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The ruins of the old warehouse creaked with every gust of wind, like the whole structure might just decide it was done standing at any second. Dust hung thick in the air, heavy, almost sticky
No one had spoken for a while. They were all exhausted. Filthy. Running on fumes
“I’m starving” Scout muttered, tipping his head back against the wall and staring up at the ceiling
“Stop being dramatic, or die quietly” Spy shot back without even looking at him. Scout huffed
“Not my fault someone ate all our rations”
“Don’t look at me” Demoman said immediately
Scout slowly turned his head toward him, far too deliberate about it
“I am absolutely looking at you”
“Then stop”
“Then give the food back”
“I don’t have it”
“Yeah, ‘cause you ate it all”
Off to the side, Soldier was watching them with his hand on his chin, like he was seriously considering something
“That was a tactical decision. Food slows you down”
Engineer didn’t even look up
“That is not how that works”
“That is my truth”
Heavy sat against the wall, methodically cleaning his minigun with near ritual precision. Every movement was slow, deliberate, controlled
Scout pointed at him
“He ate something too”
“You cannot prove this” Heavy said without looking up
“I know you-”
“You cannot prove this”
“I hate all of you”
“I assure you, the feeling is mutual” Spy murmured, lighting a cigarette
Off to the side, Pyro sat perched on a stack of crates, turning a lighter between their fingers. Every so often, a small flame flickered to life, then disappeared again- something to focus on, something to keep the thoughts at bay. They didn’t say anything
“We’re probably gonna get killed by those damn robots before we even get close to starving” Medic added casually. Archimedes cooed on his shoulder, as if in agreement
“You are not helping” Sniper muttered
“I’m not trying to” Medic replied with a wink
Silence settled over them again
Not uncomfortable. Not really
They were closer than just coworkers now. Years of working together, of surviving things that should have killed them, tended to do that. And an invasion of deranged robots actively trying to wipe you out didn’t exactly push people apart
If anything, it left you with only each other
Somewhere in the distance, a low rumble began
Rhythmic. Heavy
Too familiar
“Y’all hear that?” Engineer lifted his head, frowning
A few of them went quiet, listening harder- like maybe, just maybe, they were hoping it was something else
“Don’t tell me that’s another wave” Sniper groaned
“That is definitely another wave” Demoman replied
“I hate this job”
“ENEMY INCOMING!” Soldier shot to his feet with an energy that felt wildly out of place
Engineer was already moving, checking what little they had left
“Low ammo, and I can maybe throw together a mini-sentry”
“So, business as usual” Spy muttered
“Try not to blow the torsos to pieces- I might be able to build a dispenser if I get enough parts”
“I don’t need ammo” Pyro cut in suddenly, already thinking ahead, fuel siphoned straight from the robots into their battered flamethrower
Scout glanced over
“…great. That helps, like, a little. Not a lot, but a little”
Spy pushed himself off the wall, flicking his cigarette away and crushing it under his heel
“We will survive”
“And then we eat” Scout added immediately, far too hopeful
The rumbling was getting louder
Closer
“Alright, positions” Engineer said.
“If I die, just know I died a hero. A hungry hero” Scout added, checking his weapon
“I’ll make sure your epitaph reflects that” Spy replied dryly “Provided you stop thinking with your stomach”
Pyro flicked their lighter one last time
Click
A small flame bloomed, steady and familiar
They smiled, just for a second before stepping forward
The first robot burst through the wall with a deafening crash, metal tearing through concrete like it was nothing. Its body hit the warehouse floor with terrifying confidence
“Got one!” someone shouted
It went down fast
Then more followed
A lot more
“FOR AMERICA!” Soldier charged straight at them with a wild grin
“Try not to die, I’m running low on bandages!” Medic called after him
“The enemy is predictable!” Soldier yelled back “Which means they are weak!”
“There is no reasoning with him” Engineer muttered, already hauling a half built sentry into position. He turned, shouting “Scout, you got anything?”
