Chapter Text
Marly + Rozy
Marly
Bro guess what
Rozy
motherfucker it is 7am in la what
Marly
I’m fucking gay now
I think
I don’t know what’s up
Rozy
you are married
you have two children
and three cats
please tell me you are not about to destroy your beautiful family for dick. because i will kill you
Marly
Okay you think very lowly of me
First of all. I haven’t cheated on anyone since I was like twenty and that was on accident
Rozy
how the fuck do you cheat on accident
Marly
And second of all. No dude I’m not destroying my family, Francine just told me she’s a dude
Well, not just now. It’s been like a week we’ve just been talking a lot about it when the kids are at school
Rozy
it is too fucking early for this wait
The Homosexual Agenda
Hunter, Benny, Barrett, Price, Boersma, Picky, Hollzy, Rozy, +4 others
Rozy added Marly to The Homosexual Agenda
Rozy
it is 7am @Marly go bother hunter
Marly
Man what the fuck
Hunter
Seconded, what is going on
Rozy
marly’s gay now so you have to be nice to him
Marly
Okay wait I’m not actually sure if I’m gay
Picky
Seems like Rozanov’s pretty sure about it
Marly
It has nothing to do with that
Okay wait I don’t mean it like that sorry
Listen. I have a beautiful wife, right. Francine, the love of my life
Last week she sat me down and told me she’s a man now and she wants to start transitioning??
I think that’s the word
So we’ve just been talking about what’s gonna happen and she gave me the green light to talk to some people about it
Picky
He, right?
Marly
Ah fuck you’re right. I keep fucking that up
It’s weird. He hasn’t told the kids yet, so I keep like, switching shit around
Picky
No I get that
Practice makes perfect
Where is @Boersma he’s the perfect person to talk to right now, his husband did the same thing like six years ago
He’s bisexual though, I don’t know if you are
Marly
Me neither man
Who’s Boersma?
Like what team does he play for?
Picky
Both teams, I just told you
Am I righttttt
Marly
Hockey team, dumbass
Picky
I understood what you meant you ape I was just being funny
Boersma is the big black D-man in Winnipeg
Marly
I’ll keep my mouth shut
Picky
No don’t worry he’s aware the team’s shit and so’s the defense
Not to ride at dawn for another team’s player, but Boersma really isn’t the problem there
I’m from Tampa, by the way
Marly
No I know who you are, there’s only one guy with the name “Picky” in the league
Picky
There’s also only one Boersma?
Marly
You get what I mean
Boersma
Speak of the devil and he shall appear
Wow, Rozanov really just left you to sink or swim here, huh
They would have given me a nickname to remember me by but unfortunately I set the tone quickly in Toronto by laying everyone who tried to call me “Prozzy” out
|| Both teams, I just told you
> I laughed btw
Marly
No fucking way hahaha
Wait I’m looking you up
Yeah alright Prosper Boersma I see how that one shakes out
Boersma
Thank fuck I’m big enough to punch folks who try it, eh
Marly
Fucking hell you’ve played in Canada too long brother
Boersma
Trust me I’m trying to go to LA but they don’t seem to want me there
At least I don’t say bud yet
Picky
That’s a fucking lie
Boersma
Fuck you eh bud
Marly
Okay wait Boersma. You said your husband transitioned years ago
Boersma
Well no Picky said that not me
But yes he did
Marly
Okay well first of all how did you keep that from people
Boersma
He’s Dutch, bro. Nobody in NL gives a fuck about ice hockey, they’re all about speed skating and field hockey over there. I genuinely think as a sign language interpreter that does TV gigs sometimes he’s more well-known than me
And over here they don’t give a fuck about some sign language interpreter on the other side of the world, so it works out nicely. They don’t ask, I don’t tell
Marly
Yeah that’s not gonna work for me, Francine is a journalist with the local paper and USA specialist correspondent for some French publications I think, so it’s definitely going to get some attention
Boersma
I can’t help you with that side of it. Maybe Scotty or Hollzy can help with that, they’re good at media stuff
