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“He’s a demon, Mark. Just look at these battle scars!!”
“I told you, Jack: I would know a demon when I saw one because I am one. It’s just a cat.”
“No, Its evil I tell you! I was hurt! Defend my honor! It’s taking over my balcony!!”
“Oh absolutely not.”
“What? Why not?”
“Because I hate cats. I’m a dog person, myself.”
“You’ve been to hell. You live there. And you won’t get rid of a cat for me?”
“That’s correct.”
“What the fuck, Mark? Just kick it off the balcony!”
“I’m not committing animal murder you sick fuck.”
“I was kidding. Wow.”
“I obviously can’t trust you around animals. I thought we could get a dog, but after that statement it’s going to have to be a no go.”
“Mark if you don’t go get that cat and give him back to the neighbors right this very second you’re going to sleep on the couch until I can go out on my balcony in peace again.”
“The couch.”
“The couch.”
“The couch?”
“The couch.”
“… You wouldn’t.”
“I would though.”
“Fine! I’ll just go sleep in my own bed! In my own house!”
“Cool. I hope the fires of hell will keep you warm tonight because I won’t!”
“Fine!”
“Fine!”
“…”
“…”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yes, okay. Okay? I’ll get the damn cat.”
“Aw thank you darling!”
“Shut that shit up.”
“Don’t die!”
“If I do, stay away from my funeral.”