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' “She… didn’t make it,” says the young lynx. Nick freezes. It couldn’t be. It couldn’t be… And the way the lynx said it, as if he didn’t care… “But snake venom works fast.”
The lynx pounces on him, trying to inject him with the venom. Nick struggles; the lynx repeats that he must get over it, but he can’t. Judy can’t leave.
Nick hears something. The snake asks him for the snake feather—it has the antidote. Officers pull him back, and Nick sees Judy unconscious. The snake is protecting her.
Nick tries to retrieve the feather, but he’s on the edge of the cliff. The lynx stops him. “It’s not worth dying for,” the same words Nick himself had said to Judy when… And then he understands. He lunges for the feather and throws it toward the snake. And they fall. Nick doesn’t know if he reached it. Hopefully he did. At least it would have been worth falling…’
Nick woke up in a panic. He felt stupid hearing himself scream a frightened “No.” He took a moment to catch his breath. He reminded himself that he was okay. That Judy was okay. That they’d talked. That she was safe. That the Linxleys were behind bars. They wouldn’t hurt her… But they’d come close.
What would have happened if the pen had fallen before Gary caught it? What would have happened if, even if Gary had caught it, it had been too late? How would Nick have coped with the loss if the last thing she understood from him was that he didn’t trust her… when all she was asking was for him not to hurt himself?
Nick sighed; he felt stupid for thinking that way. It was Carrots; that mind would have found a way to make the antidote work. If he was capable of putting himself in extreme danger for a case, what made him doubt that he’d let the antidote fail? Only it wasn’t doubt.
Nick shook his head, trying not to return to that place in his mind that made him think he hadn’t told Judy everything. Because he did tell her, didn’t he?
"- If a fox can only be... false and dishonest, there’s no point in trying to be anything else.
- Nick... You’re so much more than that..."
No, he didn’t tell her everything. Because deep down, he knew it. He’d tried. He’d tried. By changing the subject, by joking, by being sarcastic. But he always came back to the same conclusion. And the lynx was wrong; Nick would never have gotten over it if Judy hadn’t survived. And with all that adrenaline, when he could see with his own eyes that she had, he let it all out.
Only he never fully clarified it. It was the emotionally insecure source of his discomfort, again. Only it didn’t bother him entirely anymore because he had been… Maybe only 90% honest with her.
And maybe he should have cleared it up when they solved the case. He did, but that side of him he never showed added “partner” before he even thought about it. And of course she had recorded that with that damn plastic carrot. Although, well… He was glad he’d fixed it. And that taught the bad girls not to bother her again with their “clumsy bunny” recording if they didn’t want to break it again. That thing might have survived one blow—a really nasty one—but it won’t last forever.
But… How could he give her the other 10% of honesty when he’d always been used to not letting anyone see him hurt? Even if Carrots took it well once... Well, twice if you counted the Linxley thing, this level of vulnerability scared him. Just remembering that “You’re so much more than that” kept him awake more often than he’d like. And hearing her say that he was her “Fluffle”? Well, he had to admit he still didn’t understand that rabbit term; it made him feel exposed.
'You’re the only one in my life who believed in me, even when I don’t believe in myself…'
And yes… She understood him. Not just what he was going through. But him. And he understood her. Maybe that’s why it was so easy…
The alarm startled Nick. Had the day already begun? Well, at least the nightmares made him wake up early. But if he had to endure another one gnawing at his conscience, he’d probably kill himself anyway.
He sighed as he struggled to get up. He didn’t like getting up early, but being a cop left him no choice. “For your pack,” he kept repeating to himself to face the day.
His arrival at the police station was... strangely quiet. Usually, Carrots would walk in with a comment like, “Another day to make the world a better place,” or a sarcastic challenge about what Bogo’s assignment would be. But he was always greeted by that characteristic rabbit-like excitement that seemed to multiply when Judy was around. Sometimes Clawhauser would stop Judy to talk about Gazelle or some other artist they knew, which meant Nick had to wait at the door, looking around the place boredly while Carrots finished talking. And, in recent days, Gary would show up with a daily report on how things were going in Reptile Alley, or Nibbles would appear with new information on a case requiring their services. And yet, that day he only saw Garraza watching the entrance nervously and worriedly.
“Hey, Clawhauser. Is something wrong?” Nick asked, approaching the reception desk.
Clawhauser turned to look at him with a worried, somewhat confused expression. Nick frowned slightly; it was true that his sarcasm made him seem a bit indifferent to others’ feelings, but did it go that far?
“It’s Judy,” he whispered. “She’s already ten minutes late,” he added. Nick checked the time, surprised. Although it explained her quiet arrival, the mere fact that Judy was late was cause for concern. “And, by the way, since when do you get here early?” he asked. Well, at least Nick could assume that was the reason for Clawhauser's confusion rather than his apparent emotional indifference.
“I got up early—it was a long night,” he replied, seriously. “Are you sure Judy’s late and didn’t get here before you?” he asked.
“I started my shift half an hour ago. And Judy always arrives ten minutes later. Neither before nor after—well… Sometimes she does get here early, but never before me,” Clawhauser replied.
Nick was about to ask something else when, suddenly, Judy herself arrived. Nick opened his mouth to make one of his typical sarcastic jokes—not because he was in that kind of mood, exactly, but because he needed to say something that would make that morning feel normal at last—but nothing came out as soon as he noticed Judy’s serious gaze.
“Oh, my goodness, Judy, you had me worried,” Clawhauser blurted out, relieved. Judy looked up, fixing her gaze on Garraza and Nick.
“What?” she asked, confused.
“You got here after I did,” Nick remarked. Judy suddenly tensed up. Nick frowned. Something had definitely happened.