Marly
I’ll ask Rozy when he wakes back up, he’s more my style
Boersma
Your loss, brother
Marly
That’s my best friend you fucker
Boersma
Your loss, brother
Marly
Next time we’re in Winnipeg I’m going to punch you
Boersma
Okay see if I help you then you brute
Marly
No wait okay I retract my statement please do help I don’t want to upset Francine
Boersma
Okay fine
First question, does he have a new name he wants to be called
Marly
Well, yes, but we’re workshopping it
Boersma
How come
Marly
He said he wanted to try “Curt” and I’m not against that in principle but uh
“Curt Marlow” just sounds like my brother? Like oh yeah the brothers Cliff and Curt Marlow
I already told her we can stay married, since her employer’s health insurance is dogshit so she can stay on mine
He, fuck me
But I feel weird being married to a Curt
Boersma
That’s the funniest problem to have with a name ever, actually
Marlow
Stop laughing at me
At least he was being nice when I told him that because I definitely wasn’t thinking about what I was saying and I probably pulled a really weird face
Picky
This is so fucking funny. Cliff and Curt Marlow
Marly
Leave me alone
She said she’d look at some other names, I’ve been told to maybe stick to Frank for the time being but I don’t think she’s very excited about that one so it’s probably not sticking
Boersma
He
Marly
Yep you’re right
We’re going to tell our kids sometime soon, probably within the month. And I guarantee you they’re going to be better about it than I am
Boersma
Well, they’ve not been married to Frank for however many years
How old are your kids?
Marly
Eight and four, two boys. Aiden and Lennon
Boersma
Have you figured out what you’re gonna tell them yet?
Bas and I don’t have kids so it was easy for us, we didn’t have to tell anyone anything
Marly
No, we’ve been a little stuck on logistics and the name so far
We’ve got most of it squared away now, though. Staying married for the kids and insurance primarily, we can see how we feel about the relationship later down the line, that kinda stuff.
Boersma
Okay well that’s good at least
Do you know yet what he wants the kids to call him? I know some transgender parents keep their title the same, like the Kardashians.
Picky
Using the Kardashians like trans rep feels like sacrilege
Marly
It’s basically lunchtime here let me ask Frank, I don’t know if he’s thought about it yet
God, I hope he doesn’t stick with Frank. Or Curt
Picky
Curt and Cliff Marlow
I’m still laughing
Boersma
Maybe Curt is a sentimental name to him, I can’t blame him
Bas’ full name is Herman Johannes Sebastiaan Boersma-de Keijzer
I would kill myself before referring to him as Herman, but that was his dad’s name
Picky
Yeah alright, that does make sense
We do the whole “naming yourself after ancestors” thing too, but most Inuktitut names are normal to me, there’s not really any that make me cringe
Herman…
Boersma
It’s not a sexy name.
Picky
For sure not
Boersma
We have it way better, I’m just called Prosper and nothing else
Uppik is a sick name too even if it earned you the nickname “Picky”
Picky
Yeah well
I wear one brand of underwear, eat the same four meals every day, and I’m not strong enough to lay people out when they call me a dumb nickname, so it’s stuck now
Boersma
At least it’s not Prozzy
Picky
Amen
Boersma
It’s nearly twelve over there, right? Is everyone else at practice or something
Picky
Not a clue. I have the day off because we just got back from a roadie to Alberta
Boersma
Dogshit place to be, I understand needing to recover
Picky
I think Pricey and Benny are probably around somewhere but they have very busy lives being plus ones to their much cuter boyfriends
Boersma
Ah, yes
Jealous much
Picky
Fuck you
Barrett’s with Hollzy and McCarthy over in LA so he’s probably still just waking up or something
Hunter
I’m here I was just getting a late breakfast with Kip
Can I just say I never expected Bears menace Cliff Marlow to be in this group? And it not be a joke?
