier to work that days so they couldn't even wake him up. He tried to make breakfast in hurry but he got distracted too easily, he didn't belong to fast eater too. When he was in bedroom to change his clothes, the bus was passing his home and then he knew he had to run. With this he was always ultimately late. It was like curse above him, hunting him only on Tuesdays.

This Tuesday wasn't different. He opened his eyes immediately after realising the alarm should've already sounded. His sleepy gaze dropped on the nightstand with alarm - 7:27. He wouldn't make it on time. He could only reduce his lateness to minimum.

He ran into kitchen to eat something, anything really. He couldn't go hungry to school because he wouldn't eat in school neither. He hated eating in school the same he hated Tuesdays. In fridge he only found eggs. Better for him because fried eggs will take him the least time. He put them on the pan and the silence occupied him. Yeah, he also hated silence. It made him feel that maybe he was just full of hate. 

Music blasted through the speaker after he found small remote control and for a second he forgot there was any school, any eggs, any time in the world. Just Bruce Dickinson screaming Judas Be My Guide.

After a quick return to reality, Ray came back to his eggs. He put them on a plate and looked at the clock - 7:39. In this pace he could only hope to make it on a second lesson. He ate eggs in hurry, also trying not to choke and die shamefully right in the kitchen. The inscription on the gravestone would be embarrassing.

Ray Toro 1977-1995. Definitely not enough years to make life worthwhile. 

He put empty plate into sink and ran to his room to change his clothes. He didn't have time to think about cool outfit that would make him more friends. No outfit would make that even happen so he decided to wear Motörhead tee and boring black jeans. What a loser. 

He would like to complain about his lack of style more but he caught school bus passing his house. No, no, fuck. Without further thought he put on shoes, not even caring about tying them and eventually left the house.

He didn't live too far from school so the run took him no more than ten minutes and he ran into class only seven minutes late, for him it was a victory. He quickly apologized for barging into class late again. Teacher didn't say a thing, probably already used to it, so he just turned to sit on his place and then he saw it, or maybe more, he saw him. Black-haired boy with big dark eyes and skin paler than any other human being was sitting at his desk. His face was round and looking down. Ray didn't get irritated, he was sitting alone anyway. His all friends were younger and the only person he could sit with in his classes was Pete, but Ray wasn't that desperate.

Maybe new classmate would make him actually good.

He sat down next to this unknown boy and smiled. "Hi, I'm Ray Toro, It's my desk."

Hazel eyes looked up at the sound of his voice and the almost white face fastly revealed concern. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know someone is sitting here. It was the only free table." Ray noticed how he didn't even say his name and he knew he will have to swallow his embarrassment and ask for it himself.

"No, no, it's okay, I'm sitting alone." Big, toothy smile lighten up his face trying to seem nice, even if the other boy only let corner of his mouth raise in something that didn't look much like a smile. "What's your name?" Ray asked when the silence was too long between them and the other still didn't introduce himself.

Black hair almost covered his whole side when he was focused on the teacher more than on Ray. "Gerard." 

Well, that was at least something. Ray didn't know how continue, he wasn't good at talking. It was always his best friend, Frank, talking. Ray more enjoyed listening and watching. Whenever his friends argued or clowned together, he found himself better at just existing with them than joining. He didn't say anything the whole lesson and Gerard didn't look like he wanted to talk either.

He was on his feet the same second the break bell rang. He pushed himself through all the people who probably thought he was some kind of idiot and he also thought they all were idiots and made his way to find Frank. It didn't take him long because Frank was looking for him too. Big smiles on both of their faces when their eyes crossed.

"You won't believe it, Frankie."

"I got big news, Ray-Ray."

Both of them said in the same time and in the same time laughed. "Then start first." Ray encouraged.

Frank eyes lighten, looking now more greenish than brownish. Ray knew that he would explode if he had to wait for Ray to end his sentence. Ray always let him talk first. "I have new guy in class!"

Ray opened his mouth and fastly closed it to open it again. "I wanted to say the same. I have new classmate, his name is Gerard and he is not most talkative person I know." He laughed at the end of the sentence when Frank rolled his eyes. It was hard to be the most talkative person Ray knew because Ray knew Frank. "Well, okay. But you get the point."

Frank nodded. "Yeah so I only know that my new classmate's name is Michael Way. I didn't have time to talk to him yet." Words were leaving his mouth fastly like he was already excited to meet someone new. Ray was thankful for this because it was Frank's outgoing behavior that made him has four friends and not only one. "But I was thinking that maybe we can talk to him together!" He offered and Ray knew better than say no. Frank again wanted not only make new friend himself but also make Ray new friend because it didn't have to be said that without him Ray would never make a friend.

"Yeah, sure, maybe lunch break? Now I have English class at the highest floor." Ray sighed and started walking so he won't be late for another lesson. Frank walked next to him. 

"Okay, okay. In this time try to talk to this Jared." That was the last words Frank said before leaving to his own class. Ray didn't even corrected him that his name was Gerard. He was more terrified to find a subject to talk.

Lesson started and Gerard again decided to sit with Ray. That was a nice feeling. The feeling of being chosen, even if it was because most of the places were already taken. He sat down with little "Can I?" and Ray only nodded. 

Few seconds of silence and Ray needed someone to start talk, he wasn't used to silent, he was used to be the silent one. He knew he must start talking, even if he would prefer it to come from the other guy. "So, Gerard, where are you from?" Their brown eyes met.

"New Jersey. Summit if I have to be precise." Gerard smiled. He smiled! With only his corners but it finally resembled a smile. 

Ray smiled too. "It's far away, so why Utah?" 

"My parents found this place most appealing. But I think it was mostly my brother's idea. The old school for him was rough, he is not the best at making friends and being social. He is weirdo, he wanted to start somewhere else." Suddenly Gerard was chatterbox and Ray couldn't understand what changed from previous lesson to this.

"You are here with a brother?" That was the only question he could think of right now.

Gerard nodded, looking for a second on the board and frowning like he couldn't understand English. Then he came back to look at Ray. "Yeah, he is younger. In this school, junior year."

Ray had to open his eyes and make some sound because Gerard was now looking at him with one brow raised. "Uhm, is his name Michael?" He said weakly, little embarrassed that he seemed to be excited about it.

"Yeah, you met him?"

"Nah, my friend is in 11th grade too. He said me that there is new guy in his classes and he wants me to go with him on lunch break and talk to him." He fastly explained, feeling stupid for his enthusiasm. He decided to ask anyway. "Maybe you will sit with us? For lunch break. You and your brother." He noticed sudden warm forming on his face but his burning skin fastly calmed down after Gerard simply nodded.

"Sure but better call him just Mikey."

Next lessons Gerard spent on talking about his life in New Jersey and Ray occasionally asked some questions to knew more. Then lunch time finally came and Ray took a place in their usual table. Gerard went to find his brother and Pete was talking with some girl, trying probably made weird deal so he wouldn't have to do his homework, but when Brendon and Patrick arrived, his focus fastly switched to the table and he left this poor girl alone.

"Brendon!" He shouted through whole room and few eyes landed on four of them. Mostly on Pete, of course.

Brendon jumped from his place and they hugged like one of them just came back from the war. Loud laugh fastly filled whole place.

Patrick looked at Ray with knowing smirk. "They act like children." He pointed and that made Brendon grin even bigger.

"We are children."

No one answered this. Pete took place next to Patrick and Brendon sat down next to Pete. 

Frank approached from the corner with two boys, Gerard and Mikey. He sat next to Ray and gestured the others to settle too. Gerard was already shaking everyone's hand. The other said only two words. "I'm Mikey." He started to eat his food, not looking at any of them, his face was empty, without any emotion. Ray took a glance at him. He had the same brown or maybe hazel eyes that his brother but his hair wasn't that dark, more brown than black. His skin was even paler like he had never seen a sun. On his nose was pair of thin glasses. He looked tall but really skinny. 

Ray couldn't stare more because Frank voice was already accusing him. "You lied to me! You said Gerard isn't that talkative! And he attacked me with whole story of his and his brother life in five seconds!" His voice was more amused than truly offended. Ray just shrugged.

"Well, at first he was really quiet." He defended.

Gerard smiled to both of them, again, only with his corners. "Sorry, mum said I shouldn't talk to strangers." That was some kind of joke probably but that kind of joke that didn't make anyone laugh. Almost anyone.

Loud Frank's laugh occupied everyone's ears and they all looked at him like he was some ghost. He noticed it and fastly stopped. "What? That was funny!" He tried to defened himself.

"It wasn't THAT funny." Pete was the one to point it out. Everyone else seemed to be just amused with Frank's behavior.

Ray noticed that now Mikey's mouth was curved into little, soft smile and he knew he was smiling too. This guy drew his attention because he was quiet and didn't fit into the typical archetype of Ray's group of friends. All of them were loud and screamy and Ray just sat and observed them most of the time. He had an idea that Mikey might have been just like he.

Patrick was first to break the silence. "Where are you from?" His blue eyes were aimed at Mikey more, but Gerard answered anyway.

"New Jersey." 

Pete whistled. "Quite far." He said and Patrick mocked him. "Shut up!" He shoved the other boy arm a little, but his face was smiling too big to be really annoyed.

"Oh, why is everybody thinking we are couple!" Frank immitated Pete's voice and the rest laughed, only Pete and Patrick looked offended.

Pete rolled his eyes and his arms crossed on his chest. "I wouldn't date someone younger." He mumbled like it really insulted him that they even thought something like that. 

Brendon almost choked with Pete's statement. "You would only date someone younger." Another wave of laugh passed through the whole table. 

When the laugh disappeared, Ray finally dared to ask Mikey something. "So, Mikey, how's your first day here? Gerard told me that you had problems with socializing in old school."

Mikey's eyes lifted up and Ray could notice that one of his iris had little darker brown spot. "What? Gerard, you're doing it again!" His voice was soft even when he was complaining with little frustration at the edge. Ray almost smiled hearing it but he didn't want to be mistaken for a creep so he decided to calmed down his features. "My brother likes to call me out. But yeah, here is okay." His eyes met Ray's and he really tried not to smile but he couldn't. He felt his teeth being exposed. 

"Only okay?" Pete asked fastly, frowning like it somehow wounded him.

Mikey slowly switched to look at him. He looked apologetic. "I mean... I sat alone whole day. It felt like every other day in my old school. Maybe little better because no one said anything unkind to me." He explained, his brother definitely wanted to say something but Mikey cut him off. "I tried to sit with Brendon but he refused." Gerard's eyes turned to Brendon accusingly.

They sighed and this heavy silence floated above them like some phantom. They didn't know what to say. Brendon should have said it himself.

"It's a long story." Frank tried to assure Mikey, his hand patted his back. "It's nothing about you, buddy."

Brendon immediately nodded, he didn't want to look like a prick. "I'm just in grief." Pete cackle at this words and his hand fastly covered his mouth, it wasn't time for histerical laugh.

"Everybody is alive." Brendon looked at Pete like he wanted to argue with his statement.

Both brothers looked more confused but Brendon didn't leave them without explanation. "I was sitting with Ryan. He was very important for me. He was my muse, he was my sun, he was my other half, he was-"

Patrick and Pete cut him in the same time. "He was his boyfriend." 

"He was more than that!" Brendon really wanted to show how important part of his life was Ryan but it made them only smile and giggle to each other. They all knew how important he was for Brendon and they knew that both Way brothers will find it out as fast as everyone. It was already half a year and Brendon still didn't stop talking about it. They almost believed he will never stop. "But he needed to change school. His dad find new job in California and I will never see him again. My life is miserable and I will die alone, probably on this damn school desk!" 

The dramatic behavior made everyone little more loose. It was sad and they really supported Brendon but it was also hilarious how he acted. "Damn." Gerard just said and Frank giggled.

"Yeah, lovely story." Pete summed up.

☀︎

Ray was really glad when the school day finally ended. He needed to go back home and just collapse on the bed, maybe call Frank later and ask him if he wants to jam together or just takes a walk. He was standing next to his locker, looking at Frank searching for something when his eyes caught Mikey walking with janitor, probably looking for free locker. He didn't hear the conversations but janitor pointed at few lockers. One of them was next to his and used to belong to Ryan. Mikey nodded and pointed at this locker too. Before Ray could register what that meant, Mikey was already walking into his way.

He smiled immediately with his whole mouth. Mikey approached and put the key in the lock. "So... we are lockermates?" He tried not to sound like a moron but he certainly failed. Mikey just nodded. "Uhm... where are you live? I mean... maybe we're also neighbours." Ray almost squeezed his eyes at how pathetic it sounded.

"I live one street away from school." It was the only answer Ray got. 

"I'm living close to school too." 

And that was how the conversation died because Mikey just smiled gently almost like he put many effort in it and put books into locker, his head disappeared in it completely. Frank tapped Ray's shoulder and Ray just now remembered that he was there too. "Coming back together?" He asked and Ray only could manage to nod. His eyes remained on Mikey. Frank noticed now him too. "Mikey, would you like to come with us? Your brother is welcomed too." He was definitely better at talking and making conversations easy and Ray was little envy about that in this moment.

Mikey's head came back to sight when the locker's door closed. "Yeah, sure, I just need to find him."

