Chapter Text
“Dinner’s ready, Mijo!” Eddie called out as he dished up the last of the food.
Silence.
He’s probably just wearing his headphones again.
“Chris!” he called louder, setting the plates down on the dinner table.
Not a sound. Not even the usual teenage grunt that roughly translates to ‘be there in a minute’ (read 15 minutes - at least). Eddie made his way down the hallway until he was stood outside Chris’s bedroom door, cautiously listening.
Nothing.
Okay, maybe he fell asleep reading again? Or maybe he snuck out the house and is being peer pressured into drinking, doing God knows what with God knows who and – snap out of it, Eddie. You're overthinking. The only time Chris snuck out was to go and see Buck so he would totally be in safe hands. Although, he only did that because he was pissed at Eddie. But he hasn’t done anything to piss his son off now...has he? Before he can overthink anymore, he knocks on the door, knuckles white from being clenched into fists.
Still nothing. Maybe he should be panicking now?
He quickly opens the door, breathing a sigh of relief when he sees Chris is sat in bed, engrossed in something on his laptop.
“Chris, I've been calling for you. Come on, dinner’s getting cold.”
His relief is short lived. As he moves further into the room, he can see clearly a look on Christopher’s face that can only be described as pure heartbreak and devastation.
“Mijo, what’s wrong?! What's happened?” Eddie crouched in front of him, squeezing his knee reassuringly. The movement made Chris jump slightly, blinking as he seemed to only just realise that someone else was in the room with him.
“Dad?”
“I’m here, bud. What's happened?” His brain was working overtime, every possibility he could think of for what could have hurt his son was playing all at once. Chris opened and closed his mouth a few times, searching for the words he needed to try and explain.
“Um...I-I don’t know...” he slowly closed his laptop and put it to the side, looking up at his dad. “Do you mind if we talk about it later instead?”
“Later?” Absolutely not. He needs to know what upset his son this much right now!
“Yeah, I just...I need a minute. To process, you know?” Eddie took a deep breath. This isn't about him. This is about what Chris needs.
“Of course...but you’re okay, right? No one’s in any immediate danger?”
“Only if you’re gonna spontaneously combust from how tense you are” he said sarcastically. Okay Eddie can officially relax now. If he’s cracking jokes then it can’t be anything too serious, right?
“Alright, alright, I'll chill out. You wanna have your dinner in your room?”
“Um...yes please.”
Eddie went and collected Chris’s plate, trying to shake the feeling that something was seriously wrong as he brought it back to his room.
“Well, I'm right out here if you need me.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
Eddie tried to eat his dinner. He tried to watch some tv. Nothing worked. He couldn’t relax. His son was sat in his room right now trying to process something possibly deeply traumatising and Eddie was sat on the couch trying to watch...what even is this? A quick check of the guide revealed it was Storage Wars. How can he sit watching fucking Storage Wars while his son is processing trauma?!
He looked at the time. It has been approximately 27 minutes since he left Chris’s room. Okay, that’s it. He quickly pulled out his phone and text Buck.
‘Something’s up with Chris’
In 3...2...1...his phone started ringing in his hand.
“What’s up with Chris? Did something happen?” Eddie relaxed into the couch cushions as Buck’s voice washed over him. Even though he sounded worried, it was still soothing to be reminded he wasn’t in this alone.
“Hey Buck. I don't know, he hasn’t said anything yet.” Just hearing Buck breathe on the end of the line was like a weighted blanket calming Eddie’s stressed-out brain.
“Okay, start from the beginning. What makes you think something’s wrong in the first place?”
“He wasn’t answering when I called him for dinner. I just assumed he probably had his headphones on or something, but when I went in... Dios Mio, it was like he’d seen a ghost. He was just staring at his laptop all heartbroken. Like, if you looked up the word ‘crestfallen’ in the dictionary there would just be a photo of him in that moment. His crest had fallen, Buck. It was nowhere to be seen.”
“Oh shit. What was he looking at?”
“I don't know. He closed the laptop.”
“He closed it? Like immediately slammed closed? Or...”
“No, nothing like that. And ew, I know what you’re implying, don’t make me think about that.”
“Hey, he’s a 15-year-old boy, it was a reasonable guess.”
“Still ew, and still no. He didn’t even notice I was in the room until I nudged him. He wasn’t exactly hiding his laptop, he just wasn’t really showing it, like he just wasn’t ready to yet maybe? He put it away like he just needed to not be looking at it so that he could talk to me, but then he asked if we could talk later instead. Said he needed time to process.”
“Okay, well that’s good, isn’t it? He's not shutting you out, he’s understanding that he’s not gonna be able to explain things to you clearly if he hasn’t processed his thoughts about whatever it is first. That's very mature of him... Maybe I need to take a leaf out of his book.”
“Isn’t it a page out of his book?”
“Yeah, something like that. Either way, I don’t think you need to worry about anything right now unless he tells you there’s something you need to be worrying about. Okay?”
“You would not be saying that if you’d seen his face.”
“Do you want me to come over?” Yes. Always.
“No, it’s okay. I'm sure you’re right and I'm just overthinking things.”
“O-okay, if you’re sure. Just text me if you change your mind, I'll keep my phone close – volume up and everything.” Buck hates his phone being on anything more than the vibrate setting, and even that’s pushing it sometimes. “And he’s gonna talk to you, you just gotta give him some time, be a little patient.”