“Oh… Ooooh… Right,” she said, quickly regaining her composure and glancing at the clock in the station. “I overslept. I forgot to set my alarm,” she explained, with a forced smile.
“Since when do you forget your alarm?” Nick asked, confused. Judy cleared her throat.
“No reports on Bogo? I need to catch up,” she blurted out suddenly, walking away quickly. Nick looked at Clawhauser, who returned his gaze with confusion.
That same early morning
'Judy feels the prick even while she’s unconscious. Before, she felt herself moving without knowing how—maybe the police had found them. She wants to wake up to go stop Pawbert, but she can’t. For a moment, she lets herself drift off, and then she feels the prick. She wakes up suddenly, her heart racing, remembering everything. She quickly glances at the monitors, silently praying that her partner is okay... She’s on an ice platform that’s crumbling. Judy panics and breaks free as fast as she can, not caring who she knocks over. She rushes out the door and runs toward the wall of Tundratown, hoping it’s not too late. Without a second thought, she leaps off the cliff to grab Nick before he falls. She feels Gary holding her back so she doesn’t fall… However…’
Judy woke up with a start. She feels her breath coming in gasps. She hadn’t felt this scared since Guideon Grey scratched her. No, since Nick reacted so menacingly that she made the mistake of following her instinct out of fear.
It took her a moment to regain her composure. Then she checked the time. It was only 3 a.m. Judy grunted in frustration and settled back down.
“HEY, BUNNY, EVERYTHING OK?” exclaimed one of the neighbors. Judy grunted again and covered her head with the pillow.
“LEAVE THE GIRL ALONE. IT’S 3 IN THE MORNING,” replied her partner.
“THEN YOU STOP YELLING.”
“NO, YOU.”
"NO, YOU..."
"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP NOW IF YOU DON’T WANT ME TO THROW YOU OUT THE WINDOW." Judy suddenly exploded, achieving silence for a few moments.
It didn’t last long, because the neighbors started arguing heatedly again. Judy huffed and hid her head under the pillow once more, regretting her outburst. Maybe she should apologize, but not yet. She needed to sleep; she had work...
No, she couldn’t. She’d been having that nightmare for days. At first she managed to ignore it and carry on, but it became so repetitive—even after she calmed down and went back to sleep—that now she dreaded the moment her subconscious let her rest. Judy managed to keep her lack of sleep and her inner panic about sleeping from anyone’s notice. But every day it became harder to pull off. The nightmare was robbing her of more and more hours of sleep; she was terrified of getting near a bed and closing her eyes, but she only did it to avoid having to explain why she was distracted or acting strange.
She hadn’t even told Nick about her nightmare. The main reason was obvious: he appeared in that nightmare, falling off a cliff after throwing that damn pen with the antidote. Judy sighed. No, Nick wasn’t an option; it was too serious a dream to be met with a sarcastic comment from the fox. Garraza might listen to her, but he’d end up telling Bogo and give her days off, and, consequently, Nick would have to find out because, as coworkers, Judy missing several days of work would be too suspicious for those who know her well (P.S.: everyone knew her well enough to know she wouldn’t skip work on purpose). And she wouldn’t tell the neighbors because, in their attempt to help her, they’d make even more noise just to check if she’d had any more nightmares, which would make her sleep schedule even harder to manage.
Judy finally closed her eyes, thinking that if the nightmare didn’t end, she’d have to ask for a therapy animal anyway. Or a herd of therapy animals, as Nick had said. Judy laughed at the memory, but grew serious again. That argument had broken the recording carrot that Nick had later given her back, after fixing it.
Judy checked the time. It was almost 4 a.m. Maybe she could sleep a couple more hours without having a nightmare. She closed her eyes and succumbed to sleep...
She woke up with a start again, only this time it was the alarm. Judy groaned again, didn’t open her eyes, and turned off the alarm. She gave herself a few minutes to shake off the sleepiness and finally got up. If waking up was already this bad, the day was going to be tough. She put on her uniform and massaged her head to wake herself up further, glanced at the time absentmindedly, and then looked again. Judy ran out of the apartment, quickly making sure not to lose her keys. She was already ten minutes late.
Fortunately, public transportation and luck took pity on her, and those ten minutes stayed that way. She paused just before the police station entrance to put on her “I’m definitely not acting weird” expression before going in and hearing a relieved exclamation from Clawhauser that snapped her out of her self-absorption in acting normal.
Clearly, that was what gave her away.
Back to the previous point
There was definitely something wrong with Carrots.
First of all, it wasn’t unusual for Judy to complain when Bogo sent them to parking meters or office work, but this time Judy practically begged for a case. Nick could have sworn he heard her mutter that she needed to take her mind off things. But if she needed to take her mind off things, parking meters or the office helped too. Except when something serious was going on with Judy. Nick decided not to intervene because, if there was one thing he knew about Zanahorias, it was that she wouldn’t talk about what was bothering her while they were working. Because she had taken the “Never let them see that you’re hurt” Nick once told her way too seriously.
Secondly: Judy was distracted. Not in the sense of not doing her work. She was distracted in the sense that she had put on headphones; Nick managed to catch a glimpse of the name “Gazelle” on the MP3 player Judy always had with her for work. Judy would never in her life do that, because if a case came up, she felt it was her duty to be on the lookout in case they needed her. But now she needed to distract herself so badly that she wasn’t even paying attention to a case she needed so badly… Something was definitely wrong with her.
Although Nick stayed focused on the work he had to do—summarizing cases—he kept glancing at Judy to make sure she was okay. She didn’t seem unwell; her absorption could be explained by the music—he could hear her humming softly, very softly, as she typed something on her computer (Nick still found it unfair that she got to use the computer while he was stuck with the paperwork by hand). But sometimes, she would pause, invisibly tense, yet visible to Nick. Because he knew her, because he could read her reactions.