Boersma
Well, nobody really expected me either
I was going to add Rozy to that list but actually I had a feeling. And Hollzy’d had rumours about him so
Picky
I don’t know if people suspected me
Hunter
I mean, not really, but in a way it’s easier to wrap your head around some second liners from teams that aren’t the highest in the standings than it is the current captain of the Boston Bears
Boersma
You can use the words “dogshit team” Scotty I believe in you
Hunter
I’m not saying that, Winnipeg has some solid players! It’s just that your coaching staff seems determined to outdo pre-Rozanov Ottawa in some respects
Picky
It’s the year of the tiger, don’t count us out of the running yet
Boersma
We all know Ottawa’s gonna take it this year Picky don’t delude yourself
Rozanov and Hollander on the power play is too crazy for words. I don't think there’s been a single game where they haven’t scored like that. It’s like we defensemen don’t even exist
Picky
You can say that because you’re on a dogshit team. If I curse my boys like that I’m getting lynched
Marly
Hey so he started crying real bad but I don’t think it was because he was sad or anything
I think we’re going to try for “dad”, but leave it mostly up to the kids. He said he wouldn’t be hurt if they wanted to keep calling him mom
Fortunately they’re pretty young so we hope the adjustment will be easy
Boersma
That’s great, good for him
Marly
I told him about your husband too, he seems pretty excited about that
Boersma
If you want to come to the Netherlands in the off season I’ll introduce them
Marly
We’ll think about it
Rozy
calling me mccarthy is a hate crime and i’m reporting you to the league
Picky
I do hate you
Hunter
Wait, why McCarthy?
Picky
He’s the Red Scare
They taught you this in history class I promise
Boersma
They even taught me that in history class
Picky
I can’t believe the Europeans got the reference and you didn’t, New York
Rozy
picky if i find a cute guy for you like i did for barrett I’m not telling you about him i will keep him all to myself
Barrett
Leave me out of this like actually
Also I found him on my own
Picky
I don’t even like men
Rozy
you wanted to ask me for shane’s number
also this is why you are picky
doesn’t even like men. in the gay groupchat
Barrett
I have his number now and I’m going to use it to convince him to divorce you
Rozy
that won’t work he loves me too much <3333
Picky
Has either of you asked Mr. Babyface if he wants to join yet
Rozy
shane is still surprised you guys sniffed that out
but no. he’s not even out of the closet yet
i’m doing my very best to be a cool gay dad but he’s not responding
Boersma
That’s because he probably worships the ground you walk on, we’ve seen how he looks at you
Can’t you get Harris to talk to him or something, he seems approachable
Rozy
haasy will crawl into a hole to die there
if we try to talk to him about him being gay
Hollzy
I still think you’re underestimating him
Maybe he just doesn’t feel like making a big deal about it and he’s just going to show up with a boyfriend one day
Rozy
do you really think that
Hollzy
No, you're right. I just wanted to say something supportive
Barrett
Harris told me not to pressure him about it last time it came up
Rozy
shane just looked like a lightbulb went on above his head and then he put his phone down to get prepared for morning skate
i guess that is my cue
Barrett
Okay hint taken
Boersma
Have fun in LA boys, show those birds they’re in need of a huge Dutch defenseman
Rozy
you could not keep up with us either
Boersma
My average time played would like to have a word
Rozy
i was talking about speed not stamina
Boersma
Prioritising speed over stamina? I feel sorry for Hollzy
Rozy
ok thats it. winnipeg’s glacier is getting melted
Boersma
Get in line, man. We’re going to get destroyed by Colorado tomorrow first
Rozy
have fun
Boersma
I will not and in fact I refuse
Okay we got sidetracked there. Marly are you still there?