“Yeah, that’s me, Mr Patient.” Buck’s laugh was like running cold water on a first-degree burn – the exact thing he needed to soothe his soul and calm his racing heart. It was the perfect distraction. “Hey, I added salt to the potatoes when I shook them in the fat, just like you told me to.”
“You did? How did they turn out?” Eddie could hear Buck’s grin through the phone, making him grin in return.
“Pretty amazingly if I say so myself.”
“Yes! I knew I could teach you how to cook. See – you just need to follow instructions sometimes.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
Eddie lost track of the time Buck stayed on the phone with him, talking about anything and everything to help keep him distracted. He was mid-sentence, telling a story about something Jee did the last time he babysat, when Eddie heard the soft click of a door opening down the hall.
“Dad?”
“Coming Mijo!” He called out, scrambling off the couch. “Sorry, Buck. I gotta go.”
“Of course, go go go. Good luck – and text me after!”
“Yeah, I will – hey, thank you.” He felt bad having to hang up and cut off Buck’s reply, but Chris needed him right now.
Eddie sat down in Chris’s gaming chair, turning it around to face where Chris was sat on his bed. He wanted to give him some space; not crowd him too soon. He tried putting on a calm and collected front, but it hurt to see Chris sat there – hands twisting in the bedsheets, face screwed up as he tried to find his words, anxiety filling him with no way for Eddie to help until he’s able to finally open up to him. He needs to do this right or Chris might not trust telling him things in the future.
“Chris...look, I don’t want to push you, but you’re really starting to worry me here.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Hey, no, you don't have anything to apologise for.” Eddie quickly moved to sit on the bed next to him, pulling him in for a hug and kissing the top of his head. He felt Chris relax a little against him, in turn helping him to relax a little too. “I am always gonna worry about you, Mijo. It's part of being a parent.”
Eddie couldn’t stop his brain from running through different scenarios again, and - paired with what Buck had insinuated – there was one that was dragging itself to the front of his mind. Chris just looks so nervous, he looks exactly how Eddie had felt when he had had to sit his parents down and tell them that Shannon was pregnant.
“Did you, um...is it...” Dios, he can’t believe he’s actually about to ask this. “Is it about a girl? Is she...in trouble?...”
Chris froze against him, slowly pulling away until he could look up at his dad with a rather horrified expression.
“Are you trying to ask me if I got somebody pregnant?!” Oh boy, he was way off the mark with that guess, wasn’t he?
“No... maybe... yes...I don’t know.”
“Ew, Dad, what the hell?! No!” Chris moved so that he was the one now sat in the gamers chair and, honestly, Eddie doesn’t blame him.
“Sorry, I'm sorry, you just – you kinda started to remind me of, well, me. When I had to tell my parents that your mom was-”
“Gross, please stop talking.” That is a really good idea. “Don’t you think I would have told you anything else before it got to that point?”
“You would?”
“Of course. I always tell you when I like someone or if I have a girlfriend. Pretty sure I definitely would have told you if I had a girlfriend serious enough to...be serious with.”
“Okay. Good to know. Thank you...30’s is way too young to become an Abuelo.”
“And anything with ‘teen’ in it is way too young to become a parent.” Chris said rather pointedly.
“Yes, okay, thank you for that. I love you and wouldn’t change a thing to have you, but I am glad you can learn from my mistakes.”
“When did this turn into the sex talk?”
“When I completely derailed the conversation. I'm sorry, please continue. What’s bothering you, bud?” He was glad to see that the detour had gotten Chris to relax a little. At least it was good for something, and hopefully it showed Chris that, even in the worst-case scenario, Eddie would always be there for him.
“It, um... it’s about you.” Oh God that was not the worst-case scenario, this is. He's fucked up again somehow and Chris is moving back to Texas again.
“M-me? Did I do something wrong? Have I upset you?”
“What? No, Dad, relax.” Chris sighed and Eddie felt his shoulders sag in relief, taking a deep breathe himself. “Firstly, you know I'm never gonna run off to Texas ever again, don’t you?”
“You’re not?”
“Absolutely not. Of all the things you let yourself worry about me for, that does not need to be one of them. Trust me, if I never stepped foot in Texas again, I would be very happy.”
“Really? Okay, good. Me too.”
“Good. And secondly, I know you always tell me I can tell you anything and you’ll love me no matter what and always be there for me... but that works both ways, right? You know that?” Eddie didn’t know what to say, he felt himself just sat there, blinking at his son as he told him his love was unconditional too.
“Chris... where’s all this coming from?”
“I just... living with Abuela and Abuelo made me realise what you must have had to put up with growing up. It made a lot of things make sense.”
“It did?”
“Yes. I'm not a little kid anymore, you know? You can talk to me about stuff if you want.”
“What kind of stuff?”
“Anything, Dad. For what it’s worth, I can see the ways you’ve learnt from your parents' mistakes too, how hard you work to not make the same ones with me... You’re a good dad.” Dios, he was gonna cry.
“Chris...” Eddie furiously rubbed his eyes until he felt Chris sit back next to him and hug him tight, wrapping his arms back round his son for as long as he could. “You’re the best kid a dad could ask for.”
“So cheesy.” They both laughed.
“That’s what you get for nearly making me cry.”
“You’re allowed to cry, Dad.”
“I know, but this is supposed to be about you. You were the one who was upset.”