“Carrots… I’ll switch jobs with you,” Nick exclaimed loud enough for Judy to hear him over the music. Judy took out one earbud and looked at Nick.
“What, don’t you find the files entertaining?” she asked, sarcastically. Nick rolled his eyes. No matter how strange she gets, Carrots never loses her sarcasm.
“What I don’t get is why they keep doing paper files when computers already exist,” Nick replied.
“It’s called a hustle, sweetheart,” Judy retorted, turning back to the computer and getting back to work. Nick rolled his eyes, but didn’t go back to work.
"By the way, since when do you care about listening to music when you aren’t assigned a case?" he asked, trying to pass it off as a sarcastic question. Whether it worked or not, Judy tensed up.
"I always listen to music at work." she replied. Nick noticed that Judy was trying to return the sarcasm, but he could detect the discomfort in her voice.
“Ha… I could swear I didn’t get that when you almost broke my headphones one day you didn’t want to do parking meters, arguing that ‘Any case they give us requires us to be focused when it comes in,’” Nick retorted sarcastically. That seemed to ease Judy’s discomfort a little, but she was still tense.
“Well… At that point, the last prisoner left among those you freed when you escaped from prison was Belwether. And we both know that, of all of them, she was the one who was mentally the worst off,” Judy retorted. Nick snorted, feeling somewhat guilty.
“In my defense, that button said ‘open.’ I thought it was for the exit door,” Nick replied, nervously.
“...Okay, you have a point,” Judy conceded.
“Besides, I remember telling you it was worth it. You’re getting forgetful,” Nick added mockingly. Judy rolled her eyes. “If I hadn’t tried to escape, I wouldn’t have thrown the antidote and...”
Nick froze when he realized what he was saying. Not because Judy reacted badly or not, but because he felt the weight of his words. If he hadn’t argued with Judy in the first place, if he hadn’t been so obsessed with just getting out alive instead of thinking about the loose ends Judy was pointing out... Maybe Nick wasn’t like Carrots, but he knew when something smelled fishy. And if it was something that might be worth investigating, it would clearly be worth dying for.
Judy noticed Nick’s sudden change and decided to speak up.
“First of all, we didn’t even know Pawbert was going to be such a psychopath. “And if I had known, believe me, we wouldn’t have needed the antidote,” Judy replied, trying to help Nick—and, deep down, herself. He frowned slightly, but seemed somewhat satisfied with the answer.
“Buuut… Getting back to the main point… Are you sure you’re okay, Carrot?” he finally asked. Judy looked at him, puzzled.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” she replied. “It’s just… Nothing. Everything’s fine,” she added quickly before getting back to work.
Nick didn’t believe a word of it. The evidence showed otherwise. But he was going to have to change his strategy.
"Oh, now I remember. Are you still interested in watching that movie with Gazelle in it?" he asked casually. Judy turned to look at him immediately.
"Don't mess with that," she said excitedly.
"Well, my streaming service already uploaded it. If you bring pizza, I can make the effort to tidy up my apartment a bit so we can watch it," he suggested.
"It's a deal... Only if you let me pick one of the flavors," Judy stipulated.
"I hope it’s not the carrot one," Nick pleaded.
"No, I think the blueberry one is better," she replied. Nick shot her a murderous look.
"Don’t insult blueberries with pizza," he muttered, finally making them both laugh.
Later that evening.
Judy left the pizza stand to walk the rest of the way to Nick’s apartment.
The pizzas were a little heavy, but nothing she couldn’t handle.
She knew that Nick was probably resorting to his con artist skills to pry out of her what was going on. And, even though she’d agreed to watch the movie starring Gazelle because it had been out of theaters for days and she was really looking forward to it, that trick wasn’t going to work on her. Although she had to admit that the offer of a movie night at the apartment Nick always refused to show her had brightened her day.
The idea of telling Nick about her nightmares crossed her mind again. If she didn’t tell him, it wasn’t—I repeat—because she didn’t trust Nick, but because he was likely to speak in a slightly sarcastic tone, and Judy didn’t like the idea of hearing that language when she’d nearly lost it that day and the experience kept replaying in her dreams.
Judy knew Nick cared about her because, after all, he did care. They cared about each other; that much was clear. But Judy wasn’t going to burden him with her fears—fears that were somewhat justified but highly unlikely at the moment.
An unexpected yawn caught Judy off guard. She suddenly felt a bit tired, probably due to her sleep problems caused by the nightmare. She shook her head to keep sleep from overtaking her and kept walking toward Nick’s apartment.
To distract herself from sleep, Judy focused on observing the city. The routines, the nighttime colors, the calm that settled in from time to time. It was distracting enough to keep her from feeling sleepy, but not so much that she’d start thinking about the nightmare again. Or nightmares, rather.
Because, to be honest, she’d already had another nightmare before. In that one, she remembered the argument Nick had with her after his first press conference. She no longer had that nightmare, but that came at the cost of the current one. Her conscience managed to gnaw away at her. Because she feared losing Nick, perhaps even more than he feared losing her. Because she had given him reasons to walk away, on more than one occasion. And the fact that he decided to stay anyway kept Judy on high alert for any mistake she might make. For any weakness she might show, that might even hurt Nick. Because she had already done it once...
' “Just when I thought someone believed in me... Maybe it’s better if you don’t have a predator as a partner.” '
Judy stopped short at the memory. Her ears drooped abruptly. She barely realized she was already standing in front of Nick’s apartment door.
That memory reminded her why she didn’t deserve to be his partner. Though it didn’t mean she wouldn’t try to earn it, the memory sometimes discouraged her...
