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Jadzia knows well enough what it looks like to develop feelings. Between herself and Dax, they’re something of an expert in the matter. She’s seen it. She’s felt it. Sometimes it’s incredibly annoying and sometimes it’s very beautiful.
Sometimes it’s very tragic.
So while Commander Sisko said that they ought to try and get in contact with Julian’s parents, she thought there was someone a little closer to the station who ought to be informed about the deaths of Julian and Chief O’Brien.
She’s not sure that she’ll be any good at this, but it’s exceptionally clear to her that not a single other person on this station, including Julian himself , understands just what Garak thinks of him. Whatever it is or was going to be has been abruptly cut short. Maybe it wasn’t going to be anything at all, but it’s not fair that they couldn’t find that out for themselves.
Of course, she doesn’t pretend to understand the Cardassian.
Julian is-- was-- convinced he was a spy, but Jadzia isn’t so sure about that. She thinks that Julian would like Garak to be a spy. Whether or not that’s actually based in any reality remains to be seen. She thinks it would be a little bit funny if that is the case, but there’s nothing really to laugh about right now.
She’s supposed to meet Kira at Quark’s, but this has to be done. And she is the person to do it. So she’s got to do it and quit thinking about things that might be.
She doesn’t know all that much about Cardassian emotions, but she knows what she sees and Garak is extremely fond of Julian. He may have never done anything about it-- she imagines that Cardassian and human relationships are a bit complicated-- but he obviously felt something and even if he didn’t, she knows that Julian and Garak enjoyed their lunches together and it wouldn’t be right for Garak to learn the news through the grapevine-- that was a human expression she felt very applicable to Deep Space 9. News travels quickly.
The tailor’s shop is busy this time of the day and she waits politely with her hands behind her back until Garak comes over.
She has met several Cardassians in her life-- mostly Gul Dukat and his various officers-- but Garak is unlike any of them. She understands why Julian is so intrigued by him.
“Lieutenant,” Garak says politely, “What can I do for you?”
Could he really be a spy? If he is, his cover is perfect. She got a pair of pants tailored here last week and the work was flawless. Though she supposes there’s nothing that stops a spy from actually being good at their cover job. That would actually make them a better spy.
Maybe she just wants it to be true because then Julian would be laughing in the afterlife, whatever his afterlife looks like. She thinks it’s what he would want. It would make her smile, after this, if Julian was right.
She shakes the thought away. Regardless of whether or not Garak is a Cardassian spy, he’s Julian’s friend, and he has to know about this.
“I-” she frowns, suddenly at a loss for words. She was really quite fond of Julian. What happened wasn’t right. She-- or rather Dax--has seen so many people die but it doesn’t appear to ever get any easier, “I thought that you ought to hear it from me, before you overhear it at Quark’s.”
“You’ve intrigued me,” Garak smiles, but the smile slowly starts to melt off his face, perhaps at Jadzia’s serious look. She has to admit that she’s been crying. Most of them have. People die in Starfleet, that’s just a fact, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not painful, “Has something happened?”
“There’s been an accident,” she says. There are formal ways that you’re supposed to tell a family member that their loved one has been killed in the line of duty. They teach it to commanders and captains, she knows that, but she’s never learned the words, and even if she had, this sort of thing should come from the heart, not sterile, lifeless words written down by a nameless Starfleet officer.
“An accident?”
She notices, just a bit, that his jaw seems to twitch, that his hand tightens, “Yes. An accident. Chief O’Brien and Dr. Bashir. You’re aware of their assignment, I presume. Julian probably told you. There was a failsafe in the system. All persons in the lab were killed.”
Okay, perhaps the Starfleet words are a little bit better. She has to resist the urge to wince. That could have gone so much better. But saying Chief O’Brien and Julian were vaporized instantly because of some horrible security system mishap when they were just trying to help and I think you ought to know because Julian is your friend and because I see the way you look at him even though you don’t want to. I see the way you look at him and you know that he doesn’t even realize it or It’s always so hard to deal with death especially of someone young, or someone with a wife and a child, but it’s also hard when you lose someone you think you could have had something with and now you’ll never know. That’s the worst part because now your life is bookended by this enormous what if, and you will never, ever know what the answer is.
Actually this is probably exactly why Starfleet has words for this. That’s probably to avoid situations exactly like this.
Garak stares at her for a long time.
“I know,” she says. Usually she’d put a hand on a shoulder or an arm in some show of sympathy, but she doesn’t think Garak would like that very much. There’s still so much she doesn’t know about him. He’s a Cardassian before he’s anything else, she thinks, even if he doesn’t want it to be. There’s got to be a reason why he’s still here, “That you and Julian were friends so I thought it should come from me. I’m very sorry. I’m- he was a good person, you know, at heart. A brilliant man. I think he enjoyed your company very much.”