“Yeah, but it’s mostly about you...” He reached under his pillow and pulled his laptop back out, not opening it yet though. “So, my school bag broke on the way home. It didn't really matter because I have another one in my closet from Texas that I can use, but I guess I haven’t used this one since Texas ‘cause there was this chess book in it still.
“I was gonna get you to send it back or donate it or whatever, but this photo fell out of it.” He opened his laptop just enough to pull a photograph from between the keyboard and the screen, handing it to Eddie. Eddie stared at it, confused.
It's a photo of himself from when he was around Chris’s age, giving a thumbs up in front of a large sign that said ‘Mountbatten Camp for Boys’, a very forced smile on his face, and a couple of camp counsellors on either side of the sign. The more he looked at the photo, the more confused he was.
“Me at summer camp as a kid? Where'd you even find this?”
“In one of Abuela’s photo albums when I was bored ‘cause she said I was having ‘too much screen time’.”
“And you kept it? I'm sure there were better photos if you wanted to keep some – I've got an album somewhere.”
“I know, that’s not why I kept it. Something about the name of the camp, or maybe the other people in the photo... I don't know, it just gave me bad vibes. I took it so I could look into it, but then... Bobby... and we moved back home and I forgot all about it, until I found it again today.”
“Okay...” he dragged the word out, trying to wrap his head around what Chris was saying, but it still wasn’t making much sense to him. “Did something happen at the camp? I don’t really remember much about it to be honest, but I know that nothing bad happened when I was there.”
“It didn’t?”
“No. I would have remembered that. It was mostly pretty boring from what I can remember. It was a very churchy camp. I think my parents were trying to get me more interested in going to church, had the opposite effect really.”
“Right, well, I googled it...” He opened his laptop properly, making a few clicks before turning it to face Eddie. It was open on a news article about the camp with a headline that truly horrified Eddie.
‘17 arrested so far in investigation into a children's camp that has seen over 100 ‘accidental’ deaths in the last 50 years’
“What the...” He took the laptop so he could read the article more closely.
‘Mountbatten Camp for Boys - located in El Paso, Texas – has become a home away from home for dozens of police officers as their investigation into the death of camp counsellor Richard Hannigan drags on.
‘What started as a simple cut-and-dry murder investigation – where a 15-year-old boy had already admitted to committing the murder – quickly turned into every parent's worst nightmare when it was revealed that the boy had only performed the heinous act as self-defence after enduring weeks of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. The investigation further revealed that this boy was not the only victim, and this counsellor was not the only perpetrator.
‘The camp opened 53 years ago in 1971. A proud catholic summer camp where parents could feel safe sending their children to strengthen their relationships with God and learn important life skills. At least, that’s how it was advertised. In reality, it became Texas’s most notorious ‘conversion therapy’ camp where almost all the attendees were subject to weeks of emotional and physical abuse, designed to ‘toughen them up’ and ‘scare them straight’. An unlucky number were also subject to varying degrees of sexual assault.
‘It has been revealed that, in the 53 years the camp has been open, 129 children aged 11-17 have died on the premises. That's an average of 2.4 children a year. Each was ruled accidental, but upon reviewing files found onsite, many died at the hands of their abusers, through pure neglect, and even suicide. These files also contained information about an entire network of people working to cover up these crimes, including a medical examiner, 2 judges, and a police chief. These individuals, along with 13 current and previous camp counsellors and volunteers have been arrested so far, with many more expected to join them.
‘Police are asking for any witnesses, previous camp attendees, volunteers, family members - anyone with any relevant information – to please contact the hotline below.’
Eddie was speechless.
This can’t be the same camp he went to when he was 15, surely? There must be some kind of mistake. He checked the date the article was published and saw that it was from almost a year ago, with multiple follow up articles linked at the bottom. He's about to click on the next one when Chris catches his attention out of the corner of his eye. He's gone back to nervously twisting his fingers in the bed sheets, flicking his eyes over to Eddie every few seconds to check his reactions. Oh God! Does he think that this happened to Eddie?! He quickly pushed the laptop away and turned to face Chris, hands on his shoulders reassuringly, encouraging him to look up at him properly.
“Hey, hey I'm okay, I promise. Nothing happened to me while I was there.” Chris’s shoulders sagged with relief.
“Are you sure? You're not suppressing it or something? Our brains forget things that are super traumatic sometimes.”
“I know, bud, but I promise I'm not suppressing any trauma. Nothing happened to me at that camp. I remember being bored a lot because it was super religious and being there was making me believe less and less. In hindsight, I guess I can see how it was totally a conversion therapy place. They kept preaching about how loving someone of the same sex was ‘unnatural’ and would get you ‘sent to hell’. I knew that was all bullshit, so I just ignored them, same as I ignored everyone in Texas when they talked like that.
“God - well, to me anyway – is all about loving everyone equally and treating each other the way you would want to be treated. Any time someone discriminates or abuses somebody else ‘in the name of God’, they’re the ones going to hell, not the people they hurt.”
“Abuela and Abuelo made comments like that...I tried correcting them, but they just talked over me and said they would pray for my soul.” Eddie hugged Chris close, furious that his parents would even insinuate that Chris might go to hell for believing people should be able to love whoever they love in peace.
“I’m sorry they said that to you, they had no right. I'm so proud of you for standing up to them.”
