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Merlin was trying to immerse himself into cleaning Arthur’s shoes. He had laid them out in front of him hoping that the sight of dirty, muddy shoes might be just the thing to stop his brain from spiralling into a darker place. This menial task was easier than dealing with what was happening, and what had happened. He wanted to focus on the happier, better memories of Freya, but the harsh truth was that they had barely spent any time together.
Freya was something different. The moment they met, Merlin knew it. He had this feeling in his gut, there was no other way to express it in words. She made him feel like he wasn't alone in this world. In this kingdom, there were only a handful of people who made him feel the same, and he hoped there will be more people he could trust, like Arthur and Gaius. But Arthur didn't know the whole truth about Merlin and his powers. In his heart, he knew he cared for Merlin and for now, that was more than enough. When he heard door hinges groan he resumed his hasty polishing of the shoes.
“Ah Merlin, there you are. I have been looking for you.” Arthur said hanging his coat on the wood panel near his bed.
“Yeah, right, er, you're going to ask me to polish your armour and to, er, wash your clothes and clean your room. I know. I am doing it.” Merlin muttered, his voice low and dull.
Arthur said nothing for a few seconds. Merlin almost thought he left but then he heard somebody sitting next to him on the floor.
"What are you up to?" Merlin could barely get this sentence out before Arthur said “I know something has been bothering you.”
Merlin, for the life of him, could not breathe. Did Arthur find something out? He is the prince of Camelot, it won't be that hard for him to know what happened in his kingdom. He wanted to confess, tell him everything he knew, maybe even find comfort with Arthur. Tell him about himself, the whole truth about his magic, about Freya, about everything. He could trust Arthur, he knew that well, but Arthur was the prince and this will only put him in a difficult position with his father. The last thing he wanted to do was to create problems for him, so instead, merlin kept quiet about the whole ordeal.
“Maybe.” He answered hoping Arthur wouldn’t intrude any further.
“Was it when I threw a bucket of water over your head?” Merlin, for the first time since he sat down, locked eyes with Arthur. He looked different, his eyes, seemed different. There was something in this tone that implied, maybe, guilt. That made Merlin break a small smile, he didn't mean to. Something about Arthur always made him smile.
“It wasn’t very nice you know. Not very Prince-ly of you” Merlin stated in the playful tone they always shared.
“I suppose it was a bit unfair,” He said, “Like when you called me fat.”
“Why was that unfair?” Merlin tried his very best to keep a straight face.
“Because I’m not fa-” Arthur, realising that merlin was teasing, groned with annoyance.
Watching merlin smirk at him was better than him sulking and so he carried on his charade. Before Merlin knew it, Arthur had put him in a headlock and was rubbing his knuckles on his head. That _did_ hurt.
“Ow! Arthur let go!” He shouted trying to get out of his hold “Hey! This is not how future kings behave with their staff.”
“Oh, I see! And it's ok to call your future king fat huh?” Arthur said pressing harder, trying to suppress the laughter that escaped his lips.
“No! No! No no no” Merlin laughed along, still trying to best to escape. He couldn't help it, Arthur had an infectious laugh. It suited him.
“That’s better. It doesn't feel good when you're sulking around like that.” Arthur let him go. Merlin straightened his jacket and his scarf which were positively ruffled. He combed his hair with his fingers. Slowly, as if trying not to break this moment, he glanced at Arthur.
“Thank you, Arthur.” He murmured unsure of what to say. If anybody asks he would deny it as much as he could, but he did have a soft spot for the prince in his heart. Sometimes he couldn't help but think that Arthur had the same feeling for him as well.
“You know," Arthur puffed out his chest pridefully, "I could just break the legs of whoever broke your heart.”
“That’s ok." He shook his head, "but I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.” Merlin couldn't stop his heart from fluttering, his palms were sweaty. So he picked up the shoes and resumed his work. It was quiet for a while but Arthur did not move, their knees ever so slightly touching each other.
“Are you sure you are ok?” Arthur asked, “And don't you dare lie to your prince!.”
Merlin sighed “No. No, I am not okay.” He took in a deep breath letting the shoes in his hand slide to the floor, “But I will be fine, it may take a while.” He had not imagined telling Arthur about his state today. Sometimes he forgot how truly kind Arthur is under all his bravado.
Arthur slid closer to him. Merlin drew a sharp breath, unsure of what to do anymore with Arthur so close to him. “So this person you're sulking about," Merlin did not miss the gender-neutral term, "were they close to you? You knew them for long?”