“Yes,” Garak says, but he’s not looking at her, or really seeing much at all, “Thank you.”
Jadzia frowns, “I- if you want-”
“There’s really nothing to say, is there? If you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.”
She’s always found Garak to be quite chatty. Maybe that’s why he and Julian got along so well. They both tried to out talk the other. She’s hard pressed to call any Cardassian bubbly, but Garak was usually always at least somewhat upbeat. Maybe it was an act, but it was a consistent one.
“If you wanted to talk,” she says, though Garak has already turned around, “You can talk to me.”
*****
Then it turns out that Julian is not dead.
It’s almost like the entire station feels a little bit lighter. Of course, she knows that’s probably only the feeling among the officers, among Keiko and Molly, among the people who knew the no-longer-recently-deceased but it’s a nice feeling anyway. She likes it when things have a happy ending, as there is so rarely one in real life.
Things return to normal-- or as normal as things get on DS9-- and Jadzia returns to Garak’s shop. This time she has a jacket that needs to be repaired and Garak isn’t nearly as busy.
“Lieutenant,” he smiles at her, “Don’t tell me my hems have already come undone?”
“No, I have a jacket that needs some work,” she holds it up, “There was an incident with a laser. I hope you can salvage it.”
“I’ve been known to work a few miracles,” he holds out one hand and she places the jacket down, “Though it appears I’m not the only miracle worker aboard the station. Chief O’Brien and our dear Dr. Bashir have returned from the dead.”
“Yes,” she chuckles, “And believe me, Julian is never going to let anyone forget it. Back from the dead-- if Kira hears ‘reports of my death were greatly exaggerated one more time’ I think she’ll make it permanent this time.”
“Has Chief O’Brien recovered?” Garak asks, because it’s the polite thing to do. She doubts very much that he cares much about O’Brien’s health. Garak doesn’t really seem to care about much at all except his work, Julian, and giving the vaguest possible answer to a direct question.
Maybe Julian really is on to something. She’ll never be able to live it down if he is.
“Fully,” she nods.
“I’m glad,” Garak runs a finger over the fabric of her jacket, “It’s always nice when things end well. Life is not always like this.”
“No,” she says, “But it can be. If you make it.”
Why is she encouraging this? Is that what she’s doing? If Garak really is a spy then she should not be encouraging him to get any closer with a Federation officer.
But if he’s not a spy, then why should she discourage it. It would be good for Julian to chase after someone who appears to return the feelings, rather than every single visitor to the station he finds attractive, the occasional Federation officer he sees on video, random bouts of aliens on planets they visit, and some celebrity tennis player from Earth who’s name she doesn’t remember.
She can’t believe she’s saying this, but she thinks that Garak might be good for him. That it might be good for the two of them.
It’s probably a lot more complex than that. If Garak’s not a spy, there’s still a lot going on in that head of his. Perhaps he knows that. Perhaps that’s why he keeps his mouth shut. Garak is not unattractive she supposes, though he’s far from her own type, but Julian’s type appears to be vast and varied.
“I should have this for you in two days,” he holds it up to examine the damage and a sleeve falls onto the counter, “Maybe three.”
“Take your time. I don’t need it. Thank you Garak.”
“Thank you,” he says, and it sounds like he’s thanking her for a lot more than the business.
She’ll never say a word. Not just because she’s really only guessing and it’s not her business anyway, but because Garak wields his scissors like a dagger and she isn’t sure she wants to see that up close and personal. She doesn’t want to know if there’s a reason for that and if she digs too deep into Garak’s personal affairs, she’s not entirely certain that she won’t wake up in the middle of the night with a knife to her throat.
She sighs and shakes her head, stepping out onto the Promenade. Relationships are so complex. That’s one thing that never changes across any lifetime.
“Hello Jadzia,” Julian waves.
“Julian,” she smiles. She knows that he still has feelings for her, but she’s pretty sure she’s properly dissuaded them. But-- bless him-- he keeps trying. She doesn’t really mind at all, it’s sort of enjoyable at this point. She thinks that he enjoys the chase, more than the actual acquisition, “Going to lunch?”
“What? Oh. Yes,” he replies, “I missed one the other day, on-”
“Account of being dead?”
He chuckles, “Yes. I’ll see you later. I don’t want to keep Garak waiting.”
“No, I don’t suppose you do. See you later Julian.”