Chapter Text
Yue Qingyuan was dead.
Shen Jiu did not need to be told the tale of the fate that befalled the man, a simple look at the shards at his feet was enough to know what happened. Yue Qingyuan was dead and that beast of a man had killed him. “...Fool.” he muttered with his voice rasp from disuse. Yue Qingyuan was a fool to fall to such an obvious trap and die a meaningless death.
"You should of just left me to rot.." he leaned closer to his broken pieces, the proof of his beloved. "..just like you did back then." his voice wavered as he tried desperately to choke back his cries. Qi-ge was dead and Shen Jiu was the bait used to kill him. Now with the only thing left of Yue Qi was scattered in front of him, he reached out with his only remaining limb to cradle what was left of Yue Qi, ignoring the blood that stained his hand from its sharp edges.
Now, he truly had nothing left. The only man he ever cherished and the child he embraced as his own, there was none of it left. If it had just been him, then Shen Jiu could’ve endured it. If he, the truly horrible had just been the only one to suffer, he would’ve just bit his lip and waited for death. But now there is not even a reason to endure.
Tears fell as his body trembled. Just what had he been living for until now? It has been so long that he cannot even remember, what is it that he wanted, after everything he has done. He’s been struggling all his life, and what was it all for?
Shen jiu lifted the pieces closer to him.
What now, is the point of living? There’s is nothing even left for him to protect.
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He swallowed the shards.
His mouth stung and the shards ripped through his flesh. He ignored the roaring pain as he bringing piece by piece to his mouth. At least like this, they could die together, with their souls intertwined.
Blood spilled from his lips as he resisted the urged to cough out the blood filling his throat. Shen Qingqiu will be no more after this, dying a death befitting of him, alone and pathetic, with nothing to show that he had lived. And only having a monster as his legacy. "If only…" he struggled to voice out. "…I had lived.." with a little more love for himself. Right, Shen Jiu hated so much that was the only thing left of him, the malice he’s lived with all his life was drowning him until it was the only thing he could feel.
Shen Jiu could only regret as the life in him faded. Dragging the soul of his beloved down to hell with him the the last selfish thing he could do, he doesn’t want to be left alone again.
Shen Jiu did not believe in god.
God did not exist to him, even if they did, god was surely not kind. A kind god would not have let him live a life to only suffer from it. He used to look down on his fellow street rats as they prayed to a god for a food to eat or a safe place to sleep the night, perhaps even a better life. He thought of them as fools, weak fools who could only cling to a being who would not save them.
But as he gazed upon the ceiling of a familiar woodshed, he thought that perhaps a god truly did exist.
His body was complete with no missing limbs and his wounds were only bruises rather than cuts and whiplashes. Shen Jiu hoped this was nothing more than a memory during his final moments. But the longer he laid on the dirty floor, he thought;
"This place is hell."
The very hell that had shaped him into the monster he turned into.
He was in hell and it was God that send him here.
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"..ao..iu.."
Did he really expect to be in a place such as heaven? With the the sins shackled to his soul?
Thunk
A monster like him has no place in paradise. He was foolish to expect anything.
"..ao..Jiu..!"
Anything at all..
"Xiao-Jiu!"
A familiar voice desperately called from beyond the locked door. Shen Jiu sat up in haste, ignoring the painful cries of his sore body.
He recognized that voice, it was more youthful than he remembers, but it was a voice he would never forget. He scrambled over to the door and shakingly asked;
"..Qi-ge..?"
"Xiao-Jiu!" The sheer relief from his voice was as clear as day when he heard Shen Jiu call out to him. The same could be said for the other boy as well.
"Qi-ge is sorry Xiao-Jiu! I'll get you out of there, just wait..!" The sound of something hard hitting the lock on the woodshed almost startled Shen Jiu. "Stop it you idiot!" The boy furiously hushed him with a voice far too young than his own. "Your too loud! Do you want to be killed!?"
"But-"
"Shut up!"
Yue Qi's protest died before it could even come out. Shen Jiu remembers this very scene, he often came back to this memory.
But now it didn't seem like a memory.
"God is real." Shen Jiu thought.
And for the first time, God showed him mercy.
"Qi-ge." He called to him softly. "Leave me and run." At the very least, the boy wants to save Qi-ge from the monster that is Shen Jiu.
"What?!" Yue Qi exclaimed at the usually selfish Xiao-Jiu's declaration. "No! Qi-ge will get you out then we'll run and-"
"Qi-ge!" The locked boy hushed him again. "Just-.. Go without me! I'll escape myself later but you won't be able to if your caught now!" He reasoned with a lie. Shen Jiu will not leave this woodshed, just like how Xiao-Jiu never left that manor.
Yue Qi hesitated as he worried for Shen Jiu. How could he not? His friend was now worst than an orphaned street rat, he was now a slave, and it's all because of Yue Qi. It's hard to believe him, but what else can the weak and helpless Yue Qi do but to believe?
"Go run to Cang Qiong, Qi-ge. Go there, train and cultivate!" Forget about me, Qi-ge. "And I'll join you up in that mountain," Get strong and live you're life. "If I'm still not there, then come back and get me." Don't come back to your burden.
...
Yue Qi was silent for a moment after hearing Shen Jiu's words. Leaving him would only be a source of endless worry and regret of Yue Qi, but he could not rebuke his logic. "..Will you really join me..?"
No. "Yes, I will." He coaxed him softly to leave him once again but this time, the boy would not hopelessly be waiting.
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Three days later, a fire broke out in the night. In a woodshed on the outskirt of the Qiu Manor, a slave no one cared for had died.
The boy ran for his life.
With a bag of stolen treasure and the robes of a servant boy in hand, the boy ran until his lungs burned and his body collapsed far east of the Manor.
He was back to the time before Qiu Jianluo could give much of a care for him, so it was fairly easy to avoid the man as well the young lady running within the estate without a care of the world.
He held no malice for the girl. After all of he had been her, he would also want him dead.
He laid on the grass gasping for air, the harsh flare of the afternoon sun blinded him. He was so incredibly tired, he was tired but he was free. Away from the haunting manor filled with nothing but horrid memories.
And it made him happy, unlike the past when he was drenched in blood and filled with hate. He felt like he was truly free.
The slave "Shen Jiu" was dead.
Burned in the pyre of his own doing. Now he was a nobody unshackled by his past name.
"Name.." he muttered to himself as he thought of it, now that the slave was dead, he had no name. —Not that his former name was even a proper name itself.—
With his newly earned freedom, the boy decides to look for a name.