Marly
Yeah just reading
Picky
Taking a lot of your brainpower is it
Marly
Your home crowd loves me more than you pipe down
Boersma
Okay okay okay shut up both of you
I texted Bas and he wants me to tell you you’re doing a great job being chill so far
Marly
Thanks! I’m trying
I put on my WWRD cap when she told me the first time
Picky
That better not mean what I think it does
Marly
It’s What Would Rozanov Do
Picky
I’m killing myself
Marly
Man fuck you you don’t know what it’s like being decked by a 6ft Russian because you told a poor defenseless rookie his high school sweetheart looks like a thumb
In Boston you got a lot of lessons on how to make fun of people the right way. Like telling Hunter he skates like he’s recovering from a double hip replacement, instead of calling him a slur
Hunter
The more I learn about him the more I get the feeling he’s obsessed with me
Marly
A little bit. I think he thinks you’re hot
But that’s not the point
I try not to upset the people around me too seriously. Unless my wife wants to be called Curt now, that was a gut reaction I had
Picky
I’ve not stopped laughing yet
Benny
You’re all very lively today
Marly
Hey Benny, long time no see
Benny
….
Cliff Marlow?
Marly
In the fucking flesh, brother! How’s being old going for you?
Benny
Pretty great, honestly. I own a bar now, my boyfriend is gorgeous, I travel
Marly
Oh shit yeah the bar
Maybe Frank will want to come to that
Kingfisher, right?
Benny
Who’s Frank?
Marly
My wife
No. Husband
Boersma
His partner is transitioning
Benny
No shit!
Welcome then, I guess? Are you here to stay?
Marly
I mean I guess? We’re staying married for the time being, with the kids and all
Boersma
He’s asking if you’re gay
Benny
I didn’t want to ask it like that…
Boersma
I did
Picky
You enjoy playing into stereotypes too much
Boersma
Sue me
Actually that probably won’t work neither of us are American
Marly
Oh uh
I mean I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it?
Benny
You have a husband now and you haven’t thought about it?
Marly
It’s very new
Benny
Right
Well, you’re free to come to the Kingfisher whenever, obviously. And Frank has a standing invitation too
Marly
I’ll tell him, I’m sure he’ll appreciate that
Picky
You’re improving with the pronouns
Marly
I’m trying, man
Hunter
Is Frank gay?
Marly
Huh?
Hunter
Sorry, I was just wondering.
Marly
I have not asked him. I think so? If he’s a guy now, and presumably he married me because he’s into men?
Hunter
Right that makes sense
Price
Did anyone ever tell you guys you’re very bad at staying on topic
Marly
Pricey? Out here?
Price
No, this is a text message. I'm in Toronto
Marly
Did you get funnier since 2014
Price
I would hope so, it’s been eight years
Congrats to your husband on coming out
Marly
Thanks man, I’m sure he appreciates it.
Since when are you gay?
Price
Since birth probably but I wasn’t really keeping track then
Marly
Okay fuck you I just wanted to know if it was something I should have known since we played together
Price
I didn’t really advertise it. You could have known I guess it was like an open secret
I went to gay bars and stuff
Marly
Oh holy shit. You can do that?
Price
Well maybe not you, mister captain of the Bears
Though you said you weren’t gay so maybe that’s still not your scene
But I was just a random defenseman and I looked like every other bearded guy in there
Marly
Damn I guess so
Price
I’m no help with trans stuff and also Fabian is almost ready so I’m going to go
But welcome
Marly
Aye I think Boersma is pretty much my only hope here
Picky
After all I’ve done for you
Marly
Insulting me and laughing at me?
Picky
Yeah alright I’ve not done much. Pointed you in Boersma’s direction though
Marly
He would have read it eventually and then helped me anyway
Picky
Yeah probably
Barrett
Give me Frank’s phone number
Marly
He has a husband, you know
Barrett
And I have a boyfriend?
Harris wants to put him in the gay partner groupchat
So he also has people to talk to
Marly
Oh okay I’ll ask if he wants that
Barrett
Harris says thank you