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Chloe took a deep breath, the breeze whisper-light as it kissed her cheeks, and pushed the door to the office open. She'd never visited Linda at work before because she usually made it a point to be respectful and not interrupt her friends at work, wherever that may be. But desperate times called for desperate measures.
She stuck her hands in her pockets as she made her way across the office. Of course Linda had to be in the back. She paused again at the door, hesitating. Maybe she was just imagining it. Maybe there really wasn't anything wrong with him... Before she could change her mind and head back out, likely just making it back before her lunch break ended, the door opened.
Linda had her handbag slung over one shoulder, sending a text with one hand. "Oh, Linda, I'm sorry," she said immediately, stepping back. Linda looked up, calling out in surprise. "Oh, Chloe! My bad. Please come in." She offered her a smile, stepping back into the office and holding the door open. "What a pleasant surprise! You caught me right at my lunch break."
Linda flashed her another pleasant smile, holding the door open wider. "Why don't you come in?"
"Oh, uh..." Chloe glanced up, nodding slightly. "Yeah, sure," she said. She had come here to speak to her, after all. She stepped inside, lingering on one side of the couch as Linda bustled back over to her desk. She dropped her purse beside her desk before standing up straighter and smiling. However, he smile faded after a beat. She tilted her head and frowned.
"Chloe," she said. "What's wrong?" Chloe opened her mouth to speak, but her words failed. She closed it before taking a few seconds to compose a second attempt. "I'm... it's Lucifer," she said finally. "Something's wrong with him. Something's wrong, and I don't know what it is, and I don't like it."
"Something's wrong," Chloe said decidedly. Lucifer, his back turned and bent over the body, snorted. "Brilliant, Watson," he drawled, straightening up and turned towards her. He stuck his hands in his impeccable jacket pockets and made his way towards her, his left toes tapping his right heel in a bit of a strange, slow quickstep. "Truly groundbreaking deduction."
"Wronger than usual?" Linda asked curiously, raising an eyebrow. Something always seemed to be wrong with Lucifer. It was just a matter of figuring out what and giving him advice he'd actually take without twisting it. "How so?"
Chloe chewed on her lip, shifting her weight. For a moment she hesitated again before sitting on the edge of the couch. At her cue, Linda took her own seat. "He's being... Distant," she began. "More so than usual. He's unsure of himself. He's never unsure of himself. When Lucifer does something, he does it, and he's sure of it. But now... He's dark. Cold. Not the same..."
She shrugged helplessly. As much as she hated to admit it, he was growing on her. "We were investigating a crime scene when I touched him. Tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention, nothing I haven't done a million times before. And he freaked out and jumped a foot in the air like I'd burned him."
Chloe rolled her eyes, trailing behind him as he made his way out of the warehouse that was today's crime scene. The red and blue lights of the cop cars had cast a colorful glow on the pale pallor of Lucifer's face. He didn't look like himself and he wasn't acting like himself, either. And she had to admit, she almost - almost - missed the arrogant air her friend usually had, but she didn't have time to miss that because she was dealing with this dark, broody Lucifer. She sighed and followed him, widening her strides to catch up. She was quite a bit shorter than him. "What's wrong?" she pressed. Chloe reached out to grab his arm, a gesture she'd done so many times. Her fingers barely brushed against his arm before he jerked away like he'd been burned. "Hands off the merchandise, Detective," he said sharply. "And nothing's wrong. I'm perfectly fine. Why wouldn't I be fine? I'm amazing. Brilliant. Perfect as always." He pulled a wry smile but anyone could tell he didn't mean it, not look his usual caustic grins. But he wasn't going to answer her, and he never would, because he was infuriating.
"That's odd," Linda said. "But I've noticed the same thing recently... Reluctance to physical contact, and he's a very... Touchy person, normally. And he called to cancel our session two nights ago." She drummed her fingers on her leg for a few moments, thinking. "I wonder... Is he seeing anyone that you know of?"
Chloe furrowed her brow. "Not that I'm aware of," she said. "I mean, he was really eyeing this guy at Lux the other night, but..." She shook her head. "He's not the steady relationship type." Linda hummed and nodded slightly. "You got that right," she said. "He has been acting strangely. I'll keep my eyes out if he comes in today."
Chloe dipped her head and smiled briefly. "Thank you, Linda," she said, rising. "Sorry I have to go. Dan and Trixie are still at the office." Linda shook her head and smiled again. "Don't mention it," she said, picking up her purse again. "Anything for my tribe, right? I'll walk you out."
