Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Mr. Baggins,” Ori whispered. They didn’t want to startle any of the other dwarves. They all deserved to rest after the long day. “Do you mind if I ask a few questions?” they asked when the Hobbit turned to him.

“Certainly, master Ori.” Mr. Baggins smiled. “Ask away.” He told them.

Ori smiled nervously, cleared their throat (twice) and mumbled the question. Mr. Baggins blinked. “Come again?” he asked amused. Ori blushed.

“I’d like to know about Hobbits, Mr. Baggins, sir, for the book sir!” they squeaked, indicating the journal they wrote in every night.

“ah,” Mr. Baggins hummed. “As I said, ask away.” When Ori hesitated still, the hobbit huffed, turned to face the young dwarf better, and told him “I assure you, that if I am not in the mood to answer a question, I will not answer it.” Ori blinked. They’d not thought Mr. Baggins could be so direct.

Ori gave a nod, and asked, politely as they could, “I was curious about hobbit hair” Mr. Baggins nodded encouragingly. “Do all of you keep it so short?” Mr. Baggins frowned.

“Has that been bothering you?” he asked, “I realize that my hair may seem… odd… for fellas that keep theirs so long…?” He asked Ori.

“No-no Mr. Baggins!” Ori gasped, “Oh, I knew I shouldn’t’ve asked!” he mumbled, shifting to stand up. Mr. Baggins pulled them down.

“Nonsense!” He declared. “Minor misunderstandings such as this are of no importance.” He made Ori face him, crossed his legs, smiled, and answered the question; “All hobbits keep their hair short, or alternatively just long enough to braid.” He took out a pipe and lit it. Normally he wouldn’t presume, but he’d seen that almost all the dwarves carried pipes. “For practicality you see.” He hummed around his pipe.
Ori blinked. “What about the hobbits that I saw in the shire?” Mr. Baggins raised an eyebrow. “The ones with really long hair?” Ori prompted. sighed again.

Mr. Baggins puffed, and sighed. Ori panicked, recognizing the look of a painful subject. “I’m sorry that was rude! I’ll just-”

“Master Ori,” Master Baggins said pointedly. Ori settled down again, realizing that the elder had not been insulted. They bit their lip, and squirmed a little. Mr. Baggins gave a small smile. “Hobbits only let their hair grow out while they mourn.” He told Ori. Their eyes widened. “You cut it only after the mourning period is over.” He puffed on his pipe a few times. “The closer the relation, the longer the hair.”

The two sat in silence for a while. Ori bit their lip. Mr. Baggins glanced at them, but did not speak. “The hobbit I saw…” Ori began, and stopped. Mr. Baggins hummed. “Is it rude if I ask how long they’ve been mourning?” They wondered. A soft no was their answer. “The hair reached their kneecaps-” Ori said and Mr. Baggins fell into a sudden coughing fit. Ori startled, and Oin whipped his head in their direction.

“WHAZAT??” Oin shouted, even as others looked in their direction curiously.

Mr. Baggins waved it away, “I’m fine, master Oin!” he called. “Just startled a little.” He smiled, and the other dwarfs turned away, curiosity sated (for now).

Turning to Ori, Mr. Baggins bit his lip and asked if Ori knew the hobbit by name. Ori blinked, and shook their head. “Could you tell me what colour their coat was?”

Ori thought back, “dark green I think?” Mr. Baggins sighed, relief clear on his features.

“A Longnobbly then.” He muttered. Turning to face Ori, he smiled tightly. “The only reason they would’ve grown their hair so long is because they’ve lost a child. A child that did not reach adulthood.”

Ori drew in a sharp breath, eyes wide. “How- does the length indicate the age of the child?”

Mr. Baggins smiled sadly, “no,” he said.

Ori nodded, and was about to ask a new question when Dori called to him, “best go get some sleep now, Ori, lest you be tired tomorrow!”

Ori grumbled, and then bade Mr. Baggins a good night.

