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The tap is running. The lights are all turned off.
007n7’s been soaking in the bathtub for hours now. The water sits just below his shoulders, feeling almost lukewarm now, but he doesn't bother adjusting it. His mind is already drifting to somewhere else, to a memory he’s not quite present for.
He feels really tired tonight.
In the corner of his vision, he sees them. The very person he’s been trying to avoid.
It’s his son, c00lkidd.
They’re just standing there, like nothing had ever happened, like he hadn't died right in front of 007n7’s eyes. And his face… it’s something he’s longed to see, all this time. That smile—their smile—was burned into his memory, until it almost hurt to think about it.
But it's too late now. You’re already gone. And yet, I keep going back to that memory. To the day my life changed. If I should have done something, anything—maybe things would be different.
I should have known better.
And I can't keep living like this—I’m hurting the people around me. But I can't help it, because I feel guilty. It's my fault you died. People have told me to live on, and accept that you’re gone. But no matter how much I try, I can't.
How could I, when you were my world? How could I possibly dream of pretending that everything was alright?
I’m sorry, c00lkidd. I failed you as a father.
But that apology feels useless. It meant nothing, because they were already gone.
At that moment, c00lkidd seemingly steps forward. 007n7 freezes, completely overwhelmed with fear. He watches as they move closer—he finds himself unable to look away, or even move an inch.
“Stop. Stop it, please…” he begs, his voice cracking from guilt. But c00lkidd only moves closer, feigning ignorance of his cries. Eventually, he reaches 007n7.
Finally, 007n7 looks up, afraid. He doesn't want to see this, and nor does he want to look at what he’s done. “Kiddo…?”
c00lkidd only stares back. “Papa."
And then, he leans forward—
c00lkidd hugs him.
007n7 stiffens at first, startled by the sudden contact, before instinct takes over. He wraps his arms around them, clinging onto them desperately, like he’s afraid that if he lets go, he’ll lose them all over again.
Their skin… it feels cold. Everything feels wrong. They should feel warm. It shouldn't feel like this, like he’s missing something.
But it doesn't. Instead of bringing comfort, the hug makes him feel emptier than ever. In the end, it's just another reminder that they're really gone.
"Please… you have to let me go, Papa.”
His grip around them tightens.
You say that as though it's an easy task. But I can't. I can't lose you again. How could I possibly move on, without you?
I could never, kiddo. Not when my heart aches like this, when it feels like I’m being torn apart, over and over again. I’ve spent my days longing to see you again, to hear you call me papa one last time. I wish I could see you smile…
God, I would do anything. Anything, really, just to see you again.
But I hate it. I blame myself for being the one to hurt you. If I hadn't been foolish and taken you in… if I had left you somewhere else—somewhere better, somewhere you would actually be loved and taken care of—
Would things still have ended this way?
That question lingers in his mind, twisting into something unbearable.
There are so many possibilities. So many what-ifs he’s considered, so many regrets he still has. But in the end, only one final answer remains—the one thing he knows for certain.
This is all my fault.
Even now, the water continues to run, spilling into the tub. The sound seems to drown out the silence, but it does nothing to stop his thoughts.
I should have seen it coming. I should have known what would happen. There would never going to be a happy ending for me. Not after what I’ve done, not after I ruined everything.
Slowly, his eyes flick over to the sink counter. There it is. His gun, waiting for him. He had kept it for emergencies, just in case anything went wrong. It was something he never thought he would use, and not like this.
But now…
He can't help but imagine it. The weight of the gun in his grasp, and what it means for him. That cold metal pressed under his chin, as he closed his eyes for the final time. He contemplates pulling the trigger. Maybe then, the thoughts in his mind would finally go quiet.
You should have known that things will never get better. This might be the best decision you’ll make… and the last one you’ll ever dream of.
His hand lifts slowly from the water, droplets trailing down his skin as he reaches for it—
He just needs to move a little further. Just a little…
But it’s barely out of reach. A shame, really. He can't be bothered to get out now. His fingers hover there, uncertain, before he eventually withdraws his hand, and settles back into the water.
All of this, what he’s doing… It's unhealthy, really. And he knows it. He shouldn't be doing this. He should stop thinking about it—stop this spiral before it's too late.
