Chapter Text
r/OffMyChest
Posted by u/CaliKid111620 2 hours ago
My (23) ex (24M) I haven’t seen in 5 years is the planner for a wedding I’m helping put together
Sorry in advance for the long post.
The older brother (“J”) of one of my best friends (“M”) is getting married (to “Grant”) in less than a week, and they barely have anything set up for it. Food, photography, and the venue are taken care of, but beyond that, they don’t have much going for them in terms of set-up; no decorations, no cake, nothing.
I recently got a call from M asking if there was any way I could come into town for the few days leading up to the wedding to help out. Thankfully I was able to take some time off work, as was her boyfriend/my friend (“T”), so now M, T, J, Grant, and myself are all able to put our heads and hands together to make this wedding the best it can be. I initially thought it was only going to be the five of us, but the day I arrived, I was told we’d be meeting with a wedding planner for dinner. I was very surprised that someone would agree to help plan a wedding that was taking place not even a week later, but I was mostly stoked for J and Grant that they’d have someone on their side who actually knew what they were doing.
We walk into the restaurant and what cruel gift from the universe awaits me but my ex sitting at the table my group is walking towards. For a split second I didn’t recognize him, but when I did, all the feelings I had worked so hard for the past five years to get over came flooding back. It was like I was 18 again, standing at his door while he insisted on being a stranger to me and closed the door in my face. He was obviously shocked to see someone he all but promised to never see again. He acted very professional through the whole initial encounter and gave out business cards as if I’d never had his number in the first place. After that he left, leaving me completely shell-shocked.
I guess I didn’t hide my shock very well because J and Grant asked me for details on how I knew him and if I was okay but honestly I just wanted to get out of there.
For context- “B” and I dated for a few months about five years ago the summer I graduated high school and he finished his freshman year of college. His parents wanted to send him somewhere during the summer, and they just so happened to choose the empty condo on my street in the small town I grew up in. He was very forward and had an… eccentric sense of style, but I thought he was charming. After our first day of hanging out together, he asked me out, and I said yes. We dated the whole summer, but at the end, after I’d fallen in love with him, he ended up abruptly breaking up with me. Not over something I’d done, but because he said I only knew what he chose to share with me about himself, not the way he actually was, and he wasn’t going to physically be around to do things with anymore. He basically saw us as a summer fling or a means to an end while I saw us as more than that. I guess that’s my fault for expecting more from where it wasn’t explicitly stated. While during the moment I was shocked and heartbroken, looking back on it I understand what he meant- he always tried to be so closed off, no matter how much I tried to care about him or get him to let me into his world. Sure, maybe I didn’t know everything about him, but there were still moments where he’d let himself be vulnerable, and I liked him during those moments just as much (if not more) than when he was doing his best to be an ideal boyfriend. Even if I didn’t know everything about him then, I wanted to continue to get to know him, and I told him as much. When I suggested long distance, he didn’t see the point.
Anyway, the next day we all gathered in his office to start getting things together for the wedding. Honestly the whole thing felt like a dream- like I’d imagined all of this, like some other wedding planner who I’d never met would walk into the room. Instead, my ex reappeared, looking stupidly attractive, and I realized that despite the messy breakup and 5 years of no contact, I still kinda maybe really wanted to be with him. The first thing to take care of was the cake, so B offered to go to the bakery after the meeting was over to put in the order himself. It was suggested that someone go with him, preferably whoever knew the least about all the other things that needed to be taken care of- who, of course, was me.
It was so strange to be right there with him and yet feel so far away. The last time we interacted we could act like friends, because we were. But being around him in the present was like viewing him as some fragile object in a museum; I could get close and scrutinize as much as I wanted, but I still had to be very quiet and aware of the barrier between us. When I tried to talk to him, any personal questions were swiftly dodged. Though just I when I thought I would be spending the whole trip with B placing a massive metaphorical brick wall between us and then fucking off forever again, he starts making small references to things we did together back when we were a couple, confusing the hell out of me (and the wedding cake baker, who was watching all of this). He wants to as-close-to ignore me as possible, but then starts talking about the good ‘ol days? More than anything it just hurts. But I know now that I at least meant enough to him to hold onto our memories, so I guess that’s something.