“Dad, why did they send you to a conversion camp?” Eddie’s eyebrows furrowed. That's a good question. He thought it was just to be closer to God, but that was when he thought it was just a regular church camp. Sure, he can admit to himself that lately (for the last year or so) he’s been questioning his sexuality a bit. He knows his feelings for Buck aren’t exactly platonic. Far from it. But he’s 33 years old and only just figuring that out, so what did his parents see in him at 15 that they hated enough to send him to conversion therapy at the murder camp?!
“I don’t know...” Chris gently pulled away so he could look up at him, his face full of love and understanding.
“Are you, um, you know...are you...”
“...Gay?” Is he gay? He wished he knew the answer to that for certain. okay, just be honest. Chris will understand. He said you can talk to him, it might be good to talk it through out loud too. “Honestly? I-I don’t know...lately, I have been thinking some things through.”
“Is one of those things Buck?” Chris asked with a small knowing smile. Eddie felt heat rush to his face and knew he was probably doing his best impersonation of a tomato right now.
“Maybe.” he mumbled, picking at some imaginary lint on his sweatpants. Chris let out a small giggle, quickly slapping his hand over his mouth. Giggling is obviously so not cool. Calming himself, he gave Eddie a small nudge.
“You know what? That actually makes so much sense. You're terrible with women.”
“Hey!... Actually, yeah that’s fair. So... I guess...yes? I am gay?... I don’t know why that’s coming out like a question. I’m gay.”
“Proud of you Dad.” Eddie felt tears well up in his eyes again. He pulled Chris into a side hug, burying a kiss in the top of his curls.
“Thanks bud. I, um...I don’t want you to think that this means I didn’t love your mom, because I did. I just... didn’t know it wasn’t in the right way at the time.”
“I know you loved her.”
“She was my best friend. Sometimes I think that if I didn’t feel pressured into getting married and making a ‘proper’ family that we might have realised we weren’t right for each other sooner. Then we could have gone back to being best friends and coparented better.”
“You probably would have needed completely different parents for that to work.” Eddie couldn’t help laughing at that.
“That’s true... Try not to worry about that article, okay? I'm okay, and I'm gonna get to the bottom of everything. Just try and get some sleep.”
“Okay Dad.”
Eddie cleared Chris’s plate away whilst he went about getting ready for bed. It was hard not to think about that article himself, but he didn’t want to worry about it until Chris was settled in bed. He was just finishing up the dishes when he heard him coming out of the bathroom, feet padding down the hall back to his bedroom. Chris definitely didn’t need tucking in anymore, but Eddie always liked to poke his head in for a proper goodnight. He found Chris in bed, face lit up by the light of his phone.
“Don’t stay up too late, okay Mijo? You've still got school tomorrow.”
“I know, I won’t” he replied, not looking up from his phone.
“Alright then, goodnight. I love you.” He was halfway through backing out the room and closing the door when Chris stops him.
“Hey Dad?”
“Yeah?” When he looked up, Chris was half sat up, leaning on an elbow, but looking directly at him.
“I love you too.” Eddie couldn't keep the grin off his face if he tried, couldn’t help himself from striding across the room and holding his face in his hands, planting loud kisses everywhere he could reach.
“I. Love. You. So. Much. Mijo.” When he was younger, this would have caused Chris to explode in a fit of squeals and giggles. Now, it’s making him squirm and try to push Eddie away, which Eddie just finds even more endearing.
“Daaaaad!”
“Okay, okay” he relents, one last big kiss to his cheek with a ‘mwah’ before he straightens up, gently forcing Chris’s head down onto his pillow. “Sleep!”
Chris just grunted, wiping his face with his sleeve, but Eddie suspected that really he was just trying to hide the fact that he was fighting to keep a smile off his face.
He finally left Chris in peace, settling back down on the couch with a beer.
He just came out to his son.
He said the words ‘I’m gay’ out loud and Christopher accepted him, just like that. Not that he thought he wouldn’t, he just made it seem so easy. Eddie hadn’t panicked over it either, he had said it so easily too. He is so proud to have raised a son who loved people so unconditionally that they could accept themselves easier too. He has Buck to thank for that though; he loves so wholly and loudly. It's one of the things that made Eddie fall in love with him in the first place. Chris certainly didn’t learn it from Mr Repression over here. 33 years he’s denied himself being truly happy – even more so the last 8 years. Oh shit...He's in love with Buck. Completely and utterly head over heels in love. What the fuck.
He can’t dwell on it right now; he just knows that he’s done with repressing his feelings. He doesn't want to hide them anymore. Eddie Diaz is in love with Evan Buckley, and he wants to tell him, wants to tell everyone – the whole world! He would climb on a highway overpass with a giant banner like that crazy lady looking for Norman. The 118 probably wouldn’t even be surprised. Hen has been giving him far too many knowing looks since they became partners. So has Ravi. And Chimney. Honestly, he’s surprised Buck hasn’t figured it out for himself already.
God, his parents though. He's not sure they’ll ever accept him. They're such strict Catholics, so traditional.
‘You need to be the man of the house, Eddie.’
‘You need to find a wife, Eddie.’
‘Your son needs a mother, Eddie.’
‘A real man provides for his family, Eddie.’
Well, he does provide for his family, thank you very much. And Christopher does have a mother. Just because Shannon passed away, it doesn’t make her any less a mother! And it may not be what his parents wanted for him, but what did it really matter if he had a husband instead of a wife?