But he doesn't. He lets himself linger on that thought, and how comforting the end would be. To finally be able to rest—to die right then and there, with the ghost of his son watching.
And yet, he doesn't have the heart to do it. He’s just a coward, honestly.
Bang!
That's just what he imagined the gunshot would sound like. It rings in his ears, sharp and deafening—
That's not what really happens, though. Instead, there's only a soft click, one that echoes within the room. If he didn't know any better, he would have assumed it was an empty barrel.
But it's not. It's something else—it’s the sound of the door opening.
Oh. He can't let them see him like this.
007n7’s eyes instantly snap open. The world rushes back all at once—the sound of running water fills his ears, and he feels the cold air against his damp skin, a reminder that he is unfortunately alive. He moves quickly, sloshing the water about as he tries to turn off the tap—
The light flicks on. Looks like he’s been caught… he can't hide in the dark any longer. Noli stands there, right beside the light switch. It seems like he was the one who turned it on.
“Sev…?”
Now that the room is no longer dark, Noli can see everything. He sees the wet strands of 007n7’s hair clinging messily to his face, and the way his shoulders are slumped, like he’s been carrying something far too heavy for him to bear.
007n7 looks utterly exhausted… and completely soaked to the bone. But what gets Noli is the look in their eyes. There are dark circles that sit heavy beneath them, shadows that don't look like they belong. Their gaze looks distant, almost unfocused—like their mind is not entirely here.
Noli notices. Of course he does. And this… this makes everything harder.
He watches them, his expression unreadable. Then, he speaks. “We need to talk,” he murmurs, clearly conflicted.
007n7 doesn't ask—he simply gets up from the bathtub, and follows them. He grabs a nearby towel, and drapes it loosely over his shoulders, ensuring he doesn't make the floor too wet. His shirt is still damp, with the fabric clinging uncomfortably to his own skin. He lifts the towel briefly, rubbing it through his hair, squeezing out what water he can.
007n7’s a mess, honestly. He doesn't know how Noli puts up with him.
Eventually, they reach the living room. 007n7 pulls out a chair, and lowers himself onto it. His gaze shifts towards Noli, expecting them to sit too—
But they don't. They just stand there, watching him. There’s something in their eyes, something that unsettles 007n7—they seem tense, like they’ve been holding back the truth for far too long.
“You wanted to talk," 007n7 begins, his voice uncertain. He doesn't have a clue why they would want to ask for such a thing. “What is it?"
Noli lets out a soft, resigned sigh. They look away, avoiding 007n7’s gaze.
“I… I can't keep doing this."
Those words seem to lift the fog in his mind, ever so slightly. He leans forward, no longer slouching against the back of the chair.
"What? What do you mean?”
That's when Noli finally looks up, and meets their gaze.
“I can't… I can't do this anymore,” he repeats, his voice nearly cracking. "I know you’ve been hurting, and I get it. I’m sorry for what happened, and for your loss. If I could take your pain away, I would. I really would, Sev."
His hands curl slightly at his sides, his fingers tightening from guilt.
“But I can't. And just… look at what you’ve done to yourself, what you’ve let yourself become."
A quiet scoff escapes 007n7’s lips. He shifts in the chair, before snapping back at Noli.
“And what is that supposed to mean?”
"Don't you see?” he asks, the frustration becoming more evident in his voice. He’s clearly struggling to keep himself together, to accept whatever 007n7’s become. “God, I asked you to get help. I practically begged you. But you didn’t.”
For a moment, his voice falters, but he still forces himself to continue on. They have to hear this, and the truth he’s tried his best to keep buried within.
“And I can't keep doing this. Don't you get it? You’re ruining your life, going on and on about all of this. It's—"
Noli hesitates, unsure if he should continue. He knows what he says next will hurt, that these are words that he could never take back. But if he didn't tell 007n7 the truth… then who would?
"It's time you move on.”
For a while, there is nothing but silence. 007n7 lifts his head slowly, almost in disbelief. Did he hear that correctly? Were they telling him to just forget things, and move on?
Something inside him snaps.
“How could you say that?" he retorts, the hurt seeping through in his voice. "You know how much he meant to me. Hell, you didn't even know him!”
