Archive of Our Own

When it came to raising an Eridian child, Grace had two languages to teach. Two meanings for every word and noise.

His baby liked to go with the Eridian word and then try to match it with a human equivalent meaning.

Such as 'Dad-Grace', which was a way to honour Grace as a father, while noting that there were genetic differences. The Eridian equivalent word was '؂♭♪', which meant 'permanent teacher'.

Grace had also chosen a human name for his child. Their name was ‘𝄢♪ 𝄪', which basically means ‘stop and listen’ or ‘I take up space’. Even 'big social' was a decent translation, it sounded bad at first and Grace was upset until Rocky explained.

"No", Rocky had snickered, body shaking in amusement. “Means turn head when entering room. Big energy, very likeable. Is good.”

Grace still didn’t fully understand, but sociality was a big part of Eridian culture, so any name that meant ‘I’m the most social in the room’ was probably the highest of compliments. Either way, it was important to his parent.

It was the last thing they’d said. They’d wanted their little rock to be liked.

Grace’s human equivalent name he’d chosen was 'Hope'.

"No get.”

“What don’t you understand?” Back when his child was small, no bigger than palm-sized, they were sitting on top of the dining room table, which he usually didn’t allow because even at that size, they could be a little heavy. And Hope was clumsy. “How about we sit together and talk it through?”

Rocky wasn’t around to help play mediator today. It fell entirely to Grace. He could do it; he explained things for a living.

"Name stupid.” Grace’s heart fell a little.

“Okay… could we pick a better name together, one that feels more like you?” He asked, they huffed and turned away. “Is this really about your name?”

"Grace big many years on Terra. Hope bigger,” they spread their hands, drifting them through the air like stars in the sky, "hope saved stars." They were getting so well-spoken, in both Eridian and English, that it made him a little emotional.

“I understand. Our names have big meanings and long histories, it’s a little intense and scary for you, huh?” They chirped mournfully. Grace leaned down a little, and they rose to meet his eyes.

His baby was scared they weren't going to live up to the meaning of hope. His heart twinged. “I chose your name for a reason. It wasn’t an easy choice, I spent a lot of time with your egg.” It was probably one of the scariest decisions he’d ever made. This was a name they’d hear for the rest of their lives.

“Parents stupid,” they muttered. Grace noted they never really had anything nice to say about either of their biological parents, especially the one who had incubated them. They were snippy about it, even at this tiny age. 

“It’s okay, you’ll understand when you’re older,” Grace whispered, he drew his arm in slowly, cradling them close.

Rocky had explained that when a mate gets sick or lost, their partner can hold onto an egg for years at a time, putting off fertilisation.

Eventually, they’d be forced to fertilise the egg or risk it becoming unviable. 

But if you don’t lay the egg within a reasonable amount of time, you can get really sick.

Rocky had wanted Grace to approach the topic with more of a bad cop angle.

Disrespecting teachers as a moody teenager was one thing, but insulting your biological parents was another. Especially when they’re dead.

It was pretty high on the list of bad things you technically can’t do.

He didn’t know if it was the right choice, but Grace had asked for a little more time and space to allow his baby to express themselves. He thought forcing them to bottle it up and only talk good about their parents would do irreparable damage to their psyche. 

He’d explained to Rocky that Hope had come to him, little hands shaking, and spilt their thoughts to Grace. They believed they’d been abandoned.

The first parent went on a mission and left them behind. The second parent was unforgivable to them; they had almost killed Hope and, in turn, had killed themselves in their desperation to wait for their mate’s return.

Hope really hated them for it, and so Grace felt it would be a betrayal of trust to force his kid to forgive them, to forget about it, and to speak with only respect. 

They were old enough to start understanding exactly what happened, and rightfully, they were hurting. Grieving.

There was so much anger and pain in that little body that he couldn’t contain it. Only soothe it, and with time, maybe they’ll learn to forgive. Or maybe they won’t.

Either way, it was their choice. As Rocky would say, they had saved Erid. So they get to do whatever they want. Even though Rocky was, for the most part, joking and goading Grace, there was plenty truth to it.

And as much as Grace did not abuse the Eridians' clear, thankful nature towards him, he would for Hope. 

“You are my hope,” he declared. "You are my reason, that is why I chose it."

“…stupid but understand." Grace tried to hold back from rolling his eyes. 

“If you didn’t want the name, you would have stomped in here and told me to change it." Grace gently bumped his forehead against the sphere.

These days, Hope was a little older; they were getting so big that it made him feel emotional and broody. He missed picking up that tiny ball and holding it close to his heart. Missed watching them trip over themselves to scramble into his hand.

“Dad-Grace?” Grace hummed, turning away from the cooker to face them. "…Ask a question," Grace hummed again, and then he decided usually Hope’s questions were very intense, and so he sat at the dining table. “Uncle Rocky bad child,” Grace smiled to himself. “Uncle Rocky tell stories," and then they began to babble.

Rocky said it was normal for an Eridian child to continue their toddler-babbling, even when they got older, not that Hope was very old to begin with in Eridian standards.

Rocky had also said ‘♮’ with a small, quiet noise while discussing the babbling last week. He still hadn’t explained what it meant, and surprisingly, it wasn’t a word Grace had ever heard before. 