Day 2, at the morning meeting with B, things were so tense between the couple of the hour that B took us all out to go… bowling??? To a bowling alley we’d been to on a date when we were dating????? There were an even number of us and of course I ended up on his team because I guess I’d done something in a past life to warrant this kind of karmic justice. Honestly, the worst part of it all was that it started to feel normal to have B around. The feeling of ‘oh my god its my ex’ shifted towards the back of my mind and was slowly being replaced by ‘oh hey its my friend I haven’t seen in a while’. I started to remember not so much why we broke up but why we were together in the first place; we get along great. We banter with each other well, and in the heat of the moment when our team won I even hugged him because I forgot there was some arbitrary unspoken rule that I wasn’t supposed to. My natural instinct is to be his friend.
Later in the day, we went shopping for some more supplies, and then went back to J and Grant’s house since that’s where most of the operation was being put together. Since we had so much stuff from shopping, B offered to bring some of it in his car, so he followed us back to home base to drop it off. After that, I thought he’d leave- but after I walked him out, he seemed so incredibly hesitant to actually get in his car and drive away that I had to see what he was up to. Turns out he was planning to go chase down an old ice cream truck that we had been to when we were younger, and I suddenly felt in the mood for ice cream too.
Over ice cream, we had an honest heart-to-heart. I could finally have a real conversation with B and not some idealized professional version of himself. We talked about his job, if he kept up with his old hobbies, etc. It felt incredibly normal, like we were two people who saw each other frequently just talking about our lives. But I took advantage of the opportunity to ask why he cut me off. He told me, without going into much detail, that it wasn’t my fault, and he kinda does that to everyone outside of coworkers. Even then, based on how he talked with the wedding cake baker that I assume he sees fairly frequently, I’m gonna guess he wouldn’t consider himself ‘friends’ with any of them. My 18 year old inner self is definitely glad to know she didn’t cause the breakup, but it still broke my heart to hear that he pushes everyone away. Despite the way I’ve described him, he’s a really wonderful person, and I do care about him. Even if he wasn’t, I still think non-wonderful people deserve friends.
Day 3 (today) was mostly a day off. The couple went out and did some last minute prep things, but I got to hang out and take it easy before the big day tomorrow. We just had our final meeting, and everything seemed completely wrapped up- until it wasn’t. A slight issue came up that I may have gotten myself roped into.
The fact of the matter now is that I’m falling hard for B again and want to avoid landing flat on my face after he inevitably cuts me off like he did 5 years ago. Even if we can’t date, I just want to be his friend. He’s smart, funny, thoughtful, kind, selfless, and overdramatic. He is somehow exactly the same and incredibly different to how he was 5 years ago. I love being in his company. I just don’t think he’ll let me stay there.
I don’t know. I feel at such a loss. I’ve gone on such a long rant and for what? Maybe none of this will even matter after the wedding. I’ve already gotten the closure that 18 year old me so desperately needed, and if I end up sobbing tomorrow it’s only because I wanted what I knew I couldn’t have.
I’m writing this in his car as we’re going to his apartment to make a last-minute groom’s cake together the night before the wedding because one of the grooms wanted it, B offered to make it, and my stupid ass just couldn’t let him do it alone. Any advice on how to get through tomorrow alive?
TLDR - my ex boyfriend is the wedding planner for my friend’s older brother, and since I’ve been helping get things ready for the wedding, I’ve had to be around him a lot. I still have feelings for him and he’s starting to open up to me again but I’m afraid he’s just going to cut me off after he doesn’t have a reason to keep seeing me anymore like he did when he broke up with me 5 years ago. I don’t know what I should do about it, if anything. The wedding’s tomorrow.
