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Someone was holding his hand.
He couldn’t feel his fingers properly, too cold still from the water, but he could sense warm skin against his palm and looked down. Liv was gripping onto him hard, nails digging in to the side of his thumb as she bit her lip through the tears. He didn’t feel it, couldn’t feel a thing.
“Hey,” he heard himself say, pulling her in a little closer. She went willingly, the only time she’d ever done anything she was supposed to. Things must be serious, he thought before his pulse stuttered again. They are.
The team of medics crowded round Aaron’s bedside, a flurry of motion as the heart monitor continued its relentless, shrill whine. It tore through him and he felt the muscles in his cheek twitch, his eyes suddenly damp from tears. He pushed it down, brought his shoulder up so he could rub the few droplets from his cheek, and then kept his eyes fixed on Aaron.
Don’t do this to me now. Not like this. Don’t leave me.
“Charging,” he heard one of them say and they all stood back, silence descending like mist before he shouted: “Clear!”
Liv flinched beside him and he instinctively brought an arm around her shoulders, drawing her into his chest. He was still soaked through but she didn’t pull away, instead tucking her nose into his side and finally letting out a choked cry. He didn’t have the heart to tell her that things were going to be okay. He wasn’t sure they would be. Not if Aaron…
“Right, I’ve got a pulse,” the doctor called out and Robert felt his legs give. He planted a hand against the cold wall and swayed a little, his vision blurring round the edges.
“Oh, thank God,” he heard Chas whisper and he knew it was real. He’s alive. God, he’s actually alive.
He let out a breath which trembled in his throat and squeezed Liv’s arm, glancing down to find her wiping at her cheeks. She looked so like Aaron, flushed and stubborn and with such an innocence about her, that he felt the need to bend down a little and force a smile.
“He’s back,” he said, still not quite believing it himself. “We got him back.”
Liv nodded vigorously, lip still wobbling, and he pulled her back towards him, the three of them looking in through the window of the hospital room as the medics continued to get Aaron stable. Robert never looked away from Aaron’s face, memorising every line and curve, every patch of light and shadow, committing everything to memory.
I’m not losing you again, he thought, his fingers pressed against the glass as though reaching through to touch him.
***
He had a blanket draped around his shoulders when Aaron eventually came round. One of the nurses had offered it to him after he refused to be seen by a doctor. Chas had scolded him, as had Vic, but neither one of them had pushed too hard.
“I’m not leaving him,” was all he said, his shaking hand pressed firmly against Aaron’s, two fingers hovering just above the pulse point at his wrist. Just to be sure, he told himself, calmer for the feel of Aaron’s steady heartbeat reverberating up through his skin.
When he opened his eyes, they found Robert’s first, crinkling at the sides as he smiled through the oxygen mask. Robert felt himself grinning and immediately entwined their fingers, desperately trying to give voice to the words stuck firmly in his throat. He ended up laughing instead, laughing through the tears, as Liv and Chas shuffled round to the other side, the young girl boosting herself up to sit beside her brother.
“There’s easier ways to get the day off work, you know,” she said, lashes damp as she smiled. Aaron took her hand, stroked her knuckles with his thumb, and she immediately softened, those blue eyes wide and slightly dazed before they filled again with tears.
“You can’t do that again,” she murmured, voice breaking at the edges as she pushed her face into Aaron’s shoulder. He raised his arm to wrap around her and Robert instantly stretched across to place a tentative hand between her shoulder blades. Her sobs quietened quickly, a temporary burst of relief and fear which hadn’t quite been quelled, and then she was back smiling, cheeks scarlet.
They stayed quiet for a while, Aaron drifting in and out, eyes falling shut only to open minutes later, taking in his surroundings again as though for the first time. He always searched for Robert first and it gave him a strange thrill which ached deep in his gut.
“I’m here,” he said each time, the words just a breath between his lips, but they calmed Aaron and that was all that mattered, really. Eventually, Chas removed herself from her post by Aaron’s head, fingers untangling from his still-damp hair, and told Robert she was going to take Liv home.
“No!” Liv had protested, instinctively coming to stand by her brother. Proper little bodyguard, he thought with a fondness which almost concerned him. He hadn’t known he was capable of this, to feel this deeply, to love this unconditionally. It was as though Aaron had tapped into a well of emotion not previously discovered, and now he was overflowing with it.
“Liv, he’s not going anywhere. You can come and see him tomorrow,” he said, trying his best to sound caring rather than authoritative. She never responded well when she thought she was being told what to do. Like brother like sister.
Her shoulders sagged though, perhaps through sheer exhaustion, and eventually she nodded, rushing over to give Aaron one last kiss on the forehead before she said goodbye. Chas gave him a parting smile and he knew something had shifted definitively between them, something good.
Robert got up and closed the door after them, legs like lead, his jeans still drenched and double their usual weight. He was frozen to the bone but he didn’t care, not when Aaron was looking at him like Robert was the only person he wanted to see.
“You all right? You need me to get you anything? A drink?” he asked, needing to fill the silence for fear of breaking down if he didn’t. He’d come so close to just crumbling outside, but he couldn’t do it now. Not when Aaron was awake.
Robert watched as he tugged the mask from across his face and made to warn against it, only to have Aaron reach for his hand again.
“What happened?”
Robert had been waiting for it. It was partly why he’d wanted to fill the vacuum, to avoid having to remember. But he knew there was no escaping it and so he exhaled sharply through his nose and dragged his chair forwards so he was as close to Aaron as he could be.
“You went under the water,” he began, the words rasping and barely audible. “I didn’t… I didn’t know what to do so I went under as well… gave you some air and tried the steering column again. It wouldn’t move… I just… I kept trying and trying and I knew if I didn’t get it to work then…” He broke off, remembering how his lungs had burned, his whole body desperate to breathe, as he’d yanked harder and harder trying to free Aaron. And then, without warning, it had given way.
“I got you out,” he continued, his voice thick with tears, “and then I just started swimming. I just kept swimming until we broke the surface.”
He let out a breath, almost as if he’d been drowning again, and chanced a look at Aaron. His blue eyes were just mirrors, blinking back tears as he pulled Robert towards him. His lips were so warm when Robert’s brushed against them; warm and soft and like sinking into sleep. He was reminded of the kiss they’d shared in the woods, what seemed like a lifetime ago, and of the one Robert had pressed against Aaron’s mouth underneath all that water…
He drew back, their gaze still locked on each other, and placed a hand against Aaron’s cheek.
“I thought I told you to go,” Aaron murmured, turning his face into Robert’s hand to kiss the palm. Robert could still hear the words ricocheting off his skull, Aaron's desperate, anguished pleas for him to get out before they both drowned. He pushed it away, focusing on the feel of Aaron's mouth against his skin and the warmth which shivered up his arm. He couldn't help but smile, the ghost of a memory surfacing in his mind.
“And since when did I ever listen to a word you say?” he replied, smiling as he bent again to kiss Aaron’s forehead, then his nose, and finally his lips.
This is it, he thought as he dropped back into his chair, their fingers still tightly knotted together as they just stared, unblinking. This is the first day of the rest of our lives.
He saw the same thought reflected in Aaron’s eyes and something unspoken passed between them, a flutter within Robert’s chest which he could only describe as hope. And it felt good. For the first time in such a long time, Robert thought about his future and it felt good.