He tried his best to follow the babbling, the shaking, the loud, screaming, high-pitched noise they made as they bounced around, he did catch—“mate with self—“

“Hey!” He half-stood up, hands splaying on the table. “I’m going to kick your uncle. Don't say that,” he said, pointing at them. “Uncle Rocky very bad,” they giggled to themselves. "…You uh, you had a question?”

"Gemstone", Grace sat back and covered his face, especially his eyes. "It is true."

He was going to kill Rocky.

“Your uncle’s mouth? Your uncle’s… noise box is very loud, extremely large noise!” He complained, "It's a no." They threaded their hands together, making a low noise.

“Cause of Hope,”

"No…Yes." He learned very quickly that lying to your kid never went well. He still almost did it all of the time. 

“I have my hands full with you, and very happily at that." He planted a hand over the ball, and Hope rose up to press against his fingers. “Rocky needs to stop hoarding. He said Adrian was bad, but he was lying; he’s the baby-fever one.”

“…Eridian has siblings, is not strange,” they pointed out. "If Gemmy lives with Grace and Hope, it okay." Grace winced.

He didn’t know how to navigate siblings. Kids got jealous, crazy jealous.

Hope was already the territorial type. When he had just been born, he tried to kick Rocky so many times for getting too close to Grace.

He also hadn't raised an older kid before. Hope was still in their egg when he got them.

The Eridians didn't think they'd ever hatch, honestly. Which, Grace suspected, was the reason he was allowed to ‘adopt’ in the first place. They’d given him the equivalent of a fake baby doll to appease him. 

“We’ll talk it over. You could meet with ؂♪ if you’d like." They made a noise, like a squeak and huff of air. The same noise they made when they saw something they wanted to try but was too weirded out to try. A lot of food garnered that reaction.

“Uncle Rocky says Dad-Grace is doomed,” Grace groaned to himself. "…Maybe one… but ask not a house full like Uncle Rocky."

“Deal.” Grace didn’t really want a house full of Eridian babies, either.

Sometimes, he couldn’t help but wonder if he was messing everything up with Hope.

Why was his kid so antisocial? Was it because of him and Rocky and their adverse nature against any sociality? He was big social, literally named Big Social. Raising a kid might have been a terrible decision.

“Uncle Rocky came with a gift for 𝄢♪ 𝄪,” he kicked down the door, and Grace jumped, heart flying in his chest. He grabbed it and spun around, half leaning on the table. "…Rocky will fix door later.”

Hope tittered loudly and jumped up, falling over three times in their scramble to get to Rocky. Then they fell over twice more. Rocky chittered back, lowering slightly to help steady them.

“Rocky Adrian make special clothing for special little speck," he purred, bumping against Hope.

Thief, Grace thought.

“—And Rocky brings an even bigger beach ball than last time!” They squealed and ran out of the door.

“Stay where I can see you, please!” Grace yelled, which went unanswered. “You only bring beach balls when you don’t want them listening in." He crossed his arms, and guiltily, Rocky came to stand in front of him. “We sit?” he shook, and Grace nodded, sitting down on the floor. “…Is it about the noise you made the other day?”

“Read Rocky like a manifest," he complained, “just like Adrian. Apologise for the topic. When Eridian mate…” he trails off, and Grace is sure he’s about to be asked for sex advice or baby-making tips, neither one of which he can offer any sort of comment on.

“Eridian makes eggs and pushes eggs out within reasonable time,” he explained. "Let the egg inside incubate halfway, then incubate outside. Atmosphere cook,”

"Similar to chickens… kind of,” he nodded.

“Hope parents make egg before the mission. Like… freezing human egg, machine explain process to Rocky,” right.

Grace wasn’t going to ask why Rocky was looking into sperm banks. No thank you.

“Keep inside for… many years,” he explained, very awkwardly. “So many years… die from egg, infection,”

“Sepsis,” Grace murmured. He could never forget explaining this to Hope. It wasn’t a nice conversation.

But, it was the law, you have to explain any death to the next of kin, always. No exceptions. No matter how awful the words you have to say are.

Hope was the only living family member, and so the second they were old enough to understand, Grace was essentially court ordered to explain their deaths. 

“…Many complications,”

“I remember. Hope was a bit of a miracle. The way you were… we almost lost them so many times," Rocky chirped in agreement.

He'd kept telling himself not to get attached to the deathly silent, unhatched egg. But Grace had gotten attached instantly. He'd been so scared.

"Rocky's egg crack on top, not allowed to crack at all or Eridian dies. But crack not deep, Rocky survived no problem. Rocky even incubated alone,” he explained, “usually is watched and helped, sometimes made warmer if there is a problem."

He’d always been a fighter, that much was obvious. Grace still didn’t know enough, but Rocky had definitely helped when Grace was taking care of Hope’s egg.

Pre-birth was kind of like sleeping to them, you had to have someone watch. Someone to keep you warm, to fix your shell if it cracks, and to talk to you. 

Sometimes, Eridians will even die in the shell if no one is around to speak to them. The body deems it too unsafe to even be born, it causes anxiety and stress and eventually, the heart gives out.

Rocky, just like Grace, should have died many times.

“Hope stayed inside far too long… apologies for topic, but stuck in very tight space. Eridian not supposed to incubate for so long. Eridian can not be born until leave body.”

Grace had to wonder how long they could technically keep one frozen inside.