“Yeah, yeah- coming!” Scout sprinted over, nearly tripping on debris, dumping a handful of mismatched parts into Engineer’s arms
Engineer barely looked at them
“Alright, I can work with this, but I need more disks. Bring me robo Medic heads”
Spy placed a hand briefly on Scout’s shoulder, gave a small nod and the two of them disappeared back into the chaos
Gunfire tore through the air
Heavy spun up his minigun, planting himself firmly in place as he laid down cover fire for Medic. Even the pigeons, somehow brought along during the retreat, fluttered through the smoke, occasionally grabbing loose screws and bolts and dropping them near Medic, who would pass them along to Engineer when he could
“Left!” Demoman shouted from across the battlefield
“Got it!” Scout yelled back, just as a sniper round tore through the robot behind him
“Clearly not fast enough, now MOVE!” Demoman barked, already throwing a charge
Scout dove the other way
The explosion still nearly knocked him off his feet
He coughed, waving smoke out of his face, then shot Demoman a glare as the Scotsman laughed
“OH, THAT’S REAL FUNNY-”
A robo Spy appeared right behind him, knife raised and before it could do anything, it was stabbed clean through by its living counterpart
“At least one person here has some class” Spy remarked smoothly
“No one asked you, ya frog-eatin’ bastard!” Demoman snapped immediately. Then, after a beat “...but thanks.”
Spy gave a small nod and vanished again into the chaos
“When this is over, I’m eating everything” Scout said, reloading
“Even my food?” Demoman asked, already setting another trap
“Especially your food”
“You don’t have the guts”
“We’ll see about that”
The rumble of incoming robots was everywhere now. In the walls. In the floor. In their bones
Engineer hoisted up his sentry, deliberately drawing the attention of a sentry buster, pulling it away from the rest of them, leaving the team without their one piece of consistent cover for a few crucial seconds
At the same time, Pyro was crouched over a fallen robot, siphoning fuel into their flamethrower
That’s when the metal hand clamped around their throat
Hard
Before they could react, they were slammed into the ground. The pressure tightened instantly, crushing, unrelenting
Pyro’s vision flickered
They stared up at the machine above them, eyes narrowing
They missed the mask. Not having to look at those ugly metal faces
Air wouldn’t come
But through the haze, they caught movement-
Engineer coming back, already dropping the sentry into place
Sniper lining up a shot
“…my mom did it harder” Pyro rasped
Then they kicked
Hard
The robot staggered just enough, just long enough-
Crack
The shot landed clean. The machine jerked, sparks bursting from its head as it collapsed beside them
“Mate, I really don’t think this is the time for that kinda confession” Sniper called, already turning back toward the horizon
A distant explosion swallowed any possible reply
And just like that the moment was gone
Whatever that was, it didn’t matter
Not right now
They didn’t have time to unpack anything. Didn’t have time to think. Didn’t have time to feel
They just had to survive
Trauma could wait
A cluster of robo Pyros ran straight into one of Demoman’s traps
It triggered instantly
Flames burst outward, grenades igniting mid-air and scattering fire in every direction
“TAKE COVER!” someone shouted
Too late
The explosion hit fast, too fast
The blast tore through the space, smaller charges bursting into fire dangerously close to several of them. Smoke flooded the area in seconds
Everyone started coughing
“Great, now I can’t see shit-”
“Then stop lookin’ and focus!”
“That’s not how that works!”
The dust began to settle
Shapes started to reappear through the haze
Pyro stood among them, brushing ash off their torn suit. They dragged a hand across their face, wiping away soot and the sting of fresh burns
And kept moving
“It doesn’t even hurt half as bad as the fire that orphaned me”
“DOES THAT MEAN YOU ARE NATURALLY FIREPROOF, PRIVATE?” Soldier asked immediately
“I hope so” Pyro replied, completely sincere
“We should test that-”
“You are not fireproof, Pyro” Engineer cut in flatly
An arrow whizzed past Medic’s head
“INCOMING!” he shouted
“A whole pack!” Sniper warned, already looking through his scope
And just like that the conversation died
Again
“How many?” Engineer called, still not done with the dispenser
“Too many!” Sniper answered
“That is a very imprecise number”
“This is a very imprecise situation!”
