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Amanda learns pretty quickly after waking up that this morning is going to be rough.
It starts differently than most little days with Amanda gently rousing Angela from sleep.
Usually Angela either wakes her up, or the little wakes while she's in the shower. But she manages to get ready for the day, making coffee as well as walking, feeding, and medicating Spork without her waking up.
“It's time to wake up,” Amanda murmurs as Angela whines, “You've gotta get up so we can play.”
“No wanna,” Angela whines, rolling over so her back is facing her, “Sleeping.”
Amanda chuckles as she carefully rolls her onto her back again, “No more sleeping, baby. It's time to start the day.”
Angela whines louder, finally cracking her eyes open, “Not a baby,” she grumbles, a phrase Amanda hasn't heard in a while now, especially towards her.
She disregards it, continuing on now that Angela’s opened her eyes. “There's my girl,” she coos, “Let's go potty and have some breakfast.”
The little huffs, but allows Amanda to take her to the bathroom where she begrudgingly goes potty and brushes her teeth before she's placed on the couch.
“What do you want for breakfast, bug?” she asks, having a feeling she knows what she's going to say.
Angela shakes her head as she reaches out to pet Spork, “Not hungry,” she whines, almost immediately betrayed by her stomach rumbling. She pouts up at Amanda, “No wanna eat.”
Amanda hums, reaching down and feeling her forehead, “Do you feel sick, Angie?” she asks softly, concerned the morning’s attitude could be attributed to some kind of cold.
“No sick,” Angela confirms, eyebrows pinched in confusion at the question, “Just no food.”
“How about a shake?” she tries, sighing when the little shakes her head again, “No you don't want it, or no you won't drink it?”
“Yes,” Angela answers, laying down to rest her head next to Spork, “Watch Blue Clue?”
Amanda reaches down to grab the remote, “You can watch until Mama's done making breakfast.” she tells her, turning the show on for her.
She waits for Angela to respond, but she doesn't. No ‘thanks you’ or ‘love you’, she just turns her focus to the show, non-verbally dismissing her.
Without a word, Amanda heads to the kitchen to make herself some oatmeal and cut up some fruit. She makes a small plate for Angela before returning to the living room to find magnetiles scattered everywhere.
“You were busy,” she jokes with a laugh, smiling at the little as she carefully builds something, her eyes jumping between the show and her toys.
But she doesn't respond to Amanda.
“It's breakfast time,” she tells her, “Even if you don't wanna eat, let's sit together for a bit.” she adds, reminding the little of their usual routine.
But again, Angela doesn't respond.
“Angie?” she calls out, moving towards the couch and shutting the TV off.
She whines at the loss of her show, but continues to ignore her mama.
Amanda takes a deep breath. She knows this is most likely Angela testing boundaries. They've been in the dynamic for a while now and with Angela finally feeling truly safe, she's probably subconsciously trying to see what she can get away with.
Which makes sense, but she doesn't know what to do. She hasn't really thought about what to do if Angela doesn't behave, because she always does.
She doesn't want to scare her and push her into a scary part of her past, but she has to keep proper boundaries for this relationship to be safe and healthy for both of them.
“Angela,” she says a little more firmly than she usually would, crouching down to be on her level, “It's time to put your toys down so we can sit together for breakfast, then we can play again.”
She can see the little hesitate in her movement, but she continues ignoring her.
Amanda opens her mouth to speak again, but stops herself, taking a minute to contemplate before she finally speaks.
“Angela Giovana Lehan.” she says in the same tone as before, “It's time to get up. Now.”
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Angela doesn't know why she's acting the way she is.
It starts with not wanting to wake up.
She's tired, so when her mama tries to wake her, she just rolls over.
And when Amanda rolls her back, instead of giggling like usual, she whines even louder. She even snaps about not being a baby, something she hasn't done to her mama in a very long time.
Amanda's praise is enough to carry her through getting ready for the day with only huffing and whining, but she feels weird.
Like she needs to push, to find what she can get away with, so she denies breakfast.
Even with her stomach growling, she rejects the food.
Angela's taken a bit out of her mood when Amanda asks her if she feels sick. She feels unregulated, but not sick, so she shakes her head.
With that confirmation, she rejects her shake as well before deciding she's done with the conversation and asks for a show.
Once it's on she mentally dismisses Amanda, her focus honed into Blue's Clues as she idly pets Spork.
But even with her show she grows antsy again, and with the excess energy comes agitation.
She drops herself off the couch and grabs the first toy she sees, dumping it on the floor with her focus still mainly on the TV.
Angela doesn't hear her mama the first time she speaks.
Or the second.
It's not until the TV is turned off that she even knows Amanda is there, but she ignores her, whining as her show was turned off mid-episode.
“Angela,” her mama says in a stronger tone than she's ever heard focused at her, especially while little, “It's time to put your toys down so we can sit together for breakfast, then we can play again.”
She hesitates in her movement, concerned with upsetting Amanda, but she pushes the thought away and continues building.
It's not like she wants breakfast anyway. She doesn't know what she wants right now. Everything feels off in a way she hasn't experienced before.
But she keeps building; until Amanda speaks again.
“Angela Giovana Lehan.”
The little doesn't process anything after the name.
Angela
That's her name, so that makes sense
Giovana
She’s said multiple times that she dislikes that her mom gave her the middle name Giovan instead of Giovana, so again it makes sense.
Lehan
Sure, both her mama and her avó said she was a Lehan now, but she'd never thought of that as her actual last name before.
And it feels freeing and safe in a way she's never imagined.
Angie collapses into tears on the floor, not resisting when Amanda picks her up and cradles her in her arms on the couch.
“Woah,” Amanda murmurs lovingly, “You're safe, bug. Mama’s not mad, everything is ok.”
She shakes her head rapidly, trying to suck in enough air to stop her sobs so she can explain her tears.
“Mama's got you,” she whispers, gently rocking the little in her arms, “You were just testing some boundaries, baby. It's normal little stuff, it means you feel safe here.”
Angela hiccups as her tears lessen, “Lehan,” she manages to push out after a couple minutes of reassuring whispers, closing her eyes as Amanda carefully wipes her tears with her thumbs.
“Oh,” the caregiver murmurs, “Was that not ok?” she asks hesitantly, “With everything going on with your parents, I didn't want to use Giarrat-” Amanda starts, but Angela cuts her off.
“Angela Giovana Lehan,” she says slowly, carefully pronouncing each syllable, testing the name in her own voice, “Me.”
“Still Lehan even though bad?” she asks nervously, looking down at her hands as she picks at her skin.
Her mama grabs both her hands with one of hers, smiling sadly at her, “You'll always be a Lehan.” she assures her, “And you aren't bad, baby.”
Angela opens her mouth to object, but Amanda keeps talking, “First, you will never ‘be bad’,” she explains with air quotes, “You can make bad choices or do something you shouldn't, but you'll never be bad.”
“Second, you didn't really do anything. I was going to sit with you either at the table if you listened or here on the couch if you didn't and talk to you,” Amanda tells her, “This is out of character, mama can tell something’s going on up there.”
The little giggles quietly as the woman lightly flicks the center of her forehead, resting her head against the crook of her elbow, “Hungry mama,” she admits bashfully, “Still have breakfast?”
Amanda smiles softly at her, “You're always allowed food, bug. Mama made you an Eggo, even if it's probably cold now, we can finish talking once you've filled your tummy.”
“Waffle!” Angela chirps excitedly, hopping out of Amanda's lap and rushing to the kitchen.
Leaving the rough start behind and letting it transform into a wonderful day.