But he didn't have time to walk away because just in this second Gerard approached them. "I was thinking that maybe you would like to come to us?" That was his first words and Ray opened mouth to refuse because he didn't like being guest in someone's house. He always felt like he was intruder. But Frank already agreed.

"That's the idea!"

Ray and Mikey exchanged lost looks. Both of them definitely needed more time to be like this two. But it was also nice how fast Gerard and Frank found each other's company uncomfortable. Ray was envy again. He most of the time felt like someone unwanted with new people. 

He didn't have much to say in this case, it was already decided and he was in half way to Way's house. Gerard and Frank was constantly talking about something and Mikey just looked around definitely not listening, just like Ray. He nudged shorter boy with elbow. "Do you like it here?" He tried to make some conversation.

Mikey looked at the sky first. It was cloudy and little dark because of the time they ended their lessons. "It's nice. Not too hot and I heard that winters here are very snowy." His eyes finally settled on Ray's face.

"You like winter?" 

"Definitely more than summer." 

Ray nodded. He was more of summer person, he liked the sun and the light colours of the world. "That's why you are so pale?" He asked stupidly. Maybe it wasn't the best question but at least he was talking. It was new.

Mikey chuckled and his hand fastly raised to his mouth, not to stop laughing, just to cover his lips. Ray noticed this movement and thought that maybe it was just reflex or maybe Mikey was insecure. He knew better than ask. "Yeah, I don't like sun."  

"I don't get it, i love sun." He admitted and couldn't think of anything other to say. His mind was blank in situations like this.

"Oh yeah, there's nothing better than sweating." Frank interfered and Ray was glad for it because otherwise the conversation would probably end.

Mikey chuckled at his words and Ray couldn't think of better sound right now. Embarrassment washed him when he caught this thought.

He rolled his eyes. "It's not about sweating, it's about the warm feeling not only outside your skin but also inside." 

Frank almost snorted. "Oh God, you're so lonely."

They both laughed like it was some kind of joke between them and Ray could swear that Mikey had bigger smile on his face, his lips almost parted and corners of his mouth reached his eyes. He couldn't now admire this view because they stopped in front of not big house. Gerard opened the door and inviteted the others first. The house was mostly white like some madhouse but Ray left this comment to himself. All the windows were covered with curtains. When they entered noone even turned the lights on, Gerard just took off his shoes and leaded them upstairs.

They shared room and it looked more lively, more possible that two teenage boys lived here. The walls were decorated with posters of rockstars and science fiction movies. One wall covered with shelfs with CDs and Ray was amazed with how many of them he had too in his room. Bass stood next to one bed and nighstand full of comics and sketchbooks next to the other. The windows were covered there too but lamp, standing in one corner, was imitating enough light to made this room more domestic then any other part of this house. Ray knew without seeing any other rooms.

"Whose bass is this?" Ray dared himself to ask with a little bit of excitement. He played guitar for only a year now but he was in love with music for much longer and maybe he had also a little secret dream to form a band one day.

Gerard didn't answer this time. He was too busy with collapsing onto his bed which wasn't the one next to bass. It was already an answer.

"Mine." Mikey looked little shy about it but finally in this light brown eyes was visible some excitement too. He looked more alive now. "I play a bit."

Big smile formed on Ray's lips but he didn't want to be too much excited with it. "And you, Gerard. Do you play something?" He asked looking now on the boy laying lazy on the bed, even if he was much more interested in bass.

Before Gerard even try to open his mouth, Mikey answered first. "He plays a fool." 

Ray laughed because he didn't expect it. He didn't expect that Mikey could joke and now he felt even more stupid. Frank laughed too, already collapsing on the mattress next to Gerard like they were buddies for at least five years. Gerard eyes went to his skull and came back with annoyed gesture.

"I tried to play a bass but it's not for me probably. Mikey's doing it better."

Frank said something to him, likely something about him playing a guitar, but Ray came back to Mikey, definitely more interested in him. "I play guitar for a year now." He sat down on the bed, not even asking if he could like he normally would do. His brain was too busy with other things. "I would like to hear you play." He added gazing at the silver bass leaned against bottom side rail.

Mikey looked at his bass too and considered this idea. "I'm not that good." He said but reached for his bass anyway. "I just started playing." He justyfied before he even started as he needed to prepare Ray for what would come "Don't laugh." And Ray didn't have time to say that he would never laugh and he wasn't that good himself even if Frank was always saying that he had natural talent for it, first chord already caught Ray's ears. He knew immediately it was For Whom The Bell Tolls by Metallica.

He listened carefully to every notes and maybe it wasn't the best thing he heard but he wasn't the judge here. He was glad that Mikey decided to even play anything for him. 

His hands on bass strings flew down after only few seconds of playing and he looked embarrassed. "Something like that. I don't know if it was even close to original." He put bass on the floor like it could burn him if he held it for a second more.

"Well, I knew it's for whom the bell tolls after first note so I guess it is." Ray noticed.

Frank, who was here all the time even if Ray forgot about it again, snorted a little. "Yeah, because you're a nerd." 

Ray rolled his eyes. "I'm just a good music enjoyer." He corrected with a little grin. He was proud of his music taste and he didn't care what others said.

Mikey returned to being excited and sat on the bed next to Ray, looking at him with something that made Ray turned his head a little. "What are you listening to?"

"Well, Metallica, Iron Maiden, Slayer mostly." He looked around the room, he couldn't look at Mikey's eyes right now. He was making him more shy about his taste than he expected to be. "80s metal in general but i like softest things too."

The other boy's smirk was more intimidating than Ray liked to admit, he didn't say a word like he was waiting for more bands.

"I really love Vio-lence one and only album, it's definitely in my top 10. Recently I discovered Flotsam & Jetsam. Also I listen much Exodus and Testament but beside thrash i'm in love with Venom and Possessed music." With every word Ray felt little more relaxed, he just dicovered he can say that many words at once. "I remember discovering Dio in both of his bands - Rainbow and Dio, his vocals changed me. I like other genres too. Country, rock, pop, I don't care as long as it speaks to me. I grew up with Pink Floyd and The Cure and God, I probably talk too much. What are you listening to?" He stopped little embarrassed with his sudden outburst. 

Mikey was looking at him with this weird soft expression and Ray wanted to stop feeling like pathetic human being when he was talking about his passions. 

"Well, I listen to metal too, probably not that much as you but I heard every band you named. I'm also big fan of Smashing Pumpkins, Misfits and Oasis." 

Ray couldn't remember being that happy in a while. He loved music and he tried to talk about music but most of his friends listened to lightest things or just didn't treat music that seriously. Brendon loved pop, Patrick listened to some kind of soul and R&B, Pete was more of a hip-hop guy and Frank was the closest with his rock thing. But none of them really was fascinated with metal. He always dreamt to meet someone who would really listen to him talking about it. And here he was.

"I saw the CDs, they are yours?" He looked at shelf with CDs again and his eyes flew across Green Day, Death, Black Sabbath, Thin Lizzy, Motörhead, Led Zeppelin, Joy Division and AC/DC albums. He could only imagine Mikey Way standing in his room, one of these CDs playing in the background, he was hardly headbanging to it and screaming the lyrics. 

Mikey caught his gaze and followed it like he was seeing the shelf for the first time too. "Some of them are also Gerard, but yeah, most of them are mine." 

Ray immediately jumped out of the bed and went closer to the shelf. His fingers passed few plastic cases, he saw few titles he didn't have in his own house. He took out few CDs and opened them to look at the record for a second then closed it and put it on its place. Mikey was standing behind him, looking at his fascination with every CD in his hands like Ray was some primal man seeing this thing for the first time. His face was little curved in some sort of warmness that made Ray attention fastly shift from music to the boy next to him. He smiled to him and it looked like Mikey tried with huge effort not to smile back. Ray saw little spark in his eyes that he could swore wasn't there before. Before his eyes looked almost empty, he didn't want to admit it but when they were sitting in canteen and he saw Mikey resting face focused on eating it looked very much just unalive. But now this spark made him real. 

☀︎

Next day Ray spent on trying to find good reason to talk to Mikey and spend more time with him but he wasn't the best at it. Most of their talks were awkward and short, just passing some of obvious informations. He wanted to talk about music because it was probably save topic but whenever he was standing in front of Mikey the words just didn't come out. He felt stupid talking about music and it was even more stupid because all he wanted was to talk about music. He didn't want to bother Mikey even if he was sure he wouldn't bother him. 

But the most idiotic thing he did that day was approaching Pete. "Could you help me?" He asked already embarrassed. Why he chose Pete? He wasn't sure, he could also asked Frank but it was so pathetic that he preferred to survive Pete making little fun of him than Frank looking at him with pity.

"Depends on what you need help with. If some school work then you know better than to ask. But if you want to flirt with some pretty girl..." Pete winked instead of ending the sentence with words.

Ray sighed. Oh God, maybe Frank's pity would be better. "None of us is into girls but whatever, Pete." He noticed that Pete wanted to argue. "Yeah, yeah, you're bi. In your mind." Pete let this go because Ray looked really worried and Pete wanted to know what tormented him so much. "I need help with... oh God, it's embbarassing but I would really like to talk with Mikey more but whenever we start talking the topic just dies after three sentences." 

Pete looked little confused like he didn't expect anyone really asking him about advice in relationship issues. Even if he knew almost everyone and talked to everyone, he didn't really feel like authority in this thing. Well, it definitely flattered him that Ray decided to talk with him about it, not only because he really believed in Pete's knowledge in this topics, but also because that meant Ray trusted him even if they weren't very close, not the closest in their friends group anyway. 

"Did you try to talk with him?" He asked and his face lighten up with big annoying smile. Sometimes Ray wanted to punch this face. 

He already was regretting telling Pete about it. He just turned on his heels with want to leave, fuck this all, fuck Pete and hope he will never bring this topic again. But Pete caught his tshirt and stopped him.

"I'm just kidding." And Ray calmed down because Pete looked really sorry for this joke. "I know you're not the best in this and this Mikey-guy seems pretty terrible too so maybe, just maybe you should just invite him somewhere. Go to amusement park, concert, just create memories, experience, whatever." His green eyes flamed with genuine help. "It will make you both more relaxed, connected and you won't need much words there." Ray could almost swear his eyes were full of unknown softness. 

Ray smiled to him. "I didn't know you're such a loner for real relationships." He joked a little, liking how his brows frowned and his face grimace in false irritation.

"Well, I'm definitely sucker for great fun." 

"And Patrick Stump."

"Shut up." Pete only mumbled already probably used to comments like that because whole group was making them nonstop. He didn't even fight, he has never fight with truth.

☀︎

Ray devoted a lot of time to find perfect concert for him and Mikey and finally decided to buy two tickets to Weezer. He didn't know this band too much, he truly heard one song from their debut and only album but he didn't find anyone better playing concert in march in Utah. Later he was thinking that maybe he was stupid for already buying tickets because what if Mikey refuses to go or says he hates weezer? Nah, then Frank would go with him no matter what band it would be.

He made his plan work after one school day when he finally felt brave enough to ask and when he stopped Mikey next to their lockers just in time with Mikey ready to leave, he felt even brave enough to hear the rejection. "Mikey, I have two tickets for concert and I was thinking, it's stupid, but I was thinking that maybe you would like to go with me?"

Their eyes met and Ray almost wanted to run down the hallway and disappear from this school, country and probably planet. 

Mikey smiled in his own way and whole stress left Ray's body. "Yeah, sure, What band?"

"Weezer. I'm not listening to them but I thought that maybe it would be nice to discover something new." Ray tried to play it like he didn't buy anything just to go out with Mikey. 

His eyes brighten immediately at the name of the band. "I heard their album! It was really nice! I would love to hear them live!"

Ray could only manage to smile. "And you will hear them."

☀︎

Darkness surrounded them, Ray was pushing through people to find spot little less occupied by others because Mikey was visibly uncomfortable with the touch of other people's skin and warm on his own. In one moment he looked almost like he wanted to throw up and Ray couldn't let him just feel shitty. He really wanted him to have fun and loose a little bit. They finally found some less crowded place in the back. Played song now was named Only In Dreams and the audience was screaming with Rivers Cuomo so loud that when Ray spoke up his voice was almost lost between the lyrics.

"Hi, are you alright?" Mikey's usually pale face was even more pale. Ray's hand automatically dropped on his shoulder like he needed to hold him so he wouldn't fall down on the ground or fly into space. 

When he looked up at Ray, his face seemed little better. "Yes, yes. I'm sorry for upsetting you. I just can't stand touch of the other people." With this words Ray regained consciousness in his hand and flew it away from Mikey's shoulder. "No, no, yours is okay." He added straightening up a little. "You're not a stranger."

Ray wasn't sure if Mikey really said it or the noise in this building messed up with his ears.

Only in dreams we see what it means. Reach out our hands, hold on to hers.

"Do you want to sit somewhere?" Ray asked leaning against some pillar. 

But when we wake it's all been erased. And so it seems only in dreams.

"No, thank you. It's close to end I think." 

So they just kept standing together and little swinging to the music in the back.