Chapter Text

Dori sat down as gracefully as they could manage out in the wilds. Master Baggins looked up minutely, but, curiosity apparently satisfied, turned back to that which he was doing. Dori blinked, what was he doing? No matter, they had a mission. Clearing their throat lightly, Dori waited for master Baggins to take notice of them. When he’d looked up, polite inquiry written on his face (quite impressively, they’d have to ask for tips later). Dori smiled.

“I wished to thank you for your patience with Ori.” Dori said clearly, ignoring Ori’s embarrassed groan and Nori’s snicker. “Although an adult, his curiosity is as brimming as a pebblings and not all folks appreciate that in a Dwarrow so grown.” Dori smiled tightly at the Hobbit. For his part, master Baggins seemed surprised. Pursing his lips minutely, master Baggins replied.

“My mother had a number of sayings I tend to agree with, and try to live by,” before Dori could inquire about them, he continued. “One of them, was to always encourage the young to learn.” Smiling at Dori, he murmured “and regardless of whether they have come of age, or how highly they think of themselves, the young stay young for a while, and thus they still need guidance.” Blinking in surprise, Dori could feel a big smile forming.

“My sentiments exactly!” Dori declared happily. The youngins started protesting immediately, and Master Baggins laughed just as loudly as the older dwarves. As Balin started soothing the three youngsters, Dori hummed thoughtfully. Master Baggins hummed also, in answer, Dori thought.

“Ah,” they said and Master Baggins looked to them again, smiling. “But, ah, may I ask, master Baggins,” Dori murmured, a soft blush lighting their cheeks, “what is it that you are doing?” Master Baggins blinked, and turned minutely to the object in his hands. Humming again, Master Baggins bade a moment to formulate his thoughts, and Dori nodded, content to wait patiently.

Master Baggins sighed and Dori twitched uncomfortably. “Do tell me if I overstep, sir!” Dori begged, but the Hobbit shook his head. “You do not,” he assured. “A moment more,” he bade, and Dori started to nod, but out of the corner of their eye they saw a little bird hopping around and chirping. Smiling contently, Dori let their thoughts wander as master Baggins thought.

“I apologize,” said Master Baggins. Dori jumped in surprise, they’d lost themselves in thought, and had to take a moment to regain their bearings. Master Baggins smiled in amusement. “You asked what I was doing,” he reminded Dori.

“Oh, yes, of- of course,” Dori stuttered, “but why do you apologize?” They asked. “For how long I took to formulate my answer,” Master Baggins said, but interrupted Dori in their protests, “it is not that it is such a difficult conversation.” He told Dori, “it’s just that, well I, um,” he blushed and just about managed not to mumble, “it’s just that I’ve never said this, or heard this out loud, in Westron, you know, and so, um, I wasn’t sure how to, um. You know.” He was blushing more steadily by the moment, Dori noticed.

“It’s not a problem at all, master Baggins!” Dori hurried to assure him. Master Baggins smiled, but it seemed the blush was there to stay. “It just feels a little silly,” Master Baggins mumbled, “I’m sure you have no such thing.” Curiosity now doubled, Dori hurried to tell him they still wished to know, if it weren’t a bother.

“It’s a protective charm.” Master Baggins finally said, after a moments silence. “See, the Wild is dangerous, and when traveling, well, the thing least likely to be stolen from you, should such a thing happen, is your eating-bowl. So us hobbits, when we travel, we always carry a bowl we’ve made, and that we’ve made a custom pattern for, either by carving or by fastening something on it, um, crotchet or leaves, well no, not leaves, something more permanent, you get the idea, and the pattern, um,” Master Baggins swallowed, blush now reaching the tip of his ears. He’d noticed that he now held the attention of the three younger children, as well as some of the other dwarrows, and thus found himself more embarrassed. Dori nodded in encouragement.

“And, see, the pattern always has at least one protective charm in it, for safety, of course, what else would a protective charm be used for?” He seemed intend of not looking up from his toes ever again. “And well,” he said, “I haven’t traveled at all since Fell- since I was a faunt, so I had to make a new one, of course.” He covered his face with his hands, the little bowl laying, abandoned, in his lap.