His stomach flipped at the thought of marrying Buck one day. How did it take him this long to figure out he was this down bad for Buck?
All of a sudden, his stomach went from feeling like he’d swallowed a kaleidoscope of butterflies (yes, he did learn that from Buck) to a lead brick. This isn’t what his parents wanted for him. They went to very extreme lengths to try and make sure that it didn’t happen. What will they do when they find out that it didn’t work?
With slightly shaking hands, he grabbed his own laptop, booting it up and searching for information on the camp. There are hundreds of articles. He doesn’t know where to begin. He tries to find the article he read in Chris’s room but there are just so many! More victims coming forward, more counsellors being arrested. It's all too much for him to handle right now.
After some scrolling, he comes across a link to Reddit. Usually Eddie wouldn’t go near it (Bucks always telling him stories of people being absolute dicks that he’s read on there, and Ravi plays podcasts dedicated to reading ‘Am I The Asshole’ posts) but this is a link to ‘r/campmountbatten’. There's a whole subreddit dedicated to this.
Eddie clicks on it. It's full of users sharing their stories, their families' stories, links to more articles. He tries to skim read a few but it’s really hard to read, some sentences triggering memories in his mind that he didn’t even know he had. He can't believe that all of this was happening and he had no idea. He was in Texas when the investigation was still going! How had he not heard anything about this?!
He scrolled back to the top of the page and typed ‘investigation timeline’ into the search bar in the hopes that somebody has tried to make it all clearer for everyone. At the top, exactly what he had been looking for, someone has compiled a complete timeline of the investigation - in even more detail than he could have ever imagined. When it started, who was arrested, when they were arrested, where the police searched, every piece of information revealed through the investigation, when it was revealed, links to police statements so you can read it fully for yourself. Technically it’s still an ongoing investigation. The police welcome anyone to come forward with new information, even if it’s against someone who was already arrested and charged.
At the bottom is a link to a Google Doc. It contains the name of every single child who died at that camp, when they died, how they died – both what their family was originally told and how they really died – along with copies of the articles that reported their deaths and their obituaries (if they had either of them – many didn’t which is how it was kept quiet for so long). One of the worst parts was the photos. This person had found photos of as many of the victims as possible. Some of them so bright and happy, others their smiles are tight, not reaching their eyes, bruises visible on their skin, probably never shown an ounce of love a day in their short lives.
Halfway down there’s a photo that makes Eddie gasp. Jacob Bennett. Died August 4th, 2007, aged 15. He was Eddie’s bunkmate. They’d bonded over having the same birthday. The whole camp had been told that Jacob had left early for a family emergency, that his parents had had to collect him in the middle of the night. He had actually been beaten to death by a counsellor trying to rape him.
Eddie slammed his laptop shut, not even attempting to stop the tears from falling down his face as he fumbled his phone out of his pocket and called his mother.
“Eddie? Is everything okay? Do you know what time it is?” Probably around 11:30 at night in Texas. Eddie ignored her anyway.
“Did you know kids were dying when you sent me to Camp Mountbatten?”
“What? What are you talking about? It's very late Eddie.”
“Summer camp when I was 15 years old. Must have had about 50 kids die there at that time. Did you know?”
“Well now that’s an exaggeration isn’t it.”
“Did. You. Know?” His mother sighed.
“We read that there had been a few accidents, but we were assured that many new safety measures had been put in place, and the reviews were extremely complimentary.”
“How many?”
“What? How many reviews? Well, we must have-”
“No. How many children did you know had died there when you decided to send me anyway?”
“Eddie...”
“Answer the question!”
“I don’t know!”
“Was it more than 5?”
“Eddie...”
“10?”
“You’re being ridiculous.”
“20?!”
“Edmundo Diaz!” Eddie couldn’t sit still anymore. He needed to get up and pace the living room, be able to get his frustration out through movement so he didn’t lose his shit down the phone.
“Don’t ‘Edmundo Diaz’ me! You sent me to a camp knowing full well that multiple children had died there!”
“They were accidents.”
“They were abused and murdered! Even if you thought they were accidents, you still sent me to a camp where a bunch of kids had fatal accidents!”
“Eddie calm down. It was a perfectly respectable church camp.”
“It was a conversion therapy camp. Parents basically send their kids there specifically to get abused.”
“No they don’t!”
“Why did you send me there in the first place?”
“We just wanted you to be closer to God.”
“Bullshit!”
“Edmundo!”
“You thought I was gay and sent me to a conversion camp. Why? I wanna hear you say it.”
“Edmundo why are you upsetting your mother?” his dad’s voice suddenly appeared over the phone.
“I’m not. I just want answers.”
“To what?”
“Why did you send me to conversion camp when I was 15?”
“Because we didn’t want you to end up like your little sissy friend.”
“Excuse me?!”
“You know, the boy who was always following you around like a lost puppy.”
“...Are you talking about Miguel?”
“That’s the one.”
“He was my best friend in high school.”
“He was all over you Eddie! Coming to watch your dance competitions, making you dance with him.”
“Dios Mio, I asked him to! I was nervous, and you guys had sucked all the fun out of it.”
“What was the point in doing it if you weren’t trying to win?”
“To have fun! I was having fun!”
“You sound like a child!”
“I was a child!”
“Don’t raise your voice at me Edmundo!”
