Work Text:
[AN:This is the cover letter/envelope section]
Mark Lee
New York University
University Hall Rm 12 New York City, NY 10012
Donghyuck Lee
SM Entertainment
Seoul, South Korea
[AN:These are the three segments of page one]
Dear Donghyuck,
I have no idea when you’ll receive this message because I’ve decided to go old school by sending out snail mail, but I just wanted to share how things have been going for me now that I’m enrolled at NYU to figure myself out. I don’t want to lie, but university life has been more challenging that what I expected. Being one of the older students in my class is certainly a shock for me since I’ve been accustomed to always being one in the youngest wherever I am. But my academic advisor recommended I try out writing how I’m adjusting as a form of reflection and healing. Time zones aside, I find it hard following my own schedule without having someone dictate where and when I go somewhere. I’ve caught myself stupidly thinking “Who would actually want someone telling them what to do?” other than me. And right after thinking it, I felt like shit.
But my academic advisor says that’s normal for everyone here since most students are away from home for the first time. And now that I’ve reflected on it, I guess this is like the second time I’ve decided to leave home to pursue a new dream. He says that’s normal too and that I shouldn’t be too self-conscious about going back to school at this stage in my life. My academic advisor asked me to try to talk to classmates during section and get to know them better. He then shared that I would be bound to find someone in a similar situation with how big NYU is and that maybe they’d have some good advice to share with me It’s scary how right my academic advisor is. I have a few classmates going back to school to get a work promotion, which I must admit, is cool. And I found out that some of them are married and have kids but want to chase dreams they didn’t have the chance to pursue before. That made me feel a lot better about myself since I’ve figured that not everyone would leave behind everything they’ve ever known to chase some idea of truly finding and understanding themselves.
But I guess what I want to say is that I’m thinking about staying here at NYU for longer than I originally thought I would. There’s a lot of things I want to try out like pulling an all-nighter for a midterm and I don’t see myself doing that in Seoul had I continued being an idol. I would have been judged too much for putting my studies before my career and making others happy. I know that it sounds like such a silly wish, but it’s strangely exciting. Hope to hear from you soon when you have a chance.
P.S. I just wanted to thank you again for helping me apply for university. Love you.
Sincerly,
Mark Lee
[AN:This is the cover letter/envelope section]
Mark Lee
New York University
University Hall Rm 12 New York City, NY 10012
Donghyuck Lee
SM Entertainment
Seoul, South Korea
[AN:These are the three segments of page one]
Dear Donghyuck,
Sorry it’s been a while since I’ve sent the first letter. I thought I’d have more time to share what’s been going on during my first year at NYU, but I guess midterms got the best of me. I wish I could say I aced it and I don’t have to worry about finals, but I should be honest and just write it out loud since you can always tell when I’m lying. I got my first failing grade in my entire life.
I got a “F” in introduction to comparative literature and I’m not going to lie, I thought I would be more upset about getting a bad grade. I don’t quite remember the last time I didn’t do something well but strangely enough, it feels good? Is it really that weird to find it comforting that I’ve finally experienced rock bottom without it having bigger consequences other than retaking the course? I don’t even know where to begin explaining how good failing and learning from it is. But my teaching assistant recommended I go to their office hours and it’s crazy how long the line is. It's such a strange phenomenon to me that people will help you without being mean or saying some stupid comment that stays with you for years.
Either way, I think it’ll do more study sessions at the student center moving forwards and I’m excited I get to register for classes during spring semester. I just have to make sure I remember my pass time to register but it seems like there’s a couple of courses that look interesting. One of the courses I’m interested in is Spanish because I think it would be cool to study abroad one day if I get accepted and I don’t want to look dumb not knowing the language enough to ask where the bathroom is
There’s also couple of people in my section who want to buddy up and take a few other mandatory classes together. I think I’m going to take them up on the offer.
Until next time,
Mark
[AN:This is the cover letter/envelope section]
Mark Lee
New York University
University Hall Rm 12 New York City, NY 10012
Donghyuck Lee
SM Entertainment
Seoul, South Korea
[AN:These are the three segments of page one]
Dear Donghyuck,
I think this might be the third or fourth letter I’ve sent you. I’ve honestly lost track if you couldn’t already tell by now. But I wanted to make sure that I didn’t miss your birthday even though I can’t be there in person this year. If you could just be a dear and pretend to hear me, “Happy birthday!”
I’m not going to lie and say everything is okay, but it’s not. I feel stupid missing your birthday seeing that it’s during summer and all, but I didn’t think about enrolling online for summer courses until I finally got confirmation there was availability for me to attend last week. It’s not any good excuse to miss spending time with you on your birthday, but I felt really behind in Spanish compared to my classmates and when I saw the Spanish department was offering more intensive courses for students interested in study abroad, I decided to enroll without a second thought.
