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“Holy shit.”
She had to say something, anything out loud for the disbelief to register. A pit of something familiar Allie couldn’t name settled deep into her stomach, something immediately boiling up and over after years and years of trying to keep the flame to a low simmer. She gripped the phone tightly in her hands, staring down at the screen.
Jane was flying down. To Florida.
Today.
After what felt like lifetimes of being across the country from her, after countless jokes and banter between them, their on and off, this back and forth. Never quite crossing the line between platonic and romantic as they grew through their long late adolescence and young adulthood together. Though it was always something deeper (as far as she could tell, at least. Jane did say she was straight.)
Still, she was going to be right. Here.
Next to her. In Person.
Oh god.
starcodejane: allie?
starcodejane: you there?
Right. She still hadn’t replied. It had been a few minutes since the message came through, announcing the surprise visit and prompting following questions about their plans.
And Allie had to stop freaking out first before she could even begin to think.
She had just been sitting here, in the inky dark of her hot, humid living room, swimming in her mind. The only source of light was the thin sliver peeking through the blackout curtains, yet all she could do was stare blankly at the swaths of shadows across the empty space, as if Jane would come any minute and brighten the room herself. As if her flight wasn’t still hours away.
Swallowing the lump in her throat, she began messaging back with shaky thumbs in faux-friendly enthusiasm, drafting potential plans of what they could do together. It wasn’t entirely fake; Allie was so incredibly excited to see the other, the childlike voice in the back of her mind already giddy with excitement at the thought of her best friend finally being here.
Well.
The issue itself was that lately, the title of ‘best friend’ to Allie has blurred some of its meaning. Their consistent late night games together and recent exchange of sleepy messages revealed hints of something she didn’t know if she wanted to face, and betting her valued friendship on a chance wasn’t something she wanted to risk.
And on top of it all, being unable to hide it all behind the mask of the internet really, truly, terrified her.
It was now t-minus 3 hours until her flight took off, which meant around 6 hours until Jane was really here, in the flesh, which meant 6 hours for Allie to clean up her mess of an apartment and more importantly, fix herself. Physically and emotionally.
As she carefully picked up scattered trash and laundry from her apartment floor, wet strands of hair from her shower tickling her face each time she bent down, Allie thought back to the last message Jane had sent before heading off, likely to finish last-minute packing (especially knowing how she was).
starcodejane: bringing a fun surprise for both of us :D be ready!
And if that message alone didn’t leave Allie‘s mind wandering into dangerous places, the overwhelming reminders of all their past flirty banter and hushed inside jokes only fed the crackling fire.
What could she possibly be bringing?
The hours seem to drag by, eventually leaving her patiently waiting for her friend’s arrival. She tried to be productive to alleviate some of her anticipation, passing time between her periods of processing with bits of distracted filming for videos and menial reminders of a new thing she should probably clean. Time almost ticked to a slow stop before a sharp knock on the door startled Allie up and out of her seat. She hated the way her heart dropped to her feet as she quickly made her way over to let Jane in. Because who else would be here?
Almost terrified, she gripped the handle tightly, swinging open the door to face the one who might kill her. The hazy summer air hit her first, though, loud buzzing of cicadas emphasizing the wisps of creeping dread.
Immediately, dark brown eyes met her own, ones she’d seen in blurry Facetimes and brightly flashed in photos, but oh, never like this. Never so wide and all-encompassing and excited to see her.
“Allie!”
All at once, Jane’s full weight fell into her, squeezing her tightly in a hug she wasn’t expecting. Any lingering apprehension she had fell away immediately as she caught the other.
“You’re really here…” She found herself saying, slipping out like a subconscious prayer. The careful words left a saccharine taste in their wake, a quiet thank you to whichever pink-feathered angel decided to bless her a long 7 hours ago by sending Jane to her doorstep.
“I’m really here.” Their bodies shook lightly together as Jane chuckled in response. They remained for another moment before pulling away just enough for Allie to get another look at the woman in front of her.