☀︎

First thing that Ray did when he got his first car ever was finding Mikey. It was lunch break and after that he has three more lessons but he couldn't care more when he ran into Mikey and the only thought he had in mind was that he needs to escape this place. But not alone. For the first time he didn't want to disappear alone.

"I got my car." He said with smile big enough to tell that he planned something more. Mikey wanted to answer but Ray didn't give him enough time for it. "Would you want to skip some classes?"

Mikey didn't wonder too long about it. This school could be better than his previous one but he still didn't feel completely accepted here. Some people looked at him weirdly, some of them just ignored him and only few of them really liked him. One of this few people was named Ray and he would be glad to take a ride with him. "Fuck yeah."

Soon enough they slipped away from their friends unnoticable leaving them without any word and not eating any lunch. Ray felt little guilty that he didn't say a word to Frank. He was telling everything to Frank since they met and it felt almost illegal to doing something without Frank's knowledge. But he forgot about remorse as fast as his butt collapsed on the leather seat and Mikey was close enough for the car to felt smaller and the space in the car wasn't even that large before. 

"So what did you see already here?" Ray asked starting the engine, not knowing even where to go. He just liked to escape sometimes.

Mikey looked through the window, his eyes scanned the winter weather disappearing and the spring approaching. He was for sure disappointed with this, but Ray didn't want him to think about it right now. He wanted to believe that he could make Mikey like the sun and summer more. He would do anything. "Not much. Most of the time I spend in school so, yeah, I saw only the road to school probably. And the once time I was with you on concert. Nothing more."

Ray looked at him shocked, almost offended that nobody showed him the city. 

"Then we have a lot to see today." He said and turned on the radio. Nice tune filled up the car. 

Ray fingers tapped the wheel in the rhytm of the song playing and Mikey turned to him trying to get the title. Ray tried not to hum too much but he wasn't the best in it.

"What is this? What's song is that?" Mikey finally asked, realising he must not know this song.

Ray looked at him with the corner of his eye, trying to pay more attention to road. "Sundown by George Lightfoot." He said, swinging a little with a smile.

The other boy just nodded and let himself swing to the nice melody too.

Sometimes I think it's a shame when I get feeling better, when I'm feeling no pain.

Mikey leaned more against the soft leather. It was old car for sure but it felt domestic and warm. Almost like home.

Sundown, you'd better take care if I'd find you've been creepin' 'round my back stairs.

He frowned a little and looked through the window again. It was the end of march and the sun was fighting with clouds on the sky.

Sundown, you'd better take care if I'd find you've been creepin' 'round my back stairs.

The little ray of sunshine won and lightened up car interior.

Sometimes I think it's a sin when I feel like I'm winnin' when I'm losin' again.

Car drove faster than the sun flew in the sky so the light fastly dissappeared and left both of the boys in the grey reality. Mikey was first to break the silence when the song finally ended.

"Where are we going?" He asked his gaze stuck on Ray's face, drawing facial features and the focused expression.

Mikey's eyes were pretty big distraction anyway so the frowned brows and little squeezed eyes fastly loosen up and he little blinked like he just got reminded where he was. "Uhm, I wanted to show you one place. I've never.. It's very important for me." Ray lifted one hand from wheel to scratched his neck with sudden awkwardness. It was so cliche.

But Mikey seemed not to care. He just smiled and fixed the glasses on his nose. Ray tried to focus on the road more again but now every movement of Mikey was even more obvious. The way his hand also ran through his hair, the way his eyes from time to time were coming back to Ray, the way his legs little bounce to music still playing through radio and the way he seemed to grimace whenever the sun wanted to break through windows again. It was ridiculous but Ray could swear that his face winced in pain when sun finally caught them and brushed over their skins. He didn't say a word, he didn't know even what to say. This sun wasn't the type to burn into skin, it wasn't California sun that was probably irritating and stinging. It was just little, almost cold because it was still windy, sun. Mikey seemed to really not likd any sun and maybe even Ray couldn't change it.

He stopped car few minutes later and their shoes stepped on the long grass that didn't see any lawnmower for a while. Mikey fastly realised they were in forest.

"Oh." Escaped his lips when he looked around. Tall trees surrounded them, it was little dark because the crowns of leaves were covering almost whole sky above them. There was no path there, just long grass that wasn't even trampled. Small lake passed between the trees and around it through the whole length probably, but he couldn't see the end of lake from where he was standing anyway, were huge rocks. Ray was looking at Mikey expecting any reaction. "I hope you won't murder me here."

Ray answered with awkward laugh which almost sounded like he was literally planning to murder Mikey here and now his plans were revealed and he tried to play it out. What an idiot. "No, no, this place always calms me. I like to disappear here from everyone else."

Mikey stepped little closer with soft smile like he could really understand it. Because probably he could. Ray was wondering if Mikey has, or maybe had in New Jersey, any place like this too. 

"No one searches for you here?" He asked kicking the rock under his shoe and aiming perfectly into the water.

Ray fought for a few seconds if he should or shouldn't tell Mikey that he was the only person he showed this place to and his stupid heart finally won. "No one knows about it." His voice sounded shamefully too quiet to really belong to him.

The other boy opened his mouth and his brows raised, his mouth fastly closed and his eyes lighten in something strange. Something close to fear. Ray was now confused too. "And you showed it to me?" He just said without much thinking. The way he was looking at Ray right now was new. Almost like he was waiting for some kind of reaction, some kind of realization. But it didn't come, because Ray didn't know what he was supposed to do.

"Uhm, yes." He shrugged simply but now it was embbrassing to say that little. Now he felt like he must say more. His eyes dropped to his own feet. His initially white shoes didn't have any white spot anymore. "If I die here at least someone will know where to search." It was stupid reason but he couldn't think of anything better. He didn't know why Mikey. He just knew it must be Mikey. His heart was talking louder than his brain could scream.

Mikey smiled shyly and his elbow nudged Ray's side. "I hope you won't die any time soon."

It was enough to made Ray forget about everything. One word from Mikey and he was ready to forget his own name and history. Unfamiliar warm spreaded through his whole insides. God, he hoped he wasn't blushing.

☀︎

When they finally came back to car and pulled away from the forest the sky was already dark but none of them really was thrilled with the idea to come back home. 

"Are you hungry?" Ray asked realising that he didn't eat anything since morning when his stomach made embarrassing sound loud enough to be heard through the radio.

Mikey was already looking at him before he even started speaking. Maybe he heard his stomach screaming for food. "Yeah, I have lunch in my backpack but if you're offering pizza then I won't say no."

Ray just smiled in answer and already knew where to go. "I have my favourite pizza spot at the end of the town. If it's okay with you to be home little late that I will gladly show you." The atmosphere between them was already more familiar and Ray felt with him more like mates than any day before. He was wondering if they didn't meet in other lifetime because he caught them understanding each other without words. He didn't believe in afterlife or reincarnation but if this things were real then maybe he and Mikey really met before.

"Sure, whatever." He didn't even seem tired, for what Ray was really glad. He didn't want to just take Mikey to any spot with pizza. He wanted to show him the best pizza in the whole USA. And he definitely wanted to spend more time with him too.

Most of the ride they spent on singing the songs and swinging to them, Ray laughed loudly whenever Mikey mistaken lyrics or his voice came out too low or too high. And Mikey laughed too with his mouth covered but loud enough to probably be heard through the closed doors anyway. They pulled out on empty parking with perfect time to Don't Pass Me By by The Beatles end. They entered the building still with grins and laughs lingering on their mouths. Mikey chose a table and Ray went for menu. They didn't even look at it, just chose pepperoni immediately like they were old pals who were always ordering the same pizza. That thought provoke Ray to come back to his wonders in the car and he couldn't help to ask Mikey what he was thinking about things like that.

"Do you believe in some sort of reincarnation?"

Mikey obviously confused by the sudden topic, raised his brows but calmed them to start to wonder about it. Few seconds of just breathing and David Bowie's voice singing Starman through the speaker in the corner passing between them.

He shook his head and Ray came back to reality reminding himself that he even asked any question. "Nah, I don't think so. Why are you asking? You do?"

Ray didn't know how to answer? Did he believe? No, not now, not then, not ever. But it was definitely something like that between them because he had never ever before found himself so fastly connected with someone. Even first months with Frank were awkward and mostly passed by Frank just talking about something that Ray wasn't interested at all. And he was also interested with knowing Mikey since the day he saw him. Which was weirder, because Ray wasn't interested in knowing new people at all.

"No, just... You and me, I felt like we could met before in some kind of other life, other universe. Maybe we were best friends, maybe dad and son or maybe just two horses. I don't know!" Mikey was laughing when he heard Ray just compared them to horses. Ray maybe was horse but Mikey often felt like deer or mouse. 

But he thought about Ray's words anyway. Could they meet before? Impossible. "Maybe it's fate. Maybe we're just soulmates." It was simple answer but it made Ray smile even more.

Pizza finally arrived on the table and both of them attacked it starving from the long day and lack of food. It dissappeared in few minutes and they were just sitting and breathing the late night and new friendship that grew up between them with every second. 

Ray broke the silence straightening on his seat. "We should probably heading out."

Mikey nodded. "Yeah, come on."

They paid together because none of them wanted to give the satisfaction and let the other pay. When Ray collapsed on his driver's seat, he felt the tiredness in his body. He rubbed his eyes to search for the same exhaustion in Mikey's face but he found only the same soft smile he started to getting used to and big hazel eyes. He was impressed but how he could survive day like this without any sign of tiredness.

Ray turned on the road and he couldn't bite the yawn back in his mouth. Mikey looked at him. "You're tired." He said and it almost sounded like accusation but then his white hand landed on Ray's on the wheel and it was awkward position but Ray didn't say anything about it. He could only swallow and take a deep breath.

"It's quite late." He hoped his voice wasn't trembling.

Mikey's hand was cold, almost unnaturally cold. Like his body didn't have any temperature. But Ray's hand was burning under his anyway. And the blush crept his cheeks and he knew Mikey could see it.

They just sat in the silence that was less awkward than before but in position that could be really awkward if any of them wanted to break it. 

☀︎

One thing that Ray knew about Brendon was that he would never skip his birthday. The party wasn't big, only school friends and few people that Ray didn't meet before. First thing he saw when he arrived here was Pete holding Patrick's hand, pointing some people and laughing. Ray didn't want to know what amused him so much. He just passed them, saying quiet hi and starting his search for Brendon. There was no sight of him so he settled down next to Frank.

"I need something strong to drink." Ray said with playful smile and Frank looked at him like he didn't notice 6ft guy approaching before.

He smiled to him back. "There's a beer in the kitchen."

Ray stood up, ready to go, but before, he asked one more question. "Did you see Brendon? Or Mikey?" Asking about Mikey was impulse. He just wanted know if he decided to go because he spent whole one day trying to persuade Mikey to come. He hoped his hard work was worth it.

"I think I saw Brendon somewhere upstairs and Mikey? I don't know where he is, sorry, I came few minutes ago too." Ray just nodded. It was better than anything.

He decided beer could wait and first went upstairs to search for Brendon one more time. He bought him gift, even if Brendon was always saying that he didn't want any gifts other than presence on his birthday party. Ray couldn't help, coming on birthdays with empty hands weren't his natural for him. He was pretty sure it wasn't anyone natural behavior because when he opened bedroom door, he saw already whole bed covered in gifts. No sight of Brendon though. Ray knew it was no point in searching more. He just placed his gift on a bed next to one packaged in pink paper with gnomes and left the bedroom to take a beer.

Kitchen was small and Ray knew every corner of this room perfectly because he was often just escaping Brendon's parties here, drinking beer like a loser and loner. He opened cold beer and leaned against the wall, looking through the window. April weather was little less windy and more sunny and Ray couldn't stop looking at the way lake looks from this high and with the reflection of the sun on it. He always liked water. Water and sun. He liked also camping, riding on a bike and spending time on a beach. He was done doing everything alone so from time to time he urged his friends to go with him. Brendon was always ready, Pete was okay with it, Frank was mostly going because Ray was his best friend and he wanted spend time with him no matter how and Patrick was forced by Pete. They always had fun and at the end of the day none of them regretted going. He wondered if this summer Mikey would like to go with him.

Hand dropped on his shoulder and squeezed and Ray was glad he didn't jump or squeak. He even, in what he hoped looked calmly, turned to see who approached him. Familiar face came into his sight.

"Drinking beer alone in the kitchen on a party? When you invited me with words 'don't be loser' I think you must have been talking about yourself." Mikey laughed a little and big smile, that last days appeared whenever Mikey was next to him, appeared again on Ray's face.

"I thought it's obvious who is the bigger loser between us." He joked a little, wondering if Mikey just came or was here the whole time. His voice was little slurred already so probably the second option.

"You're a bigger loser between everyone." Mikey reached for new beer from the fridged and looked at Ray again. "Are you going with me or staying here?"

Ray didn't know when Mikey became more social than him but he knew there was nothing to be proud of. He wasn't that wrecked in contact with other people, he didn't have problems with spending time with other, he was just deciding not to. 

"Uhm..." Before any good excuse came to him mind, Mikey was already holding his hand and leading him to living room. The music was already making his head ache.