Dori gasped, “How lovely, Master Baggins!” they gushed. “Will you show it to me when you’ve finished? I see you’ve got some kind of weaving involved, and I’d love to learn the technique you’ve used to fasten it to the bowl!” Dori beamed.

Chapter Text

Glóin had only hesitated for a moment before riding up to Mr. Baggins. The Hobbit glanced at her curiously as he bade her good morning. Choosing to respond with a nod, Glóin wondered for a moment whether she would be rude to ask, before disregarding the notion. Mr. Baggins had already made it clear he would neither dismiss questions, nor answer them if he did not wish to. Clearing her throat to gain his attention again, Glóin asked if he had any family.


“Family, Master Glóin?” Seeing Mr. Baggins confused expression, Glóin specified “a spouse and children!” She exclaimed. Mr. Baggins seemed oddly tired all of a sudden, but odder still, resigned. “No, Master Glóin,” he said (he even sounded tired), “I’ve no family of that sort and I’ve no plans for such.” He smiled tightly at Glóin, “Cousins are enough for me.” Glóin smiled at him, and gestured towards her older brother.


“I won’t pretend to understand personally, as I adore mine, but my brother Oin is of a like mind to yours.” Mr. Baggins seemed startled. “Is he?” He asked, “and…” he hesitated. “no one minds?” Glóin blinked in surprise. “Why should anyone mind? It is no one’s business whether you have a spouse, and no one’s business but you and your spouses whether you have children!” hesitating slightly, Glóin asked softly, “is it not so in the Shire?” Wide eyed she continued before Mr. Baggins could answer, “surely you are not required to have children!” She gasped.


“NO!” gasped Mr. Baggins, “no no no no no! No, not at all!” he sputtered. “It’s just such an unusual choice for a Hobbit. We are very social creatures, and generally used to being surrounded at all times by family, parents and siblings and such, in our youth, that as adults we tend to do the same!” He spoke a tad louder than he tended to, and thus gained attention from the others. Glóin made a confused expression.


“Why then do you ask that no-one minds?” she asked. “I, well, um” Mr. Baggins sighed. “It’s a little mix of many things.” He said. Seeing Glóin’s raised eyebrow, he elaborated. “Partly, I ask because of hobbit customs, that is, surround oneself with family at all times. It is not required, but it is an unusual choice to not to.” He peered silently at Glóin for a moment. “My cousins of all generations get so concerned .” He smiled wrily. “No matter how often you say you are happy with your choice, that is, the one not to have children, I wouldn’t mind a spouse, so long as no sex were required.” He chuckled. “Perfectly happy with never having children, and contend enough without a spouse.” Glóin smiled at him.


“And well, as for the other reasons…” he gave a slight grimace. “The Men-folk.” Half the Dwarves listening snorted, and Glóin raised her hands up in front of her, fingers spread, grinning. “Say no more, say no more.”

Bilbo grinned too, a somewhat deprecating one, and rolling his eyes said “I’m sure they mean well.” Dwalin, ahead of them snorted loudly. “I’m sure they think they mean well.” He said pursed lips.

“Ach!” Glóin exclaimed. “Pay ha’er no mind! Old sourpuss that ha’er is!” “Who’re you calling a sourpuss!” Dwalin shouted, twisting in his saddle angrily. Thorin snickered at her friend, reaching out to steady ha’er. “Calm down, old friend. Glóin teases.”


(Wide eyed, Bilbo tried not to stare at Thorin, that would be rude, and was mostly successful. Þe’d never seen Thorin so much as smile before!)