Noli doesn't say anything. There's nothing bitter in his voice, it's just… full of regret.
"I know,” he admits, his voice quiet. "But I’m worried about you. And I can't keep doing this, and worrying that you’re going to—"
He cuts himself off, unable to continue. But 007n7 knows what he wants to say, what he means between the words left unspoken.
Noli worries that 007n7 will end his life. That he was going to send himself straight into his death.
“None of this… is healthy."
He’s not wrong. But that doesn't mean he wants to hear it.
“I know it isn't! I just can't help it—"
Noli’s composure finally cracks. It seems like there's more to this, like there are more emotions he’s kept hidden from 007n7—and it’s all pouring out, right at this moment.
“Of course you can! Just let go, and move on. Why is that so hard for you?”
“You don't understand… you didn't even know him!” 007n7 shouts back, the words spilling out before he can stop them. “If you’re so tired of this, then just leave! I never even asked you for your help!"
The moment those words leave his mouth, he instantly regrets them.
Oh. That's not what he meant to say. That's not…
Noli just looks at him, equally shocked. Like he didn't expect 007n7 to say that.
"...shit,” 007n7 mutters, the anger in his voice fading as quickly as it came. "Noli, I didn't mean—”
Noli just lets out a quiet, bitter laugh. It's… too late to fix this. What 007n7 has said could not be taken back.
"I see how it is. So you’re saying you don't want me here? Fine. I won't bother you anymore.”
Old memories start to surface. Within them, something angry begins to fester. Past resentment, former regrets… At that very moment, everything seems to come crashing down.
"You want me to be honest? The world is fucking unfair, and you need to grow up, Sev. Don't act like you’re some saint, not after what you did to me."
No. He can't possibly be talking about that.
007n7 leans forward, trying to reach for them before they end up slipping away. “Noli, I—"
“No. Stop it, Sev! You don't get to tell me how to feel," Noli snaps, cutting them off immediately. "You think you have it hard? Well, you’re the one who made me get that damned thing, and that star drained half of my life away. Now, I can't even look in the mirror without being disgusted by what I’ve become!”
"I hate you, Sev. I hate you more than anything. Still, when I heard about what happened… I came back, because I cared about you." Noli turns away, a resentful look in his eyes. “Bt now, I know the truth. I was a fool for coming back."
And 007n7 stands there, frozen. Completely and utterly speechless. He tries his best to speak, but no sound seems to come out.
He doesn't know what to say, or how to fix this. Or maybe…
007n7 already knows there's nothing he can do.
Noli, meanwhile, is on the brink of tears. Their eyes are glistening, but they refuse to let those tears fall. "I give up,” he says, before laughing weakly. "I’m done. I need a fucking break.”
With that, they turn, and head for the door. 007n7 instantly rises to his feet, trying to stop them. If he doesn't say anything now, he may never see them again.
"Noli, wait—”
But Noli shrugs him off.
“Don’t even dare,” he snaps, not even looking back at 007n7 once. “I never want to see you again."
"Fine then!” he shoots back, pulling his hand away from them. He tries to put on a mask of indifference—he doesn't want them to see how guilty he’s feeling, or that fear of being left alone again that’s threatening to consume him whole. “You can leave, for all I care.”
At that, Noli doesn't respond. He doesn't turn around, and leaves.
“Screw you, Sev.”
Just like that, he’s gone. 007n7 is all alone again, with nothing else but his thoughts. The initial anger remains there, before it's quickly replaced by something else.
Regret.
His hands lift slowly, almost shakily—
007n7 buries his face in them, and begins to sob. Tears begin to stream down his face uncontrollably, and he tries his best to hold himself together, but ends up failing.
He can't take it back. He can't fix any of this, no matter how hard he tries.
God, I… I’ve ruined everything. Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why do I keep hurting others, even when I don't want to?
I’m sorry, c00lkidd. I’m sorry, Noli. I’m sorry, everyone.
But no matter how much he apologises, he knows it will never be enough. He could never hope to fix a mistake as awful as this.
He presses his hands tighter against his face, like he can block it all out—but it doesn’t work. It never works. He’s just sinking further into his own misery.
You’re not coming back, are you?