"Can you dance?" The question was asked somewhere but Ray couldn't associate it with Mikey because the noise was making all words just floating somewhere but he wasn't sure where. Mikey stepped closer and his hand was again on his shoulder. "Come on, smile." Ray just now realised his face must be curved into grimace so he smiled. For Mikey. And because he smelt unfamiliar scent. He didn't want to say he inhaled Mikey before, because he didn't, but Mikey smelt like nothing in particular and now the scent around him was lilac.

That made him blink and realise where was he again and that some question was asked. "I think I'm pretty rigid." He said and it was definitely too quiet because Mikey just frowned in confusion like he tried but couldn't make any word Ray said. He leaned closer to the other's ear and tried sound confident. "I'm pretty rigid." He repeated with his voice louder than normally.

He shoved back a little, not wanting to interrupt someone's space. But Mikey looked like he didn't even notice any personal space being interrupted. He took step closer to be heard too. "Then I will make you elastic."

Ray didn't mean to look at Mikey's mouth, it just happened. And it just happened that he notice two big teeth that dissappeared under two slim lips too. It was the reason why Mikey was covering his mouth all the time? Was he really ashamed of just two big teeth? Ray wanted to escape the party and assure Mikey that he was the most beautiful boy he ever saw. And Ray decided that he will do it one day, maybe just with different words.

But right now he felt Mikey placed his hand on his own waist and reached to take his other hand. Ray swallowed when the music suddenly dissappeared from his ears like someone just turned it down and the only sight was now two big hazel eyes, glimmering at him, and soft smile. The cold in his hand was making it even more real, maybe too real and he didn't even notice when his legs started to move. He was just looking and the scene was playing like he wasn't part of it, like it was just movie to watch. Maybe Mikey was talking because his mouth was definitely moving or maybe he was just singing the lyrics of the song that Ray couldn't hear anyway, any word didn't approach Ray in both ways.

He wasn't that drunk to feel like this, he drank just one beer, but his head was definitely spinning and his legs felt wiggly, he was pretty sure he would fall down but he didn't. Even when Mikey spun around himself and Ray wasn't sure if he did it or Mikey did it. Then the song must have reached the end because the coldness left his hands and now he felt how much he was sweating. Embarrassing.

"You look pale." That was first words that finally came to his mind. He blinked like he just woke up or came out from darkness.

He almost laughed hearing this. "You always look pale." Was it his voice? It felt unreal that he was even able to talk.

"I don't like sunbathing." Mikey leaded him on the couch and soft cushion definitely helped him came back. He looked around like it was first time he was seeing this place.

"What do you like?" He asked when Mikey sat down next to him and now he looked almost like he was shining. Or sweating. But Ray didn't care because he really liked Mikey and only now it hit him.

Mikey looked like he was really wondering. "I like music, math and you." He looked almost amused with his answer.

Ray wiped off his forehead feeling the wetness here, he had fever. 

"Are you okay?" Mikey seemed really concern and it was making Ray even more bad because he didn't want Mikey to have a bad party because of him.

Ray nodded but the words didn't leave his mouth. He was awful in lying. 

"Maybe I will walk you home?" Ray didn't want to go because he wanted spend time with Mikey. But also he wanted to go because he felt like he will pass out with any second more here.

"You don't have to, I can call my dad or taxi." He said looking down. Familiar feeling of embarrassment washed him and he wanted to cry because he was too pathetic to feel like that.

Mikey shook his head and his cold hand between Ray's shoulder blades was even noticeable through his tshirt. "But I want to."

So in the next second Ray and Mikey were on the dark street walking down. Ray's gaze trapped on the sidewalk and Mikey just hummed some melody. Ray could swear it was I'm Not In Love by 10cc.

He couldn't just walk with his head hung down. "I'm sorry for destroying your party." His voice was quieter than he remembered.

"What?" Mikey looked at him surprised. Ray dared himself to lift his head and look at him too.

"You could have fun and I destroyed it." It sounded pathetic but Ray was pretty sure that was just him.

Mikey looked like he wanted to laugh and his whole arm now was around Ray's shoulders. "I had fun."

Ray didn't like to cry but something broke him and one tear escaped his eye. "You could have it longer."

"I still have fun."

He sniffed and looked at Mikey and it killed him that he looked genuinely honest about it. It killed him because Ray really believed him. "I have fun too."

Softness occupied whole Mikey's face and it reached his eyes too. He looked at him the same way Frank or his parents did but also it was different. Ray couldn't tell how but it was different. 

He wasn't even sure when they reached his house and Mikey's both arms went around him with something that he could definitely call a hug. He closed his eyes and hugged him back. And the warm feeling in his body was now obvious telling him why it was different. Just for his own sake, he decided not to name it.

☀︎

Mikey distanced himself and Ray was pretty sure he started avoiding him. He didn't realise at first because they still sat all together every lunch time in school but he realise it by the way Mikey was silent and withdrawn again. Noone seemed to notice beside Ray, everyone lived like nothing happened but Ray started to feel something, some flame inside him and now it looked like someone tried to put out the fire. The days started to be more sunny and he was walking more trying to composure his mind. Walk was always helping. Whenever something happened he just took a long walk and his mind drifted in every way without his help or will.

But today he couldn't stand to be alone. He found his friends, all standing under English class and talking. Maybe if he felt better, he would stop and think how beautiful this view was, to see all five closest to him people talking together. Mikey wasn't there like he already knew Ray would approach them. 

"Someone is willing to take a walk with me? It's last lesson and I really don't care about it because there is a big sun on the sky and I want to use it for good." Ten eyes fastly switched to Ray and he only smiled shyly.

Pete already was shaking his head. "Nah, it's english, my favourite lesson. Not this time, buddy."

Patrick looked at Frank before he said a word. "Me and Frank planned studying together because we have exam tomorrow."

Ray looked at Brendon expecting answer for him. But Brendon hung his head low. "Sorry, I used to walk with Ryan, I just can't."

The silence was obvious. "It's okay." He muttered, so many things reminded Brendon about Ryan that he wasn't even shocked anymore. After Ryan moved away everyone could notice Brendon was less and less everyday. Almost nothing was to do with him. Sometimes Ray caught him with glassy eyes in the middle of conversations because someone said word that so much reminded him of Ryan.

"I can go." Gerard suddenly said and some hope came back to Ray. He smiled and every sad thought already left him.

His deep brown eyes lighten for a second. "Really?" He couldn't believe that someone really was willing to go with him.

Gerard only nodded with gentle smile. 

They left school before the break end and it took one step out of the building to notice how unnaturally hot the sun was in the middle of April. Gerard looked to enjoyed it, his face lifted to the sky and smiled so big that maybe if Ray took better look he could saw his teeth.

It made him think about how different Gerard and Mikey were.

"You like sun?" He asked when they crossed the gate.

Gerard looked at him first with big eyes then his face came back to neutral. "Yeah, I know Mikey hates it, but I guess siblings don't have to be the same."

Ray nodded because he understood it perfectly and it made Gerard ask other question. "Do you have any sibling?"

Both of them were wearing leather jackets and now they felt like it was very bad idea. "Yes, two brothers. Thanks for them I started to listen to metal." He said shrugging. Talking with Gerard was easy, he didn't need to think much about what to or if to say. He could just talk or be silent, it didn't matter. Existing with Gerard was easy. "You and Mikey have similiar music taste too, right?"

Gerard looked at Ray and something unsaid was between them. "Yeah, we didn't have other option. We share room, we share CDs and things like that make you to listen to the same bands. But I'm not that big fan of metal as Mikey." Ray just nodded and Gerard knew he won't say much more. "I noticed he is weird lately. I'm pretty sure you noticed too." The silent was the only answer Ray knew. "Don't worry about him. He's just like that sometimes. He doesn't even speak to me."

Ray felt little better with this. It meant he didn't do anything, Mikey was just like that. Maybe he needed isolation and if he didn't talk to anyone, Ray could just wait for him to feel better again.

"Frank is quiet too." This words hit Ray in some sensitive point. He didn't spend that much time with Frank since he and Mikey got closer and he was fascinated with spending more and more time together that he didn't even notice what was now obvious when Gerard said it. Frank was unnaturally calm and quiet.

Ray thought about many things that could make Frank quiet and he felt lost because he knew everything that was happening in his best friend life but now... he wasn't sure if he didn't miss something.

Gerard seemed to notice the guilty on Ray's face. "I don't think it's you. It's me." He said with worried expression. "I thought he told you."

Ray lifted his head not knowing about what Gerard was possibly talking. "What? Me and him, well, we weren't taking much last days." He said and the guilty settled on his heart again.

"I kissed him. On Brendon's birthday party." Words hung between them. Ray was confused because he was pretty sure that wouldn't upset Frank, not like this, he knew him. "I can't say more." The next words confused him even more.

His eyes crossed with Gerard's and it really looked like Gerard won't say a thing more. "I will talk to him." Was the only answer that Ray could right now think of. He needed to talk with Frank, not only about Gerard, about everything. He needed to apologize.

☀︎

He called Frank and asked him if he would like to go with him to school. Frank didn't hesitate and ten minutes later Ray heard knock to the door.

"Are you ready?" Frank asked and Ray took backpack standing next to big wardrobe and nodded.

They left his house and walked few minutes with Frank talking about new horror with vampires and many, many blood he seemed yesterday and it was cliche but he really liked it. Topic didn't last long because when Ray saw the opportunity to change it, he did it. 

"I'm sorry for being asshole." He said and he was shocked that this was the words that formed in his mouth. "I didn't want it to look like I replaced you with Mikey."

Frank smiled with his own toothy way and Ray was almost relived to see smile like this. "I was spending so much time with Gerard anyway that I feel like avoided you too." He confessed.

Ray felt like he just won because Frank perfectly gave him the opportunity to ask about Gerard. "Oh yes, Gerard. What is it with him and you?"

Frank face burned with hot pink and it was another thing Ray was glad to see. It was reminding him that people were full of life.

"Me and him... We kissed." Frank said shortly and he knew Ray wouldn't buy that it was just it. Brown eyes made him continue. "But it was weird. When I put tongue into his mouth I felt... fangs."

Ray stopped walking when he heard Frank words. "Fangs?" He repeated like he was pretty sure he just heard something wrong. But Frank was already nodding. "Maybe he has just sharp teeth. I saw Mikey's teeth they just looked little bigger, maybe it's genetic."

Frank didn't seem to buy it, he looked like he was already convinced into something else, but Ray, no matter what, wouldn't predict what Frank was about to say. "I was thinking that maybe he is vampire."

This words certainly were now felt between them and Ray started walking again like he tried to escape them. "You watch too many horrors, Frankie." He said because how he could believe in words this absurd. Vampires didn't exist and for sure Gerard wasn't one of them.

"No but look." Frankie caught him to walk with him side by side. "He is pale, cold, I've never seen him eat something and he never smiles fully because he definitely has in his mouth pair of fangs."

Ray wanted to laugh. "Maybe if we were talking about Mikey I would consider it more but I literally saw Gerard walking in the full sun and he didn't even flinch. He seemed perfectly fine, even was content about it." Frank sighed like he still wanted to fight. "Shouldn't vampires turn to dust in sun?"

Frank was silent for a while. When Ray turned to him, he looked almost defeated.

"I will bring garlic next time anyway." He muttered under his nose.

☀︎

It was weekend and Ray successfully convinced his parents to stay whole weekend in Frank's house to organise surprise party for Patrick. It was truly Pete and Brendon's idea but none of them could make their parents leave the house and let them party. Frank had the most easygoing parents that Ray knew. Brendon was the one who bought alcohol with his fake ID that he made one day with Ryan. Pete was with Pat in the cinema, claiming it wasn't a date, just distraction from the surprise party. Gerard and Mikey were also there to help. Frank was yapping to them about another horror movie, again with vampires in main role, he was peeking at Gerard with every word he said just to search for some kind of reaction that Gerard obviously wasn't giving to him because he was only smiling and nodding genuinely interested. Ray and Mikey were silent, just scanning and smiling to each other with agreement whenever they set the decorations perfectly. Brendon passed the house saying that cake was ready to pick up so he would come back in an hour.

Already tired Frank collapsed on the couch when the door closed. Gerard laughed at him, calling him lazy.

Ray felt the nudge on the ribs which made him stop watching Gerard and Frank and his gaze shifted to Mikey. "I heard about Gerard and Frank." He started and waited for Ray to say something more because he didn't know much more himself. 

Ray was speechless for a while, just looking at Mikey with big eyes like he was shocked he really spoke to him again. Finally. "Frank likes Gerard... or at least I think so." Ray stammered and turned his head back to see bright smile on Frank's face when his hazel eyes focused on Gerard. "He just freaked out a little."

Mikey raised his eyebrows. "Why? Isn't it a good thing when boy you like kisses you?" He said it so casually that Ray started to wonder how he would react if Mikey kissed him. He would definitely call it a good thing. Embarrassing to think about it in front of him.

"He said, don't laugh, but he said something about Gerard being a vampire. It's stupid, he just watches his dumb movies and now he believes that some guy with pale skin and big teeth can be a vampire." Ray chuckled a little. He was sure that Mikey would laugh about it too but he only heard loud Frankie's laugh in the back from something what Gerard said.