“I only had to see the boxes to know you’d already arrived.” Judy nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard the door open and Nick’s voice making that comment. She snorted.
“A deal is a deal,” Judy replied, stepping inside once Nick let her in.
“Yeah, a deal’s a deal. But don’t expect much in terms of aesthetics. I might have mopped and cleaned, but that’s not going to turn this into a five-star hotel,” Nick warned.
Judy set the pizzas down on a nearby table and took another look around Nick’s apartment. The last time she’d been there—though she’d only seen it out of the corner of her eye and it was the first time she’d even been inside—it looked terrible. Now it looked a little tidier, but Nick did have a point. The colors didn’t do much to show off the cleaning effort.
“Well, at least it’s not the dump I had to look at last time,” Judy replied. Nick rolled his eyes. “Okay, ready to meet the inspiration behind Gazzelle’s ‘Try Everything’?” she asked, excitedly. Nick looked at her in confusion.
“Didn’t that song come out four years ago?” he asked. Judy looked at him sarcastically. “And the movie was supposed to have just come out. Or so you and Clawhauser said.” he added. Judy snorted, amused.
“The movie is older. It was one of Gazelle’s first performances. I once saw an interview where she said she was inspired by the soundtrack to write ‘Try Everything,’ ” she explained.
“And I thought Clawhauser knew everything,” Nick remarked. Judy rolled her eyes. “Fine, surprise me,” she added, taking control of the TV. Judy immediately followed him to the small armchair. “Um… I don’t know if we’ll fit,” he commented, sarcastically, though inwardly a bit nervous. Judy rolled her eyes.
“I’m smaller than you. Besides, you’d better switch seats,” she replied, sitting on the edge, making sure to leave enough space so neither of them felt uncomfortable. “Come on, we were trapped by a vine after I saved your life the first time. I don’t think anything could be more uncomfortable on purpose,” she added, teasingly.
"Well... She had a point," Nick thought, feeling stupid as he sat down.
Maybe the nightmare still haunted his mind from time to time. Maybe he didn’t know how to act around Judy to make her feel comfortable without making it obvious that he knew something was wrong with her. At the end of the day, he was terrible at being emotionally supportive.
He decided not to dwell on it and finally put the movie on, glancing sideways at Judy. He was watching her reactions. She seemed excited, but at one point something happened that anyone else would have missed—but Nick, knowing her well, didn’t. Judy started nodding off, closing her eyes, about halfway through the movie.
Judy was making a huge effort to stay awake, but she’d practically forgotten that, when she hadn’t slept well for several days, a movie could trigger her sleep instinct and have her snoring without even realizing it. And of course, at Nick’s apartment—not hers—having been invited over specifically for that movie, it wasn’t a good idea. She tried to do it as discreetly as possible, but she already knew Nick was watching her out of the corner of his eye. He did it all the time. And, although Judy didn’t understand that habit, it served to remind her that nothing about her ever escaped Nick’s notice. So she had already assumed Nick would be suspicious no matter how hard she tried to pretend.
“Carrots, you’re missing the best part,” Nick remarked, amused. “I didn’t know you were the type to fall asleep watching movies,” he added. Judy snorted. Nick was the only one who could complain about that kind of thing without making her feel bad about it.
“Only when my sleep schedule gets a little disrupted,” Judy muttered, without realizing it.
Nick suddenly looked at her with concern. 'Sweet cheese and crackers, I shouldn’t have said that,' Judy thought.
“Haven’t you been sleeping well?” he asked. Judy waved her hand, downplaying it.
“It’s nothing. I’m not going to die from a day or two of poor sleep. I just have to push through and finish the movie, then I’ll go home and sleep,” she replied quickly.
But when she turned to watch the movie, she found that the TV was already off. She turned to look at Nick, who was staring at her seriously.
“You need to sleep,” he said.
“Nick, you’re overreacting,” Judy retorted.
“No, I’m not. You’ve been acting strange all day. Really tense. You were late for work—something you’d never do even if your life depended on it—you panicked when we didn’t get a case, and you were listening to music when you’re usually paying attention to everything. And now you’re telling me you haven’t been sleeping well lately, and it looks like you’re going to pass out any minute because of the movie,” Nick listed. “Take a nap for an hour or two, and later on, go to your apartment and sleep the hours you’re missing,” he suggested.
“Nick, I think I can hold off the… (Yawn) sleep until I get to my apartment…” Judy’s voice grew fainter and fainter until, without realizing it, she fell asleep like a log on the couch.
Nick smiled triumphantly and set about tidying things up and looking for a blanket for Judy. After all that, he sat down next to her on the couch and put his phone on silent so he could keep an eye on it, all while keeping an eye on Judy just in case. She looked peaceful sleeping; you could tell she needed it because the building shook due to some clumsy elephant in the gym upstairs, and it barely managed to make her stir restlessly.
Only an hour and twenty minutes had passed when things changed. Nick just glanced sideways at Judy and noticed the shift from a calm expression to a guilty one. From being completely silent except for her breathing to murmuring things in a sad, guilty tone... Nick frowned. Since when did Judy have nightmares...?
"I really am just a dumb bunny..." Judy murmured in her sleep. Nick froze. That was what she had told him that day under the bridge. The murmurs continued, and Nick listened closely to each one.
"You're not that kind of predator." "I was a horrible friend.. and I hurt you..."