Noticing the hobbit had turned back to her, Glóin smiled at him, and nodded, radiating approval, just in case he wished to speak or ask her something. “Tell me of your children?” He requested. Glóin’s eyes widened, and she grinned almost manically, ignoring the groans of the whole dwarven company.
“With pleasure! Master Baggins!” She boomed. “Now, Gimli, ” she said proudly, “Gimli is my oldest…”

Chapter Text

Bilbo was walking as quietly as þe could. Thorin had asked þim to gather firewood, but Bilbo had dropped it when þe’d seen a bunny. They hadn’t had fresh meat since they left the Shire, not wanting to waste Kíli’s arrows. Bilbo grinned when þe saw that the bunny wasn’t alone. Bingo!

Þe bent down, gently and quietly as þe could, and picked up a few rocks. Þe stood up straight again and silently raised þir arm, preparing to throw the first rock. Þe aimed, threw and snap! The first bunny was dead. Before the other ones could react, þe repeated the motion. Only one of them got away, but that was alright. Six fat bunnies for thirteen dwarves and a hobbit wasn’t bad, especially not if they put it in a stew.

Grinning, þe picked up the prey. Þe quickly tied the bunny ears together, and went back to pick up the firewood þe’d abandoned for the hunt. Þe’d seen Dwalin, but as the other made no motion to move, much less speak to Bilbo, þe just waved cheerfully, and continued on.

--

“Baggins,” Dwalin said, coming to a stop near the hobbit. Slightly startled, Mr. Baggins turns to ha’er, silent questioning in his eyes. “That thing, earlier, with the bunnies.” Mr. Baggins raised an eyebrow. “How did you do that?” Ha’er questioned.

“I’m interested to learn that myself.” Said Thorin, where she sat next to her nephews’, on the other side of the camp. The others’ in the company nodded interested.

“I had thought I’d seen you, Master Dwalin, where I caught them?” Mr. Baggins asked. Dwalin nodded.

“Aye, and I’d like to know how you came to be so quick, and have such an aim that you can kill six rabbits by throwing a rock at them?” Dwalin said, ignoring the incredulous spluttering around ha’er.

Smiling in amusement, Mr. Baggins confessed it was something all hobbits could, and were wont to do. Furrowing his’ers brow, Dwalin asked why.

“Goodness!” Exclaimed Mr. Baggins, startling the dwarves a little, though a few (Dwalin, Balin, Thorin, Nori and Oin) didn’t show it. “You surely didn’t think that us hobbits and I were completely defenceless?”

Kíli’s eyes widened in delighted surprise, bouncing in their seat, Kíli exclaimed “you weren’t joking about the conkers!” Mr. Baggins laughed.

“No, I was not.” He smiled widely at the young Dwarf. Turning back to Dwalin, the hobbit smiled a little wider, “all hobbits possess great skill in hiding themselves, and in throwing things. Quite a few also practice archery.” Dwalin blinked in surprise. Shooting Thorin a sharp look, Mr. Baggins continued. “When Thorin asked if I had any skill in sword or axe, I answered truthfully, I do not. Thorin did not ask about any other weaponry.” He said with a grin, which only became wider when Thorin sighed, angry with herself for the truly amateur mistake.

“I did not know this,” said Dwalin gruffly. “Do you practice archery?” ha’er asked Mr. Baggins.

“A little. I’m nowhere near my Tookish cousins’ skill though.” Dwalin nodded, and asked if they were skilled with the bow. “By the Shire standards,” Mr. Baggins said, “they are the best.” His grin turned into a smile again. “Rangers come to them to learn, and have often remarked that the elves might have trouble competing.”

The dwarfs were all now staring, eyes bulging, at Bilbo. The hobbit only laughed, “no, it’s true!” he exclaimed. “Of course, we’d suggest you pick an elf for battle, but only because modern-day hobbits are not used to such chaos. Or rather, that particular brand of chaos anymore. Why, we sent archers to the battle of Fornost!”

“Did you really?” asked Dwalin, impressed. Suddenly remembering that Gandalf had mentioned a hobbit that had faced of a goblin while they were in the Shire, Dwalin asked about that.