"And you don't believe in stuff like that?" His voice sounded more strain and Ray raised his brows.

He answered anyway. "Yes, I don't think it's possible to be living corpse." He collapsed on the floor trying to untangle garland. "It sounds to awesome to be alive forever." 

Mikey coughed feeling how dry his throat was. His voice sounded awfully sad. "I wouldn't like to." He sat down next to Ray. His side pressed against the other boy, warmness from his body had to be enough for both of them because Ray could only feel coldness of the other body. "You have to watch everyone else die." 

Ray looked at him for a long time and heavy silence connected between their faces. "But if you have right person to spend this forever with..." And the rest didn't need to be told because maybe both of them knew with who they would like to spend their forever.

The calmness was interrupted by the slam of the door. Brendon held the cake close to his chest and looked at everyone with panic in his eyes. Behind him few girls from school and two others Patrick friends - Andy Hurley and Joe Trohman

"They are coming back, they are street away!" He exclaimed and everyone got to their feet, whole house was in chaos right now.

"Fuck, I knew this dick will forget to call us." Frank complained, turning off the lights in whole house. 

Gerard gave everyone confetti tube and they all froze in one poze, the noise of the fridge the only sound. Suddenly the steps from the other side approached all ears and little laugh, Patrick's laugh, was another sound in the darkness. The door opened and streetlamps brighten the room gently and then Pete turned on the yellow lights in Frank's house and everyone was screaming "Happy birthday!". 

Blue eyes glimmered the room more than the light Pete turned on. Patrick was standing frozen when Brendon was the first to broke through the room and hugged hin. The rest went behind him and in next moment everyone was hugging Patrick and wishing him all the best. Brothers Way reached for their gift - CD with Elvis Costello songs and the rest followed in. Frank gave him new drumstick with Tony Williams autograph. Brendon's gift was newsboy cap, Pete made everybody laugh with kneeling and taking out from his pocket small box and when he opened it there wasn't any ring for some of people disappointed, but silver earring. Ray shyly came up last to him and gave him new released x-men comic titled X-Men: The Early Years Vol 1 13. 

The atmosphere fastly loosen up all around the room and few more people arrived, greeting with everybody. The party was definitely more intimate and domestic than any Brendon's party, some girls dancing but most people sitting together all over living room and the laughness was heard everywhere, in every corner.

After few more cups of beer, Gerard and Frank were dancing and the whole dance floor was theirs, the girls that mostly occupied it, now were clapping to them. The whole unsaid thing between them was now invisible when they were moving with sharp swings forward and backward to some rock music. Mikey laughed sitting on the floor and observing his brother. Ray was watching Mikey more than he was actually watching the chaos duo. The way he was leaning little back whenever he laughed and his eyes squeezed little and of course his hand covered his mouth. Alcohol made Ray brave enough to stood up from his place and dropped onto the floor next to Mikey.

"Do you have crooked teeth?" Ray wasn't proud with how stupid his question sounded. He shut his eyes fastly realising what words left his mouth. Mikey just stared at him with confusion and maybe little too much amusement to really believe he was sober. "I mean, you're covering your mouth nonstop and once I saw that your tooth was bigger and I thought maybe you have some jaw issues."

Mikey looked now really amused and Ray knew the feeling inside him too well. Embarrassment. He wondered if he would ever stop feeling constant embarrassment and shame for himself. How long he could think he was pathetic? It was obvious for now, he didn't have to name it anymore. "I don't like my smile." Mikey admitted, looking in Ray's eyes.

Ray shook his head like Mikey said the biggest absurd ever. "You're the prettiest boy on this party." His voice slurred drunkly but the confidence was speaking through him too. Mikey smiled and his teeth almost showed up. His head dropped on his shoulder and Ray couldn't help but tangled his arms around his body, holding him right there.

No more words passed between them.

Few more beers and Brendon was standing on the table doing karaoke to Don't Stop Me Now by Queen, Gerard and Frank were now deadly laying on the couch, Mikey was still sitting in their own babble with Ray. Patrick was talking to his buddies, Andy and Joe. And well, there was Pete too, arguing with some girl. It looked almost like flirting first. He approached her, smiled to her, told her she was beautiful but in next second they were screaming louder than Brendon sang.

"You're such an idiot, Pete!" She hissed through her teeth. "You treat everyone like a one big joke! Can you even be serious for a while?"

Pete looked more casual, just standing in front of her with his hands in his pockets. "I'm pretty much serious about many thing, just chill out, I asked nicely if you want to dance." He seemed to be pretty confident in this conversation. But Pete always looked pretty confident about himself.

"And I pretty nicely rejected." She pointed out. Everyone was now looking at them but they didn't seem to notice.

"And I pretty nicely called you a bitch."

Someone gasped too loudly. 

"And why don't you just drop dead?" She asked and dead silenced bounced around the walls. Brendon stopped karaoke and looked at both of them. No one dared to move. "Is there even anyone who can stand you?"

Pete laughed nervously. "I..." It seemed like for the first time he didn't know what to say or do. He just stood there and looked at her. The seconds were heavy but she finally just walked away and Pete still didn't move from his place.

Someone coughed but that was the only sound in the room right now. Ray and Mikey looked at each other like they could find some answers in each other's eyes. Pete just walked from the room and the breathe came back to some lungs.

Ray stood up ready to go after Pete but Patrick stopped him. "I talk to him." He said and he already dissappeared from the room too.

☀︎

They didn't talk about Patrick's surprise party. It was one of the things that happened and after all everyone ended up so drunk that remembering everything was hard. Ray remembered only the way Gerard threw up on the floor and Frank came into his room to say it to Mikey who was laying with him on the mattress that Frank prepared to Ray for the night. Mikey talked about his life but Ray couldn't make any words. He just knew it happened. The rest passed them and the subject was never discussed.

The school year was almost ending already and all the group could taste this salt feeling in the air. Soon enough it will be only four of them in the high school. Soon enough they won't be group anymore. Ray tried his chance to get to the collage in California and got into it, Gerard wanted to stay in Utah with Mikey and Pete wasn't sure even if he wanted to continue his education. The atmosphere most of the time was dead, they just looked at each other and tried to pretend they would be still friends. Maybe they would but how often they could manage to meet? Maybe all of them more often than Ray would like to think because he knew it would all be happening without him.

They sat together on a lunch break and the silence occupied them. It wasn't usual for them to really sat quietly, there was always someone who was ready to talk and laugh but lately even Pete and Brendon had grimaces on their faces. Frank swallowed his toast and looked at Ray. It was hard for him even if he liked everyone else too, Ray was just special, they knew each other the longest and thet spent all the time together. None of them had this connection that Ray and Frank bonded. But probably the most miserable looking one was Brendon, he was repeating nonstop that he lost Ryan already, he couldn't lost Pete, why he had too lost everyone? Grief floating above them all the time like some dark clouds.

Pete looked like he couldn't stand it anymore and he stood up, everyone was sure he would leave them but he coughed to get attention, it didn't help so he just started talking. "Me and Patrick want to announce something." Patrick looked little shocked like he just heard this for the first time too, because he probably heard, but Pete looked down at him and Patrick nodded in some kind of sign anyway. "We are officially couple and we want to officially announce it for you."

No one even cheered up, not because they weren't happy for them, just because it wasn't really shocking. Everybody already knew. Only Frank clapped. "Woah, we are so surprised." He retorted sarcastically with something bittersweet at the end of his voice. It was depressing. Everything here was depressing.

Pete collapsed on his seat defeated. And Ray couldn't watch it anymore. He was silent for long enough because there was always someone else ready to talk. Now he knew he need to take things in his own hands or the silence would eat him. 

"Okay, guys, I can't live like that. We need to do something." He said with new determination. No one even looked at him, too busy with their lunchboxes. "Maybe camping?" He offered and half of the group whined. 

Patrick head dropped on the table with bang. "Fucking hell." He muttered and Pete looked at him with sad grimace. "I feel like we all just died."

Frank looked around the table and sighed. "Ray is right. We should go somewhere for God's sake. We can't waste our last months together on dying." He said and after his voice more people were willing, more of them were really listening. Frank always was more respected.

Gerard shrugged. "Camping sounds nice, I've never camped before."

Mikey didn't say a word but he didn't look happy with the idea of camping. Ray could only wonder if the sun really bother him this much or it was something else. He decided not to ask. 

☀︎

Graduation was full of tears and Frank hang on Ray's neck whole afternoon. Pete and Brendon tried not to look at each other what ended with even more tears in their eyes. Gerard looked little lost in this whole situation like he didn't know what would happen with him next. Patrick hold Pete close and didn't let him go for even a second. Mikey stood next to Ray, holding his hand and Ray was wondering if this meant something. For him definitely meant it many things.

The last name was finally read to receive the dyplom and Pete moved to the pedestal. If anyone knew Pete, they already knew he wouldn't just quietly thanks and come back on his place. He stood up next to the microphone and looked all around people.

"It will be bad." Frank muttered holding Ray's arm like Ray was his mother and he was scared to lost her in crowd. Ray just nodded in answer.

"I wanted to say that I fuck all the education system because mr. John Thomas lowered my English grade because I'm the fucking best person in english class and I will show him it by becoming a fucking writer or something." He raised his middle finger in the air then smiled. Few students were laughing, few looked annoyed and embarrassed. "Also I wanted to say that I love my boyfriend, Patrick Stump who is standing there." He pointed with his finger and many eyes looked in this direction. Patrick just covered his face with hands and wanted to disappear few feets under. "Y'all were right the whole time, we were in love. Thanks, that's all." Teachers little pushed him to go away.

He came back to Patrick with big smile and everybody laughed, maybe just not Patrick.

When they finally were free they all went on parking and separated to two cars. Mikey, Gerard and Frank sat in Ray's car, Patrick and Pete were with Brendon in his car. They were only two people with a cars. Frank had license but his parents didn't trust him to have his own vehicle and none of brothers Way had even drivers license. Pete already lost his license and crashed his car and Patrick was scared of driving. Ray behind the wheel felt like on a right place.

Every Rose Has Its Thorn by Poison was escaping the radio. Frank was talking but Ray really didn't want to listen right now, he needed to just exist for a second or two. If he wasn't driving, he would for sure close his eyes and just disappear between Frank's words. Gerard laughed and it all was background noises. Ray was just happy that everybody finally decided to go camping, even Mikey felt better with this idea. He wanted spending this whole summer with them because he wasn't sure if this summer wasn't his last. He didn't know what he wants to do it, he applied to film college in California but he didn't even know if he wanted to really have future with movies. He was more into music, he dreamt to form a band but he wasn't sure if he really had this power to make this dream come true. He had never even told anyone about it. He was too ashamed to admit it in front of his parents. And confess it to his friends? He knew they wouldn't judge but it was stupid dream and they all probably thought he was stupid to dream about his little rockstar life. This pathetic feeling inside him always won.

He turned into forest and black car behind them did the same, few more miles in the forest, other than the one he showed Mikey, it was too special to take all this people there, and he finally stopped the car. Gerard almost jumped out of it and opened the trunk. He fastly put up the tent and Frank was impressed with his skills because he was already on some trips with Ray before but he had never learnt how to do it. Mikey left the car last.

Sun was big today and easily found them through the trees. Gerard stood in full sun and Frank looked at this sight like his all theories just crashed out here. Mikey dissappeared in the tent already.

Pete looked confused watching him leave them without a word. "What's with him?" He asked dropping onto the ground.

"He doesn't like sun." Gerard shrugged, he must have been used to behavior like this by his brother.

Patrick helped put up the two more tents and Brendon went deep into the forest to find some twigs for the campfire. Pete looked up at Gerard. "What he is? Some vampire?" He laughed and Gerard answered with the same.

"Sometimes he acts like that, yeah." He nodded.

Brendon came back and Ray helped light a fire because he was the only person who thought about matches. Frank didn't know what to do so he just sat next to Pete and watched the others work. When the sun went little down, they finally finished everything and sat around campfire. Even Mikey finally left the tent.

Brendon reached for his bag to pull out the food and everyone chose something for themselves. Maybe everyone expect Gerard. 

"I'm not hungry." He said when Frank asked. Frank frowned even more confused.

"It's insane, we are here at least two hours, the graduation lasted three hours and I'm starving. And you're not even a little hungry?" He said, maybe little impressed or worried.

Gerard just smiled to him. "I'm picky eater so I got used to not eat whole day." He shrugged.

Patrick sighed like it truly offended him. "My mum made sandwiches and you're not even gonna taste it. What a shame."

Mikey laughed little, holding the mentioned sandwich in his hands and chewing.

Frank nudged Gerard. "Come on, little sandwich won't kill you."

So Gerard didn't fight. He reached for the sandwich and took a bite and then next bite and next and then his eyes widen. He started coughing and everybody panicked. 

"What was in the sandwich?" Mikey asked fastly, patting his brother on the back but it didn't help. Frank kneeled in front of Gerard with true panic and maybe guilt because it was him who encouraged.

Patrick wondered for a little. "The usual: ham, cheese, tomato, butter, a garlic butter, i really like it more than the normal one." He counted.

Mikey cursed. "He is allergic to garlic."