All of that was the argument they’d had because of the press conference about the howlers’ case… Nick knew it had affected her; he knew they’d both made a mistake—she by saying everything she said (even if it wasn’t her intention), and he by provoking her until she was scared. But he’d never stopped to think about the consequences of that argument. On the real effect it might have had on her. Because it affected him, yes. And yes, he remembered it as a betrayal, one that hurt him. But then he thought about it. He analyzed it. He understood. And when they began tracking the howlers, Nick came to the most surprising conclusion. That Judy might have been right. Maybe not entirely, but to some extent. Not out of prejudice, but based on facts. The predators had indeed been a bit more violent than the prey, which didn’t necessarily make them saints, and that violence still showed itself at times even now. Did it justify what Judy said? No, but he did understand the underlying reason.
But the fact that the mere memory of it now gave Judy nightmares made Nick feel even more guilty than he already did, knowing what he had done during the argument. The fact that he had instilled a fear in Judy—one he hadn’t been fully aware of.
"I have to catch up to him... I have to catch up to him." She muttered suddenly again, snapping Nick out of his reverie. He frowned. What was she dreaming about now?
"NICK!" she exclaimed suddenly, waking up startled.
Nick nearly jumped at the abruptness of it, but forced himself to calm down when he saw Judy looking more helpless and vulnerable than he had ever seen her...
"Carrots..." Nick whispered, not knowing what else to do. Judy took a moment to compose herself. Nick frowned, noticing that Judy was doing this as if it weren’t the first time she’d…
“You didn’t wake me up,” Judy remarked, still a bit dazed.
“You were tired. And it’s not a good idea to wake someone up during a nightmare,” Nick replied cautiously. Judy panicked.
“You weren’t supposed to know that,” she murmured, worried. Nick frowned.
“So this has happened before?” he asked, confused. Judy shook her head.
“It’s nothing…” she replied.
“It is something, Judy,” Nick complained. “You’ve been having nightmares that make it hard for you to sleep,” he added.
Judy fell silent for a moment. She knew Nick was right. She knew it well. But her instinct to keep her composure prevented her from fully acknowledging it.
“What do you know about my nightmare?” she asked, tense.
“Just that it was about the argument at the press conference. And under the bridge. You were muttering what you said. You had another one, but I didn’t quite understand it,” he admitted. Judy nodded.
“I might not have been able to reach you that day…” Judy murmured, recalling the cliff. “You could have fallen…” she added.
Nick was completely confused. Fall? Reach? What…? Nick froze even more.
“Do you dream about that too?” he asked, cautiously. Judy looked at him in confusion. “About what happened in the control room,” she clarified. Judy still didn’t understand…
“What do you mean by ‘too’?” she asked. Nick shrugged.
“I think it says a lot,” he replied, looking down.
Judy frowned. Did Nick dream about what happened? Then, it all made a certain amount of sense. Nick never arrived early to work, let alone before her. For that, he would have had to get up early, and that wasn’t his strong suit. It was ironic—the nightmares made Judy, who was the queen of punctuality, run late, but they made Nick, who could barely get up at 5 a.m., get up early.
“What… What’s going on?” she asked, looking at him. Nick looked back at her, self-conscious. But he sighed.
“Ah… Okay. It starts when Pawbert tells me that you… that you… that you died,” he admitted, looking away again. Judy said nothing. “He tries to attack me with that thing that injected the poison and… Then Gary yells that he needs the antivenom and you’re there—I could still save you—and I just try to take that plastic snake away from him, but it falls off the edge of that platform and…” Nick trailed off. - Pawbert tells me that... 'It wasn’t worth dying for'..." he fell silent. Judy’s eyes widened; that was what Nick had told her in Honeymoon Lodge. "And I realized it was worth it, so I jumped, and luckily Gary caught that thing, but I could barely see him because the platform gave way and… And then I woke up." he concluded. Judy looked at him.
"Nick..."
"I... I know I told you the same thing Pawbert said, but... That wasn’t what I meant to tell you at that moment. It wasn’t that the mission wasn’t worth it; it was that... We were fugitives, the Linxleys were going to hurt us, and you know that if there’s anyone I wouldn’t want them to hurt, it’s you..." he explained.
"Is that why you’ve been up so early?" Judy asked. Nick nodded.
"Just thinking that I almost lost you..." He fell silent.
Judy sighed. She felt a little stupid. She’d forgotten that she wasn’t the only one who’d almost lost someone important that day. She hadn’t even stopped to remember why Nick had nearly died falling off that cliff in the first place. He’d been trying to save her…
Judy sighed. It was her turn.
“I… In my dream, I’m just waking up from the poison, and when I see you on that monitor about to fall, I don’t even think about who I’m pushing—I just want to get there in time to stop you from falling… But… Unlike in reality… In my dream, I can’t reach you…” she confessed.
Nick looked at her, waiting for Judy to say something else. She didn’t. Still, he remained silent, feeling that it was the right thing to do at that moment. It wasn’t an awkward silence, but it wasn’t comfortable either. After a moment, Judy sighed.
“Why did you think I wouldn’t understand?” Nick asked, finally. Judy looked at him, guiltily.
“It’s just… I know you don’t always do that, but you often use sarcasm to lighten an… awkward or… not-so-happy situation. I didn’t want it to be like that this time because… it’s sensitive,” Judy admitted. Nick looked at her. “It’s no excuse, I know… It’s just… I’ve already lost you once. When everything happened at the press conference and the harm I caused you without realizing it. And when you forgave me, I promised myself I wouldn’t make a mistake like that again. I wasn’t going to do anything that would make me lose you. And when the Honeymoon Lodge was destroyed and I left with Pawbert and Gary… Deep down, I felt like I’d broken that promise. And seeing you almost fall off the cliff made me... It made me feel, in part, that you were going to leave without me having done anything to try to make things right," she admitted. "And yes... That was kind of selfish..."