Rocky did give a brief history lesson about how there was once a predator and Eridians evolved to be able to hold their eggs inside for longer, placing them into a sort of coma-like state as they all hid underground, they even held them inside for extended periods of time during harsh winters, when it became their version of freezing on Erid.

Rocky had made sure Grace understood how important it was that an egg is never frozen for decades, and never ever fully incubated inside of an Eridian. 

Grace tried to keep his face as straight as possible. This was a little bit of a strange conversation.

“Hope's egg cracked."

“It did? Like yours?” Rocky shook. "You mean, It cracked all the way?” He made a small chirping noise.

Grace did remembering thumbing over a split, but the doctor had told him not to worry. Those little butt-holes. "...But they’re alive,” Rocky chirped again. "Okay…? Why didn’t you say anything?”

”Did not know, underneath egg. Crack usually on top,” Rocky paused, "Rocky, notice Hope♮." There's that noise again! Grace frowned. “Rocky be delicate… um… Grace's human-walking-leg-appendages,” he pointed to Grace’s legs, and he looked down. "Cane for gravity.”

This again? 

He groaned, “I’m not using a cane yet,” and Rocky gave him that chirp, the one he uses to tell him to stop being so difficult. “I’m okay for now, buddy. It’ll be hard to keep up with Hope.”

"Rocky's not so sure,” Rocky mumbled, “notice ♮, need human word. When body not right,” Grace tilted his head, “when body not develop in egg properly and now body not right.” 

“…Do you mean disabled?”

He… hadn’t felt this feeling in a long time.

Actually, the last time he felt it was probably when he realised he’d have to go back for Rocky, when he’d have to die.

Or maybe when he realised he could quite possibly starve to death before they got home.

Or when he was staring at that egg, begging for Hope to hatch. Survive, stay with me, buddy.

Like gravity.

Like dropping.

His entire body went ice-cold, his head started spinning. “There’s something wrong with my baby?!” He couldn’t stop the raise of his voice. 

Grace hadn’t noticed at all. What kind of father was he? He didn’t notice.

"It is very normal,” Rocky explained. "Adrian said many Eridians panicked. Had to extract the egg in an emergency, cracked in the process," like a C-section. “Try heat, make it colder, try incubation. Nothing work. Give Grace egg, did not want to upset us by saying.”

Those little… at least Rocky hadn’t known, either.

Granted, they had both just returned from a terribly traumatic experience.

Rocky already had prior egg related trauma, and he was certainly changed from the mission.

And the scary, traumatised alien kept crying all over the egg. 

Grace probably wouldn’t have told them, either.  

“What’s wrong with them?” He whispered. Rocky pointed again to Grace’s legs. “Is…”

Oh my god. His baby wasn’t clumsy. Grace felt horrible. He might be sick. He leaned over. Folding his arms over his stomach.

"...Is still Grace child!" Rocky sounded panicked for a moment, and suddenly puzzle pieces began to click into place.

He’d been so argumentative about using Grace using a cane, so desperately insistent.

Rocky doesn’t know human culture.

He’d probably been fishing with the constant discussions of his pain, of gravity, of Grace’s slowing movements and the cane he kept offering, trying to figure out if being disabled was even okay, if it was allowed.

He didn't know if it was as natural as breathing, or if humans simply got rid of the weak ones like so many other species do.

Rocky has been very clingy to Hope all week.

Grace would feel a speck of hurt at the assumption that he might be capable of throwing his child away just because they’re different, but then he thought logically about it.

They had never discussed anything like this before.

Humans had stuck him with needles and forced him into a ship knowing he’d painfully and slowly starve to death, that, or he’d have to kill himself. While he screamed hysterically, begging not to die.

Even if it was necessary, he still held a bit of a grudge and if Grace was upset, then Rocky was upset.

And forcing someone onto a ship, was instantly punishable by death, shooting someone into space knowing they’d die… was punishable by death. So. There was that.

He hadn’t painted the best image of humanity, and Rocky knew from how Grace discussed humans, that he was considered different from a lot of other people. Even down to his glasses.

It was an easy assumption that, because he wasn’t social, because he was different and intelligent, because he has such big, bold ideas… that he got sent to his death.

He was just a school teacher after all, why send a school teacher? Over the years, Rocky had asked several times, more insistently than the last. 

Grace just hadn’t explained yet. He never felt ready. Actually, he was embarrassed. 

He’d been so cagey about it this entire time, why he was sent, why he clearly little to no training, why he had no friends or family, why he was isolated all of the time. Why he was alone during the mission, why he was stranded without any memories.

Rocky had kind of jumped to the worst-case scenario and assumed that they’d maybe tried to kill Grace for being, like, the runt of the litter. 

They had an intelligent person available who would fix all their problems, but then they would be left to die before they imposed their weirdness onto the rest of humanity.

It wasn’t that Rocky thought the Mary was an elaborate execution, probably just that maybe they had told Grace that they didn’t have enough fuel.

You don’t usually explain to the cow that it’s going into a slaughterhouse machine to make a cheeseburger, do you? two birds, one stone.

He was approaching humanity like he would many other species. There were many animals who typically abandon or cull their sick or weaker children for the betterment of the entire pack, they assume the young is too weak anyway, so why waste the time and resources they don’t have. He didn’t know how Rocky would know this, exactly.