Of course, she already knew what Jane looked like, with her distinct square face and shorter dark brown hair recognizable to her in any sort of representation of the other. Some other details, however, could only be noticeable in the short distance they were currently at.
Allie’s eyes traced the outline of her nose, the curve of her cheeks, the sharp dip of her jawline; attempting to commit the first details of a beloved face to memory was harder than she thought. Jane’s eyebrows slowly creased the longer Allie stared, expression slowly morphing from excitement to confusion.
“You okay?”
“Wh- yeah! I’m good, come in!” All at once, Allie took a quick step back and gestured Jane inside, brushing off the moment. Blatantly ignoring the deliberate glance the taller girl gave her as she entered.
God, she desperately needed to get it together.
After the less-than-ideal start to their meeting, the two excitedly chatted about nothing at all, the switch from purely digital to face-to-face only throwing in the awkwardness of needing to be aware of actually being in front of another. Allie supposed she never got too used to hearing Jane’s voice coming from across the couch rather than crackling through a headset. However, none of it ever limited the way their conversation meandered and flowed like a river, gentle streams turning into rushing waters as Jane’s swift current gradually pulled Allie back under again.
Minutes drifted into hours as the rays of light shining through the open curtains shifted from a pale golden to a deep amber, time passing easily between their immature banter. At some point, they had put on a random series of action movies Jane had on her watch list, though neither had paid much attention, and ordered some takeout from one of her favorite spots. Tumultuous sound effects blaring from the flashing screen and aromatic wafts of garlic and oils found their way into the small orbit the two seemed to have made.
It was until some side comment from Jane (one she could hardly remember now) reminded Allie of the message from earlier. The thought on the forefront of her mind brought back the pit in her stomach and the slightest tremor to her hands, so she let it stew for a while.
She really tried to let it go.
“Soo…” Allie started, because she just had to ask, “what was that uh…surprise you mentioned earlier?”
Jane’s grin widened at the reminder, giggling before retrieving her suitcase from where it sat, pulling it towards the couch and yanking the top open. Allie watched, swallowing nervously as the brunette reached up through a zipper pocked before revealing a large blue vase, bulbous and patterned with swirls at the bottom before narrowing at the top and complete with a protruding pipe and bowl on the side.
“Jane.”
“Yes?”
“How the fuck did you get a bong through TSA?”
Jane provided the only sort of explanation she had: a smug smile and a playful shrug, hands up in innocence like it had just now materialized into her suitcase.
“I mean, weed’s legal in Ohio. This beaut’,” she gestured towards the bong with an upward nod, “I actually ordered online, though. Brought only the best for us.” She winked with the comment, causing Allie’s ears to heat up as she looked away from Jane and down at the table.
“Well it’s illegal here, I’m sure you know.” The strawberry-blonde commented, her unamused expression following as Jane plucked a plastic baggie bulging full of marijuana from her suitcase and haphazardly tossed it on the coffee table. Allie knew it was medicalized so nobody in her complex would care too much, but she was more worried about Jane risking bringing things across state lines (just for her, though, as her brain unhelpfully added).
“Well duh, but dude, you have to try this strain. I’d say it’d be more illegal if you didn’t.” The other argued, pulling out a crudely patterned lighter from her suitcase.
Allie stared blankly at the bag on the table, watching the way trichomes beneath the thin layer of cellophane reflected the citrus-toned sunlight. Her mind was already made up that, fuck yes, of course she was doing this, but she still let out a small huff with her playful grin.
“It’s been awhile since I’ve smoked, you know.” She watched as Jane wasted no time cracking open the bag, the pungent smell already permeating the apartment.
“Okay, watch and learn then, maybe it’ll spark your memory.” Jane rapidly flicked the lighter up near Allie's face as she said the word ‘spark’, the sibling-esque taunt coming out with a half-hearted snort.