"It wasn’t," Nick replied. "If anything, I’d be the selfish one, throwing myself off the edge just to get the antivenom and save you... Risking a life, even if he deserves to be in prison,” he added. Judy snorted, amused. They both suddenly laughed, feeling calmer. When the laughter died down, Nick’s expression turned serious. “What… How much harm did I do to you? At the press conference,” he asked, worried. Judy shook her head.
“I deserved it,” she replied, serious again.
“Yes, in part, but not enough to have nightmares about it after we’d resolved it,” Nick replied.
“They didn’t last too long either, don’t think so,” Judy replied. “Today is the first time it’s come back,” she added.
"Still..."
"Nick, seriously. It’s something that’s already happened. I don’t hold a grudge; I just decided to learn from the mistake," Judy clarified.
Nick looked at her, searching for the truth in Judy’s violet eyes. She held his gaze, though she was starting to feel nervous. Sure, eye contact was common between them, and sometimes it was intense. But never like this. Or maybe it was, and she’d just gotten used to it lasting only brief moments. Not to it lingering for so many seconds. Not to seeing so much concern, so much empathy (which she knew he had), so much...
'Instead of telling you that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me… I make a lot of jokes, about your ears. And I tell you that you try too hard when… The truth is… I don’t want you to get hurt because… Because no one in this world could matter more to me… Than you…'
So much affection. So much sincerity. Judy wasn’t used to seeing so much in Nick’s eyes, because he usually made sure to keep his expression emotionally neutral. She wasn’t used to Nick expressing so many things to her just by looking at her. Just by talking to her. And, even though she admired Nick’s ability to stay so... Stable, sometimes it disappointed her to know that Nick trusted her so much but didn’t always tell her everything. What was going on with him, what he didn’t understand, what worried him. Judy wasn’t innocent in that regard either; she, too, had hidden things from him. But sooner or later she’d end up telling him, because she trusted him enough that, sooner or later, she could open up about things like the nightmare. Judy wished Nick could open up to her, tell her all his fears and worries. Not for the thrill of saving each other from death. But because one day they’d simply want to talk about it. Judy couldn’t help but dream of the hope that Nick might open up to her emotionally, completely.
But at that moment, as they looked at each other, searching for a truth hidden behind everything they’d told each other up to that point, Judy felt that she didn’t need Nick’s memories—she needed his feelings. And there they were. Showing her that he cared, that he was worried about her… That maybe he loved her…
'Love you, partner.'
Not just the love he’d engraved on that carrot pen. Another kind she’d been longing for since her first nightmare. Even before that, ever since she’d woken up, looked in the mirror, and decided to be honest with herself...
“Uh... Carrots...” Nick murmured, nervously. They both realized how close they suddenly were at that moment. And yet they didn’t pull away.
“Thanks for listening, Nick,” Judy whispered.
Nick was about to reply, but he froze at Judy’s next move: she closed her eyes, closed the distance, and placed a soft kiss on his lips. Small, almost imperceptible, but for Nick it was a pleasantly surprising moment. He didn’t have time to react when Judy suddenly pulled away and looked at him with surprise… and horror.
“Oh no… Um…” Judy murmured. “Sorry, sorry… I don’t know where that came from…” she blurted out, quickly backing toward the door. “I… I’d better go. Good night," she added, grabbing her things and leaving almost at the speed of light.
Nick, though he heard Judy’s voice and the door, didn’t react immediately.
He was paralyzed. That reaction had taken him completely by surprise, and by the time he wanted to react to follow her, she was already gone. When he opened the door to stop her, Judy had already vanished. And he, like an idiot, stood there staring into space, remembering those few seconds when she pressed their lips together.
Unconsciously, Nick took out his keys and phone to head over to the rabbit’s apartment to talk about what had happened. Maybe it had been an accident. Maybe Judy had aimed for the wrong spot when she wanted to kiss him. Maybe it was just the vulnerability of the moment that made it happen. But something deep inside Nick made him think that maybe Judy Hopps really did have a genuine desire to kiss him, just as he did for her...
Judy locked herself in her apartment, frustrated. What the hell had come over her? At what point did she decide it would be a good idea to kiss him after thanking him for listening? This wasn’t some damn romantic movie like the ones Clawhauser liked to watch on Sunday afternoons—or so the cheetah had confessed to her.
It was Nick, her partner on the force, her friend—well, her best friend.
Judy lay down on her bed, grumbling in annoyance. She glanced around the small apartment and her gaze fell on the carrot pen. Without knowing what prompted her to do it, she picked up the recorder and lay back down on her bed. Her finger found the record button and pressed it.
'Love you, partner'
And once again
'Love you, partner'
And one more time
'Love you, partner'
Of course that “I love you” was meant in a friendly way. Judy had reminded herself of that at least 10,876,990 times since she got that recording.
Maybe when they met the next day, she could tell him she’d meant to kiss him on the cheek but got confused or didn’t get there. Maybe she could tell him to just forget about it. Judy snorted; Nick would agree right away just to avoid making things awkward.
But none of those things were going to be true in the rabbit’s mind. She wasn’t afraid of public opinion. The suspicious guy at the pier, the walrus with the weird look… Probably even the goats on the mountain had no problem assuming that Nick and Judy’s relationship was more than just companionship and friendship.
Come on, the walrus even misinterpreted the “happy anniversary” Judy said to Nick—half-jokingly, half-seriously—though that was Judy’s fault, but she wasn’t going to resist enjoying the moment a little. Even her parents might accept Nick as long as Judy started going on dates with someone (she was already sick of her grandmother hinting that she should have children she didn’t want in the near future).
No, it wasn’t about the general consensus. It was about reality. Nick loved her, sure, but that was friendship, empathy. They understood each other well enough to help one another, but never beyond their professionalism and friendship. And Judy probably ruined everything because… She didn’t even know what had crossed her mind…
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.