My planet is dying very quickly. Within the next thirty years. He’d told Rocky. We won’t have many resources or food to spare. 

Oh.

“Oh my god…hey, hey, it’s alright,” he reassured, and Rocky relaxed. He’d been shaking this entire time while Grace sat in complete, shocked silent. 

”…Rocky sorry."

“It’s okay, really. Jeez Rock, um, no one was trying to hurt me—I mean that’s not,” he stumbled over his words, “no one was trying to—“ kill me? “I mean…no one did it because I’m bad at karaoke night and I wear my socks inside out sometimes and I like really hate people in my house, I just, what I mean to say is that there are many different humans.” Rocky just sat there.

”Where I come from, we don’t kill weird people— well, I guess that’s not exactly true.” Rocky tapped his legs on the floor, which is the Eridian equivalent to raising one’s eyebrows. “Okay, what I mean to say is, where I come from we’re not like other animals, we don’t kill our young because they’re ‘weaker’ or sick,”

I’m not even weaker or sick?! Or weird.

”oh.” Rocky tapped again, which is a bit like your face going red. He’s embarrassed. “Rocky know human force Grace. But Rocky not know why school teacher forced?”

”I’m sorry and we will discuss it, but can we pivot back to my child? They’re what’s important. Not me, not right now Rock,” the seriousness I put into my tone made him hesitate.

“Look, I am feeling really sad, bud. Guilty that I didn’t notice,” he explained. “I thought Hope was clumsy. I thought it was cute, but they’ve been struggling this whole time.” Suddenly a flare of hurt and pain and even panic rose up in his chest. “I told you this was a bad idea, Rock!”

“What idea? Not bad."

“Being a dad, Rocky. I’m not good enough, clearly. I didn’t even notice. I know better. I’ve seen you walk, Hope… oh my god, it’s their front left leg. I’m the worst,” he said, covering his face. "It's shorter than the others! I’m a fudging idiot–!"

“Not!” Rocky yelled. "Grace, stop self-deprecation or Rocky will tell on you." Grace didn’t respond. He didn’t think he could respond. “Special shoe", Rocky planted a hand on his back. "Special shoe helps to walk", he reassured, “not end of star" Still, he couldn’t raise his head.

“Grace being unfair." He sounded furious then. Incredibly furious. "Grace angry Hope different,” he snapped. “Grace being a bad dad.”

“I’m not,” he argued. “I just… I’m angry at myself. Rock, I didn’t notice this entire time. And I’m sad, I don’t want them to struggle. The world is hard, Rock. I… I don’t want them to be picked on.”

“Why struggle? Not struggle. Make shoe, special rock, special lift, not struggle,” Rocky sounded incredibly confused then.

Grace had a feeling there was some sort of translation error going on between them. They needed to lower their voices, dial it back and figure out what page they were both on.

“Okay, on Earth, planet", he made a round shape with his hands, “not designed well for disability", he explained, “doors too small for chair sometimes. Path too uneven for bad leg,” he added on, “walk very far from place to place, not easy. And other humans make fun of.”

Rocky reeled back. “Bully?!" He demanded. Which, yes, bullying was another one of their more serious concerns on Erid.

He tried not to think about the fact that they had made it illegal to bully Grace and Rocky.

Just them two.

Bullying in general, however, was socially unacceptable, which is apparently just as bad as an execution to them. Being shunned by your peers was life-changing. It didn’t mean that it never happened, however.

“Grace say human not kill weaker human!” He accused. “Grace say is fine, is lie?”

”I’m not lying. There’s more healthy people so things are built to accommodate them, I know, it sucks.” Rocky’s legs tapped.

“Also small percentage of Eridian. Extremely small percent. But build for them, most of planet accessible. Rocky not understand. Erid very good for difference. On Erid, difference is uncomfortable sometimes but accepted."

“That means something very different on Earth, to accept something and not really like it, usually means not actually accepting it,” he explained.

"…Rocky will not beat the bush,” he sighed. Grace frowned. "Not always easiest. Maybe no bully, speed is not a big problem with Eridian. Slow is not bad, Grace very slow but still a favourite," he paused, "Maybe harder to make friends if can’t keep up…” he admitted.

Grace dropped his head again. “But help! No pain,” Rocky lifted up a finger, “with special clothing, teach walk, help balance, there is easy climb rock formation,” he listed each on a finger.

“That’s for disability purposes?”

"What do you think the easy climb rock formation is for? Stupid human," Rocky said, “Grace climbs." Yes, he did climb it, every single day with Hope at his side. He hadn’t noticed it was a lot less steep than the other path. 

“Many lifts. Hope doing fine,” he waved a hand, “just incubate too long. Might have problems." He pointed at his body.

“What else?” Grace asked quickly,

"Baby, fine, stop panicking. May social struggle… not good. May leg struggle but we help,” he answered. “Rocky social struggle, do good. Grace physical struggle do good,” he pointed out. “Together Hope do great. Not… not bad, Father."

“I kind of feel like one,” Grace admitted quietly. “I’m sure everyone’s been glaring at me, wondering why I’m letting my kid struggle." He ducked down, burying his face into his arms.

“Not crime", Rocky said. "Rocky's teachers make hundreds of mistakes. Rocky makes mistakes as a father," he said. "Grace is not the only one. Rocky let the new baby eat too quickly and the baby choked."

“Oh my god, are they okay?”