“Ohmygod! This is why you put so much pressure on me being a ‘real man’ isn’t it?”
“It’s our job to raise a man!”
“No! It's your job to love your child! You made me feel like I was worthless, like I was never good enough... When I came back from camp, Miguel had moved house and I never saw him again. Did you have something to do with that?”
“Eddie, we had to protect you.” His mom chimed back in.
“From my only friend?”
“From having that kind of life! He moved states, and he's married to a man now, so we were right to keep you away from him.”
“How do you even know that? You do realise that being gay isn’t catching, right? Whatever Miguel’s sexuality is doesn’t affect mine in any way.”
“He was a bad influence.”
“Ugh, it’s like talking to a brick wall with you.”
“Stop disrespecting your mother.”
“Why should I respect either of you? You happily packed me off to a camp where children were dying! Whether you thought they were accidental or not, you still knew that they died. You knew there was a risk of me dying and you sent me anyway! How many kids would have needed to die before you thought ‘hmm, maybe this isn’t safe. Maybe we should find a different camp’. Would that have been so hard? Or did you want me to go to the worst camp on purpose? Toughen me up even more?”
“How could you say that, Eddie? I'm your mother, of course I didn’t want you to get hurt or have a bad time. You told us you had fun.”
“I said whatever you wanted to hear to get you off my back.”
“Well, how were we supposed to know you were lying? We sent you to the best camp we knew. It's a shame they don’t make any handicap exceptions or Chris could have had fun there too.” Eddie saw red. How dare they try and do that to his son.
He thought back to his real camp experience, the memories that had come back whilst reading other people's stories. Running drills, being forced to earn their meals, memorising bible verses, getting hit across the knuckles with a ruler when he got a word wrong. The one time he argued back he was smacked across the face so hard he fell down, and after Jacob had... gone, he remembers that counsellor – the one that had hit him – coming into the bunk room and the pit in his stomach that said ‘stay still, pretend you’re asleep, he can’t do anything if you’re asleep’. At the time, he had thought he was going to hit him again, but now he knows it could have been so much worse. And they had wanted to send Christopher there?!
Fuck. Them.
“You tried to send Christopher to Camp Mountbatten?” he asked, eerily calm even to his own ears.
“Of course we did, we had to try. Lord knows what you’ve been teaching him over there, and the people you let around him? You really should-”
“HE COULD HAVE DIED!”
“Stop being so dramatic, Edmundo!”
“You tried to send my son to a camp where 129 children have died. You tried to send him the same year that a child was so horrifically abused he had to kill a man in self-defence, and you think I'm being overdramatic?!”
“Well, now you’re just exaggerating, as usual.”
“YOU COULD HAVE KILLED MY SON!”
“We would never hurt Christopher!”
Suddenly, Buck was walking through the front door, concern etched across his face as he walked straight over to Eddie.
“Hey, what’s happened? Who's on the phone?” Eddie didn’t know where to begin, couldn’t get his brain to process the words. The only thing he could do was grip onto one of Buck’s biceps as his other hand flicked his phone onto loudspeaker.
“Who’s with you Edmundo?”
“That’s a stupid question, Ramone. It's that Buck character, isn’t it? See, this is why we needed to try and teach Chris some proper traditional family values. He certainly wasn’t getting that from you and that gringo.”
“Traditional family values? You mean how to be racist and homophobic? Yeah, real great ‘values’ you’re trying to teach there, Mom. You know, Buck has taught us more about being a proper family than you ever did!” Buck’s hands moved to grip his elbows, steadying him before he even realised he was shaking.
“Really? What has he taught you? How to lose a child in a tsunami? How to earn your ticket straight to hell?”
“Oh, shut up Mom! Are you being serious right now?! Buck saved Christopher’s life. And if anyone here is going to hell, it’s you!”
“Edmundo!”
“You can ‘Edmundo’ me all you want; it doesn’t change the fact that you knowingly sent me to a conversion camp that had killed at least 50 kids at the time, and then tried to send my son there when over 100 kids had been killed.” Buck’s eyes were getting wider and wider, his mouth hanging open, the grip on his arms getting tighter and more protective.
“We didn’t know-”
“Yes, you did! That's what conversion camps are! They beat you and starve you and abuse you until you agree with whatever they say or you die. You're lucky I only got smacked around a bit, that I was smart enough to pretend to be asleep when the counsellors came into the bunks at night. It could have been infinitely worse.” Tears fell down Buck’s face, his grip almost vice-like now. “And you know what? It was all for nothing. It didn’t stop me from being gay!”
Through his parents shouting he hears Buck’s gasp and closes his eyes. He can’t face whatever Buck’s reaction is right now.
“Shut up!” He cuts his parents off. “It’s clear you don’t accept me for who I am. You never have and you never will. I've put up with your bullshit and your constant criticizing my whole life – nothing was ever good enough. Not marrying a woman, not joining the army, not doing everything I could to provide for my son, not being a firefighter, nothing! I am proud of what I've done in my life. I'm proud of who I am and who I've raised my son to be. I'm proud of the family we’ve made here – with Buck, with the 118. We don’t need you.” His parents tried to protest but Eddie has no interest in listening to anything they say anymore.