Frank eyes widen like his theory again came back to him. He almost snorted but he controlled himself and just looked at Gerard with knowing smirk but helped Mikey lead him to one of the tents anyway. Sadness again lingered above them.

"I didn't know that." Patrick said and guilt settled in his blue eyes. Pete's hand landed between his shoulder blades.

"It's not your fault."

Brendon started talking about his summer job he just applied to and everyone forgot about three guys that dissappeared in a tent. Only Ray sometimes looked into its direction, wondering what was taking them so long. It was already dark and the sun completely left the sky when Frank and Mikey showed up again. 

Frank's hand was around Mikey's shoulder and both pair of the hazel eyes were different. Something changed and Ray could tell it not only when Mikey settled down silently and looked at Frank almost scared but also when everyone went to their tents and only he stayed in the darkness, ensuring that he wasn't tired.

Ray couldn't sleep. Not only because he shared tent with Frank and Brendon and both of them had some problem with breathing and snoring during sleep, but also something new settled in his heart. Maybe jealous at the sight of Mikey and Frank this close or maybe true concern that Frank said something unkind to Mikey. Frank never held his words, no matter what they were. He didn't want Frank to hurt Mikey, because he knew Frank didn't mean it. All these unknowns made him leave the tent.

Mikey was sitting next to extinguished fire and looked pretty much relaxed, almost like he was sleeping, but he wasn't.

"It's late. Shouldn't you be sleeping?" Ray said to make Mikey knew about his presence before he approached.

Mikey lifted his big eyes covered by glasses. "I could ask the same." He retorted with little smile. Ray sat next to him. "I have insomnia. I can't sleep most of the nights."

The night was quiet, just noise of the trees and some owl howling. And two boys breathing. "You and your brother are full of sickness." He noticed.

"I think everyone is a little sick." Mikey's voice was quiet, but not with fear or shyness, more like he didn't want to disturb the peace of the night. 

Ray opened his mouth to argue but then he snorted and nodded. Mikey might have been right.

Mikey, seeing his reaction, chuckled. "Now tell me, why aren't you sleeping too?" 

They looked at the leftovers from the campfire, they didn't even notice when their fingers brushed and stayed close. 

"I was worried." Ray said shortly.

Eyes under the glasses widened and looked even bigger than before. "Worried? Something happened?" 

He didn't get the answer right away, not because Ray didn't want to answer, he was almost sure he wanted to be honest with him but he noticed the shooting star. He closed his eyes and thought about one thing - for his friends to always stayed together, no matter where they go. Before he opened his eyes, he could hear MIkey's voice singing.

"Seen a shooting star tonight and I thought of you. You were trying to break into another world, a world I never knew." Ray looked at him amused but also amazed. 

"Did you just sing Bob Dylan to me?" He asked already laughing. Mikey laughed too and this time his hand didn't cover his mouth. 

"Seen a shooting star tonight and I though of me. If I was still the same. If I ever became what you wanted me to be."  He sang again but his voice was cracking because of the laughter. 

Ray wanted to join Mikey. "Guess it's too late to say the things to you that you needed to hear me say. Seen a shootin' star tonight slip away." 

Now the night around them wasn't that quiet. The forest was filled up with their loud laugh and they didn't care if they accidently woke up someone. Ray could only dream of them being like this forever. But the laugh dissappeared and the topic changed.

"So? What worried you?" Mikey asked again.

"You." 

Mikey definitely didn't expect to hear it, Ray didn't give him chance to say something.

His voice was almosty shouting. "I just can't figure you out." Mikey opened his mouth to try to speak again but was cut off. "And I wish I could because I like you, really like you and sometimes I just don't know why you're so distant, so afraid to make any step and then you're five hundred steps forward and I don't know how we get there."

Is it was the moonlight or Ray's eyes were really glimmering with tears? Sniffed and turned head could be the answer. Mikey didn't dare to make Ray look at him again to find out but he dared to watch his soft and shining skin on the neck. 

"Ray." The sound of his voice could also be mistaken with the wind blowing. "I..." He sluttered, Ray still couldn't hold on the tears and watched bushes swing in the darkness. "I'm sorry, I can't." 

He poured his heart and that was what he got. He stood up because he was sure otherwise he would just burst into tears and he didn't want to be more pathetic than he already was. He just wanted to leave this place, he needed to leave this earth. Maybe it was their last talk, soon he will be in the car on his long ride to California and he won't see Mikey for months or maybe forever. 

"No, wait." Mikey sounded almost like he was in pain and maybe Ray would be worried if his own heart wasn't burning. "I'm vampire!" 

The vampires didn't exist, that was something Ray believed whole life and now this weird guy was saying he was a vampire? Ray froze in place then dropped on his butt because he was sure he would pass out if he stayed on his legs longer. He couldn't talk and he didn't even want to talk. His mind couldn't understand this. How was it even possible? Every rational thought tried to justify that this couldn't be true, Mikey couldn't be vampire but he said it, why would he say it? It of course explained few behaviors - Mikey's reaction for sun, Gerard's "allergy" for garlic, their pale skins and the lack of tired or even coldness of their bodies. But Gerard was good with sun and Mikey ate the same sandwich that Gerard. It was all nonsense, vampires just didn't exist and he was ready to fight but the sincere in Mikey's hazel eyes made him almost believe him. Almost. He still hold to his senses.

Ray shook his head. "No, you can't be vampire." He tried to convince himself as much as he tried convince Mikey.

Mikey came closer, close enough that now it was logical that the coldness of his body was from being unalive, the worst thing was that Ray wasn't terrified with this thought. "I'm not like the average vampire. I'm dhampir." Ray looked at him dumbly. "It's child of vampire and human."

Ray just nodded like it was explaining everything but it explained nothing for him. He could only focus on the hand on his back tracing the material of his Iron Maiden shirt.

"I just have some vampire bahaviors from my father. Every dhampir inhertis other traits, it's random." He explicated. "So yeah, Gerard reacts to garlic and he needs blood to feed. And I can't be on the sun because it causes me pain. I can..." He stopped like he wasn't sure if he really wanted to admit it. "I can also turn into bat. It's cliche." 

Little ashamed smirk appeared on Ray's face. "Bat?" He repeated amused, it was funny vision. "But do you live forever?" True curiosity spoke through him. 

"Yeah, at the end of the day we are dead from the day we are born so yeah, we can't die from getting older because we are not getting older. We just grew up to some age and then it's til the day that someone decides to kill us or never." Ray was now fascinated. The thought of life being too short haunted him, he couldn't escape the impression of time being never enough. He needed more, he wanted his life to last longer, he wanted to do everything and knew that he won't die the next day. That he will have time for another skill to unlock, another person to meet, another memory to make. He was jealous that Mikey could really experience that. 

After a few quiet second, he couldn't resist to ask. "Would you make me immortal too?"

Mikey blinked fastly few times like it would help him understand better what just Ray said. Did he really mean it? Maybe it was some hallucinations? "Uhm... I don't have this power. Dhampirs can't do it. They are too weak." He admitted still not sure if Ray really asked about it.

Ray looked little disappointed because the chance of eternity just passed him by but he tried to smile anyway. He didn't want Mikey to think that he only cared about him now because he could somehow make him live forever. "They? You don't feel like a part?"

"I don't know how to feel like a part of anything." It sounded sincere and like something Ray could relate to.

Ray often didn't feel like a part even of his own group of friends. Of course he loved all of them and he enjoyed spending time with them but he viewed himself as an alien most of the time. The one who sat alone on the party, he spent most of his time just breathing the same air as them. He was the one ready to leave to California because he was loose atome who knew that his place was nowhere. Not here and probably not there. 

"Did you tell anyone else?" Ray wondered out loud still not understanding everything.

He didn't expect Mikey to nod. "Yes, Frank."

Something too close to jealousy attacked his heart. Frank knew and not even from Gerard, from Mikey. He wanted to be first to know. He needed it like air but he also could tell that Frank was probably more trusted. He also always knew what to say. And Ray wasn't good in talking. But he still wanted to be the one Mikey trusted. Maybe he was but that also wasn't enough. Ray was doing something wrong again.

☀︎

Ray didn't like birthday parties and things like that. He just sat with Brendon, Frank and Patrick in cafe. They ate waffles and laughed. Pete couldn't make it because he needed to take care of his younger sister and brother. Way brothers left with their parents to some aunt or something, Ray didn't have time to ask. 

The domestic circle of his three friends were enough. He begged them not to bring any gifts and they listened. They knew how much Ray hated getting gifts, it was moments that reminded him how embarrassing he was and how he never knew how to react. 

"Mikey looks like he finally opened up to us." Patrick brought the subject while drinking his hot chocolate.

Frank was now more interested. "Yeah, i think he is just like our Ray, he needs more time." He looked at Ray with soft eyes. It was the kind of eyes Ray saw on his face thousand times. They could make whole world more colorful. "What do you think, Ray-Ray?"

Ray, little confused about being brought to this subject, swallowed sip of carmel latte. "Uhm... Yeah, I guess?" He stammered. 

Everyone laughed and he didn't understand what happened. "Come on, you're spending the most time with him." Brendon encouraged with knowing smirk. What did it all mean?

"Probably but I don't know. For a long time I couldn't understand him too." He muttered.

"And then you fall in love?"

His eyes went bigger and he hide his face behind glass of coffee. "What?"

Patrick chuckled and repeated. "You were trying to understand him and then you stopped and fall in love with him." 

He didn't answer. It wasn't whole true, Mikey also happened to be a vampire between all of this, but yeah, he definitely felt something, maybe not love, it was strong word that he wouldn't use.

"I don't know what i feel. It's not that easy to know."

Brendon moved closer to him on the red seat and it was almost too much for Ray. He just looked still at Patrick sitting in front of him. He felt long arm embracing his shoulders. 

The two other guys were only watching.

Ray finally broke down to look at Brendon to saw his lips move and form into words. "When I saw Ryan for the first time I thought about him as my savior, y'know?" The pause was long and Ray could hear Frank taking deep breath like he was sure Brendon will start to cry in a second. "I was sure that nothing more is waiting for me in this life." Brendon explained.

And that was the issue with Ray. He didn't feel that Mikey was his hero, his last thing to happened in life. Even more, he was certain that something was waiting for him in California, not here. 

Patrick shook his head. "Nah, me and Pete didn't know from the start. It was slow and dragged forever but one day he just understood me without me talking more and he knew everything about me and I knew everything about him. And that was enough."

Another problem with his relationship with Mikey was that they didn't know each other for that long. Just few months, it happened quickly, he was just there and it was almost like they met somewhere better before and they could be together but only in this somewhere better place. He didn't know Mikey that much and Mikey didn't know him practically at all. 

Ray sighed and looked almost expectantly at Frank. "Do you want to add something?" He didn't mean to sound this irritated, he appreciated his friends helping, but he also wanted to just know.

Frank didn't expect it to be aimed in his way but just shrugged anyway. "I don't think I am a person to love and to be loved."

Their all eyes shifted at him. "What about you and Gerard?" Brendon was the brave one to ask.

"Me and Gerard?" Frank repeated like he didn't know about what was he talking. "I didn't know we were a thing."

Ray just sent Frank knowing glance. He knew. Feeling something to vampire wasn't a thing they thought they'd face in their teenage years.

☀︎

When the doorbell rang, Ray fastly went downstairs before his dad could open the door. Mikey smiled at his sight. It was last days for them, suitcase was already packed and Ray will soak up the sun in three days. He didn't feel ready to leave but he could try. Today he offered all of them to come to him and spend some time together. He didn't expect Mikey to come an hour earlier. Most of their friends were well known for being always late. It was nice that Mikey came earlier. 

"Can I come in?" He asked still not crosing the threshold.

Ray almost laughed. "What? Isn't it obvious?" 

In response he got a shrug. "Maybe but I can't come in without invitation."

For a second, Ray didn't understand. He thought maybe it was some manners that he wasn't used to because of mostly Frank visiting him but when Mikey flinched when sun again caught him and took a step to the side, it hit him. Oh yeah, vampires thing.

"Oh, so it's real? I thought it's some myth I read on the internet." He chuckled on himself and soft smile lingered on his face after that. He read about vampires a lot lately. "Or I thought it doesn't work for dhampirs." He added as an afterthought.

Mikey coughed. "Yeah, yeah, it's true. So can I?" He reminded with polite smile.

Ray slumped to the side. "Of course, come in, sucker." Mikey chuckled stepping over the threshold. "Or maybe sunshine?" He heard when the door closed. 

He laughed, following Ray upstairs. "Very funny, my little neck-tarine."

The door to bedroom opened and Ray just realised Mikey didn't see his room before. Now he was ashamed of how it looked, he felt like it was too nerdy, too much loser but Mikey already knew he was a loser so what was the point of pretending he wasn't. He didn't have much posters because his parents didn't let him, not wanting him to damage the walls. Whole shelf with CDs was first thing to see and the guitar leaned against it. The mess on the desk was embarrassing even more and Ray felt like a teenage girl invating crush to her room and realising how messy it was. His suitcase was opened and lied on the floor next to bed. Half empty like he didn't know how pack his whole life in not that much space.