"Is fine, but Adrian kick Rocky out for the day, they were very upset. But, Adrian also makes mistakes. Special clothing too pointy, chip carapace. Rocky, panic,” Rocky ducked down, “scared. No perfect Eridian exists, Grace human and Eridian,” he pointed out. "When you make a mistake, do better next time. Grace radiation.”

“Using my own words against me,” Grace huffed. It had become a bit of a new saying in Eridian radiation meant to learn from one’s mistakes and protect against making it next time.

“Despite everything, you want me to have another kid. Why?" He shook his head.

Wasn't this proof to the entire planet that they should have never trusted him?

“Different good", Rocky answered. “Stop worrying. It is just like learning a new language: time and patience. Maybe not normal for me,” he gestured to his legs, “but normal for Hope.”

“I… guess that’s why it’s difficult for me, it’s not my normal. I’ve never been the type to deal with mobility issues,” Grace admitted.

“I promise I wasn’t upset for the reasons you’re thinking.” Gosh, they hadn’t had a communication error this large in years. “I just wanted to keep up with my kid. They’re so fast sometimes, I worry I’ll get left behind.”

"If you get left behind, Hope always comes to get you," Rocky nudged his shoulder. "Explain the short leg problem from incubation. Rocky, Adrian and Father help with balance and pain. Hope do good. Might be sad,” he admitted, “if not perfect."

“Hope is perfect." Grace argued,

“Rocky knows, but Hope is silly like father sometimes. Eridani is already changing so much with Grace's presence. Different used to not be best thing. When system works, why change? But Rocky main biologist teaches that different people come up with different ideas. It was difference that saved the world.” He waved an arm. "Other Rocky team do not go outside the ship! Other Rocky team would never attach rope.”

“…I didn’t do anything wrong? I didn’t mess them up?” Rocky chittered and hit him so hard that the air left his lungs. 

Like expected, Hope was confused and upset. “Nothing wrong!” they were saying over and over, and now that Grace listened, he could hear the very clear tones of lying, the bullshit meter was going off… a phrase that he regretted teaching Rocky in retrospect. “Both want Hope bullied.”

Grace gestured at them and back to Rocky, as if to say, 'See? I told you so!'

Rocky shuffled awkwardly. “Bullying is bad, no one does," he didn’t sound that sure all of a sudden at Hope’s accusation towards them. “…Rocky beat them.”

“No violence, please,” Grace begged. "No one is picking on you, right?” Hope whistled a no tune. Grace hadn’t told them, but they had a specific note for when they were lying or telling the truth. “Okay, good,” he breathed. 

"Rocky was very different", Rocky said, “when growing up.”

“Hope knows," they didn’t sound any happier. Grace planted a hand on their arm. “…ask question, do humans eat their young when they have bad legs?” They asked. A little afraid.

Instantly, Grace turned to Rocky with a vicious stare, Rocky flinched so Grace could only guess he could hear the speed in which he spun around, and the furious pounding of his heart.

”Are you kidding me?” Grace whispered to him, it sounded like a threat. 

“Rocky misunderstand!” He whispered back, “but Grace explain earlier! Rocky understand now, but last week human think machine misleading about animal, human mammal! Human like fish!”

“an evolved kind of mammal! and we’re not like fish, fish aren’t even mammals, okay?” 

“Know what mammal! Not stupid!” Rocky yelled, “insult Rocky!” He accused, Grace rolled his eyes. “Mostly water! Squishy leaking, like fishing,” he argued, “are like fish! Evolve from fish! eat their young, Grace not want to say kill Grace for bad social skill, runt of litter! Choose Grace specifically for unfunny t-shirt. Misunderstand!”

”oh my god that’s not even remotely what happened…” Rocky was seriously not trying to explain humans to a human.

“Rocky knows that!”

“—No, sweetheart, we don’t do that, your uncle is just an idiot,” Rocky trilled angrily, “on Earth we have things called canes, which your uncle knows very well considering he’s trying to get me to use one! why would we invent a way for people to walk easier if we planned on eating them?!”

”Why send a school teacher to space? It boggles,” Rocky retorted. “Maybe cane walk human to plate easier,”

”you are unbelievable Rocky. If you need clarification, just come ask me,” he was still feeling a little bit hurt that Rocky had been so clearly confused and upset for a long time, and didn’t bother to come to him. “Where’d you get this idea that all humans kill the ‘runt’ humans and eat them in the first place anyway, Rock?”

”When get back to Erid Rocky animal planet on watch television human device. When baby animal not liked, sometimes, parents kill or eat,” he explained, “water creature do. Land animal do. Grace both.” For heck sake. Grace couldn’t believe this. His head was spinning. “…Thought maybe human make one way trip on purpose for get rid of. Lie to Grace.”

Whoop, there it is. What the fuck, Rocky.

“I swear to god Rocky if you’ve told everyone my planet wanted to eat me for being autistic I’m going to kill you,”

”not understand word,”

”I am going to kill you. Do you understand that?”

”…Understand.”

”God, I have to take some accountability here, I’m sorry Rock, I think I—and animal planet, scared the heck out of you accidentally,” he pushed his glasses up, massaging the bridge of his nose, “okay, buddy. Look, Dad is plenty different, too,” he whispered, they perked up. Rocky also perked up, leaning close. He’s so nosy.

