Chapter Text
“Don’t worry Ms. Knight, we put far too much time and energy into your training to lose you now.” The comment was snarky. Typical Dr. Romano.
It should have brought her some comfort. The Chief of Staff and Surgery was being flippant as always. Saving her would be a walk in the park. It should bring her comfort.
It didn’t.
Lucy felt herself fading. Time slowed. Dr. Romano’s boasting became white noise. No words she could distinguish just sound. Like white noise that lulled her to sleep. . .
She lost time.
Dr. Corday had returned. When did she leave? Time picked up. There was movement all around her. Dr. Romero, Dr Corday, the nurses, with her at the center. A flurry of activity. All fighting for her. Lucy wasn’t sure. Did she want to stay? Or did she want to go? The gentleness of before a couple moments was nice. It was calm. It was easy to just drift away. To leave all this behind. No more! No more rotations. No more medical school. It would be an end to the never-ending cycle of life or death, the delicate balance that filled the halls of the emergency department. She could give in. Cast it all aside as she lay broken. And maybe she would have-
But then he appeared. John Carter was there.
Amongst the chaos Dr. Carter rushed to her side.
Dammit Lucy! Don’t do this! He growled, in one of his typical Dr. Carter tones. Annoyed, not yet as condescending.
How he could be on his feet she did not know. She saw him! As she lay bleeding, he did too. Just a few feet away from her, just out of reach. Too far for to help too far to comfort. His backside bore the red from his own mortal wounds. Yet there he was.
You’re one of the most stubborn people I know, so don’t give up on me now! Fight!
As he implored to her, he got in the way. For once Dr. Carter was the one who was underfoot. Lucy half expected the chief surgeon to tell him to bug off.
“Charge again, one hundred of lidocaine,” Dr. Corday exclaimed. “Clear!”
“No,” Dr. Romero responded over the shrieking alarms.
“Again, clear,” was Dr. Corday’s desperate reply.
“Asystole.”
“Push an amp of atropine.”
Fight Lucy fight.
Just as quick as he had appeared he was gone, leaving Lucy as the one on the gurney. Around her Dr. Corday and Dr. Romero continued their efforts to keep her alive.
Fight Lucy fight.
That is was what Dr. Carter had said. How much was left of her to fight?
“Clear!”
She felt everything and nothing at the same time.
. . .
one year later
The sliding doors whooshed opened as Lucy entered. She remained where she stood by chairs, unsure how to proceed. Everything looked the same. Same admin desk. Same familiar faces milled about, grabbing charts and presenting cases. The people in chairs were different, but that was to be expected. The emergency department didn’t really treat the same people daily. Or annually.
It seemed at first glance the only thing that changed at County General in a year’s time was her. Her hand unconsciously found the scar on her neck. Lucy took a deep breath. She steeled herself; she could do this!
As she made her way to the admin desk. Chuny noticed her first.
“Hey Lucy,” she called. “Welcome back!”
“Thank you,” Lucy smiled as the nurse greeted her with a hug.
Her space was soon filled with Haleh.
“Welcome back honey, we’ve missed you.”
The nurses continued giving her well wishes and gentle hugs. Randi and Frank were manning the desk. It felt normal. It was as if no time had passed, she just picked up where she left off from her last shift. . .
With the welcome wagon over the nurses dispersed disappearing into the depths of the emergency room. Lucy remained at the desk.
“Hey Randi, where is Dr. Weaver?” she asked.
As if summoned by Lucy’s question Kerry Weaver herself appeared, her crutch clacking alongside her.
“Randi!” Dr. Weaver shouted. “Where the hell is Malucci at?”
Randi smacked her gum with a loud pop.
“In the lounge with Dr. Chen,” she said mildly disinterested. “He just got in.”
“When he gets his behind out here, tell him we don’t have all day,” the attending fumed. “These patients aren’t going to treat themselves.”
Her business done with admin she turned to go, onto the next order of business. Always moving, a constant storm, just as Lucy remembered.