Allie flinched away from the action with a smirk, swatting the lighter away from her before settling onto the floor and merely observing the scene before her. Watching as Jane adjusted the bowl to face away from her, carefully bringing the top rim of the bong to her lips. Watching Jane’s dark eyes focus on putting the flame to the flower before the lighter sparked and the glowing embers illuminated them to a warm chocolate brown.
The only sounds in the room were the soft bubbling of the bongwater, the long and careful inhale from Jane as she took her hit, and a shaky exhale from Allie, evidence of breath she wasn’t aware she was holding.
The bubbling ceased as Jane tilted her head up from the bong, holding it for a moment before facing away from her and letting the bright gray smoke flow from her lips. The gentle glow emitted from the TV reflected onto the fumes, the blue-toned light of whatever quiet scene from their movie playing contrasted with the warm backlight of the quickly-setting sun. Deep tangerine dappled over pale grays, fading into light yellows as shadows stretched into rich cavernous cobalts. The way the light fell outlined Jane’s features and highlighted the shine of individual strands of hair in her face.
Oh my god, she thought, whispering in her own head as if the other girl could hear her if she thought it too loud, if it took up too much space in her mind.
Allie didn’t know anyone could even look so.. ethereal. Especially during something as simple as smoking. All it was, her breath, her life, an inhale and an exhale laced with terpenes that did nothing but draw Allie in closer.
The moment was over before she knew it, as the once silent Jane exploded into a mixture of wheezing and laughing, choking over her own exhale as she struggled to catch her breath.
“Dude…holy shit,” She cackled loudly between coughs, cracking the heated atmosphere that seemed to cloud Allie, similar to the way the smoke clouded the ceiling.
“Y-You.. look so.. confused its… hilarious..“ The last of the smoke remaining was starting to dissipate, the only evidence left being the lingering smell.
“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.” Allie retorted, quickly recovering from her speechlessness as she looked away in embarrassment. She missed Jane clearing the bowl of ash and repacking it halfway.
“Alright then, your turn, tough guy.” She slid the glass piece and the lighter across the coffee table.
Swallowing her anxiety, Allie wrapped her fingers around the uptake, gripping tightly as she placed her lips on the mouthpiece and lit the bowl as Jane did. She should have known her inexperience would show, (regardless of the time she spent sober; all she ever hit before were prerolls) as she only actually inhaled around 1/4th of the smoke she created. She coughed heavily, the fumes that actually entered her system fighting its way back out as the rest settled, clinging tightly to the heavy air.
“That was so ass.”
“Yeah, whatever man. It’s been forever, don’t blame me.” She deflected, waving her hand around to fan away the smog in between hacks and swallows.
“It was such a waste though, I could’ve smoked that.” Jane gestured around the air at the remnants. Despite the evident jest in her tone and Allie’s knowledge that, okay yeah sure, her hit definitely was kind of ass, the disappointment still showed in the knit of her brow.
“You want my help?” Jane offered after a hum and a moment of consideration.
“…yes please.” She sighed, her shoulders sagging with the admission, thankful to be rid of the embarrassment of trying to figure it out again herself.
“Should have just said so to begin with, dude.” The smirk on her face was evident as she bent over the glass and began to pack it full of more of the pungent green.
Allie rolled her eyes at the reply, pointedly ignoring the noticeable heat in her face. This wasn’t that embarrassing, she tried to tell herself; besides, it was just Jane. Nothing could scare her away now, everyone knew they came crawling back to each other time and time again. It’s just how it was. Allie’s leg began to bounce slightly, getting restless in her spot on the floor.
“Allie,” Like her shitty little bong rip would do anything to them anyway. A shrill voice in her head reminds her of what could scare her away though.
“Allie.” The thought brought back the pit in his stomach, its weight now heavier than steel as she really considered her options. Where can she go from here?