“No! You don’t get to talk anymore; I'm done listening to you. I can put up with a lot of shit. I can even put up with you criticizing my parenting and always thinking you know what’s best for Chris because at least I can see you have his best interests at heart. But trying to send him to that camp? That was just for you, that was purely selfish, and it could have killed him! You thought you knew best when you knew that that camp was killing kids and you sent your own son there anyway, still tried sending your grandson too. You know how many kids dying somewhere is too many for me to let Chris go there? 1. 1 dead child is too many, and you clearly aren’t the people I thought you were if you think otherwise. So goodbye. Don't contact me or Chris ever again.” With that, he hung up.
He barely had a moment to take a breath before his phone was ringing. He declined it, but it immediately started ringing again. After the third time, he ignored the call and text his mom ‘I mean it!’ and blocked her number. Then he quickly blocked his dad’s number too along with their landline.
He just cut his parents off.
He should probably be doing something. But he’s frozen. Stuck standing in the middle of his living room, staring at his phone.
“E-Eddie?” Right. Buck was here. He just heard everything. Eddie looked up at him, and it was like his brain rebooted and his adrenaline ran out all at the same time, which must have shown on his face.
“Hey, hey I'm here. It's okay.” Buck pulled him close, guiding his arms round his waist before wrapping his own tightly around Eddie’s shoulders. Eddie felt a hand in his hair as he buried his face into Buck’s shoulder, gasping for breath, tears in his eyes, clinging to the back of Buck’s sweatshirt to stop himself shaking.
Down the hall, a phone starts ringing. Eddie is moving before his brain even registers that it’s Chris’s phone. His parents are calling his son in the middle of the night just to get his attention. When he goes into Chris's room, he’s sat on the end of his bed staring at his phone. He holds it straight out for Eddie.
“It’s Abuela.” Eddie answers it.
“I told you not to contact my son.”
“Now you’re screening his calls? You can’t keep him from us!”
“Yes, I can. I have to protect him.” He hangs up again, ignoring the immediate ringing as he blocks and deletes all their numbers. “Do they follow you on any social media?”
“I think they made an Instagram account to follow me.” Eddie hands the phone back.
“Can you block them please?” Chris nodded and did it immediately. “Is your account private?”
“Of course.”
“Okay, good. Don’t add anyone new if you aren’t expecting it please. I wouldn’t put it past them to make another account.”
“Okay...what’s going on, Dad?”
“I cut them off. You and me aren’t gonna have any more contact with them. What they did wasn’t right, I can’t let it slide.”
“Okay.” The fact that Chris makes no attempt to fight for a relationship with his grandparents shows how upset he is with them too. “Did you realise that you were supressing something that happened? I-I heard bits and pieces of what you were saying on the phone...”
“I, um, I did.” He sits down with Chris and hugs him close. “It wasn’t anything like what you read about though, I promise. I’m happy to tell you everything I can remember, just not right now if that’s okay?”
“Yeah, of course Dad.”
“Thank you.” His own phone starts ringing again in his pocket. Sighing, he gets it out. He swears he blocked them properly but maybe – oh. It's Sophia. “It’s my sister. I should answer, they probably woke her up and gave her half the story. Please try and get some sleep, Mijo. I'll keep it down.”
“Okay, night Dad.”
“Night Mijo.” He tucked Chris in, kissing his forehead, grateful Chris was letting him have this. As he turned to leave, he saw Buck was leaning against the doorframe, watching them. Something in his expression made Eddie blush. Buck stepped back, allowing Eddie to step out of the room and close the door behind him, following him back to the living room. They sit back on the couch, Eddie sighing as he realised he’s missed multiple calls from Sophia now. He doesn’t get a chance to call her back as his phone starts ringing again and he quickly answers.
“Hey Soph, I know you probably-”
“Eddie, you can’t just cut us out of your lives!”
“Mom? What the hell?! Did you drive to Sophia’s house for this?”
“Yes. Our phone calls wouldn’t go through to you or Chris.” Eddie rolled his eyes.
“Gee, I wonder why. Put Sophia on the phone.”
“No, we need to talk about this.”
“I’m not talking to you. Put Sophia on the phone. Now.”
“No.”
“Fine.” He hangs up yet again and, again, ignores incoming calls as he drafts a text that he sends to every single family member.
‘I have cut all ties with my parents. If anyone allows them to use their phone to contact me or Christopher, then I will cut all ties with you too – Eddie.’
He sends a second text just to his sister – ‘Sophia, I'm turning my phone off for the night, but I will talk to you tomorrow. I don’t blame you x’ – and then turns his phone off.
Eddie slumps back against the couch, head fully reclined towards the ceiling, eyes closed, pinching the bridge of his nose. What the actual fuck happened today?! How did he wake up this morning as if it were any other day and this evening everything has imploded?
Buck’s hand found his shoulder, his thumb landing in the dip of his collarbone.
“Are you okay?” Eddie flops his head to the side to look up at Buck.
“Define ‘okay’.” Buck winced in sympathy.
“Do you want me to pretend not to have heard some things?”
“You would do that?” Buck nodded.
“Of course, if that’s what you want. I did kind of butt into a private conversation.”
“That’s not what I want.”
“Good.” Buck pulled him closer, hugging him tightly again. “I’m so proud of you.” Eddie buried his face into the crook of Buck’s neck, letting out a groan as he tried not to cry.
“Don’t be nice to me, I'm fragile.” Buck lets out a chuckle as he pulls him even closer, basically just cuddling him at this point.