“I am running out of ammo” Heavy said
“USE YOUR IMAGINATION!” Soldier yelled, already charging at robots with a shovel
“My imagination does not kill robots”
“Then yours is weak!”
Heavy rolled his eyes
“I will require more. Soon”
“More of what?” Scout asked, sliding in to swap weapons, his last one bent out of shape, and tossing a handful of parts toward Engineer
“Yes”
“That is NOT an answer!” Scout complained, but didn’t wait for one, already sprinting back into the fight
As soon as he was gone, Spy appeared beside Engineer
“Have you built the dispenser yet?”
“I’m working on it”
“You should hurry”
“It’s a miracle I haven’t shot you yet”
“You need me”
“…unfortunately. Now either shut up or go”
Spy vanished in a puff of smoke
Out on the battlefield, Medic was darting between teammates, patching up whoever he could, when a blade came out of nowhere
He twisted just in time, driving his bonesaw straight into the metal body
“COULD SOMEONE DO SOMETHING ABOUT THESE DAMN SPIES?!”
“On it!” three different voices answered at once
Medic muttered something under his breath, yanking the saw free
Pyro moved through the robots like a shadow, burning, cutting, tearing them apart while siphoning more and more fuel as they went
There was a strange kind of calm in it
In the chaos
“I am definitely eating everything when this is over” Scout announced again
“Even Demoman’s?” Pyro asked, taking down a robot beside them
“Especially his”
“Maybe focus a little” Heavy cut in
“I am focused”
“On food”
“Because I’m hungry! You of all people should get that!”
The robots kept coming
Gunfire, shouting, metal tearing against metal, it all blurred into one continuous noise
“Oh no-” Scout froze mid-reload “I’m outta ammo”
“Same here!”
“My weapon has failed me!” Soldier complained
“Improvise! Maybe Engineer’s got the dispenser up!”
Said Engineer was breathing hard, working as fast as he could, trying to throw together a dispenser while keeping his sentry alive at the same time
“Give me a minute!”
“We don’t have a minute!” Sniper shouted from above
“Then give me thirty seconds!”
“We don’t have that either!”
“Then stop complainin’ and buy me some time!”
“HOW?!”
“I DON’T KNOW!”
Elsewhere on the battlefield
“Is anyone else dying, or is it just me?!” Demoman yelled, clutching his bleeding side as the others tried to keep the robots off him
“Pretty sure it’s everyone!” Scout shouted back
“Well, that’s good!”
“HOW IS THAT GOOD-?!” Medic snapped, rushing over with what looked like some of his last bandages
“At least I’m not dying alone!” Demoman laughed
Spy appeared beside them, suit torn, movements just a little less precise than usual
“If I survive this” he said, driving his knife into a robo-Medic “I’m quitting”
“You’re not quitting” Scout replied immediately, as Medic moved in to check on Spy
“…I’m not quitting” Spy admitted after a beat
Scout nodded
“Knew it”
The rumbling never stopped
It was everywhere
“This is getting rather exhausting” Spy muttered
“Getting?” Medic echoed
“Allow me a moment of drama”
“We do not have time for drama!”
“If anyone has a plan, now would be a great time!” someone shouted
“I HAVE A PLAN!” Soldier yelled
“What is it?!”
“DO NOT LOSE!”
“…you know what? That’s an amazing plan, buddy”
The robots kept pushing
The team was forced to give ground, step by step. The machines were getting stronger- while they were getting slower, heavier, more exhausted
No one even tried to pretend they had control anymore
They didn’t have the energy for that
“It’s not working!” Engineer shouted “I need parts from a robo Spy!”
“I don’t see any right now!”
“Then find one!”
“Where?!”
“Anywhere! Our ammo and healing depend on it!”