"I'm sorry for the disarray, y'know, the whole moving out is a little... chaotic." He explained fastly, trying to make his room little more cleaner but he didn't have much energy for this. 

Mikey was busy with looking at his guitar. Red epiphone standing without case and little dusting but it looked used and loved. He came closer and his fingers brushed the strings, the sound was quiet in the room because it wasn't plugged to any amp. The two amps were standing not too far from it and Mikey reached for the wire. 

Ray suddenly switched to observe what was he doing. "You want me to play?" He sounded crestfallen.

"Nah, I want to try myself." He grabbed the closest chair and sat down, his hands already reached for the guitar. Ray watched him curious.

The guitar was barely tunned and the sound made both of them wince, Ray came to change amp set ups and lower the sound. Mikey tried to tune guitar but he wasn't sure how was it supposed to sound so at the end Ray helped with it. And he started to brush strings, the melody didn't remind of anything, it was more just improvising, just random stringing. Mikey had no idea what was he doing and Ray could tell. He reached for the chair too and sat little behind him. His hands slowly approached one from the shoulder and the other just embraced around Mikey's side. He placed his hand right on the guitar neck and Mikey's head dropped little down with small smile almost like he was holding himself not to smile but just failed. Ray was sure that if he could blush, he would have him blushing right now. Wasn't it obvious already? The feeling between them, they liked each other more than they wanted to admit. Ray could swear he felt Mikey leaning against his chest and he trusted it wasn't unrequited but he decided not to say it. It was better this way because Ray would leave anyway, no matter what they would confess. So Ray chose to be silent. He always chose to be silent and held words in himself. It was better this way.

When the first clean sounds left the amps it was almost like they closed in their own world their built without any words. They both were screaming with something more than voices this whole time. 

The loud cough caught them and Ray almost slipped at the end of the room at the sound. He looked up and saw Frank. He little exhaled with relief. 

"I would like you to ask about invitation too." Ray muttered under his breath. Mikey's little giggled was the most precious noise. "I would probably reject." He added seeing Frank's confused face. He didn't bother to explain.

Frank passed the room slowly and dropped on the twin sized bed. "It's almost my house more than yours." It was the only thing he said and it was obvious he was upset. Because Ray was leaving. Because he didn't know what he would be without him.

"After me leaving, I'm pretty sure my parents will adopt you." He answered already on his feet and approaching Frank on the bed. "Don't breakdown, Frankie." He said like it was this easy. But Frank already snuggled into his sheets and tried to disappear into everything that reminded him about Ray.

The silence from the other side was obvious. He couldn't just accept it, thinking about him made his eyes watery and Ray let him. Maybe he needed it. Mikey put guitar on the place, more concerned about Frank than really caring about learning to play. They spent many minutes without words. Just two boys sitting on both sides of one crying mess til the room was full with people and Frankie was just looking at them all, still on the bed, now leaned against the headboard and watching people with tea in his hand. Gerard was all the time around him. Pete talked with Mikey and Ray never seemed them both so interested in something but he didn't want to interrupt. He decided to ask about it later if the time let. Brendon and Patrick was now keeping him away anyway. Both of them inspecting his room like he could really have something worth looking but Ray was considering himself more as a boring person. And he wasn't ashamed about this one, just like Frank wasn't ashamed about his tears.

Brendon opened the champagne and it just slammed up and hit the ceiling. Ray didn't say a word. Today they could do anything. He took a long sip and the bottle started to be passed all around them, Frank didn't drink at all and Mikey just let himself for one round. Then he stood in front of the shelf with CDs when the rest was now laughing about some embarrassing Pete's stories that Patrick told them. Ray could almost forget he was leaving, it felt normal.

When he noticed Mikey, he approached him from behind. Mikey didn't flinch like he was expecting this. Maybe vampires had better hearing. Or maybe he just knew Ray would approach.

"What are you thinking of?" Ray asked and it sounded cheesy but he noticed that he liked sounding cheesy with Mikey. He really wanted to knew what was Mikey thinking of, preferable in every damn second.

Mikey backed off a little and his back were now gently brushing against Ray's chest. They started to breath in synchronization. "The first concert I was on was Anthrax's." He just said and smiled. Ray noticed before that he had anthrax tshirt, he was wearing it quite often but Ray didn't think it might have some meaning. Now he felt stupid. Of course it meant something. Probably everything in Mikey's life meant something.

Ray cleared his throat. "How old were you?"

"Eleven."

Silence and then quiet: "It was six years ago or more?" Ray didn't dare to ask it before since he knew Mikey was vampire. But he wanted to know.

"Six. I'm my age, I'm growing up properly for now." It was satisfying answer, the one Ray really wanted to get.

They looked at the shelf full with CDs, the talk from the others was enough for them. They had never needed their own words. Everyone else was talking much enough. 

Ray placed his chin on Mikey's shoulder, maybe because he drank enough champagne to feel bolder or maybe because he knew it was the last chance he could do it. Even if Mikey was shocked by this, he didn't let it show.

"I wish we could spend more time together." Mikey surprised Ray with this words. And he really didn't know what to say because maybe he wanted too, maybe that was everything he wanted.

Ray sighed. "I know. But..." Honestly he had no idea what should he said after, he just wanted to explain himself. It was impossible.

But Mikey already knew. "It's okay, I understand. It's sunny there, you'll be free there. Just don't forget about us."

He said us but Ray knew he meant him. And he would never, even if he wanted, he just wouldn't. Ray took deep breath and his arms went around Mikey's body, he held him close and his muscular arms were as shield, like he wanted to protect Mikey. But from what? His forehead rested on his shoulder and he didn't need more between them.

"Maybe we should leave the room?" They heard behind them Pete's mocking voice.

Loud sighed escaped someone's mouth at Pete's words. "You should always leave the room, Peter." It was Patrick. He always called Pete by his full name. And Pete just let him. He was the only person that could do it, any other would die immediately.

Someone snorted in the back at the words, probably Frank, but Ray didn't care. He just felt truly alive with Mikey so close that he could almost forget that was their last meeting. 

Mood changed when it was late enough to people start leaving. First was Pete, he hugged Ray strongly for such a small body and didn't say a word, maybe it was the tears he tried to hide or maybe he just didn't have anything to say. Everything was already said. Then Gerard and Mikey, Gerard embrace was gentle, almost awkward and Ray wanted to laugh at how embarrassing it felt and for the first time it wasn't his fault that something was embarrassing. Mikey didn't look him in the eyes, just short hug that wouldn't hurt any of them. Patrick almost left behind them saying that he doesn't want to cry on his porch so he will just go. When only Brendon and Frank stayed, he knew it would be hard. Both of them were the closest to Ray. Brendon was first to leave because he wanted to leave Frank enough space, he knew no matter what it was harder for him. Brendon lost his best friend already he knew it wouldn't hurt like it hurt with Ryan but maybe it didn't make it easier too. His hug was tight, he little lifted Ray above the ground and it was laugh between tears. He promised he would stay in touch but both of them knew it wouldn't be the same.

When Frank finally felt ready to go and stood up, Ray was already in tears. "I don't want to be without you." He wasn't sure if Frank said it or he said it. Maybe it was both of them actually. Maybe the words never happened.

Before he could register what was happening, Frank ran into him and hung on his neck. The tears were leaving him fastly and they both were sniffing, not even trying to hide how hard it was. Some cracked words were leaving their mouths, all the time repeating the same things "I don't want you to leave.", "I don't know how I will survive without you." or "please, stay in touch, call me everyday, I don't want to lose you."

They went downstairs and started crying again in doorframe because it was their last goodbye or at least it felt like that. 

"You are easy person, Frankie, you will find other best friend in a second." Ray wasn't sure what made him say it. But it made Frank cry only more.

"I don't want any other best friend." With this words he turned and left and Ray didn't know how to move.

☀︎

Sun in California was brighter than Ray had ever seen before anywhere else. He was only month there but his skin got tanner. He spent every spare hour in the city, not caring about the burning sky, he loved it. He didn't make any friends yet and he pretended that it wasn't breaking him but he was almost sure he would never make them. Whenever he tried to talk to someone or someone tried to talk to him, he felt like he was betraying someone.

Frank was calling everyday, he was saying everything what was happening but whenever Ray heard about them meeting together, spending time together, he felt even worse. He should have been with them. He was missing something and he didn't want them to move on. He knew they weren't moving on, they just couldn't stop all talking to each other and sob after him forever but he felt jealous that they could exist without him. He couldn't cope without them. He liked to listen about all the things happening but he wanted to be able to experience them. Frank told him that Mikey and Pete were now best friends and spend many time together, he heard about Gerard breaking his leg, the rest finally also knew about Gerard and Mikey being vampires, well dhampirs, and they seemed to didn't care. Maybe Pete were just more interested in spending time with Mikey and Patrick often laughed about it and called him vampire hunter. Everything seemed to be okay and Ray hated it because he wasn't okay.

He was silent most of the time when Frank called him. He wasn't good at lying but he didn't want to worry his best friend that maybe, just maybe, his dreams sucked and he really wanted to come back and see them all again. He missed them whenever he saw group of friends and thought that maybe he was wrong the whole time. Maybe he belonged somewhere and it was Salt Lake City with bunch of losers and weirdos and the sun not reaching every part and the snow always too high. And when he went to bed every night and when his eyes were closing he could only think about one thing.

He missed Mikey. He wondered if he had one more year in high school then maybe it all would look different. But the true was he didn't have to be younger or have more time, he was perfectly fine like this, he just liked to lie to himself and blame every circumstance for not being on his side. But it was his fault and now he missed everyone, even Pete, but mostly Mikey.

☀︎

Purple invitations with ghosts and bats arrived to Ray on October 30 on Tuesday. He looked at the big letters forming the words "FRANK'S BIRTHDAY" and "YOU'RE INIVTED". The date that he knew so well, October 31, was written little below. It would be first birthday he would miss since he met Frank. The invitation laid on the passanger's seat when he was driving over speed limit to not be late for the lecture. Old habbits die hard and he already knew he wouldn't make it. He already was late and maybe he didn't care. He turned the corner just before the college. He wanted to forget about how bad he felt missing his best friend's birthday and how awfully he would feel the next day. Today he could at least pretend that everything was okay.

Ray wasn't party guy, not only birthday party guy but even more club party, even if Brendon made him fake ID so they could go from time to time to bar together after Ryan's departure. It was time for changes.

GPS has showed the fastest route to the nearest bar and Ray smiled when he saw only three minutes long trip. Perfect time to put some song on. He played I'm insane on and enjoyed Stephen Pearcy's voice tumming his every thought. Music always knew how to save him, how to make him feel free and before he noticed, he was screaming the lyrics.

"I can't remember my number. I can't remember your name. I can't remember all the trouble I'm in, child." His body naturally swinged to the energetic melody. "Well, I'm insane. Well I'm insane! Well I'm insane! Well I'm insane!" 

Mikey approached his mind again and he didn't register that this hazel eyes, pale skin, slender limb were belonging to someone. The image was already so imprinted in his mind that he didn't even connect it with Mikey. He knew it was him but he didn't name it.

The song stopped perfectly when he pulled out on the parking. He went to the door and calmly looking bodyguard stood there not looking even a little menacingly, but Ray was little stressed anyway. He had never done it without Brendon and now he felt like a fool who was obviously only 18 years old. He searched for the ID in his pocket and gave it to the man. One looked and he was let in. He would smile if it wouldn't be suspicious.

The club was pretty big, bigger than any visited in Utah, there was definitely too much people for Ray liking. All of them dancing in one rhytm to I Wanna Dance With Somebody like some robots army and rubbing against each other. Ray pushed through the crowd and he felt weak suddenly, like he could vomit or pass out. He wasn't sure which more. He made it to the bar and collapsed on the stool feeling not his own sweat on his body. Disgusting. The barman approached him second later. "What's for you?" 

He looked at the shelfs with alcohol wondering for a while. He didn't know much about it, he wasn't some connoisseur, he mostly drank beer so this time he didn't choose anything different.

Barman disappeared and Ray was lonely again. Drinking alone was even more embarrassing than being late on lecture. 

He could approach some guy and pretend that maybe if he squeeze his eyes... He wanted to see familiar face, even if this face had to belong to Pete, he wanted to see it. A beer was placed in front of him and he just murmured weak thanks. 

Blond guy sat next to him and Ray reluctantly lifted his eyes on him. Big smile appeared on the other man face. "Hi, I'm Bob. Would you like to dance?" The man seemed nice but Ray wouldn't like to dance. He wouldn't like to even move from this chair right now.

"Nah, I don't like to dance." 

Bob didn't seem to let go this easily. "Then maybe just talk?"

The guy was probably lovely and amazing and he could make such a great lover but Ray couldn't help to be in love with vampire and he wanted to see this damn vampire again and tell him that he was such an idiot for thinking he could live without him because maybe one day he will die and Mikey will cry but now it seemed like such an insignificant matter because without him, he was dead anyway. He wanted to tell him that the sun in California wasn't that bright. He knew he have to go home.

"I'm sorry but if you're trying to flirt I'm not the right person to do it with." Ray gave him his best smile and the guy shrug already standing up from his seat next to Ray to probably find someone more willing.