“Wait Dr. Weaver,” she addressed her former Attending.
“Oh Lucy. What are you doing here, I thought you weren’t coming back for another couple of weeks.”
Dr. Weaver looked at her like she seen a ghost.
“Uh no. It’s today,” Lucy said.
The older woman was quiet for a moment longer. Perhaps she really could see through her. Lucy swiped a loose strand of hair behind her ear making a mental note to pull it back later. They had worked out the details weeks before her return. This was the day she would resume her training, finish her final year of medical school. Pick off were she left off. Or maybe not. Perhaps the attending would send her home. Have her try again another day. County was not… She was not ready.
“I see,” Dr. Weaver regained her composure. “Well in that case we’ll start the day light, no heavy trauma yet.”
Lucy nodded, “Thank you.”
“We’ll make a plan to ease you back into things that will still meet your requirements for graduation,” the attending talked business as she walked.
“Yes of course,” Lucy agreed trailing behind her.
“It’s good to have you back Lucy.”
Matter settled Dr. Weaver was already on the move. A constant storm. County’s very own hurricane.
“Wait Dr. Weaver,” she stopped the older woman for the second time. “I need a resident.”
The weight of her words crashed out into the open. For what she said she might as well have pushed the Chief of Emergency Medicine. It had the same effect. Dr. Weaver halted, her crutch skidded across the linoleum.
“Oh,” was her quiet response.
Both women faced each other as the quiet realization sunk in. Quiet but also heavy handed. Lucy wasn’t returning from just any leave of absence. A year had been stolen from her. Not just as a medical student, but as a person most of all. Her return whispered triumph, she returned against the odds. Against doubt.
But despite all appearances County General had changed in a year’s time.
“Dr. Weaver?” Lucy asked as the silence stretched out a little longer.
“Right, I believe Dr. Chen is available. You can start out with her see how that goes,” Dr. Weaver said, back to business. “You can find her in the lounge, now if you’ll excuse me.”
The woman took her leave and she was alone again. The emergency room moved like the tide, constantly ebbing and flowing. Lucy had to find her own flow again.
She joined her new resident in the lounge where Dr. Chen was conversing with Dr. Malucci. The residents both looked up as she entered.
“Hey Lucy, welcome back,” Dr. Chen’s surprise was in the same vein of Dr. Weaver.
Dr. Malucci wore an identical expression. He was silent. It was a far cry from the usual Dr. Dave. Lucy supposed she would have to get use that. For the first couple of months at least. Two at the most… that was at least half of the rest of her last year as a medical student. Four months seemed so far away.
“Thanks,” she said. “Um Dr. Chen, Dr. Weaver assigned me to you, you’re my new resident. For the day at least.”
The resident blinked. Her mouth opened in a small “O” of surprised. Oops. Too Hasty. Lucy probably should not have sprung it on her. She wasn’t the only one who needed to adjust to the new arrangement.
Dr. Malucci cleared his throat.
“Oh look, Weaver is probably losing her mind out there, I should probably go before she has my ass,” he said as he made for a hasty exit. “Welcome back Luce.”
Lucy nodded as he left. All that remained in the lounge was the newly paired resident and medical student. She bit her lip.
“I hope that’s okay,” the medical student said.
“Of course,” was Dr. Chen’s hurried response. “Why don’t you put down your things, and I will meet you at admin.”
“Okay great.”
And then there was Lucy and her locker. It was right where she left it. Same spot, same magnet that read Knight on the door. She smirked. The granola bar she had planned for a snack on her last shift was probably still inside. Her spare stethoscope. A water bottle. All left behind with the intention of being emptied that Valentine’s Day night. A deep sign escaped, she was back, just a little late. As she undid her lock she glanced over.
Lucy half expected to see him.
He would approach his lockers as he always had.
Morning.
Good morning, Dr. Carter.
Set his messenger bag inside, slung his stethoscope around his neck. Locker closed with a sharp finality.