It sounds silly to compare myself to others when I’m already fluent in English and Korean and trust me I can already hear you yelling at me that I shouldn’t feel stupid about not being fluent in Spanish after only taking two classes. But language learning has always felt a bit strange because it was just kind of assumed I was the foreign language speaker of the group with Johnny and Ten and that I would naturally be good. I don’t feel like I was ever truly offered the chance to better myself without it being attached to my musical identity.
Te compré un suéter. Espero que te quede.
P.S. This means that I got you a hoodie and that I hope it fits. I think if it weren’t for Instagram, I would have forgotten what you look like. And I promise I’m going to be a way better friend next year.
Always your friend,
Mark
[AN:This is the cover letter/envelope section]
Mark Lee
New York University
University Hall Rm 28 New York City, NY 10012
Donghyuck Lee
SM Entertainment
Seoul, South Korea
[AN:These are the three segments of page one]
Dear old friend of mine,
I feel like I’m finally getting the hang of being a college student and I hope that you’re proud of me. All freshman year I felt like some kind of imposter because my classmates are just so so smart and have everything figured out for them. Some have already started getting research positions from attending office hours and freshman seminars. I feel like despite all my years of being an idol, I still haven’t really figured things out and my academic advisor says I need to start thinking about choosing a major soon because I just can’t spend all my time taking elective classes. But I take small pride I didn’t get lost at all this semester and that I know where I’m going without looking at my schedule.
I’m not saying I don’t keep a screenshot as my phone’s lockscreen just to be safe, but I feel less anxious about going to class and asking questions during section and office hours to keep my grades up. I’m on track to making the Dean’s list if I keep up my 3.5 GPA. My academic advisor also recommended me to load up on classes next year in case I do want to study abroad in case I ever want to study abroad before graduation.
I’ve been looking through some pamphlets and Spain looks cool. The program would be in Madrid from what I understand, and I would also have the chance to extend it to a yearlong program as long as I’m making graduation requirements. I’m not one hundred percent set on study abroad because sustaining housing within walking distance of NYU would be a bit tricky, but I just want to keep my options open.
With love,
Mark
[AN:This is the cover letter/envelope section]
Mark Lee
New York University
University Hall Rm 28 New York City, NY 10012
Donghyuck Lee
SM Entertainment
Seoul, South Korea
[AN:These are the three segments of page one]
Dearest Donghyuck,
I think it’s only been a week since I’ve sent you a letter, but I didn’t know who else other than you to talk to about this. I’d ask Renjun, but I know he’s back in China visiting his family and I don’t want to bother him more than I already do. He’s the one making sure you get all my letters seeing that your manager isn’t always keen you receive them.
There’s this cute guy who asked me out after lecture today. I was caught a bit off guard since technically he’s a very good friend I made during week of welcome and we’ve been hanging out on weekends in the library. He’s very nice and sweet and his name is Minjae. Like me, Minjae’s also a nontraditional student but that’s because he took a long gap to travel the world before deciding engineering is the path for him.
I’m not even sure where I’m going with this, but you’re my best friend and I just wanted your blessing before I say “yes”. It’s been a while since I’ve been in any type of relationship and you’ve always said you’d support me no matter what. I’ve tried dating when I was still in NCT, but my relationships never went anywhere due to how booked my schedules were. And no, kissing Jaemin when he was bored doesn’t count as romance. I can’t believe sixteen-year-old me thought that was ever a good idea seeing he only has ever had eyes for Jeno.
It’s strange how I feel more nervous about a relationship that hasn’t even happened yet than when I left Seoul behind. But I guess that’s me saying my life as an idol is really over now. I don’t think there would be turning back now that I’m deciding to date Minjae. Not that I’ve never not thought about it. I’ve certainly thought about going back and trying music again.
But then I think about the way you talked with me after seeing how burnt out I was by it all. I was tired of all the eyes on every single moment of my life, and I was tired of my music making me feel emptier than I already was feeling. And then I think about the way you were the one who submitted my application to NYU. I believe that I would be failing you if I came back to Seoul before giving the new me a chance to thrive. That’s important, right?
Love you,
Mark
[AN:This is the cover letter/envelope section]
Mark Lee
New York University
University Hall Rm 28 New York City, NY 10012
Donghyuck Lee
SM Entertainment
Seoul, South Korea
[AN:These are the three segments of page one]
Dear Donghyuck,
It’s almost Christmas which is crazy to me. I wish you could see how pretty New York looks like underneath all the Christmas lights. It really does feel like Home Alone these days. My family is still out living in Seoul to spend time with my brother. I would like to say it’s not lonely, but it is at times. But I can’t expect them to uproot their life again just because I decided to go to a school so far away from home. My dad would have said I should have gone to Yonsei instead. Anyways, how are you doing? Hope you’re eating well.
Minjae mentioned going to visit his family back on Long Island for the holidays, which I would probably have said yes had it been any other time other than Christmas. I think I’ll compromise on Easter though since New Year’s Eve is reserved for my parents. My dad said he wants to go see a Broadway show while he’s out here and maybe we’ll see Raúl Esparza is doing a show. My dad loved him in Company.