“…When I was a little rock like you, my family died. On Earth, sometimes you get a new family."

“Like Dad-Grace,"

"Yeah,” he smiled, “sometimes, you stay in a system with lots of people, just like on Erid. Maybe five or ten people looking after you?”

Rocky couldn’t believe how low the number was and he whistled. Grace could see clearly he wanted to say, 'Wow, so easy to escape Teacher.' He definitely seemed a little jealous.

“I had no friends or family.”

“Alone?” Hope deflated,

"Alone", he agreed just as quietly, “because I was all alone, I found it very hard to interact with other people. I felt like an outsider on my own planet. And you know these?” He took his glasses off, Hope chirped. “Not everyone human has, it means my light seeing orbs don’t work properly,” he explained.

Hope made a long noise, like a human’s version of an ohhhhh. Realisation and shock mixed up in one. “One day, dad got very sad that no one was listening, so I call names,” 

“Bully?!” Rocky demanded,

”No, not bully, never,” Grace laughed, “…debate. Argue. I thought you didn’t need water to evolve,” Rocky made a confused noise, “yeah, yeah I get it,” he grumbled, waving a hand. “humans stop Grace big science.”

”They did?” Okay, who was he telling the story to, his kid or Rocky? 

“Rock, you know how I told you in the Mary about how I ended up in space. About the mission?” Rocky nodded. “But you always asked me why a school teacher. You understood that it wasn’t my—“ he paused, my choice. “But you never understood why a school teacher. Actually, I was once very respected in my field, but people laughed at me when I wrote my thesis on water-based life. Not just that, they did something called blacklisting.”

He explained what it meant, but he couldn’t even find the right words to make them understand just how life shattering it was. 

“I couldn’t… work,” he said, “I couldn’t… my dreams, all the money I spent on my degrees just… gone. Because I took a chance, because I wanted to standout,” he shook his head. “That’s why a school teacher was in Space. I wasn’t good enough to be a real scientist, a teacher was the only thing I was allowed to be. I didn’t have a choice,” he answered. “But then it became my life, my purpose. I loved it so much. I was just… too embarrassed to tell you,” he looked to Rocky. 

“I only joined the project because I had a big ego. Because I always had to be involved with everything. They came to me asking for my help because it wasn't a big deal if I died while investigating. A school teacher isn’t a huge loss and they couldn’t afford to lose any real scientists, still, they were hopeful I’d find something that no one else did.” And he had. “I’m a coward,” Rocky made a startled noise.

”Grace not do,” he warned, and Grace went quiet. Hope looked between them.

”Secrets!” Hope screamed, pointing between them.

”Look what Grace do!” Rocky accused. 

”It’s okay. Dad… didn’t volunteer, little speck,” Rocky made a noise, like a teakettle at full volume, high and pitchy and he collapsed, arm falling over his body. “Human force onto ship. Human… human kill dad.”

”Why… human so scary, bully and kill dad,” they wheezed, “hurt? Hurt hurt hurt? You say human not do but they did,” He pointed shakily, with one leg raised, it tipped their balance and they fell.

Grace half raised up, hand lifting, readying to help but Hope scrambled up, tipping to the side before righting themselves. How the hell had he missed this? 

”Big accident,” Grace explained gently, lowering back down, “big accident kill everyone who could have saved stars,” he answered, “Dad… leading expert, dad… dad council top,” they thrilled again in pure shock. It was equivalent to finding out your father is actually the president. “Dad no longer just a school teacher.”

Rocky seemed pretty stunned. He knew Grace was brilliant, he knew he was smart enough to fix the sun. They had done so together. But he clearly hadn’t realised how involved Grace had been, how important, how significant to the humans.

He’d basically just implied that he was one of the leaders of Earth. Which, isn’t technically that far off considering the world-wide clearance he had.

“I was selfish.” Grace declared.

Rocky looked to him, somewhere between wanting to argue that he wasn’t and waiting to see what he had to say first.

”Dad… put himself first. I spent my entire life afraid,” he admitted, “dad never have mate because… dad scared mate not stay,” he said, “afraid not good mate. Never treat mate like mate. No friends because… scared friends wouldn’t like. Well, that’s not true, I had one friend. Once.” He never let them get to best friend status.

God, he’s the worst, isn’t he? “Grace bad human.” He said.

”Not,” Rocky complained loudly, “radiation.”

”Ask question.” They both went completely silent. “… If ask now, what say?” Grace paused, “save Earth?” He… huh. “Save Erid? Die, right now?” 

“I’d… I’d die,” Grace admitted quietly, 

“Dad almost die uncle Rocky,” Gently, Hope tapped Grace’s sleeve. At first, a lot of Eridian’s thought it was normal.

Some theorised that the patch was almost like solar power, that they got their nutrients from the sun by taking it in through the patch, others said it was like a natural Eridian mark, some had brighter patches on them, like the human equivalent of freckles.

Grace had to explain to them, and eventually to his baby, that it was scarring, just like Rocky’s.

They were both melted, Rocky by extreme cold and Grace by extreme heat. They were horrified and furious that they’d entered each other’s atmosphere. 

Grace had just said Rocky family. I couldn’t let him die. Grace would have sprinted onto that ship for Rocky, he would have put a gun to his head. And now? He’d do the same for Hope. He’d do it for Erid, and, he’d do it for Earth, too.