“HOLD THE LINE!” Soldier yelled “DO NOT RETREAT!”
“We don’t even have anywhere to retreat to!”
“EXCELLENT!”
“I need to focus, take out the busters!” Engineer called from the back
A chorus of half-shouted, half-breathed confirmations answered him
Everything was blurring together
Sound, movement, pain, and somehow, it still worked
Somehow, they were still fighting
Still trying to survive a swarm of machines built for one purpose: killing them
Heavy grabbed a robot mid-charge and tore it clean in half with his bare hands like it was nothing
Years of fighting bears were finally paying off
“If someone’s dying, it’s not gonna be me” Sniper muttered
“Well, that’s optimistic” Engineer shot back
“New for me” Sniper said, adjusting his scope
“If I survive this, I am buying everyone proper wine” Spy murmured, clearly running on fumes
“And if I survive, I’m-” Scout started
“You won’t” Spy cut in automatically
“Hey, let me finish!”
“Non”
Pyro moved between them, covering the gaps, one of the only ones who still had a renewable resource. At some point, they’d even tossed their shotgun to Soldier, who, despite insisting on using a shovel most of the time, had also run dry
“I’VE GOT A DISPENSER!” Engineer shouted
Everyone glanced over for just a second
It had taken them days of scraping together scraps and barely working parts, but now they had it
Ammo. Healing
Something reliable
And suddenly, they could push back
That’s when a solid metal fist slammed into Pyro’s face with a dull, heavy crack
They staggered, nearly losing their footing, shook their head like it was nothing and grinned
“I can’t believe a chunk of metal hits weaker than my own mother” Pyro laughed, setting a robot ablaze
Heavy turned toward them for a second, tearing another machine apart mid-motion
“My father was also stronger than weak robot steel” he said with a nod
“What is it with you people and terrible parents?” Scout yelled
“I’d be happy to discuss it,” Sniper shouted over the noise “We should start a shitty parents club. You can join if you want”
“Hey, my Ma’s a wonderful woman!”
“I wasn’t talking about her”
“I was raised by American eagles, can I join?” Soldier cut in
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, idiots, but this is not the time for group therapy” Spy said, appearing out of nowhere, clearly trying to redirect the conversation
“We can discuss feelings later, I would be delighted to analyze them” Medic added with a grin, stitching up Soldier’s arm mid-fight
“Yeah, actually, I’m good” Scout said immediately
Pyro was already moving again, like the conversation had never happened. Their flames flared bright, almost beautiful in the middle of all that destruction
“I think that’s the last of ’em!” Sniper called, scanning ahead
“Alright, top off your ammo, quick!” Engineer shouted, not quite daring to believe it
With fresh ammo, a second wind, and just enough hope, they pushed through the remaining robots, covering each other tighter than they had all fight
And then- silence
It hit harder than the noise ever did
Smoke drifted slowly through the air. No one moved, like they were all waiting for the next wave to crash in the second they did
“…I’m alive?” Scout sat down hard
“Unfortunately” Spy replied instantly, though he slid down to sit beside him anyway, staring out at the horizon
“That was… something” Demoman muttered, dropping down next to them, completely spent
Heavy leaned back against the wall, finally letting himself sink to the ground. Medic did the same beside him as the pigeons began to return
“Excellent work, Archimedes” he said, addressing the bird on his shoulder, the same one that had been warning him about incoming robo-Spies
“We did it, boys” Engineer said, wiping his face as he pulled off his goggles
Sniper climbed down from his perch, gave them a small nod, and sat beside Scout
Soldier leaned against the dispenser, letting it patch him up
Pyro sat down, then slowly leaned back until they were lying flat on the ground, staring up at the sky
For a moment no one said anything
“So… getting back to that whole parents conversation-”
“No” most of them answered at once
“But we were promised therapy” Pyro murmured
“We gotta salvage what we can from the robots” Engineer said, pushing himself up slightly “But… first, let’s get something to eat”
“FINALLY”