Come on Lucy there are million things to do.
But he wasn’t there.
It wasn’t even his locker anymore; the name plate read a different name.
With another sigh she grabbed what she needed and left the lounge.
Dr. Chen was waiting for her as promised by admin.
“60-year-old woman with an arm lac in the suture room,” she said handing Lucy the grey clipboard. “Wound has already been irrigated, all she needs is sutures.”
“Okay,” Lucy nodded as she flipped through the chart.
“Let me know if you need anything,” Dr. Chen said.
The patient a Cathy Hamilton sat waiting for in the suture room.
“Good morning Ms. Hamilton,” Lucy greeted her with a smile. “My name is Lucy Knight, I am a medical student, and I will be helping you with your sutures.”
The patient returned her smile with one of her own.
“Hello dear, thank you,” she said. “The lovely doctor told me to expect you.”
The medical student examined the wound, a cut along the women’s forearm.
“How did this happen?” she asked as she took her seat opposite the older woman.
“I’m afraid just me being clumsy,” Ms. Hamilton sighed, a slight flush on her face. “I was putting away some dishes and a vase fell.”
Lucy applied the first stitch.
“It’s such a shame,” the woman continued. “It was a nice vase, the blue one. One of Eddie’s favorites.”
“Is Eddie Mr. Hamilton?”
“That he is.”
“Would you like me have one of the nurses get him so he can sit with you?”
Lucy rose full of intent. She was determined to have one of the nurses find the man so he can sit and comfort his wife. Chuny would do it. So, would Haleh. They’d be happy to help. But Ms. Hamilton shook her head.
“No need dear but thank you. Mr. Hamilton passed away two years ago.”
“Oh,” Lucy sat back down. “I’m so sorry to hear that.”
“Thank you dear,” Ms. Hamilton used her free hand to pat Lucy’s. “It’s been a struggle, but I’m getting by.”
“How long were you married?”
“Forty-three years,” the woman beamed. “We were each other’s first and only marriage.”
“Wow! How did you two meet?” The medical student talked as she sutured.
“We met at work. We were working at the same architecture firm. Eddie was on his way to become partner and I was a secretary.”
“I bet it was love at first sight huh?” Lucy smiled.
“Oh no, not at all,” Ms. Hamilton chuckled. “Eddie was a bit of a handful, you know how men can be. He wasn’t too keen to have to show the ropes to a new secretary. His instructions were just terrible; he could never provide clear directions even when we were married. But he was dashing in a way, and I was never one to back away from a challenge. I made him like me.”
As the woman spoke Lucy drifted. She let herself get caught up in the story. It was a familiar one. One with an eerie echo that struck a chord. With a small start she returned to her sutures.
“Were you happy?” she asked.
She glanced upwards. The older woman full of remembrance had a warm smile upon her face.
“Yes,” Ms. Hamilton’s voice was soft. “For a rocky start we had a wonderful middle and a lovely end.”
The medical student nodded as she tied off her last stitch. Her sutures looked good. Clean and even. The work of a competent medical student that would make even the prickliest of residents happy. She hadn’t lost her touch.
“That’s it. All done.”
“Will it scar?” the woman asked looking down at her arm.
“No ma’am, the type of stitch should prevent scarring,” Lucy said as she updated the chart.
“Thank you Ms. Knight you have been most helpful.”
“You’re very welcome Ms. Hamilton. It was a pleasure talking to you.”
Lucy got up from her chair, chart tucked under her arm. Her first patient cared for. One down, a day’s worth left to go.
“Dr. Chen will be back to check your sutures, and a nurse will bring your aftercare instructions.”
She felt good. She felt herself moving with the tide.
“Wait dearie,” Ms. Hamilton spoke up. “Last time Eddie and I were at County we were helped by a such a nice young doctor. What was his name again?”
A pit grew in her stomach. She knew what was coming. Whose name the kind older woman was about to mention. She couldn’t stop it.