Not because he didn’t value his life, not because he believed trading one life was okay, even for an entire planet, but because without them he would be dead anyway.

Either physically or emotionally. 

This whole time he had been trying to follow that advice, find someone to be brave for.

He hadn’t taken that advice, actually, he had a bit of advice for all of Earth and his deceased crew.

Don’t find someone to be brave for. 

Saving Rocky had not been an act of putting himself in danger for the greater good, and it wasn’t finding someone to be brave for. It wasn’t even dying for someone you love, saving Rocky was the act of clinging to life, itself.

If he had to do the same now, it wouldn’t be sacrifice and it wouldn’t be death, for he would be more dead without his child than he ever would rotting in the ground.

Giving his life for theirs isn’t dying, it’s living. Sounds strange, he knows, dying as a concept for living.

But he wasn’t alive because he breathed, he wasn’t alive because he ate slop to survive, he lived because they did.

They were his circulatory system, they were the blood pumping around his body, they were the heart beating in his chest and brain firing off signals. 

Had he been alone, he may have given in each time his life was put in danger. But there was Rocky, and his hope to see his mate again, and even though Eridani had never been the kindest to Rocky, his determination to save them was unwavering. 

Inspiring.

Rocky didn't feel like a stranger, even when he was one. Grace felt like a stranger, and made it everyone else’s problem.

Rocky hadn’t made him brave, he had made Grace more human. 

When Grace used to dream back on Earth, it always included his apartment. He was wandering around, sometimes the sky would fall outside of his window or his home would be burning down.

When he day dreamed during class, he imagined himself on his couch alone, watching TV, eating craft Mac and cheese, it was his safe space.

In his dreams now, he imagined that apartment, still.

Only, Hope would be sitting beside him on that couch, without a ball between them, so that Grace could snuggle into them and hold his baby to his chest.

Rocky would come sprinting in because he didn’t want to miss the movie, carrying his four babies, and Adrian would appear a moment later telling him off for running with the children.

Lately, he’d been dreaming that Gemmy would join, shyly peaking around the door and coming in to snuggle up to Grace’s shoulder.

On Earth, the kids were his life. His students. No, he didn’t want to leave them behind to pick up the pieces of a ruined Earth. In cold and starvation wanting an adult to answer the questions, and receiving sterile non-answers.

But Stratt was right, his reasoning was pure, selfish fear. But… maybe it wasn’t wrong. Evolutionarily speaking, humans evolved to survive. It was natural for the body to fight, even when the mind gives up.

Grace thinks maybe his mind had given up but not his body. That maybe he jumped up and fought and tried to run because it was instinct. Like a cornered animal inside of a cave. 

“I used to day dream, and in my dreams when I disappeared, someone would come looking for me.” Grace paused.

”In all of these dreams I imagined someone looking for me. I never imagined myself looking for someone. Seeking out their company.”

They both leaned in, “you know, I think it was the countless questions in my own mind that got to me growing up. If my family were here would they be the greatest parents in the world? Buy me the sweater I wanted to keep me warm, would they hold me close? Or would I be worse off if they were around? Would they make me feel worthless and lonely. I didn’t know if I wanted them around or not, because I didn’t know them.”

All three of them understood that sentiment. Rocky squeaked, nudging against Grace’s shoulder.

“I think it was always everyone’s assumption, on Earth at least, that their parents would be the best, that they’d rescue them from a lonely room in a cold orphanage, like that movie Annie—ah you don’t understand the reference.” He scratched his head.

”Honestly? I always assumed that if they made me, they were as insufferable as I am. I didn’t want to be around two grown versions of myself, that sounded like a nightmare.” He admitted.

”And… and I don’t think it was just the fear of rejection,” it was starting hit him, suddenly like the metal of Mary slamming into his back. Like a chair pushing down on his lungs. “I think there was people, Rock. Who wanted me around, his eyes filled and he ducked his head, “I think I just hated them for it, because… maybe that meant they were like me.” 

Every girlfriend who had a similiar humour to him, every person in university who was getting the same degree as him. “I think I just didn’t want to be around myself,” he said.

Even when he was working on the petrova line problem, well, he was still alone a lot of the time.

“…balance. For there to be people who think they are the smartest in the room, the most attractive, worthy and perfect human being, there also has to the opposite. I’m that opposite.” Grace looked to Rocky, “I wasn’t alone because I was the runt, the sick and weak one of the pack, the one who was better off dead because he couldn’t conform to societal norms. Rock, I was alone because I think I chose to be alone. Because I just couldn’t like myself.”

He could see Hope was getting extremely upset, and even Rocky was starting to tremble, “the humans took my memory because they didn’t trust me to help them,” he explained to Hope.

He could tell Hope really wanted to ask about that. “And as my memory was coming back, it was like reading a book about myself. First, it was all the time I spent as a child looking up at the stars,” he rubbed a hand over Hope, smiling.

“I realised I started to love space because I loved the idea of not being alone. I used to say that space was better than the ocean, because even the tide begins to pull back when the sun rises, but the sky, the sky follows you wherever you go. It’s always above you, watching.” Hope tapped their fingers and Grace knew they were listening to the air around them.

Looking up. “More and more memories started to come back, and you know what happened? I begin to meet this person called Ryland Grace, it felt like I was spending time with someone else,” he said, “suddenly, I would say oh… I liked reading? And bit by bit, I started to realise I’d been bullying myself,”

Hope gasped, “Bad bad bad.”

