Work Text:
Yamaguchi was never that kind of guy, who spoke easily about his feelings, especially when it came to Tsukishima. He loved him at first sight, even if as a child he couldn't define this feeling. But now he knew it full well. He knew that for him there's no one else in the world except for Tsukushima. That Tsukishima, who saved him from those boys when they first met, and who was his best friend since then, and who went to the same high school with him, and who encouraged him without a word only with a glance when he didn't believe in himself... and the one who is in love with Kuroo, the ex-captain of Nekoma High Volleyball Club. Yamaguchi loved so much that Tsukishima, who wouldn't ever return his feelings.
He just stared at him every day at practice without him noticing it. He was always there to help him without waiting for something in exchange. Tsukishima was the one who kept him alive and confident when he didn't feel so. He was content with this much. He was content with the minutes they spent together and the few words they exchanged daily. He felt content with only listening Tsukishima's voice whatever he said. He thought he could live on with this much even if he never returned his feelings. He thought so. At least unless he first saw Tsukishima and Kuroo kissing each other. Then he felt something break inside of him. He never even had imagined Tsukishima being with another guy before. But that sole moment hurt him so much. So much he couldn't describe it. Still he couldn't do anything and didn't want to do anything. He saw how much Kuroo made Tsukishima happy and even with his heartache he was glad to see his loved one happy. The blond boy smiled more than ever and Yamaguchi didn't want him to stop smiling, cause he was so sexy with that smile of his. Neither wanted he lose his best friend with confessing him. So he kept quiet about his feelings further and further and further.
But he never even thought it would end up like this.
They were in their second year of high school when Tsukishima and Kuroo began officially going out, but until Yamaguchi and Tsukishima got in the college it didn't matter for Yamaguchi, because their relationship was long-distanced. But they went to the same college as Kuroo so then Yamaguchi often saw them together, especially on practice when they exchanged small glares and so.
But he never even thought it would end up like this.
Yamaguchi never believed the legends nor the myths. Hanahaki Disease was one of these legends for him. He heard about it, he heard how people died from it, he heard how incurable it was, he heard how it would kill you if your loved one wouldn't have the same feelings for you as you have for him. But he never thought about it as an existing and life threatening problem.
Not until one morning.
That one morning when he woke up and saw light blue petals all around his pillow. He couldn't even imagine where they could come from, cause it was in the middle of winter. But he didn't pay much attention to it. It became scary when the same thing repeated itself every morning for a week and when a morning he actually began coughing. He began coughing and coughed up little light blue petals that were the same as the other ones on his pillow. He really was frightened and from somewhere deep in his mind the concept Hanahaki disease came forth.
But he never even thought it would end up like this.
As soon as he realized the resemblance between his symptoms and those he heard about, he finally began to believe this ''legendary'' disease. And he was full of fear, still he didn't speak about it to anyone. He wanted to keep it a secret. Firstly because he didn't want the others know about his feelings for Tsukishima. And secondly he didn't want Tsukishima to know about this illness of his, and if he told anything about his condition to anyone, sooner or later it would reach Tsukishima. So he kept quiet.
Days passed. Weeks passed. Months passed. And Yamaguchi's condition got even worse and worse with every passing day. The petals didn't only came in the morning but all the day. Sometimes he barely even could breath and his performance was clearly worsening with every practice. He had to keep breaks more and more frequently and on his worse days he even skipped practice. Still somehow he managed to keep his secret from the others.
At least he thought so.
It was a morning practice when it happened. Mornings were always the worst for Yamaguchi, but so far it was the worst among those mornings. That morning Tsukishima arrived with Kuroo... as always. Before he had always come with Yamaguchi, but now they didn't even meet often outside practice. Tsukishima spent all his time with his boyfriend... So that morning he arrived with his boyfriend... again, hand in hand. That morning Yamaguchi basically felt like shit, and that sight didn't help. He immediately begin coughing, which of course caught everyone's attention. Fortunately he could cover all of the petals with his hand until he got out the gym and went to the toilette. But the coughing didn't want to end. More and more petals came and his muscles were already sore.
''Yamaguchi!'' he heard his name, and he wanted to hide, but he couldn't move. ‘Yama...'' the door opened and he faced a frightened Sugawara.
''Suga...wara-san....'' Yamaguchi said, but the coughing didn't stop, so he couldn't say more.
The former setter of Karasuno ran to him and tried to help.
''So I wasn't imagining things....'' Sugawara whispered, Yamaguchi didn't even heard his voice... or if he had he didn't understand it. ''Why didn't you tell us anything so far? How long ago did it begin?'' he asked.
''Just a few days... maybe two weeks ago...'' Yamaguchi lied and his senpai frowned.
''Don't lie! If it began two weeks ago, it wouldn't be this bad! And I did notice that nowadays you can't really keep up with the practices. But I got proof just now.'' he said and the dumbfoundness was clearly visible on his face.
''Suga-san... you...'' Yamaguchi began, but seeing that Sugawara is waiting for an answer his eyes fell. ''Two or three months...''
''Two or three months?!'' The grey haired setter freaked out. Two or three months could be enough to kill him. ''And you didn't even say a word?! How should we help you, if you don't even tell us?''
''You can't help.... nobody can.'' Yamaguchi replied.