53 Comments
u/acridsmoke384 • 2h ago
That’s certainly an awkward situation, but there’s only so much that you can do about it. Be cordial with him, even friendly if you want to, but if he’s pushed you and your feelings away several times already, he’s clearly telling you no. Meeting with an ex later in life sucks since it can stir up old emotions, but you have to take those rose colored glasses off and remember why you broke up in the first place. If he’s still being cold and closed off, then that’s that, and it will be better for both of you to just leave him alone for the most part and focus on J and Grant’s wedding.
u/CaliKid111620 • 2h ago
Just focusing on J and Grant’s wedding is what I’ve been trying to do. I’m so happy for them the last thing I would want to do is make the day about myself.
u/acridsmoke384 • 2h ago
That’s a good mindset to have. Just put up with B for now and after the wedding you can go about your life like he wasn’t even there.
u/myfavoriteflavourof314 • 2h ago
It’s hilarious to imagine OP writing all this sitting in the car next to him
u/UnnaturalUnhappiness • 1h ago
You were in love with him after dating for… *checks notes* one summer? Like, less than three months?
u/CaliKid111620 • 1h ago
I know how it sounds. I’ve already caught enough grief from my family about it.
u/AsinineK9 • 2h ago
Honestly what a nightmare situation. He sounds like a douchebag
u/very-well-undocumented • 2h ago
He didn’t even apologize? You’d think that after 5 years he’d at least mature that much. You dodged a bullet. Stay faaaaaar away.
u/CaliKid111620 • 2h ago
He did, technically. He told me he was sorry and I know he was being genuine, but he’s not planning on really doing anything to make up for the hurt caused. Which, I guess if he’s planning to never see me again after tomorrow, he doesn’t have to
u/Xxgreater_goodxX • 2h ago
Ugh that’s rough!!! I’ve run into exes before and its always so confusing. My body and my brain fight over trying to kiss them or kill them lmao
u/CaliKid111620 • 1h ago
That’s literally all I’ve been feeling. His face is somehow both perfectly kissable and punchable and it’s been really hard holding myself back from doing either/both
u/Xxgreater_goodxX • 46m ago
Yeah it’s only when he starts talking can you make the decision, and it’s usually not the good one (>▽<)
u/EvryNght-EvryDy • 46m ago
Why is everyone nicknamed a single letter for anonymity but Grant gets his full name put on the post? Do you hate him OP LMAO
u/pm_me_your_sunsets • 1h ago
If it’s any consolation OP, none of this is your fault, and honestly I don’t think it’s his fault either. Maybe I’m reaching, but based on your descriptions of B wanting to reminisce but suddenly pulling away, or going more out of his way than he should to help your friend’s brother, it seems like he wants to be your friend again but something is holding him back. He seems very pained. Like he’s pushing you away on purpose but doesn’t actually want to. It’s gonna suck when he cuts you off again but this too shall pass
u/little-n00dle • 32m ago
Are you so sure he’s going to cut you off again? Maybe he’s matured
u/Originalbrooke1010 • 27m ago
Lmao did you read the post at all
u/QuantumWaffle87 • 57m ago
That’s a lot of effort to go through for a client, even as a wedding planner. Taking you all out bowling? Making a cake for the wedding himself?? The night before the wedding??? With you?????? OP, I think he might still be into you. A lot of other comments are saying to just leave him be and move on after the wedding… but I say go for it. What do you have to lose? If you don’t tell him you still like him, you never see him again. If you tell him you like him and he doesn’t like you back, you never see him again. But if you tell him you like him and he DOES like you back…???? Either way you’ve got to try saying something!!
u/CaliKid111620 • 3m ago
He said he wouldn’t have made the cake if I hadn’t been here. A lot happened tonight. I’ve gotta go to bed.
u/QuantumWaffle87 • 1m ago
Omg pls update