But getting back on topic, I’m secretly hoping you get the chance to come out here so we can hang out like we used to. I was able to get a single in the dorms this year, so we don’t have to worry about being an inconvenience to my roommate. I sound dumb writing this now because of course you already know about this.
I really hope that you get that time off.
P.S. Even if we end up just being snowed in for Christmas, I think we would be just fine watching Mistletoe Murders. Sarah Drew just kills it.
Just a little bit far away,
Mark
[AN:This is the cover letter/envelope section]
Mark Lee
New York University
University Hall Rm 28 New York City, NY 10012
Donghyuck Lee
SM Entertainment
Seoul, South Korea
[AN:These are the three segments of page one]
Dear Donghyuck,
Things have just been going so fast since spring semester ended a week ago. I found a new single through a classmate of mine because they’re planning on going to do their study abroad program in Paris for the entire year. I didn’t know you could reserve dorming by having someone take up your housing contract, but I guess anything is possible. I guess what I’m saying is that I’ve never really thought about how serious it is to move to a new country without knowing anyone there. I mean it’s not like I haven’t done this before. I moved away from Vancouver all the way to Seoul to chase my dreams before I realized how serious those implications were.
It’s taken me so many years, but I’ve finally realized why my mom cried so much the first time when she said goodbye at the airport. That was crappy of me, and I sometimes regret her missing out on me growing up the first few years. And then I went ahead and did it again to her after she finally finalized her move to Seoul. Have you ever felt that way too? I’ve thought about buying an apartment after I graduate so my parents can visit me all the time, but that seems like I would be asking too much of them especially now that they’re looking on planning their retirement.
Either way, Minjae’s going to help me move into my new dorm room next weekend and my dad is going to fly in again and help me move the furniture around. Luckily, it’s in the same building and just up a floor. I’d tag along on my dad’s return flight so I can visit everyone, but my mom said why waste this chance to be a student again and that I should try getting an internship instead. She says I should get more extracurriculars on my resume so I can keep my options open after graduation.
I haven’t heard back yet from any professors, but I’m hopeful I’ll get something going for fall semester
Hope to hear from you soon,
Mark
[AN:This is the cover letter/envelope section]
Mark Lee
New York University
University Hall Rm 34 New York City, NY 10012
Donghyuck Lee
SM Entertainment
Seoul, South Korea
[AN:These are the three segments of page one]
Dear Hyuck,
I’ve been eating well these days. And believe it or not, I’m a decent cook now that I’ve started getting tired of eating instant ramen every night. I make a mean lasagna once I get my groove on and I follow the YouTube tutorial correctly. I’ve also started going to Trader Joes more often now that I’ve lessened my coursework to fit in my research internship. I’m also trying to budget myself better seeing that my study abroad advisor said my application is now being processed by the receiving university.
I’m hesitant to say I’m for sure getting to go to Madrid next semester, but I think I’m going to start sending letters from there soon. In the case I do get accepted, I’ll send you a text of my new address since I’m not sure how long my letter will take to get to you. I’d need to figure out where the postal office is and see what I would need to send mail as an international student.
But since I’m already writing this letter and I know you’re going to be busy in the next few months touring, I guess it’s time to share that I’ve broken things off with Minjae. I want to say that we just started drifting apart after I started applying for my study abroad program and he was preparing for his graduate school exams. But I would be lying to you if I wrote that here. I promised myself I’d be honest in my letters to you so you wouldn’t worry as much about me anymore.
I feel like a total jerk now that I’m writing this, but we broke up because Minjae kept saying I wasn’t making as much time for him as he would for me. Minjae was getting frustrated that I was focusing too much on Madrid over where our relationship was heading towards after graduation. I’ve already talked to him that I just want to take things slowly and live more in the present, but he was looking for something more serious seeing he’s already figured out what he wants. Honestly, I think with Minjae wanting to apply to Caltech next year, it wouldn’t have worked out anyways. I don’t see myself living in California now that I love New York so much.
I don’t want to say I won’t miss Minjae. That would be unfair to him because he was such a wonderful boyfriend to me. But I don’t think I’ll miss Minjae as much as I’ve missed having you close.
P.S. I’m a bit embarrassed to admit it, but it took me a very long time getting used to not having you comforting me on my hardest nights.
Love you lots,
Mark
[AN:This is the cover letter/envelope section]
Mark Lee
New York University
University Hall Rm 34 New York City, NY 10012
Donghyuck Lee
SM Entertainment
Seoul, South Korea
[AN:These are the three segments of page one]
Hi Hyuck,
I’m so over the moon right now. I’ll be sending you letters from Madrid in a month or two. But before I start bragging about getting accepted to my study abroad program, I want to say thank you again for believing so much in me these past four years. I don’t even know where to begin describing how much I appreciate you. You mean the world to me.
By the time you get this letter, I think you’ll spot me in the audience of your KCON Paris set. I have something I want to tell you, but I think my academic advisor would agree with me that I need to do it in person.
I believe I finally have one thing in my life I’ve finally figured out.
Love you,
Mark