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“When you had finished with the battles, you went on a long road trip on your bike, right?” the therapist was continuing on from where they had stopped last. Steve nodded; he liked Ken Bortich. Sam had suggested him and had sworn that he could be trusted; Steve was still a fugitive after all. They had left Wakanda soon after Buck went back into the ice. There was nothing for them in that country and much for most of the others elsewhere. Steve had come to Seattle with Sam who had family in the area. With brown hair and a beard, as well as glasses, he was hardly recognizable, and Natasha had arranged a nice identity for him. But he had been drowning in the silence and regrets until Sam had insisted on therapy and now here he was.
“When you came back from that trip, what did you do?”
“I went to work for SHIELD.”
“Why?”
“Well, they needed me and I didn’t know what else to do.” Steve had been far more honest with Dr. Bortich than anyone (except Bucky, his mind whispered).
“What else did you consider?” Seeing Steve’s frown, the therapist elaborated, “What other career choices or life choices did you think of?”
“Well, I’m not qualified for much in these times.”
“Did you consider further education?” This time, Steve just shook his head. “You had considerable back pay from the Army and you could certainly qualify for benefits. You were, to use an old quote, free, white, male and over twenty-one. Why do you think you went to work for SHIELD?”
Steve shrugged, “It was the only thing to do. They needed my skills and I wanted to help people.”
“Do you think it odd that you didn’t see any other alternatives?”
“Well, you do obviously.” Steve stopped himself and started to apologize for snapping but the therapist shook his head and continued with his thought.
“I think that it fits with other patterns that I have observed about you since you started therapy with me. I have noticed that you are quite rigid in your outlook.”
Steve laughed, “Mom and Bucky always said that I was the most stubborn person they had ever met.”
“Stubbornness is an aspect of rigidity, but there is more to it than that. I think it is a thought pattern that has worked against your happiness. That you saw no alternatives in life other than joining SHIELD is an example.” Steve threw him a perplexed look so Dr. Bortich continued, “You could have thought about going back to school, maybe pursuing art, joining the merchant marine or even backpacking around Europe. You had an income and no responsibilities and yet you wound up at SHIELD. And as our conversation just now showed, you didn’t reject these other possibilities, you didn’t even see them. And I think you would agree, the decision to go to SHIELD was not one that maximized either your happiness or your ability to engage in the life you had.” Well, Steve couldn’t disagree; they had already established how trapped and unhappy he had felt at SHIELD, other than working with Nat and meeting Sam.
“OK – for the next week, I want you to look for an opportunity each day to try something that you have never considered. It doesn’t have to be anything big – changing the way you brush your hair would work for example. But let’s try to increase your view of the possibilities available, shall we?”
So for the next 6 months, Steve tried one new thing a day, and sometimes it worked (salted caramel is yum) and sometimes it didn’t (dill pickle potato chips are yuck) and he continued to talk with Dr. Bortich about everything.
About 6 Months Later
“So, I have been trying new things and, it is getting easier to identify things to try.” Steve admits at the beginning of the session. He kept track of each new thing in a diary that Dr. Bortich never asked to see (as a result, he found himself doing a lot of interpretive sketches and not so much words). “But I’m not sure how this is helping me or even what getting better would look like?”
“It isn’t a matter of ‘getting better.’ It is changing behavior that prevents you from making decisions that maximize your happiness and health. What you have been practicing is opening your mind and training it to notice new things and consider them; it’s a way to start becoming more flexible in your outlook.” In response to Steve’s questioning look, the doctor continued, “For example, one of the problems that rigidity of outlook can cause is a lack of empathy.” He held up his hand to stop an interruption, “I am not saying that you don’t have compassion or sympathy for other people. But your mindset prevents you from seeing and making the effort to understand people who have substantially different life situations. For example, you have talked about Tony Stark and the Accords and that you can’t understand why he accepted them. You concluded that he was feeling so guilty that he decided to do them as punishment because you could see no other reason for him to accept them, right?”
“Well, he was always against authority. He told Congress that he wouldn’t give anyone the suit and he never showed any respect for Fury. Even Pepper – he never seemed to respect what she was telling him and she was his girlfriend and CEO. He just acted like he knew more than she did about the company.”
“Well, that is an interesting example of rigidity of view.”
“Huh?”
“You just said, ‘He just acted like he knew more than she did about the company.’ What do you think Tony Stark did?”
“He was Ironman and part of the Avengers. He also invented stuff for Stark Industries and, I guess, he is still the majority owner?” The last fact was more hesitant.
“See, Steve, most people would start with Tony Stark being the CTO, and former CEO, of Stark Industries. Ms. Potts only became CEO about six years ago. Tony Stark was CEO of the company for 20 years or so and masterminded its transition from weapons to tech. So, keeping that fact in mind, do you think it is possible that he actually did know more than Ms. Potts about running the company?”
There was a long silence. The doctor continued when Steve didn’t reply, “I say this is an example of rigidity because even through you knew intellectually that Tony Stark had been the CEO, you didn’t consider that fact when looking at his behavior. For example, when you talk about why Tony Stark sided with the Accords, I have never heard you mention the effect not standing with the Accords might have on Stark International.”
“You mean Tony was worried about money?” Steve was horrified by the thought. Guilt he could understand, but greed?
“No, I mean that Tony Stark might have been worried about all the people who depend on Stark Industry for their livelihoods. It is one of the largest multi-national firms in the world and probably employs over 300,000 people directly and probably three times that indirectly. Again, try and think about having that many people affected by your decision, would it be as easy to say no to those countries? And keep in mind that many of those people are people like your mother and the Barnes family who depend on the job to put food on the table and a roof over their heads.”
Steve mulled this over in his mind. He had never really thought of the scope of Tony’s company. He knew that it took a lot of the man’s time and effort and that Tony had often traveled around the world for the company, but he had never thought about the number of employees that depended on Stark Industries, and indirectly on Tony Stark, and how Tony’s actions might affect them. He certainly knew how devastating it was when you lost the job that you depended on and the ripple effects of big businesses shutting down (Brooklyn during the Depression had been full of people like that). He had also never thought of Tony as being able to run a huge business, let alone make it successful, and, yet, why wouldn’t he have thought that? He knew as a fact that Tony had done precisely that, but, somehow, he had never considered that the company might be an explanation for Tony’s behavior. “I never thought of any of that, although I knew all the facts.” He confessed, “Is that what you mean by rigidity – that I never applied my knowledge to Tony’s behavior?”
“Partially. I would say that you never considered those facts because they are not things that you yourself experienced and, therefore, were not part of your view of the world. You have never been in a position of responsibility for so many other people; you have no experience of it, so you didn’t consider it as a factor in anyone else’s decision. That is what I meant by a lack of empathy. You have trouble seeing how factors that you have no personal knowledge of affect people. That makes it difficult for you to understand their reactions if they differ from yours.”
“So, by doing one different thing a day, I’ll become more empathetic?” That seemed like a stretch.
“No, but rigidity and flexibility are habits of the mind. By practicing flexibility even in a small way each day, you can become more skilled at it. Just like any practice makes doing something easier. Our sessions, on the other hand, will help you apply that practice to your behavior.”
“It’s gonna take a while.” Dr. Bortich laughed at that.