“I can’t believe your parents did all that to you. And I thought my parents were bad.”
“They are.” Eddie couldn’t help himself from wrapping his arms around Buck’s waist, curling towards him. If he was being honest with himself, he was snuggling, taking advantage of Buck’s comfort to get as close as possible. But he’s not being honest with himself. He's had enough honesty for one day. So, he is simply...leaning...getting comfortable. This is fine. Buck’s hand drifts up into his hair again, gently carding his fingers through the strands. Eddie lifted his head to look up at him only to find Buck already looking down at him.
“You okay?” Eddie nodded, distracted by Buck’s eyes. They really are the prettiest shade of blue. They flick downwards, long eyelashes fanning against his cheeks. Wait...is Buck staring at Eddie’s mouth? He opens his mouth to ask, but it’s like the movement spooks Buck. He blinks, quickly looking away, eyes darting around the room to find something to talk about. He cleared his throat.
“Er, g-good. Great. So...um...d’you reckon your parents will give up? Or fly over and make a big fuss?”
“What?” Oh, he’s so fucked. “That sounds exactly like something they would do. Fuck.” He stands up and starts pacing again, running his hands over his face. “Fuuuck. What am I gonna do? Chris can’t be here if they turn up, he doesn’t need to hear us screaming at each other.” Buck was suddenly in front of him, pulling his hands away from his face, squeezing them reassuringly.
“Come and stay with me. They don’t know where I live.”
“I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You’re not asking, I'm offering. The number of times I've needed to crash with you? It's about time you cashed in one of those favours.”
“Maybe you could take Chris? I’ll need to stay here. My parents will be even more pissed if they’re left waiting.”
“And we care about that because...”
“Huh...we don’t.”
“Exactly. Come stay with me. Relax. Tomorrow we can go get ice cream with Chris and laugh at the ring doorbell footage.” Eddie laughed.
“Chris has school and we have work.”
“Dude. It's gone midnight. I doubt Chris is asleep, he’s probably still freaked out, you really think he’ll be fit for school tomorrow?”
“Eugh, probably not. But we still have work.”
Buck got his phone out, typing for a few seconds before showing Eddie a text he’s sent to Chimney; ‘Hey, Eddie’s phone is off but he needs an emergency personal day tomorrow, would love to take one too for support but understand if you can’t spare us both x’
Eddie’s heart fluttered. Like, actually fluttered. Jesus Christ he is so fucked. He immediately turned away, heading back to Chris’s room and gently knocking before poking his head in.
“Chris?” As expected, Chris is still wide awake. “Hey bud, can you pack a bag? We're gonna go stay at Buck’s tonight.”
“Really? Should I bring my school stuff?”
“Nah you’re good, you don’t have to go in tomorrow.”
“Cool! Thanks Dad...Hey, are you okay?”
“I’m okay Mijo, just been a long day. I wouldn’t put it past your grandparents to show up unannounced, so I'd rather not be here if they do.” Chris nodded, getting up to pack his bag so Eddie left him to it, going to his own room to pack a few essentials.
He can’t think too much. There are too many thoughts in his head. Any time his brain grasps onto one to make it clearer he’s overwhelmed, dizzy with it. His parents. Camp. Chris. Buck. Jacob. Sophia. Parents. Buck. Chris. Sophia. Camp. Jacob. Everything swirling together, flying debris in a tornado, no idea which one is gonna get thrown at him first.
“Hey” Buck is there, talking softly, like if he’s too loud Eddie will crack and fall apart. Honestly, he probably would. “Let’s get you guys to my place, get Chris settled, and then we can do whatever you want.” Eddie nodded, not trusting his voice not to crack.
Buck takes his bag for him, gently guiding him to the front door, grabbing Chris’s bag on the way too.
“Should I bring my car too? Then you won’t have to drive us around tomorrow.”
“I always drive you around, get in the car Eddie.” That’s true...he gets in the passenger seat, checking Chris is secure before leaning against the window and Buck drives them home. To his home. Buck’s home. “Also, if your parents show up and see your car they’ll think you’re at home still and hopefully won’t go looking for you.”
“True...keep them on the door cam.”
“Exactly. If only you had a Hildy system, then you could control the lights from mine and really piss them off thinking you’re in there ignoring them.” Eddie fought a smile. Of course, Buck would still be able to make him laugh right now.
“Never gonna happen...could have set up some timer’s and stuff, Home Alone style.” Buck laughed at that and Eddie felt a little lighter at the sound.
By the time they got to Buck’s place and set up the guest room for Chris and got him settled, Eddie was exhausted. Today felt like a whole week, finishing a 24-hour shift, picking Chris up from the bus stop, then all of this. He was emotionally drained as he grabbed some blankets for the couch.
“Um, you are not sleeping on the couch.”
“You’re not sleeping on your own couch, Buck. I'll be fine.”
“No.” Buck pulled the blanket out of his hands and gently tugged him in the direction of his bedroom. “Just share with me.” This is too much.
“Buck...”
“Eddie, please?” Eddie has no fight left in him tonight. He lets Buck lead him down the hallway, getting ready for bed in silence. When he finally crawls into bed, he’s all too aware of Buck’s large, warm presence.
They don’t say anything else; they don’t need to right now. Eddie feels himself slipping into sleep almost immediately, but not before he feels Buck’s hand find his own, reaching across the space between them. An anchor in the storm.