“Allie!” She couldn't imagine losing Jane now of all times. From how they’ve bounced back, she couldn’t go back to how they were before. The brief separation had devastated her, showing her truly how much she cared about the other and what it really meant. All their time they had spent together since then, what they had both built with their lives, with their careers, with their friends. With each other.
“Damnit- c’mere.”
“Wh-” She was cut off from her thoughts when warm fingers grabbed her chin tightly, tilting her own face as Jane’s was suddenly mere inches from hers. The slight brush of lips close enough to be against her own was enough to startle her.
“Inhale.” She heard, the light breath of a command drawing the action out of her. A substantial amount of the hit filled her lungs this time, the smoke a warm body temperature this time rather than the cooler one of the bong water. The slight difference made Allie run hot, letting the cloud flow out of her mouth as it hung open in disbelief. Her expression immediately made Jane pull away, shoulders drawing upward as her eyes widened in alarm.
“Shit- sorry, I should’ve asked first I just- I lit it and you weren’t answering and it was wasting the pull and it was your turn and I figured-” Jane stopped her quick apology the moment Allie rested her hand on the other’s knee.
“Hey,” Her eyelids drooped from being wide open as both the realization and the weed hit her, looking anywhere but the face in front of her. A shy but reassuring smile emphasized the warm honey oozing from the intrigued tone of her voice. “It’s…can you.. do that again?”
Jane nodded without a word, mouth slightly falling open and pupils dilating as she immediately obliged. She packed a heavier bowl this time, aiming for the bottom of the bag where the finer dust was. After a hurried light and inhale, she let the hit sit densely in her mouth before Allie tilted her head and met the sweet raspberry tint of the other’s lips again. Jane hummed gently, smiling into the contact as the younger girl literally took her breath away. (Jane was positive you weren’t meant to actually connect mouths when you shotgunned, but she figured she would keep that to herself this time.)
That feeling in her gut bubbling up again as Allie inhaled, her heart pounding and spine tingling. She let out a breathy whine she prayed Jane wouldn’t acknowledge, because she knew it was impossible she hadn’t heard it. Honestly, she didn’t need the additional confrontation right now.
The two sat in a careful minefield of silence, each wanting to remain in the dizzying moment they pulled from the tinted chamber of the bong.
“Could’ve just shown me how to hit it right.” Allie eventually commented with a snicker.
“I genuinely don’t want to hear it, you were the one ignoring me actively trying to show you.”
Her head fell to rest against her knees as she giggled, pearly whites of her eyes long since shifted to a rosy hue, long legs stretching down in front of her as she leaned forward and against the side of the couch.
Allie watched carefully as Jane began to pack another bowl for herself, recovering from their moment and falling into the repetitive action.
The slick burn in the back of her throat was long forgotten as they traded the glass piece back and forth, the two of them gradually getting higher with each pass. Her mind switches back and forth between the placement of her mouth on the bong and where Jane’s is. Her placement. Jane’s. Almost deliberate, but not quite, because that would mean admitting it was with purpose. Acknowledging how it came with flickers of the feeling of dry yet searingly warm lips on her own. Considering fumbling with the bong this time just for the chance of her to do it again.
She swallowed the thought every time it returned, trying instead to focus on their one-sided conversation, Jane now rambling on about the plot of what was likely the sequel now playing.
She rubbed her fingertips along the fabric of the bottom cushion while she explained, clearly lost in her train of thought when all Allie could focus on is the sounds of the repetitive brush, staring blankly at the movement while wishing it was against her skin instead.
Yeah, she figured as she acknowledged the fleeting thought, rolling her eyes at her sober self, keep it platonic, because she was doing such a great job of that.
Allie let herself slide further down against the side of the couch, trying to let it swallow her as her face burned, preparing to write it off as because of her high. Jane had slowed the ramble down to a few side comments, some of which Allie muttered a vague response to. They let the movie play, now each enjoying the quiet proximity of the other.
By the time the credits rolled, Jane lolled her head to the side, eyelids already dangerously low and her breathing slowing to a more rhythmic pattern.
