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Kenjirou was a hot tempered child. He learned it when he just entered elementary school, with the close to nonexistent homework they were given at that tender age, he still tried to study hard and make effort in school. His parents taught him getting good grades is important, probably the most important thing there is until he graduates to move to a good university. As he sat down to really give his best to the homework in front of him, he encountered small disturbances that almost drove him insane.
That’s how he learned to filter things. He watched students from higher classes as they tried studying along the halls, learning their technics on how to maintain focus. Some listened to music, some sank into a trance. He learned how to get less angry and more efficient.
He also learned to watch the people around him, discreetly and unnoticed.
When he entered the volleyball team he looked up to so much, he had a lot to change in his playing style to fit in. He made sure to watch the ace of the team, a clear power source named Ushijima Wakatoshi, all the way from junior high. He watched his style and he came into the team knowing what he needed to change, and he was willing to simplify his own style to accommodate the ace’s crashing strength.
He simplified himself and watched everyone else, learning what kind of setter he needs to be to any of them. He learned the best he could, and as an honor student, he knew how act perfectly in no time. Years passed and muscle memory overtook the thinking process as he knew exactly what to do when each of his attackers’ voices called out to him. The throws each of them asked for were different in strength and angle and Kenjirou learned them all.
He also learned that Wakatoshi had a major weak spot for Reon. He was a hard hearted person and feelings didn’t come easy to him at all, but as a person who watches to Kenjirou it was clear as day. He always complimented his wing spiker, gave him some of Kenjirou’s throws instead of claiming it for himself, he even made sure they are Reon’s favorite food – mackerel cooked in miso – at least one sitting a weak.
He groomed Reon without the wing spiker’s acknowledgement, pleased from simply shielding him with his wings and demanding nothing in return.
The rest of the team noticed too, with time, as Wakatoshi became more comfortable with it. Tendo made fun of them occasionally, always smiling warmly after Reon gave back calm responses about how important it is to help your teammates out even if they don’t ask. He noticed how Wakatoshi treated him differently, but looked at it in the most naive eyes Kenjirou has ever seen, like an older classman that wanted his younger teammate to do well and nothing else.
Kenjirou thought Reon would be the worst of it, but he was proven wrong in the worst way. On Wakatoshi’s last year on the team, the newest blood joined. He was taller than Kenjirou already and it was only his first year, yet still shorter than Wakatoshi. His hair was in a traditional bowl cut, like he didn’t get to choose his own haircut yet. Their manager introduced him by name, Goshiki Tsutomu, and Kenjirou felt like he’s in trouble when he looked at that innocent face, his presence burning with desire to please, but quickly Kenjirou learned the real source of his anxiety.
Goshiki Tsutomu only had eyes for Wakatoshi.
It was more than looking up to him; Kenjirou looked up to Wakatoshi and didn’t spend every awake second looking at him like a love struck puppy. It was like Tsutomu craved good words, but only from Wakatoshi. Tsutomu tried appealing as a person, but only to Wakatoshi. The youngest of their team was willing to work himself to the bone, but only if it means Wakatoshi will even simply glance at him.
And Wakatoshi stayed focused on Reon.
Kenjirou watched it for a while, seeing how one-sided the triangle was. Tsutomu did everything to be in Wakatoshi’s sight, while Wakatoshi did everything to make Reon feel like he’s the most amazing thing his eyes ever laid on. They were chasing each other, always out of reach because their hearts weren’t pointed the same direction.
Kenjirou knew Wakatoshi was happily chasing Reon with no avail, he got used to it with time and he didn’t have that many feelings to begin with, most of what he felt bottled up deep inside him and sometimes Kenjirou thought it was too deep for his own mind to reach. Reon was oblivious as always, just working to being a valuable member of this team because of his work, aside of Wakatoshi’s kind words that constantly showered down on him.
The problem started, and probably ended with Tsutomu.
He had too many feelings. They spilled all over the place mixed with his passion and need to be noticed. He wasn’t quiet about his feelings, only perking up when there’s a chance he’ll hear Wakatoshi’s kind words directed at him. He worked so hard for even one word to hold on to, and every time he failed, Kenjirou’s heart hurt for him. He watched the stars in his eyes fall down as he tilted his head down to the ground; suddenly feeling like the younger was smaller than him, vulnerable. He wanted to protect him, show him that love doesn’t have to be this painful, this devastating.
All he needed to do was let Ushijima Wakatoshi go.
Kenjirou felt the danger breathing down his neck as he decided to take this job on himself. He gave Tsutomu the attention he craved, only in a healthy way that the younger clearly never thought about. In the beginning it went over his bowl cut head, and Kenjirou watched him bite his lips until they almost bled at failing to catch Wakatoshi’s eye again. Slowly, the boy noticed. Kenjirou remembered the first time Tsutomu looked at him, mouth slightly ajar as he realized he was being praised, that soft look on Kenjirou’s face was directed solely at him.
He gave his younger teammate a spot light on his own. Kenjirou’s projection wasn’t as harsh and bright as Wakatoshi’s could have been, but he made sure to make it stronger every time Tsutomu succeeded, even in meaningless things outside of the court.
Slowly he found himself getting irritated with Wakatoshi. He never got mad at his own teammates as he knew that his temper could be a little out of control sometimes, and he didn’t want to give anyone difficulty. He made sure to be the caring figure around them, and he couldn’t be that for Wakatoshi anymore. He was still a setter and he treated Wakatoshi with the respect an ace gets, but it was hard for him to give him that same respect as a person.
Tsutomu was growing fast, and Wakatoshi missed the entire thing.
He got irritated at lost feelings and triangles with sharp edges that got close enough to his heart to get it scratched mercilessly, and Kenjirou didn’t like the idea of running after a boy who’s running far ahead, knowing they’ll never meet because he’s been watching a similar situation since his first year.
He didn’t want the triangle to hurt him anymore.
Wakatoshi entered their fight against Karasuno like it’s personal, personal enough for him to even give less attention to Reon, especially after an orange haired boy from the other team pointed Reon out from the rest of them. Wakatoshi came to annihilate, and Tsutomu still tried hard, fighting with his teeth to get noticed.
Kenjirou felt a jab to his heart from Tsutomu’s end of the triangle as the younger performed perfectly, starts shining bright in his eyes as he turned to Wakatoshi completely ready for the good words he deserves – only to find him flattering Reon on his defense.
Maybe it was the bleeding pain front his heart instead of sweat on his forehead, that thought making Kenjirou pull a blank face as he watched Tsumotu’s stiffened figure, hands still balled into fists as he could see starts falling from the younger’s eyes into the court floor. “Don’t you get tired of competing for attention?” He heard the words coming out of his mouth and passing right above Tsumotu’s head.
Just like Wakatoshi couldn’t see the damage he was causing to Tsumotu’s heart, the youngest couldn’t see the damage Kenjirou’s heart took for him.
That was the exact moment Kenjirou learned a truth he’ll be fighting in the year to come.
A square’s corners are much sharper, ten degrees more harmful to the human heart than a triangle’s.