Judy’s ears perked up immediately, confused. “Who could it be at this hour?” she thought as she headed for the door.
When she opened it, she froze at the sight of a somewhat breathless and nervous Nick.
“Carrots…” Nick greeted her. Judy nodded.
"Nick..." she replied. They stood in silence for a moment.
"Um... I wanted to know if you forgot anything at my place," Nick said, kicking himself inwardly. Since when had it been so hard for him to start an awkward conversation with Judy?
"Um... Not that I know of," Judy replied, confused.
“Good, good… And… About what happened a little while ago…” Nick replied, referring to the kiss. Judy blushed slightly and her ears drooped. “I just wanted to clarify…”
“Oh, yeah… It was an accident,” Judy clarified, anxiously. A flash of something passed through Nick’s eyes.
“Sure, an accident,” Nick agreed. “So, it didn’t happen,” he added. Judy nodded, looking down so he wouldn’t notice her disappointment.
“If it makes you feel better…” Judy relented. Nick nodded.
“Okay… Okay… So…”
“See you tomorrow. Same as always…”
“Sure…” An awkward silence.
“Good night…” Judy said before slowly closing the door.
Nick nodded before hearing the faint sound of the door closing. He sighed and turned to leave. But he didn’t move. He took a step, but no further. It didn’t feel right. Nick didn’t understand. Everything had already been cleared up… An accident, that’s it… So why didn’t it feel like one? Why didn’t Nick want to feel like it was one? Well, the last question had an answer. He didn’t want to because he hadn’t felt like it was one. He felt like it was what it was supposed to be.
What he was denying himself by avoiding emotions.
Nick sighed, growled at himself, and finally made a decision. Let it be what it has to be, he thought as he took that step back and knocked on the door again.
Judy had barely let out a disappointed sigh and turned toward her bed when there was another knock at the door. When she opened it, she saw a Nick who was even more nervous and anxious than before.
“Did you forget something?” Judy asked, trying to sound normal.
“Actually, yes…” Nick admitted. “I, uh… Maybe I… I’m taking a little… time to… say it all… I’m new to this… talking about my feelings,” he clarified. Judy looked at him in confusion.
“Now?” the rabbit asked.
"Well, it's now or never," replied the fox. "I, um... I didn't tell you everything... When we talked on the platform..." he confessed. "I wasn't entirely honest about... how I felt... About what I was afraid of... I... I had time to think... With the academy training, with the cases, with... Getting to know you... And... I... I’ve always pretended that I don’t care about many things when deep down I do care. But with you, I’ve allowed myself to show that I do care because… You don’t judge me… I don’t do it all the time, and I’m not trying to make excuses for that… But you’ve been the first animal who… Has listened to me… And who’s offered me alternatives,”
Nick snorted; he was getting too sidetracked, being a bit of a coward… But Judy kept looking at him, listening to him.
"You once told me that I was the only one who believed in you, even when you didn’t believe in yourself..." he continued, forcing himself to get to the point. "And for a moment I wondered, why wouldn’t you believe in yourself? And the answer came to my mind very quickly and made me understand why... Why you empathized with me so much. You understand me in a way that no one else ever has, Judy... And... I return the compliment. You’re also the only one who’s believed in me even when I didn’t believe in myself. I try not to do this too often because... Feeling unsure of what I’m doing makes me vulnerable and... That scares me... But not with you.” Nick sighed. “Judy, before you, I never told anyone what they did to me with the Scouts. Before you, no one had ever told me I could be anything other than fake and dishonest. Before you, I would never have imagined the possibility of having a pack. You know you’re my pack, but… You’re not just any pack to me."
'Finally, Nick, it took you years.' he thought
"You’re my pack because you’re the most important thing in the world to me. And not as a mate. Not as a friend. Not as… It’s not just that. It’s more. It’s more, and it’s always more. That you trust me despite everything I’ve done, despite what I’ve done to you, despite what I’ve done to other animals… The fact that you trust me… It changes everything in my life. And if I had to choose again between listening to Pawbert and heeding my own words or risking death for the slightest chance that you might live… I’d choose the second option, always, Judy. And I don’t mind having to follow you to a reptile neighborhood despite my discomfort around them; I don’t mind risking a case a thousand times over to keep you from dying... You’re worth so much more than a case or an award. You’re worth so much more than a police badge."
Nick sighed and looked at Judy. She was expressionless, her paw gripping the doorknob, and she hadn’t spoken a word since Nick started talking, and that made him nervous.
"I guess what I’m trying to say is… That… It’s..." Nick couldn’t say it. It was hard for him; it terrified him.
He sighed, resigned, and quickly entered the apartment. He would apologize later for entering without permission, but at that moment he was focused on looking for something. Judy looked at him, confused, excited, hopeful, but still saying nothing. Nick huffed when he didn’t find what he was looking for, but when he turned to look at Judy, he smiled slightly. He approached her and took the paw holding the carrot recorder. He gently took it from her, but didn’t let go of her paw. Judy looked at their intertwined paws, surprised, nervous...
“What I want to tell you is...” He pressed the recorder’s button. 'Love you...' He stopped it before the recorder could say the rest. Nick rewound the recorder and pressed the button again. 'Love you…' Judy looked at him. “Yeah, that… I love you, Carrots. And I’d like… Maybe… To be more than just friends and partners?” he murmured, looking away.
Judy froze, unable to believe that her partner was telling her he loved her. She never would have expected it. And then the pieces fell into place. The glances, the outburst on the platform, the sarcastic flirting. Nick was too good at hiding it, and Judy was just like him in that regard. How many moments they’d had to tell each other. How many chances they’d had to realize… How many animals must have suspected it before they did…
Judy still hadn’t said a word. She just looked at Nick as if everything that was happening were just a dream, or a figment of her imagination.
