Work Text:
It’s been a while since you’ve entered the digital realm, long enough for you to get used to the routine of it all.
Wake up, chat with the others, go on an adventure, then do whatever you want for the rest of the day.
But recently, exhaustion wore you down at every small action. Every interaction you had resulted in you overthinking it that same night, every mistake you made had you degrading yourself.
You never made it obvious when you were around the others, never told anyone, not that you were even that close to anyone at the circus.
Sure you talked to them occasionally, knew how to hold a conversation, and even partnered up on a few adventures… but ever since the new member, Pomni, had joined, there had been an uneven amount of members in the circus.
This made partner up adventures much more complicated and most importantly, it have you a reason to run off during those adventures, to isolate yourself from the group. It’s not her fault, it’s no one’s except yours of course.
You’re the one leaving the group behind to spend every second of free time in your room, you declined invites to hangouts, using the most recent adventures as excuses. You had no one to blame but yourself for not forming any meaningful connections in the circus.
But why would you want to? Everyone there had their issues, issues you didn’t want to deal with. You would rather be alone, it was easier, even if it meant you had no one to turn to in times like this.
That’s enough of that, now it was night time in the circus. Everyone had just retired to their respective rooms, sleeping.
You were also in your room, but unlike the others, you were awake. You had been sat at your desk since you entered your bedroom, busying yourself with crafts and whatever else could keep your mind busy and away from those invasive thoughts.
You were just putting the last finishing touches on a piece, placing it beside the others to dry. You looked down at the collection of crafts, some better than others and sighed, before going to the bookshelf to pick out a book then fell backwards onto your bed
You were barely past the second chapter, staring at a word on the page, forgetting to actually read the book when you heard a voice beside you.
“Good book?” You started, your head snapping to the side to be met with none other than the ringmaster of the circus, Caine.
You sigh and sit up, dog earing the book and placing it to the side. “Hey Caine, what are tou doing here?”
He floated backwards, giving you some space. He fidgets awkwardly, and observes your room, there were supplies all over the place and unfinished projects littering the floor.
“Uhh… I suppose I wanted to speak with you? I’ve noticed that you have been acting… strange these past couple of days.” He said, his voice lacked that usual “flair” now much calmer and quieter as he spoke with you.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You said, denying the accusation. You assumed you had been pretty good at hiding your exhaustion.
“Well, you haven’t been giving the adventures your all as you used to and I’ve noticed you started hanging out with the other members much less than before” he said, explaining himself further. You felt a lump grow in your throat and you turned your head away.
“Sorry, I’ll do better. ‘M just tired is all” you mumble, still not looking at him. You hear him sigh (can an ai sigh? I guess so) and your bed dip. You turn your head towards him, now he was sitting beside you on the bed with his legs crossed and his hands clasped together.
“As an AI, I’m not the best at understanding human emotion. I might not always have the best responses to it, as zooble would say, but… I’m willing to listen.”
He said, his eyes wide with wonder as he looked at me, he didn’t speak after as if he was expecting you to respond, but what were you supposed to say? You can’t vent to him, you barely even know why you were acting like this yourself.
You sigh, your breath coming out shaking and you place your head in your hands. You feel hot tears sting the corners of your eyes, threatening to come out. You sit like that for a while. You expect him to say something, maybe tell you that you can always come talk to him then poof out of your room, or maybe even try to pester you until he gets the information he wants.
But no, he stays silent, it felt both relieving and suffocating at the same time. You wanted him to leave, to get out of your room and forget about all this… but you also didn’t, the feeling was odd.
You finally sigh, sitting up straighter and and clasping your hands in your lap.
“I… I don’t know.”
“What do you mean?” He questions, scooting slightly closer
“I don’t know why I’m acting like this, god I feel like a f[bleep]ing mess. I isolate myself from the group, spend all day in my room and then I feel bad when no one tries to speak to me, I get scared that I’m bothering them so I keep my distance, I don’t speak to anyone. I stay isolating myself to the point…”
Your voice cracks halfway through the rant, you don’t even know if you’re making any sense but he doesn’t comment on it
“I don’t think anyone would care or even notice if I abstract right now.”
that sentence was the breaking point, you feel tears stream down your face, you wipe them away as they come growing more frustrated as your vision blurs. You were embarrassing yourself in front of him, making a fool of yourself. Now that he knows what you’re truly like, he wouldn’t want to be around you either, even AIs have their limit.
“And—god. Sometimes I wish I would, I’m tired. Of everything, I don’t want to keep going like this. Everyday is a hell to get through and I don’t know why, I’m exhausted and tired and- and—“
You start rambling before your voice breaks into a sob and fails you, you curl up wishing that you could open your eyes right now and this would all be a nightmare that you could wake up from, forget it even happened and move on with your day
But it’s not a nightmare. This is real, very real. You sob into your arms, your shoulders shaking with each hiccup that forces itself out of you. God you must sound dramatic right now.
Suddenly, you feel a weight on your head— a hand.
It combs through your hair in a soothing nature while another hand comes up and pulls you into a hug, you land against caine’s chest. His hand still running through your head.
After a few minutes of this, your sobs had died down to soft sniffles. You grip his suit tighter, not wanting to let go. You hear him speak though they sound more like a buzzing in your ear. You stare off into a corner of your room and feel your vision getting spotty.
You feel your eyes droop, weeks of exhaustion finally catching up to you in this moment and you pass out in his arms.