''We can... if you said so, we could find a doctor... they say that if it's in an early state they can remove the flower and...'' Sugawara stopped when he saw Yamaguchi’s expression. He clearly didn't wanted anyone to remove that flower. That idiot. ''Who...?'' he asked, but stopped in the middle of the question. It was a really stupid question, since he knew the answer. “It’s Tsukishima, isn't it?'' Sugawara stated with a troubled sigh and Yamaguchi nodded.
''Is it that obvious?''
''I think everyone knows.... except for that idiot and his boyfriend. Or maybe even Kuroo.'' the setter said and Yamaguchi blushed. It was so embarrassing. ''But that isn't important now. What is important is that you need help.''
''No.'' Yamaguchi shook his head.
''You have to tell him!'' the older one tried to convince him without success.
''No. I don't have to. And I won't.''
''But...!''
''No. Sugawara-san, I won't tell him. I don't want him to pity me and I don't want him to shoulder this. He has Kuroo-san, and I don't want to disturb them. I already know that all I can get is to see the glances and those smiles he shows to Kuroo-san.'' Yamaguchi stated sadly and then another attack came, he coughed up more light blue petals.
''But if you let it be like this, you'll..... you'll die.''
''Yeah....'' Yamaguchi nodded and suddenly, hearing this from somebody else, the word 'die' felt so frightening... but he didn't change his mind. ''But still I won't tell him and please, Sugawara-san, don't tell him either, nor the others. Let it be my problem.'' he asked with a doubtful and sad smile, then not even waiting for the answer he left the toilette.
Another weeks passed and Yamaguchi’s condition didn't get any better. Sometimes he even collapsed from the lack of oxygen, but fortunately it was always at home, where he lived alone. On practices he always felt Sugawara's gaze, who tried to convince him more times even after he told him he wouldn't change his mind, but it seemed the setter was too stubborn... just like Yamaguchi.
At his home there were all around light blue petals. There wasn't any free space on the floor, and Yamaguchi felt sick just from the sight of them... still he couldn't throw them away. For him it would have been the same as throwing away his feelings for Tsukishima... and he didn't want to get rid of them. They were the only ones that kept him alive. And the thought that the next day he could see his Tsukki's smile even if it wasn't for him.
But one day... on the day of Tsukishima's birthday, the birthday boy didn't show up on practice, nor did his boyfriend. They were skipping together most likely to celebrate. And it was the last drop for Yamaguchi. In the midst of practicing his serve, he got an attack and after coughing up a lot of petals before the other's eyes, he lost his consciousness.
The only one who wasn't that surprised was Sugawara, he was the first one to run to him and immediately could tell that Yamaguchi's breathing was weak. The practice ended and after calling the ambulance everyone ended up at the hospital.
While Yamaguchi was examined, Sugawara told the others everything he knew and got the scolding for not speaking about it before. He couldn't say anything, just that he had promised to Yamaguchi to not to tell anyone anything. And then they were waiting and waiting in silence.
''Wouldn't it be better to call that damned Tsukishima?'' Bokuto asked with an annoyed expression.
''Bokuto-san you idiot!'' Akaashi hit him, and the other just stared at him with his eyes asking 'Why?’.
''No, I think Bokuto-san's right.'' Sugawara sighed. ''The only one who maybe can convince Yamaguchi to live on is him.''
So they ended up calling Tsukishima who arrived a half an hour later with Kuroo. They didn't even know what happened, just that Yamaguchi got in the hospital, until Sugawara explained them everything. It seemed that the fact that Yamaguchi loved Tsukishima was news for both of them, so maybe even Kuroo isn't that sharp when it comes to love. And even if they couldn't see on his face Tsukishima was clearly blaming himself for what happened.
''You are the only one, who has a bit chance of convincing him, so for the sake of Yamaguchi, do it!'' Sugawara said and Tsukishima nodded.
It was two hours later when a nurse came to talk to them.
''Now, you can go speak to him, but don't disturb him too much, he is really weak.” she said and the boys nodded. ''And if you can persuade him of having the surgery, do it. When the doctor told him about it, he harshly refused, but if he don't get the surgery soon.... he won't live another week.'' she said then went away.
Tsukishima was the only one who went in and all of them agreed with it.
When Yamaguchi opened his eyes he saw those blond curls and black glasses he knew so well. He had to smile.
''Tsukki....''he said weakly, but he could only whisper because of the lack of oxygen.
''You're a fuckin' idiot!'' the other replied angrily and Yamaguchi had to laugh. Yeah he was an idiot. He was a fucking idiot, but he didn't care about it. He looked around and saw, that only Tsukishima was in the room with him. His Tsukki now was just his and that was enough for him. ''You have to have that surgery.'' Tsukishima said and Yamaguchi closed his eyes and shook his head.
''No... I won't have it. If I have it I'll lose my feelings for you. I don't wanna lose them. They are my treasure, they are my everything.'' Yamaguchi said and Tsukishima clenched his fists.
''But you will die!'' he freaked out and Yamaguchi could swear he saw a tear running down the other's cheek.
''Yeah.... I'll die. I'll die but I'll take my feelings with me.'' Yamaguchi smiled and that was that really moment when Tsukishima saw he couldn't convince him.
The nurse was right. He didn't even have a week left, the fifth day from then on his lungs couldn't bear anymore and he passed away with a smile on his face.
Goodbye, Tsukki.
And the very next day when Tsukishima woke up he found the same light blue petals on his pillow...