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After dinner, Stiles is in bed in his pajamas checking his phone. He never gets tired of checking all those pictures he doesn't remember having taken. It feels both sad and good at the same time. Sad because he can't remember that moment and good because it's fun finding out things about it.
Jackson comes out of the bathroom just wearing his pajama pants which is a first since he came back home and they started sleeping in the same bed. The truth is that after what Stiles told him the night before, he's decided to show him that, if Stiles wants things to be normal, he's also going to try to make their life be as it was in the past. Jackson can see Stiles staring at him but he knows he's just curious and not shocked or something like that, so he doesn't say anything, he simply takes off his watch and leaves it on the bedside table before getting into bed.
"I've been wondering... I mean, I haven't seen any picture of you when you were pregnant with Daniel... didn't you take any?" Stiles asks, because the fact is that he hasn't found any on his phone or at home. He leaves his phone of his bedside table and turns off the lamp before looking at Jackson.
"Well, that's not material that should be out there, don't you think? There's always the possibility of somebody finding it and that's not a risk I'm willing to take. Of course, there are a few in my computer, with a password, but not many anyway."
"The thing is," Jackson continues, "I don't know if you've asked Scott or anybody, but it was difficult, okay? Now I look at Daniel and I look back, and I know that I said and did a lot of stupid things but when you see your body changing in that way... well, I'm not looking for excuses, but yeah, I thought I was ready and I realized that nothing can really prepare you to go through such a huge change... especially if you've been in good shape all your life. So yeah, it's true that I hated how I looked pretty much since I started to show and I had a no-pictures policy which you broke a few times." Jackson can't help but smile as he remembers one of those moments.
"And I know I didn't make it easy for you either," Jackson says. "But you were nothing but supportive. You knew how to deal with my mood changes and crazy hormones..."
"But now... is it different?" Stiles hasn't heard Jackson complain once. It's difficult to imagine Jackson being an ass about it.
"Yeah. Very different. Of course, this time I know what to expect but more than that with the whole mess of the accident and everything that happened after that, I've been too distracted to focus on me and my body. Besides, there was a moment when I thought that I could have lost it and now I know how lucky I am that it didn't happen. But still, now that things are getting back to normal, I've finally had time to look at myself in the mirror and freak out, so it's better to avoid mirrors until--"
"You've freaked out?" Stiles interrupts him.
"Well. Kind of." Jackson admits. "Nothing like the last time but yeah, just for a minute. As happy as I am that we're having this baby, I do look like a freak and it's hard having to hide it."
Stiles thinks about what Jackson is saying and feels kind of bad for not having asked about it before. He has no idea what Jackson went through the first time and he just assumed that this was kind of normal for him by now. He feels like he should say something but he's not sure what that is exactly.
"Anyway, this time, when I freak out, I always think about Daniel and the fact that he is going to have a sibling and it helps... so, don't worry, because I'm fine. I have it under control, although I'm sure I'll be complaining about something soon enough."
"Well, I don't remember the first time but I'm sure I said that you don't look like a freak to me, right? And that hasn't changed..." Stiles licks his lips. "And I'm here for you if you need me, okay? But I can't read your mind, so I don't know anything if you don't talk to me."
"Thanks." Jackson looks at Stiles and he can't be more grateful that he feels that way. There was a time when he thought that he'd never be lying in this bed again and that he'd be taking care of this baby alone, so having his husband's support means more than Stiles could imagine right now.
"I was thinking... remember how I said before that we should take things slow?" Jackson asks.
"Yeah," Stiles nods.
"I think it would help if maybe my wolf got used to being close to you again without going too far, you know?"
"What do you mean?" Stiles asks.
"I mean if we just cuddle while we sleep... like we used to. I think it would calm my wolf and you'd be close to the baby, too. I mean, if you are comfortable..." Jackson says, unsure if he's pushing too much.
"Yeah, I think that's a good idea." Stiles smiles and moves closer to Jackson. "What should I do now?" After he says that, he realizes how stupid that question must sound but, as simple as it is, he's never done this with anyone before.
Jackson turns off the lamp and moves to lay on his side and be as comfortable as he can.
"It's simple, you're the big spoon." Jackson can't help but smile when he hears himself saying that for the first time. It's weird when you have to remind your husband how you are used to sleeping for some many years. "Just wrap your right arm around me."
"Okay, big spoon. Got it." Stiles says, laying on his side, following Jackson's instructions.
Jackson feels Stiles's arm around his waist, the heat of his chest against his back, Stiles's breathing against the back of his neck and he knows that he hasn't felt this relaxed since the night before the car crash.
"Is this okay?" Stiles asks, just to be sure... although it feels pretty good to him. Maybe he can't remember it but it feels like his body does remember it because there's something very familiar and easy about it.
"Perfect." Jackson says with a smile, closing his eyes.