“Yeah…” he whispered “suddenly, there I was , looking at myself from the outside, and you know what? I liked what I saw,” he said, and Hope lifted up.

“I saw a good teacher, and an intelligent man, I saw someone who was so passionate about his studies and research and students. I saw someone who always wanted to be bigger than life, full of hope. I thought, why did I hate this person so much?” 

“Because different,” Rocky whispered, “that’s why Grace hate.”

”Yeah...” Grace admitted, “I wanted to be like every other human. I felt like my skin belonged to someone else, I was always so uncomfortable,” he rubbed his arms, “by the end of our mission, I realised I have to be okay with… with not feeling perfect. I have to be okay with having very human flaws, with always feeling like the odd one out.” He shrugged.

”I made so many mistakes. But, the humans made the right choice.”

”No, force,” Hope argued, angrily. “Cruel.”

”Shhh,” he soothed, “I know. But if human not do, whole planet dies. Humans not bad… humans scared, like Grace. Not perfect. And…” he trailed off, “humans knock sense into dad’s head,” he tapped his head with his fist. “I never thought I was the leading expert. I didn’t think it was possible that anyone would ever listen to what I have to say again. Out of billions of people there were three heroes, I had never imagined one of them would be me.”

”Dad think not good enough,” Hope said, “stupid.” Grace smiled, shrugging. 

”I’ve got all my memories back,” He tapped on his glasses, “and I’ve come to realise this person? is not perfect, at all. And you know what? that’s okay. I like this person.” He planted a hand near Hope’s shortened leg and smiled. “Hope not need to be ‘perfect’ you don’t need to be like everyone else. Saving Erid and Earth was the second proudest moment of my life. 𝄢♪ 𝄪, it doesn’t even come close to being your dad,”

”…you sure?”

”I promise.”

“Dad!” Hope had dropped Dad-Grace shortly after the conversation. Rocky said it was the equivalent of them recognising Grace as a biological parent, and though it wasn’t factually correct, they were insistent. If someone brought up their parents they would say Grace? And challenge them to argue against it. “Big shoe!”

”I see buddy, you’re doing so good!” Grace called back, they continue running, chasing down the beach ball. “What’s with the ball?”

”Rocky need to come up with another strategy, one cannot see through,” Rocky grumbled, Adrian shot past both of them, toppling over the top of the ball and hitting the ground with a noise that made Grace wince. “Ball not for Hope, ball for Grace,” he snickered.

”Ha ha. What is it? Going to comment on my skills again?” He complained,

”Grace much improve with cane! Especially since Grace say pick up cane walk no problem, just walk stick, I’m human Grace and I’m best at everything first try,” he mocked, Grace knocked his knee against Rocky’s suit. 

“It’s harder than it looks, I was wrong,” sometimes he still accidentally kicked the cane out from under him, causing himself to stumble and nearly fall. These days, he mostly walked in tandem with it.

“Gemmy Grace!” He yelled, both the kids froze, “you be gentle with your sibling! you’re older and much bigger!” Gemstone made a loud noise, which usually meant extreme apology. “It’s okay my little shine.” 

“Hm, total gone,” Rocky hummed, “doomed. Told you so.”

”Ugh, shut up,” Grace bumped against him, “or I’ll start poking your suit again,” Rocky moved back, slowly like a spider being chased with a shoe.

Grace held up the cane and Rocky lifted his arms in surrender. Gemmy had also demanded a specific gender label like Uncle Rocky and Dad-Grace. “He’s a good big brother,” 

“…He is,” Rocky agreed, “Hope is much bigger now, still babble?” Grace hummed, “is sometimes complication, need more time to grow,” Grace nodded.

“They’re doing really good,” Grace said. “We’ve been meeting with the doctors at the hospital, they’re impressed with the progress.”

“Rocky empathy Hope frustration,” he admitted quietly, “Grace good dad,” Grace smiled back. Yeah… I am. “Apologies but Rocky beach ball because… Hope grow,” Still, they were a lot smaller than the typical Eridian, even at this age. “Leg change size, much taller. Need new shoe,” oh fantastic.

Grace covered his face. It didn’t hurt to put the special shoe on, but it did need to be fixed in place with screws, and Hope really didn’t like the process of actually putting it on.

And, they were kind of going through something at the moment.

”Hope!” He yelled, dropping his hands, “no, absolutely not!” They scrambled back and ran off. “Unbelievable, no kick brother!” Grace called, shaking his head. Apparently, there was such a thing as teething.

Seriously. Grace had a heart attack when Rocky explained it. Instead of biting, they kick everything.

Gemstone was past his kicking stage, but Hope was still too young. 

Furniture, teachers, doctors, his family, it didn’t matter who. He’d flop upside down and start kicking everything. We don’t kick people! Grace would continuously remind them.

”Understand. Littlest rock kick Rocky so hard,” he shook, “hurt bad bad bad,” he trembled, gosh darn. Grace winced. “Rocky scarring hurt sometimes and baby kick right on scar,” oh frick. Grace placed a hand over his chest in pure pain sympathy. “Rocky buy kick slab. Bring Grace one.”

”Thank you,” Grace and Rocky leaned on each other. “…Life is kind of weird, isn’t it?”