“Not really.” Merlin answered “It wasn't romantic or anything. She was something though, she was special. But this feels like it was meant to happen" Merlin found himself talking more to himself than Arthur, "But she is gone now, so there is no point in pondering what she was meant to be to us” Merlin had thought about a thousand scenarios where he could have saved Freya. But he knew he couldn’t and what had come to pass had come to pass. There was no point in dwelling on it. He had decided that he won’t.
“Good, that’s good to hear.” Merlin gave him a questioning look “I mean it's good that you seem to have accepted things for what they are." He clarified.
Out of nowhere, Merlin felt a weight on his shoulder. He had assumed it was Arthur's hand in his patented way to comfort his friends, but when he risked a glance down he was surprised to find dark locks of hair. Arthur was resting his head on his shoulder.
Merlin went blank for a few seconds. This was new. He was not expecting Arthur to do this, actually, he never expected anything like this from him. Merlin had never let his imagination get out of hand. But he liked it. He couldn't help but smile at the absurdity of life. Life is never what you think it's going to be. Moments ago he was sulking and now... Maybe he was dreaming again.
“Arthur-” Merlin was glad to be interrupted, he himself didn't know where he was going with his words. Arthur's hand snaking into his was all he needed to completely shut up. As his fingers linked up with Arthur's, he was positive he was dreaming.
“Is this alright?” Arthur whispered. Merlin nodded. A moment passed or maybe it was a few minutes, Merlin had lost all sense of time. “Thank you,” he said, resting his head on Arthur’s.
Arthur didn't say anything, he didn't have to, he just took in a deep breath and so did Merlin. This was new for them, or maybe not. There was an unspoken bond between them but Merlin never dared acknowledge it. How ridiculous would it be for him to daydream about his boss, the royal?
But at this moment, as he felt Arthur’s warm hand in his hand, he could not suppress his feelings anymore. It was true that he felt more than friendship for Arthur, and maybe Arthur did too. Every prophecy, every person, everyone, told them they were two sides of the same coin. And if Arthur truly was merlin’s destiny, then maybe these feelings were meant to exist.
“Arthur, I-” Merlin hesitated to say anything that would break this moment. But the urge to confess took over him. If nothing else, he needed to tell Arthur how he felt right now, “I need to tell you something you may or may not reciprocate,”
“Merlin, why do I have to spell everything out for you” Arthur groaned, Merlin could only stare, dumbstruck.
“What?” He blurted.
“I like you merlin. I like you a lot, I think of you every second of the day. When you’re not around I feel restless, when I see you I feel happy. Sometimes all I want to do is kiss you and protect you from everything that comes our way. Everyone else but you has noticed. How are you so bad at picking up hints? How many times do I have to try hinting before you finally get it?”
Merlin took an entire minute to process everything, during which his face went through a lot of expressions. “You want to what?” Merlin asked, still unsure. Maybe Arthur said kill, and merlin was hallucinating.
“Merlin, you heard me perfectly. I am not repeating myself.” Arthur was blushing. Arthur was blushing for him. “I said I wanted to kiss you,” he whispered softly.
“Arthur kiss me, please,” Merlin said immediately after.
Arthur did not need to be told twice. He was waiting for this moment. He tackled merlin into a hug so hard, they tumbled onto the ground. Merlin closed his eyes when their lips touched. It started with a shy peck on his lips but now Arthur was kissing him in earnest. Merlin felt goosebumps on his arms and butterflies in his stomach when he gently put his hand in Arthur’s hair.
Merlin was awe-struck, as he kissed Arthur back, he felt Arthur’s hand surely grabbing his waist as if to pull him closer, his other hand on Merlin’s cheek. Merlin could barely breathe, let alone think straight. His thoughts were consumed by Arthur. He kissed him deeper, gently nibbling his lips as he did.
There was a sudden knock on the door and Arthur jolted up “Sorry to bother you prince Arthur, but the King has requested your presence, immediately. I am to escort you to his chambers.” Arthur sighed and against his will, got up and straightened his clothes. Merlin sighed and sat up.
“I shall be there in a moment,” Arthur said out loud, presumably to his escort waiting outside. Frankly, merlin was not able to think yet.
“Sorry I have to go,” Arthur whispered as he bent down for one last kiss before he had to leave. He put on his coat and headed to the door.
As he swung the door open, Arthur turned around and smirked, “Oh and Merlin, be sure to clean my room thoroughly, I shall be back to check it. It will be best if you wait for me right here. We have unfinished business.”
Merlin couldn't help but smile at that, “Yes sir,” he said, pretending to resume work. He will wait here for Arthur, his brain was too much of a mush to do anything else now.