Bilbo grinned. “A little backstory, first, if you don’t mind?” he asked, and as Balin was always telling Dwalin ‘good stories had backstories’, ha’er nodded consent. “The Shire was founded in T.A. 1601, and for the first 1140 years of its existence it was generally untroubled. As you should know, the same was true for all of Eriador, until T.A. 2740,” Bifur and his cousins, the most uneducated of the lot, had little knowledge of any history not immediately important to the lives of those around them, began to ask what had happened, but were shushed by Ori, who told them Bilbo was getting to it.

Bilbo smiled at Ori, and continued. “In T.A. 2740 the Goblins of the Misty Mountains, known to others as Orcs,” he added as he saw the confusion the dwarves’ faces, “invaded several parts of Eriador. Although the Rangers of the North fought many battles trying to hold them back, one party managed to reach the Shire.” Kíli gasped, as they always did when worried for the good folk in stories.

“The party was led by their king Golfimbul, and they entered the Northfarthing. Bandobras Took, sibling to my many times ancestor, was living in Long Cleave. He was large enough to ride a horse, and crossed the river Norbourn, to engage them in Greenfields.” Fíli had pulled up a map and sat examining the places as Bilbo spoke, and was pointing to them to Show Bifur and Bofur and Bombur.

“Bandobras charged the helm of the Orc-band and knocked Golfimbul’s head of with his club.” Bilbo told them, and Glóin exclaimed in surprise.

“A club? He knocked an Orc’s head of with a club?”

Bilbo laughed. “So the tale goes.” He said. “Some say the head landed in a rabbit-hole a hundred yards away, but whether or not that that is true, the other Orcs dismayed after his death, fled.”

Wide eyed, Bofur sighed wow, and many dwarves nodded eagerly in agreement. Kíli, who had a fondness for all stories, eagerly asked what happened next. Laughing, Bilbo told them that with the rout of the Orcs, and the death of their king, their short uprisings within Eriador quickly ceased, and that eventually their attacks on the region stopped altogether, and that Eriador had not suffered any invasions since then.

Dwalin told Bilbo later, just before they went to bed, that ha’er had had no knowledge of the strength and bravery of Hobbits, and asked that they may share further talks, while they journeyed. Bilbo, happy to be included, readily agreed.

Chapter Text

“Master Baggins!” Kíli cried, bouncing over to the hobbit. Unable to hold down the smile, Bilbo asked what the young dwarf needed. “Nothing!” said Kíli, “But I realized I’d never asked your pronouns! And, Amad said that assuming someone is one or the other gender is rude, so, here I am, asking what pronouns you have!” Kíli bounced on the heel of their feet, and grinned. Behind them, quite a few of the dwarves grew startled looks of realization.

“Why that depends, Master Kíli,” said Bilbo amiably, and patted the ground beside himself.

“On?” asked Kíli, bouncing to the hobbit’s side, and sitting down. Bilbo’s smile grew wider.

“Would you prefer I hold onto the pronouns I use as I present to the Big folk, or as I use in the Shire?” Bilbo asked them, and as they were wont to do now, the other dwarves turned to listen to Bilbo, no longer bothering to hide their curiosity.

Kíli, eyebrows drawn together in concentration, bit their lip, and then asked, “I don’t understand? They are not the same?” Bilbo shook his head no. “Can you explain them, and their difference for me, so that I may better understand you and your culture?” Kíli asked. Bilbo smiled wider than Kíli had ever seen him smile before.

“Certainly!” said Bilbo happily. “First thing you must know, is that I am a Hobbit, and so is true for all Hobbits,” when Kíli opened their mouth to tell Bilbo that was obvious, the hobbit shushed at him. “I mention this,” Bilbo said, “because many peoples think that we are just miniature Men.” Kíli made an surprised face, and Balin nodded wisely. He had noticed that, when speaking to the Elves in Rivendell.

“Maybe, we are a little at fault for that,” Bilbo said softly, “as we have always been adaptable to the circumstances around us, and for a long while we lived among the Men folk, and to this day make a point of at least seeming similar in culture, if one doesn’t look to deep, and that is what the difference you asked about is. In broad terms, anyway.”

