Chapter Text
It was the summer after Marzipan had graduated high school. Nico, two years younger, had just finished sophomore year. But, she had a fresh driver's license in her pocket, and 1996 Subaru Legacy Outback she'd inherited from a relative. The two friends were free to do as they pleased, at least in the few months before Marzipan started college and Nico went back to high school. Nico was mature for her age, and Marzipan was comparably immature for theirs, so the two made a good pair.
There were bits of Marzipan that Nico couldn't quite figure out. Marzipan would make remarks about being gay and having gay feelings, but at the same time they were openly aromantic and asexual. That was all well and good, Nico could respect that.
But there were times when Nico wasn't sure if Marzipan was trying to flirt with her, or if she was just so naive and inexperienced that she didn't understand the implications of her actions. Maybe Marz was just being an affectionate friend, there was nothing wrong with that. But how could Nico be sure that was the case, that Marzipan really didn't want more?
Nico had a crush. She'd admit that in a heartbeat. And her crush happened to be on her best friend Marzipan, who had been very clear on their stance about dating: It wasn't for them. Nico did everything she could to respect her friend's feelings. But she also knew that people could change, that maybe Marzipan didn't want to date because no one had ever asked or because they'd had a bad experience. And yet, Nico didn't want to ask them out, because she didn't want to invalidate their feelings. On the other hand, Nico wasn't sure if Marzipan was trying to send signals that they WANTED to be asked out. It was all very muddled, and it left Nico confused as to what she should do.
Their summer ritual was simple - sleep in on the summer days, and once they were both awake, Nico would come get Marzipan. Then they'd figure out what to do with the rest of the day. This usually consisted of heading to Cortez Park and chilling out on the grass or under the picnic shelters. Then, in the heat of the day, they'd hit up the local Sonic Drive-In on 28th Drive for cheap happy hour Slushes. From there they might hit up the mall, or head back to the park, or just go for a drive. What Arizona lacked in green foliage, it made up for in awesome rock structures and not often explored hiking trails. Nico and Marzipan spent many warm summer nights lying on the hood of Nico's car in the middle of the desert, far outside the city, staring up at the stars. After which they'd head to the Denny's on 7th (the gay one) for their traditional 2am trip.
The two friends spent a lot of time at Cortez Park, hanging out on the grass that somehow managed to stay green despite the 100+ degree summer days. The shade of the trees didn't offer much protection, but it was still better than being directly in the sun. From their usual spot, they could watch over the small lake to see if any ducks or other birds came by. It was peaceful, for the most part. Being a park, there were often children around, but they preferred the playground - which was part of the reason Nico and Marzipan had chosen a spot that was not near it.
On this summer day, Nico had been quieter than usual. Marzipan was never good at giving advice or asking others about problems, so they hoped that Nico would eventually come out and say what was bothering her. The small talk in the car had been brief, and Marzipan hoped the rest of the day wouldn't be as awkward as the car ride over here had felt.
The heat of the day tended to make the both of them drowsy, even though they'd both had time to adequately sleep in the comfort of their own beds. For a while, they both laid in the grass, eyes closed and silent. Finally, Marzipan opened their eyes, long enough grasp Nico's had in their own before resuming the meditative state.
"Hey Marz." Nico said, almost immediately after feeling the familiar touch. "We're friends, right?"
Marzipan turned her head to look at Nico, who still had her eyes closed and hadn't moved. She was gorgeous, picturesque in the dapples of sunlight that made their way through the leaves. "Yeah dude. Why wouldn't we be?"
Nico ignored the question. "And that's all we are?" she pressed.
"I'm not sure, um, what you're getting at?" They ran their hand through their hair, a common quirk with Marz.
Nico opened her own eyes and turned to look at Marzi. "I know that we've talked about how you feel towards other people, like, romanticly. I know that you said that you don't, really. And I don't want anything I say to invalidate your feelings. You mean the world to me, Marz. I'd never want to hurt you."
She took a deep breath and paused before revealing her questions. "So I'm asking, as a friend… Do you like me as more than a friend? Do you think you ever could?"
Marzipan pulled their hand away, sitting up and pulling their knees to their chest. They stared down at the grass, watching the blades move lazily every time there was a hint of wind. "I don't know. Some days I feel like I want to hug you and never let go, or kiss you and never stop. Other times, those things sound constricting and maybe even disgusting. I don't know why I can't just make up my mind. I'm sorry that I'm like this. I'm sorry that I'm broken-" Marzipan shoved the palms of their hands into their eyes, trying to stop the inevitable tears that had forced their way to the surface.
"Marz, hey." Nico sat up and scooted over to place a tentative hand on their back. "It's not a big deal. Maybe I made it seem like it is, I'm sorry. I'm not asking you to make a decision about anything. I've just been… confused. Seems maybe you are too."
They nodded and sniffled. "I don't know if I want to be more than friends. I always thought I didn't want to date anyone, but some days I feel like that's stupid, like how could I NOT want to do all that lovey-dovey stuff all the time? But then it just goes away and I don't know if the feeling ever meant anything, or if it's just a residual feeling from the pressure of living in a heteronormative heavy environment."
Nico moved the hand from Marzipans back to hold their hand instead. "It's okay, Marzipan. I just didn't want you trying to get more from me, and me being too stupid to see it. Whatever we have, we don't need to use labels. We can take things one day at a time."
Marzipan finished wiping their eyes. "Thanks, Nico. I'm sorry that I can't just figure this shit out."
"There's nothing to be sorry for. People are always changing. There's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with you." She gave a reassuring squeeze to Marzipan's hand, and they finally smiled.
Though Nico felt relieved to have some kind of answer, Marzipan still had a knot in their stomach, that continued to eat away at them. No amount of assurance from Nico could fully settle the turmoil within them.