Ray decided. He will drink this beer, because it cost him $5 and he wasn't rich, and then he will come back to car and come back to where his heart was. He even smirked at the thought of this of the chance to saw them all again, to arrived on Frank's birthday. Last sips of the beer left and then someone's hand dropped on his shoulder. He straightened and wanted fastly say that he really wasn't interested in anything but when he turned he saw familiar face.

Brown hair, hazel-green eyes and fringe over most of the forehead. He must have been dreaming. His eyes opened wide and mouth probably even wider. He felt like he saw ghost, not real person. He stood up like it was suddenly ridiculous to sit. Before saying any word he just draped his arms around the shorter and thinner boy. He didn't have to wait for a hug back.

"Ray Toro! Who would guess I meet you in some shitty bar?" This voice. Ray felt like he didn't hear it for a whole lifetime. He still couldn't believe he was really there standing and talking.

He let out all of the remaining air out of his lungs. "Ryan Ross..." He just whispered like it was some magic word. 

Ryan laughed and it was laugh he remembered to hear so many times because it was hard not to laugh when you were literally dating Brendon. 

He slowly regained his senses. "I can't believe, it's really you!" He said and his voice was so happy that he almost didn't recognize himself. He didn't feel this happy for a while now. 

"And I can't believe it's really you!" Ryan shouted with such a joy that Ray didn't know someone could feel at his sight. "Where are the rest?" The question made the whole bar and music go quiet that he was pretty sure he went deaf. The rest. Because it was always Ray and the rest and he didn't know why he ever thought it could be any other way.

"They... They are in Utah. I'm studying here." He sounded almost shyly about it. 

Expression on Ryan's face was a mystery. "Oh, I thought you and Frank are inseparable." 

Ray thought it too, he was sure about it. Now the connection between them was even more obvious. He wondered if Frank was feeling at least little better. Probably not.

"I think we are." He mumbled and hoped Ryan couldn't make it through the music. He could. "Do you want to get out from here?" He asked because maybe he planned to come back home but he couldn't just miss the chance to talk more with Ryan. Brendon would stab him. 

Ryan wondered for a while and looked around the room like he was searching for someone. He nodded. "Sure." 

When the air hit Ray's face, he got remind he was alive. He didn't die yet. The sun was nice, burning into his skin as a final proof that he was still there. He leaned against his car and watched Ryan for a while. In this light he almost was the same kid from year ago, maybe with little wiser eyes and tanner skin. And with lack of unmistakable happiness that could only one person bring. Ray was sure the same signs could be read from his own face. He opened car door and sat on a driver's seat with wheel little digging into his side. 

"How's Brendon?" Ray was happy that the question was asked. He knew Ryan wasn't over him. He couldn't be. "He hates me?" Ryan added like he wanted to get specific answer.

"We are drowning in his tears." 

Ryan smiled. That was the answer. But then sadness creeped on his face. Satisfaction fastly ended. "I wish I could help with it." 

They both looked everywhere just not at each other. Both of them felt like strangers in California, it wasn't their place and Ray could leave, nothing was holding him there. But Ryan lived with his parents, he couldn't just escape, just leave his whole life behind. Ray turned his head behind, just not to stare at Ryan, and the purple invitation caught his eyes again. The bats reminded him of Mikey and he wanted to already be there but he also considered one thing. His gaze settled on Ryan.

"Listen, Frank has birthday tomorrow and I'm really miserable here so I just wanted to come back. Just sit behind the wheel and spend next eleven hours on the road." Ray grinned. "Don't you want to visit old buddies?"

If someone knew something about Ray it was definitely that he wasn't impulsive person, he wasn't crazy or lack in self-control. So Ryan must have been really surprised when he heard it. He looked at him and his brows disappeared under his bangs. 

Ryan opened his mouth but only gasp left it. He took another breath and spluttered. "I... But I have school and my parents..." He looked really lost. He wanted but he probably shouldn't and for sure couldn't.

If Ray learnt something in California, it wasn't definitely anything about cinematography and filmmaking, it was that this whole things didn't have any real meaning. Life was worthless if he couldn't have his friends next to him. If something really mattered, maybe it was the smile on Frank's face or the brightness in Mikey's eyes or maybe the way Patrick always knew how to calm others or maybe the way Brendon could make the whole room laugh or maybe words that Pete used and noone else knew or maybe just Gerard ease of just talking. And he wanted to show Ryan that the things didn't change. They would never change.

"Few days. I will have to come back anyway to take my things, leave college and move out of the apartment." Ray's eyes filled up with new hope. Something completely unknown and fresh born inside him in that moment and maybe it would stay forever there.

Ryan cursed under his breath and hung his head down as his shoes were more interesting now. "But I need to talk with my parents first. I can't just disappear for few days." 

"Whatever." His voice faster than ever, he leaned to open the door from passanger side. "Get in."

☀︎

The ride to home was nightmare. Ray and Ryan pulled out next to Ryan's new house and Ray spent twenty minutes waiting for him to finally came back with big smile. They let him. Small success. First five hours were alright then they stopped to eat something and when they get into the car again, Ray felt the pain piercing his back. He drove for hour more and then decided to switch with Ryan. Ryan wasn't the best driver, he almost never used his car so he drove like some grandma and Ray felt that minutes pass like hours. The true horror started when it finally became dark and Ryan didn't feel so sure to drive. So they switched again. Ray felt little better because he had managed to close eyes for half an hour. He was almost sure he was hallucinating the whole time and few times he pondered too much and almost ran over a man. But after three more hours they finally got to Ray's house. He just welcomed his surprised parents shortly, not even explaining himself and they both collapsed in one bed. He was so exhausted but truly happy when he thought about seeing Mikey tomorrow. And Brendon seeing Ryan too.

The next day they woke up and it was already afternoon. They ate some late breakfast and spent time on watching some dumb movie. Ray was now stressed. What if they didn't want to see him? It was stupid, why he had to act so stupid? Of course they wanted to see him. He literally got the invitation which was now standing next to his bed on the nightstand. He felt more in home there than ever before. His house sometimes was strange for him, another place he didn't fit in. But now he was sure the mattress had imprint of his body.

The clock started showing 8pm and they left the house. They didn't know when the party started because invitation didn't have any hour on it. Another one of small details Frank was known for forgetting. When he stood up in front of Frank's house he felt unreal. One car parked on the side of street and Ray was sure he would throw up if he didn't think about passing out first. Ryan didn't look any better. His tan face turned into white in a second. Maybe they could come back to California and pretend they never did it. No, no. It was Ray's idea and he needed to stay brave.

He climbed two stairs and knocked. Ryan definitely wanted more time but he didn't get it. It had to happen now, otherwise Ray was sure he would escape. Frank appeared in the doorframe and there was nowhere to run.

His eyes widened and the world narrowed to only him and Ray. Big smile decorated his face. "Oh fuck, man." In a second he was hung over his neck. He had green paint on his skin and it fastly colored Ray's too. His clothes were torn and he was dressed up for a zombie. Ray felt for thousand times more sure about his decision. It was right.

"Come on, we won't hug in doorframe." Ray chuckled, looking at Ryan quite behind him, still staying unnoticed. "I have big gift." He came back with his gaze on Frankie.

Frank lifted his head and first he looked dumbly on Ray's face like he was waiting for more but then his gaze drifted behind his friend and he let go of Ray so fast that Ray wanted to pout but he didn't because in next second Frank was hugging Ryan and it was the sweetest sight ever.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck. Brendon will pass away." He breathed out.

Ryan grinned to him when he pulled backwards. "Better not."

Frank leaded them inside even if Ray perfectly knew his way around his house. First in the living room appeared Frank but Ray was just behind him. All eyes aimed at them. Mikey smiled in the middle of conversation with Pete but before anything more could happened, Brendon halted. His face went blank. He couldn't take breath and it seemed like he could fall on the floor in any second. Just two pair of eyes staring at each other. Ryan didn't look better. He was pale again and his chest stopped moving for too long. Ray didn't remember who started crying first. Maybe it was Brendon because he was always oversensitive or maybe Ryan because he finally could let himself do it, but he was pretty sure the first was Pete, noone dare to ask why tears left his eyes but everyone got an idea. The whole room started sobbing and Ray felt cold hand in his. It was real.

Brendon eventually remembered how to move and he rushed across the whole room and brought Ryan to his chest. The words he whispered were only for them two. Patrick wiped the wetness from Pete's cheek and Ray couldn't see much more because of his own tears. He didn't feel embarrassed with them anymore. He didn't feel embarrassed for quite a lot. 

"God, tell me how it was in California?" Brendon asked loudly in the quitness of the room.

Ryan scratched his neck because now all eyes were on him. "Uhm... I shook Paul McCartney's hand." He stammered. 

Everyone laughed and the atmosphere lighten. They settled on the couch and chairs again. Ryan looked at Mikey and Gerard like he tried to remember them but he couldn't.

"We don't know each other, right?" He made sure, just in case. "Were you going to this school before or after I moved away?"

Gerard was first to answer. "Nah, we live here for few months only. But well, we pretty well knew you, Ryan." 

Brendon covered his flushed face, his devil horns stuck out between his hair smeared in grey paint, the same he had on his face and was now ereasing with his hands. Demons probably didn't blush, expect this one sitting here.

"It's hard not to know you while hanging out with Brendon." Mikey pointed out. 

Mikey sat closely to Ray as he was scared they will separate again. Their fingers intertwined between them, thinking that words could wait again. But Ray knew they couldn't. The words always waited and waited and he was scared it will be too late this time for real. He promised himself to talk with Mikey whenever the group will disperse a bit.

Ryan looked at them fascinated. "Dhampirs, you say?" He was talking to Gerard who must have just spilled the truth about him and Mikey. They both looked more open about it. And even Frank was keeping close to Gerard, he seemed to didn't care anymore. "And I heard from Ray that you play bass, right?" This one was directed to Mikey.

"Play is a big word to say..."

"He's awesome. Everyday better." Ray cut off and Mikey looked at him startled. 

Pete, in his witch hat and cape, looked taken-aback too. "You play bass?" His brows drew closer. "I wish you were my bass."

"I don't know how Patrick survives this." Gerard, with his skin green like Frank's except not in zombie way but alien, implied with little chuckle. 

Every eyes switched to Patrick, who wasn't even bother by any thing and shrugged in his jester suit. "Sorry for him being cringe and flirty. Sometimes he says something and I want to disappear but not too far away from him."

Ray smiled hearing it. The sight he had in front of him was the most amazing in his life and he had seen California beach. Brendon and Ryan sat on the carpet, one arm around the other waist, their head little tilted to each other, Brendon making sure to held him close because they finally had each other again. Patrick and Pete sat next to Ray and Mikey on the couch, shoulders brushing together and gazes coming back to find this familiar peace on each other's faces, Pete being little tease to everyone in his own way but returning to Pat to made sure he didn't cross some line. Frank and Gerard obviously with something in the air above them, they didn't name it yet and maybe it would not have name ever but the way their chairs stood without any space from each other was enough for them. Happinnes moved in to this house. Ray felt pull on the sleeve, he turned his head to saw Mikey ponting with his head to the side. They stood up and excused everyone else occupied by someone anyway.

They found enough privacy in the kitchen, Ray's regular spot. "Why did you come back?" Mikey enquired.

Ray shrugged, thinking about it was easier then saying it. "It's Frank's birthday."

He wasn't stupid and Ray knew it. He didn't buy it. "No. Why did you come back?" He repeated. They eyed each other for a few long seconds. "I thought you dream about California and the sun."

Salvia flew down his throat, blocking his words. Ray thought that too, he was sure about it almost whole life but then Mikey came and proved how wrong he was. He didn't dream about any of it. He dreamt about hazel eyes and cold skin next to him. He dreamt about band too and he didn't care what anyone thought about this idea. Both of the thing he suppressed long enough. 

"My sun is here, Mikey." He almost choke on this words.

Mikey raised eyebrow. "You said it's not enough. The sun was not warm enough and it lasted too short." 

He tried not to laugh hearing Mikey not understanding a thing. "Oh God, you're so stupid."

"What?"

Ray was always better with actions. He leaned forward and met Mikey's lips. They were cold too but it didn't make it any worse. He moved his lips little and felt the answer. The one he waited so long for. Their lips parted in the same second like they knew each other enough to guess next step and their tongues got the taste of each other too. Ray squeezed his eyes scared that he would start crying. He didn't want to cry right now. He didn't want to be embarrassed ever again. When they pulled away, they existed now as one person.

Mikey opened his eyes and looked at Ray with all the emotions - confusion, affection, fear and love. 

Ray took a deep breath and words just left him. "You're the sun and any other sun can't compare to you because even California is dark without you." His back leaned against the fridge and he was sure he would faint soon. "I don't care if you're vampire and you have whole eternity and I don't. I want to be with you as long as my heart will let me." Another deep breath, his head hit the steel. "Please give me your eternity."

The answer came in the form of another kiss. "I don't want to cry after you but I'm crying more without you now." Mikey muttered into his mouth.

"Be my boyfriend." He requested.

"I'll be." He heard before he felt the cold lips again. It was almost as if the sun brushed him there with its rays.