“You’re falling asleep.” Allie pointed out despite the tightness in her eyes hinting at the same fate. Jane smiled at the hypocrisy, noting Allie’s sways with her movement.
“Yeah, I’ve been up since like…I dunno, six or something? Had to get here somehow.”
“Shit. D’you wanna go to bed? I’m pretty…tired myself.” Right on cue, Allie yawned through the last statement, the pleasant strain in her lungs accentuating the sleepy daydream she found herself in. “…What are we going to even do while you’re here? I didn’t plan a thing.”
“Shhhut up, okay? We’ll worry about that…..tomorrow.” Allie considered this for a long moment, before nodding in agreement. The shaking action made her already light head ache more, so heading to sleep was likely for the best.
Jane, clearly at least a bit more in her element than Allie was, pulled her up from the couch, both of them stumbling upright. Their hands intertwined in an attempt to stabilize them as they regained their footing.
They crept up the stairs together, listening to each steps’ accompanying creak. The TV left on and the remnant mess of their night forgotten, Jane followed slowly behind Allie, making sure neither of them would fall as the other gripped the railing tightly.
Allie’s mind began to wander yet again, thinking back to earlier when the two of them agreed on Jane sleeping in her guest room. Despite knowing she would be here when the sun rises, Allie couldn’t help but preemptively miss Jane. Now that she was really here in front of her, she didn’t know if she wanted to let her go now.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” They paused at Allie’s door, Jane giving her a small smile before turning to head further down the hall.
“...Jane.” Allie spoke up after a moment.
The other paused with her hand on the doorknob, tilting her head up, an almost expectant look in her eyes. Allie willed all the unspoked emotion into this one glance, bringing forth all she didn’t want to say, all she knew Jane could see, before nodding her head back towards her own room.
“You…want me to sleep in there?”
Allie swallowed hard. Her grip was rigid where it rested on the doorframe. Fuck it.
“If you want to.” It was hard to see in the dim light, but she noticed how Jane’s cheekbones flushed a beet red as she sputtered confirmation and some rationalization, an attempt at a jokingly smug comment about how cold the night was.
Allie rolled her eyes, not waiting for the other to catch up as she headed into her room to settle into her bed. She laid waiting on her back, the buzzing of the fan drowning out the soft sounds of socked steps across the room.
Rolling onto her side, she opened her eyes to glance over at the gorgeous girl now laying in her bed, wanting to savor the view despite the high still clouding her head. Jane was too busy looking back at her to notice. (Allie knew she was looking. She just wanted to check, and Jane knows that. She kept looking anyway, her bright red sclera and the warmest umber pupils focused on nothing but her.)
She couldn’t think too hard about her earlier doubt even if she wanted to, each new noise and movement in the dark and quiet space distracting her train of thought. She wasn’t used to this. At all.
She doesn’t know if she could go without now, though.
Allie jumped at the sink of the sheets next to her, a hand slithering its way up towards her side. A breath forced its way out of her as she tensed, fingers ghosting over her before settling on the bare place where her tank top rode up her hip. Jane’s fingertips burned hot where they touched, each spot sinking liquified sparks into her skin and lighting up her already mushy brain.
“This alright?”
Allie let out a cracked hum in response as the weight of the brunette's hand settled further into the crook of her waist, situating in like it always belonged there.
She waited for several moments, stilling as she let the warmth of the contact linger before inching closer towards Jane. The snug heavy weight of the comforter beared down on them, seeming to be cradling the two together. Finally, fully intertwining as they were meant to. Her heart wistfully clenched with the comfort of something being so painfully right.
“I’m really glad you came.” Allie muttered into Jane’s collarbone, hardly a whisper as her eyes fell closed. The only response that came was a sleepy murmur of agreement followed by a gentle snore, the sounds accompanied only by the grip around her middle tightening and moon’s gentle rays as the two drifted to sleep.