“Ah yes Dr. Carter! That was his name,” the woman brightened with her memory. “Does Dr. Carter still work here?”
I’m sorry ma’am Dr. Carter is dead.
It was on the tip of her tongue, yet Lucy found she could not voice the words. Perhaps she should lie.
Dr. Carter moved on to another hospital.
It was kinder. Gave the impression that he moved away. He was out there still, treating patients at a new hospital. Better than letting the woman know that the nice doctor that helped the couple had joined her late husband.
Lucy never had the stomach to lie to a patient.
“I’m sorry ma’am, Dr. Carter died last year.”
“Oh no,” Ms. Hamilton’s face crumbled. “What a tragedy. He was young.”
Lucy nodded. A wetness gathered behind her eyes threatening to spill. She bit her lip. The grey clipboard pressed against her like a shield.
“I’ll get Dr. Chen,” she excused herself as she left the room.
She met Dr. Chen once more at the admin desk. Eyes glued to the board with her hands folded under her chin. She kept her tears at bay. She would not cry her first day back.
“Good work with Ms. Hamilton’s sutures,” her new resident praised. “You ready for another?”
Lucy nodded as she took the offered clipboard. Her next patient was an eight-year-old boy with the stomach flu. Easy enough. Him and his mom was sent on their way with instructions to replace fluids and eat a simple diet. The one after that was a forty-five-year-old man with a migraine. A few other patients soon followed.
After a handful of odd and in patients, she ran into her other attending.
“Hello Lucy,” Dr. Greene greeted as he walked alongside her. “Glad to see you’re back.”
“Hi Dr. Greene.”
At least he didn’t feel the need to stare.
“How’s your first day treating you?” he asked.
“Not bad,” she said. “Dr. Weaver has me working on light cases, headaches and sutures. No traumas.”
“That’s good,” Dr. Greene nodded. ‘Get your feet wet before diving back in.”
“Dr. Weaver assigned me to Dr. Chen.”
“You can learn a lot from Dr. Chen, it’s a good match.”
She agreed. Her first impressions of her new resident that she was at least conscientious of her student. Dr. Chen was there if needed. She was easy to present cases to, fast to give advice. She even insisted that Lucy took a small break to eat something, likely at the suggestion from Dr. Weaver. Based on her previous learning experiences in the emergency department it was a breath of fresh air. Though she felt hard pressed to admit that fact in the moment.
Before she could express any of this, a trauma rolled in. Chuny called for aid from an attending.
“We’re all here if you need us Lucy,” Dr. Greene made a point to tell her before he hurried off to lend a hand.
In a way that was true and untrue at the same time. Lucy moved on.
The rest of the day saw a similar pattern of quick cases. Headache, headache, rash, stomach flu, dog bite, bird bite, a couple with poison ivy, and a few more cases requiring sutures thrown in for good measure. She was tired and thrilled as she turned over her last chart. She did it! She survived her first day back. One down, almost one hundred twenty-one more to go. The medical student was on her way. Despite what happened to her, she could still be a doctor. God dammit how Lucy wanted to be a doctor!
After checking in with Dr. Weaver before she left, she made her way back to the lounge to gather her things. Her locker would be emptied that night. It would not have to sit neglected any longer.
Lucy pushed open the door when she caught the tail end of a conversation.
“Whatever you do, don’t mention this to Lucy!” someone urged
“Don’t mention to me what?” she asked standing in the doorway.
Dr. Chen and Dr. Malucci were back in the lounge. And she just interrupted something.
“Oh nothing,” Dr. Chen backtracked. “Good work today, Lucy. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
With that she was dismissed, her day over. Despite her good work something lingered in the air.
Lucy didn’t have to wait long to know what Dr. Chen and Dr. Malucci were talking about in the lounge. A couple of days of later it was spread across the newsstand in bold print-
PROMINENT CHICAGO FAMILY TO SUE COUNTY HOSPITAL OVER HEIR’S DEATH.