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After Kinger came back and told them he had killed Caine, the group unanimously and wordlessly decided to sit together in silence on the couches that were thankfully still there. No one knew what to say, and no one felt the need to fill the silence yet.
At least an hour passed before someone spoke up.
In any other situation, it likely would have been Ragatha to speak first and ask how everyone was doing. But she seemed out of it in an unsettlingly noticeable way. It took Pomni studying the doll and accepting that she wasn’t going to speak up for the jester to say anything herself. She sighed, rubbing her arms and shivering slightly, “He brought Gummigoo back again.” Everyone looked at her as she continued, “but he and his friends were actual gators and- and they were trying to tear me apart…” Staring down at her legs, she winced a little, recalling the pain, “It really hurt. I didn’t know it was possible to feel that kind of pain in here.” She looked up and scanned the group, “Just thought I’d share.”
Another moment of silence passed before Gangle said, “I- I was trapped in the middle of this zoetrope.” She spoke plainly, her tone of sorrow perfectly suiting the moment. ”My masks were circling me, and then they started melting, and then this- this truck came at me and…” She sighed, “Yeah…”
Zooble immediately pulled her into a hug, knowing she needed that physical support to ground her and take her out of the likely vivid recollection of the moment. Gangle melted into the hug, Pomni smiled, and Jax rolled his eyes. Ragatha kept her eyes glued to the floor while Kinger, kept sane by the present dimness of the circus, sat beside her, listening as the rest spoke and observing the group.
When Zooble and Gangle separated, Zooble began, “Guess I’ll go.” They shrugged and explained, ”Shocking no one, I was stuck in a sea of my parts and surrounded by mirrors. Couldn’t get out, stuck looking at myself…It was fucked.” Upset as they were, they seemed a little more relieved every time they cursed.
When the group looked to Ragatha, all doubting Jax would share anything, she shrank further into herself and kept her gaze locked on the ground.
When Ragatha held onto her silence, Pomni glanced to Jax, who laughed, “Fuuuuuck no.” Everyone pivoted their focus to him as he leaned back and crossed his arms, “I’d rather go through that shit again than tell any of you losers anything. You can therapize each other all you want, just leave me out of it.”
“No one’s forcing you to say shit,” Zooble said, “No one here’s going to waste their time begging you to be honest and vulnerable for the first time in your life. We all know it’s pointless.”
His perpetual smile only grew, “Good.” His gaze shifted and fixated on the ragdoll across the way, “Shocking that little miss sunshine’s not jumping at the chance to bring a little artificial light to this pathetic scene.”
“Jax,” Pomni warned.
He hoisted himself up off the couch and strode over to stand in front of Ragatha, then leaned down and asked, “No silver linings? No cheery pick-me-ups? Nothing? I thought you believed there was good to be found in every experience. Did Caine break you right before Kinger murdered him?”
Kinger winced, and Zooble glared, “Shut up, Jax, she’s probably been tormented enough today.”
Standing up straight again, Jax looked over at them, “What? I just want to know how to shut off her perpetual positivity switch. If Caine figured it out, I’d like to know!”
Ragatha sighed. She knew Jax wouldn’t let up, and she wasn’t even that opposed to sharing. She just wasn’t sure what to say until right now. “It was my mother.”
Everyone looked to her again, and Jax’s expression faltered just the slightest bit, but whatever struck him didn’t stop him from saying, “And the mommy issues make their triumphant return!”
“Quit it,” Pomni said firmly, glaring at Jax, who held his hand up defensively as he literally and figuratively backed off. He returned to his couch and sat up against the armrest, facing away from the group.
“Go on, Ragatha,” Kinger spoke softly, encouraging her to continue.
“Okay…” She took a deep breath before explaining, “Well, it- it wasn’t exactly my mother. It was, like, a giant shadowy version of a doll like me. And I was at a table with her and she…I don’t know if it was her or Caine or both that were doing it, but knives kept flying at me.” She reached up and touched her button eye. “One got me right here. They kept me pinned to the chair.” She laughed meekly, “Not that I would have been able to get up anyway. I was totally frozen in place even before the knives came at me.” Feeling everyone’s eyes on her, Ragatha kept staring down. She didn’t want to make eye contact and risk actually breaking down over this.
If she was being honest, Ragatha wasn’t 100% sure the figure was meant to be her mother. It really could have been her, tormenting herself. Or it could have been the manifestation of her fear that she would one day turn out like her mother, even after all this time and energy spent on being friendly and helpful and kind. Maybe she’d end up just like her mother, hurting the people she supposedly loves and refusing to admit it. Maybe she would end up worse.
Zooble’s voice dragged her out of her spiraling thoughts, “Yeah, that’s pretty fucked too.”
She nodded quietly, “Yeah… Not fun. But, well, at least it’s over.” She looked to Jax, who met her gaze as she said, “There’s your silver lining.” He immediately looked away, but he couldn’t shut out her voice. “Whatever Caine put you through, he’ll never be able to hurt you like that again.”
“I’m still not sure what happened,” Kinger sighed. “I didn’t mean to delete him, but something was fighting me in there. And once it started deleting him, there was nothing I could do to stop it. It all happened so fast.” They all sat in silence for a second before Kinger added, “I wanted to fix him. Give him a purpose in life that could help him accept things as they are and let go of his ego. But, I suppose, knowing what I know now- what he was putting you all through, I’m glad he can’t do anything like that again. You all deserve better. I’m sorry.”
They all knew he was apologizing for much more than what had just happened.
Ragatha leaned on him, “Thank you. I know it can’t be easy, destroying something you worked so hard on. Even if it was deeply flawed and ended up a bit insane.”
Jax scoffed, “A bit? Caine went crazier than Kinger with the lights on. He was literally torturing us in every way he possibly could! I’m glad he’s dead.”
“Can’t believe I’m saying this, but I agree with Jax,” Zooble said while Gangle nodded
“Yeah,” Pomni chimed in, “I’m pretty relieved that this is all over.” She looked around the dim circus grounds, then to Kinger. “Did- did you have any ideas on how to get us out of here now that Caine’s gone?”
Kinger sighed, “Not right now. The best thing I think we can do right now is practice conjuring so we can make this place somewhere worth living until we figure something out, if there is anything to figure out.”
There seemed to be something more- something Kinger wasn’t saying, but no one asked. They didn’t need any more revelations or twists. They needed each other.