Bilbo breathed deeply. “Hobbits, once old enough to understand, all pick a gender that they will present themselves as to anyone that is a stranger, only other Hobbits being exempt from this.” Bilbo paused to check if Kíli was still following, who nodded. “I myself present as the Mannish gender of ‘male’.” Bilbo said. “That means I answer to the title of ‘Master Baggins’ and wear clothes Men associate with their males, when I’m expecting company of the other races, and other such things.”

Kíli nodded. “I don’t think we dwarves would be able to do something like that, but I understand, I think.” Kíli said, to the chorus of agreements from the dwarves around. “Now what about the ones you use in the Shire?”

“As I said,” Bilbo said. “We are all Hobbits. Unlike the men folk, we are capable of both birth and,” Bilbo coughed, “insemination. As such, we feel no need to pick any gender. We are simply Hobbits.”

“Oh!” Said Kíli excitedly. “You’re neither-gendered!”

“I am what?” asked Bilbo amused.

“Dwarves have four genders; male, female, both and neither. None of them have anything to do with biology.” Said Thorin.

“I see!” Said Bilbo, “I’d be interested to learn more, if I may?” he inquired.

“Yes of course!” Said Kíli, exasperated, “but first finish your explanation. Please?” they asked, adding on the please when Thorin raised an eyebrow at their impoliteness.

Bilbo laughed. “Of course, of course.” He smiled. “Regarding pronouns, well. Hm.” Bilbo paused for a moment, so as to be able to explain this the best he could. “What pronouns you use depends largely on what family you hail from, or what your profession is. Of course, you are not required to use the pronouns tied to either. Usually, those that prefer to not use pronouns tied to family or profession use the pronoun ‘heesh’, which anyone can use, regardless of station, family or profession. Almost all other pronouns are tied to either a specific family or a profession.”

Bilbo paused momentarily.

“I prefer the use of þe, which is in use only by my bearer’s family.”

“You specified that your pronoun is only used by your bearer’s family,” said Kíli. Bilbo nodded “Does that mean that a pronoun tied to one family can be tied to another family? Er, that is to say, that one pronoun can be tied to multiple families?” Kíli asked. Bilbo smiled widely.

“Yes, precisely.”

"That's so cool!" Kíli smiled.

Thorin removed her pipe from her mouth, exhaling smoke. Bilbo admired her casual grace as she did this. "I believe that mx. Baggins was promised an explanation on our genders and pronouns." Said Thorin, effortlessly switching pronouns for Bilbo. Bilbo smiled softly at her.

"Can I do it? Please Uncle, Please! Can I?" Cried Kíli, bouncing in their seat. Thorin nodded, amused, and Kíli excitedly turned towards Bilbo once more. Taking a deep breath, Kíli began:

"As mentioned before, there are four genders; Male, Female, Both and Neither. The pronouns used are he/him for male, she her for female, ha'er/him'er for both, and they/them for neither. A dwarf is always neither gendered until they come of age, after which they can choose which gender they are. It's perfectly alright to choose to be neither-gendered of course. That's what Ori and Nori did," here, the two dwarves waved at Bilbo, "Dwalin is both-gendered, and Uncle Thorin is female, for example. And like Uncle said before, it has nothing to do with biology."

Bilbo nodded. "I suppose there's a reason you refer to Thorin as 'Uncle', and as 'King', over 'aunt' and 'Queen'?" Asked Bilbo, and then blinked in startled befuddlement as the dwarves stared at him in absolute confusion.

"What is 'aunt' and 'Queen'?" Asked Balin curiously. Bilbo stared at him in wonder.

"'Aunt' and 'Queen' are respectively the mannish words for 'female sibling of parent' and 'female king'." Þe told them.

Thorin blew out a glorious smoke ring, and then said, incredulously, "Why must the gender be emphasized?" Bilbo shrugged.

"I wouldn't know, I'm not a Man." Which the dwarves conceded as fair.