Nick, on the other hand, was panicking inside, no matter how much he tried to show the opposite on the outside. Judy finally opened her mouth to say something, but...
“HAVE THEY KISSED YET?” asked one of the neighbors.
“THEY WOULD HAVE IF YOU HADN’T JUST SCREAMED. DON’T YOU KNOW THAT CONFESSIONS TAKE A MOMENT BEFORE THE FIRST KISS?” retorted the other. Nick and Judy looked at each other with boredom.
“AH, SHUT UP...”
“YOU SHUT UP...”
"YOU SHUT UP..."
"YOU SHUT UP..."
"YOU SHUT UP..."
"YOU SHUT UP..."
“Shall we step out for a moment?” Judy asked, pulling out her keys, while the neighbors continued to argue heatedly. Nick smiled slightly.
“Sure…” he replied, stepping aside to let Judy pass.
She smiled back at him as she walked past him to go out. She looked away as Nick closed the apartment door. The neighbors’ argument could still be heard from the hallway, and Nick wondered to himself how the residents managed to sleep with those two screaming at each other in the background.
Judy just rolled her eyes. A few minutes later, the two friends found themselves walking through the empty, nighttime streets of Zootopia, in a silence that was somewhat heavy, but not uncomfortable. They glanced at each other, waiting for the other to start by saying something—anything. But neither dared yet; they wanted to enjoy the silence.
Finally, Nick sighed and spoke:
“It’s a quiet night,” he said, nervously. Judy smiled.
“Yeah. Though you don’t see many stars. You see quite a few in Bunny Borrow,” she said. Nick turned to look at her.
“Really?” he asked, interested.
“Yeah. Actually, in my family we have a tradition when a little bunny turns 10 years old. They take the birthday boy or girl to the place where you can see the most stars and tell them to pick one. That star will grant their greatest wish,” she said, smiling. “Obviously, my wish was to become a police officer.” "You could say it came true," she added.
"I’m not surprised," Nick replied, joking. They both laughed. There was another, more comfortable silence until Nick decided to take the plunge and talk about what he’d come to discuss. "And… So… About what I mentioned earlier…" he began. Judy sighed.
“Oh, yeah…” she agreed. “Were you serious?” she asked. Nick frowned.
“Of course I was serious,” he replied. “And I think I deserve some credit for hiding it so well. I barely managed it when I saw you in that dress at the centennial gala,” he added, half-sarcastically, half-seriously. Judy blushed and snorted.
“Ha, and here I was thinking you only noticed my ears,” she retorted, playing along. Nick smiled, amused.
“I still think it wasn’t a good idea,” he admitted. Judy looked at him as if she wanted to punch him. “I’m serious, Carrots. We were in the trunk of a car, but even so, your free ears looked infinitely better with the dress than whatever you did to them before,” she retorted, frowning. Judy rolled her eyes.
“Seriously? Because that sounded like sarcasm,” she replied, amused.
“In a way, it was,” Nick admitted. They both laughed softly.
“I’m not surprised,” Judy replied, looking at him amusedly. Nick smiled slightly. “Anything else I should know?” he asked.
“Aren’t you supposed to be the one admitting how you feel about me right now?” Nick replied, joking.
He couldn’t help it; joking as a defense mechanism wasn’t a joke. At that moment, he was trembling inside, unsure of Judy’s response.
“I thought it had become obvious, with… the kiss,” Judy replied, blushing and unable to look Nick in the eye. He sighed.
“If there’s one thing true about we said awkwardly before I decided to be honest about my feelings for you, Carrots… it’s that I could easily pass it off as an accident and assume anything about it… That’s why I’d rather hear it from you,” he confessed.
Judy looked at him. She looked at him more intently than she ever had before. This was a completely different Nick from the one she’d known for the past year. This was a much more vulnerable Nick, one who was baring himself to her, ready to accept either a “no” or a “yes” from her.
At least twenty minutes earlier, she’d wished for just that before kissing him on impulse. More than just an impulse, really, because her heart had driven her when her brain couldn’t function fully. When she stopped thinking for a few seconds, having shown a vulnerability she’d never shown anyone else, and which Nick received calmly, with understanding, with empathy. When she wondered why she kept thinking Nick wouldn’t understand her when understanding her is the only thing he’s done since they met...
Understanding each other is the only thing they’ve done since they met. Even with all the mistakes, all the blunders, all the problems, they understood each other… But this time, Judy understood Nick far more than she ever had before. The puzzle she thought was complete had revealed an important new piece. She…
Judy smiled slightly, and, after a couple of minutes of stillness, she acted. She took Nick’s face between her paws and pulled him in for a second kiss.
Nick froze almost as he had the first time. But this time he reacted before letting himself freeze any further and let himself be carried away by the kiss. He placed one paw on top of Judy’s and with the other gently wrapped his arm around her waist.
The kiss ended sooner than he would have liked; he found himself instinctively leaning in for more, his eyes still closed.
When he finally opened them, Judy was smiling at him with amusement.
“Does that answer your question?” she asked. Nick smiled slightly and nodded.
“Sly bunny,” he remarked.
“Give me some credit. I had to get it right this time,” Judy replied, amused. They both laughed.
“So… something more than friends and partners?” Nick asked, still a little unsure. Judy smiled.
“Much more than friends and partners,” Judy agreed.
They both smiled and kissed again, a little more briefly, before taking each other’s paws and continuing their walk, talking about whatever came to mind. Making sarcastic jokes or subtle flirtations. This time, in a different way...
“By the way, how are we going to explain this at the ZPD?” Nick asked, curious. They both stopped, without a concrete answer.