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Starscream walked briskly through what could only charitably be described as ruins by somebot much nice than them, and what they were describing as what happens when the city planner gives fewer frags than the cold constructs they were killing two city-states over.
The 'walls' had long since crumbled into giant piles of mish-mashed dust and colours that must have been picked out by the visually impaired, and whatever abominations the owners had decided to pretend even remotely served as furniture had long been raided by the 'hired help' the moment the idiots who thought the labyrinth they called a floor plan made any amount of sense had fragged off to watch broke bots kill each other for profit in several different fonts.
All in all? Just because Megatron was stupid enough to repetitively send them to guard mines didn't mean they had suddenly lost their claustrophobia, and they were very annoyed at Soundwave for it. Not that the mannequin parading as a communication officer would care, mind you, but metaphorically screaming profanities into the uncaring void was literally in their name, so they were going to do it regardless.
Primus damn the low hanging ceilings and crumbled passageways were getting to them. They hadn't thought like that since the beginning of the war, y'know, when they still had hope Megatron wasn't a completely deranged tyrant using the genuine issues of the time as a excuse to cause mass riots and they actually had a will to live?
Prima.
Why were they suddenly so salty again?
Actually, that probably had something to do with the relic they were holding in their servos. The exact relic that was the entire reason Soundwave thought shoving them down into dark caves would be a remotely good idea and not make them want to hang him with his own entrails.
A relic that was supposed to remove what was holding you back from being your best self.
Oh.
Oh.
Apparently, their best self was a salty glitch that would stab you over a shiny object while bullying you for your colouring choices. Huh.
They should be surprised, but they really aren't. They also don't have the dignity to feel even mildly disappointed. Megatron made sure of that one.
The left mass that would have been a wall caving in alerted them to the Autobots presence.
The brightly coloured clusterfrag of idiots who didn't understand the concept of stealth made it clear it was the usual annoyances.
Arcee, Bulkhead, Bumblebee, and the Prime.
None of which understood the idea of sneaky around for once instead of running face fragging first into problems and expecting not to get shot in the first five kliks.
"Y'know, you might be a smidgen closer to actually winning the war if you weren't constantly waiting around of us to do something first, so you can follow after like a pack of desperate scraplets." Starscream called to them as they flew up and started shooting.
Seriously, thinking an assignment might be over quickly, only for the cabal of disappointments to show up and dash what was left of their hopes had gotten old the first five times it had happened.
"Do you kiss your mentor with that intake?" Bulkhead decided to try to be smart-ass and only proved himself to undoubtedly be a dumbass instead.
"I'm a cold construct, so if you ever say anything that stupid near me again, I'll truly live up to my name, as you will hear my agony from the stars."
The pause in response gave Starscream the opportunity to fly behind and then into Bulkhead, knocking him to the ground and giving them easy access to his legs. They placed one heel on the protomesh that connected his upper and lower legs strut. Then, they started applying pressure.
It did not take long for them to hear the far too satisfying snap and scream the signified their goal had been completed. No more getting hit with the force of a tank moving at speeds that deny the laws of physics for them.
In their defence, they had about two thousand ano-cycles of pent-up aggression that had nowhere to go while they weren't planning assassinations, and murder had literally been their job for a couple million ano-cycles before that.
They ducked down to avoid a sad attempt at a flying kick from the two-wheeler before shooting up to show her what a true flying kick was because her massacre of it made their plating starting itching with a rage that couldn't quite be described but fit their name far too well. The kick connected easily because the idiots they were stuck fighting never heard of ducking before, and she, (as the humans would say) went down like a led balloon. If the led ballon was on fire and had a hole the size of polyhex in it, more specifically. Slaming harshly against the ground and coating everything nearby in a fresh layer of dust.
Primus, how long had it been since they fought like this?
A fragging long time, if the horrified response of the Autobots were anything to go buy. The Prime was silently helping Bulkhead up, and Starscream was certain it was taking a lot of willpower to not be lecturing them right now, Arcee was looking up at them like they had just confessed their undying love for her, and the scout was standing in the background, so obviously looking for something Starscream had to reset their optics to be sure they were looking at the scout and not someone else with an equally terrible paint job because how the frag is a scout that bad at their one job.
"What the frag happened to you!?" Arcee asked, eloquently putting what everyone was likely thinking into glyphs.
"Relic." Starscream said simply because their was no way in the pit they were dedicating more words than necessary to the whining sparkling that was toddling around pretending to be a soldier.
Starscream had already commed Soundwave some time ago and was waiting for the damn groundbridge, as they were really hoping the Autobots would accept their damn loss for once so they could take the break they desperately needed before dealing with Megatron's dumbturbine.
Unfortunately, the concussion only made Arcee all the stupider as she shot up off the floor and attempted to shoot Starscream's wings. Attempt being the operative glyph, Starscream easily dodged her fire and spun around to kick her into Bumblebee. Knocking them both over.
"I see whatever the relic did improved your fighting prowess," The sheer audacity required for that sentence made Starscream pause to stare at the Prime in shock for a moment.
"That is quite possibly the worst opening for what I know will turn into an attempt at a plea for discussion I have ever heard. What better way to get someone who already doesn't like you want to do something that will only help you and physically harm them than to insult them? Clearly, your prowess in mediation has extended so far I fall to understand it, because the sentence just really makes me want to decapitate you like I did your predecessor. Strangely, it doesn't make me want to help you at all."
The Prime at least had the decency to look ashamed at the response.
[WAIT, WHY WOULD HELPING US PHYSICALLY HARM YOU?] Bumblebee suddenly reminded everyone of his presence by asking.
"Because Megatron beats me like I personally killed his mentor in front of him for even the slightest offence, so I really don't want to find out how bad it will be if I actually help the enemy?" Starscream said like it was obvious. Because it was. Seriously, they had watched Megatron threaten to beat his skull in before how the frag did this knowledge surprise them? Were they huffing considerated crystals between showing up to murder Vehicons and ruining Starscream's cycle for the millionth time?? If they were, Starscream needs access to their stash for.... research... purposes...
Point was; "How the frag is this news to you?? Are you all that far up your own tailpipes that you completely missed the Decepticons' open secret despite the fact that so many bots have made references to it well within audialshot of you all? I'd almost be disappointed, but that would imply I thought better of you."
Before any of the Autobots can start blabbing out defences, Starscream's saviour in the form of a groundbridge appeared, and they flew through before they had to deal with any more stupidity.
Thank frag.