---
The detective raked a hand through her tangled, messy hair before letting out a deep sigh. Another exceptionally long day with an exceptionally infuriating partner. She really wished she could be in bed right now, but she still had to sift through this mountain of paperwork for tomorrow, but it was too late for this...
Chloe sighed again, her face buried in her hand. It wasn't too long before she heard a shuffle a movement in the corner of the room. "Mommy?" Trixie said, looking up at her and frowning. "What's wrong?" Chloe turned, shaking her head. "Trixie, sweetie, why don't you go back to bed? Mommy'll come along to read you another story soon, if you're good."
Trixie shook her head, her sock feet scooting across the wood floor of their new apartment. "Mommy," she repeated, "what's wrong?" Chloe sighed softly, patting the kitchen chair beside her. Who knew? Children were perceptive little things...
"Mommy has a lot of paperwork to do," she said. "And I'm a little anxious." Trixie paused, boosting herself up into the kitchen chair and swinging her feet. "Are you worried about Lucifer?" she asked, and Chloe frowned again. "He's all sad and angry now."
"How'd you know?" Chloe asked. Trixie smiled, showing a gap between her teeth. "He was sad when he watched me the other day. When you and Maze were gone."
Chloe was definitely frazzled to say the least. It was 9:00 on a day off from school. Maze was gone who knows where and she couldn't get her usual babysitter on the line. She had to be in court in 15 minutes! Suddenly, almost like a miracle, there was a knock on the door.
She spun on her heel, praying for Maze, someone, anyone, as she pulled open the door, revealing Lucifer. She was too busy to notice that his crisp white shirt was half unbuttoned and wrinkled and that his face was pale and his hair messy. She was hurrying too much to notice that he looked wrong.
"Great," she said. "Thank God." Lucifer opened his mouth for a beat before Chloe shouted toward the back of the house, "Trix! Lucifer's going to watch you, alright?" She turned back to Lucifer. "Thank you so much," she said. "I owe you one, I swear. I'll be back after lunch."
She was out the door like a whirlwind, leaving the girl and the pale club owner behind.
"I think I know what's wrong, though," Trixie added. Chloe frowned, lowering her hands. "Really?" she asked. He had started acting strangely just that afternoon when she'd swung by to relieve Lucifer of babysitting duty. "He told you what was wrong?"
Trixie nodded slowly again. "Yeah," she said. "I was tryin' to make him feel better and I asked him what was wrong and he said he was upset because someone touched him funny and he didn't like it." She paused for a beat before speaking again. "He was really sad. He's not usually sad. But then he got angry sad at the end. I think he broke something. I found him looking at your big girl drinks and I asked if he wanted one, but he said not in front of me. Then you got home and he left. I'm worried about Luci."
Trixie frowned, looking up from the cartoon Lucifer had turned on the TV before he went into the kitchen, where he'd been for a really long time. He was really, really sad today, and she didn't know why. She didn't like it when her friends were sad. She was determined to make it better.
She hopped off of the couch and padded into the kitchen, still in her pajamas. It was a day off, after all, and still morning. Why would she change?
Peering around the corner, the young girl frowned. There he was, standing at the counter. He was looking into one of the high cabinets, the ones her mommy and Maze kept their grown-up drinks in. He was looking at them very intently. There was a pile of sparkling, crushed glass beside his right hand, which was balled into a fist, his left curled around the edge of the counter and squeezing so hard his knuckles were white.
"Lucifer?" she called cautiously. "Do you want one of Mommy's drinks?" He turned, jerking slightly when she spoke, like she'd scared him. But he wasn't sacred, was he? He and her mommy and daddy were invincible, right? They didn't get scared.
"Of course, Beatrice," he said. "But not here. You ought not see that side of me." He turned from the countertop, crossing the kitchen to stand in front of her. He crouched down in front of her so she was level with him and she could look into his eyes. She liked it when she could look at people when they talked to her, but they didn't treat her like she was 3.
"Beatrice, may I offer you some advice?" he asked, and she nodded quickly. "Beatrice... If a boy or girl ever tries to touch you but you don't want it..." His eyes darkened, and she was pretty sure he was getting angry sad now. "Don't let them, alright? Don't let them touch you. And if they do, you come find me, alright? But don't let them do you don't have to."
Trixie nodded, quickly agreeing. He stood up and turned back around without another word, heading back for the counter. He grabbed the trash can and swept the mess into it and it was only when he open his right palm that she saw the blood dripping into the trash bag.
"Is that why you're sad?" she asked finally, tilting her head, her brain spinning to try and connect the dots. "Did a boy touch you and you didn't want him to?" He stiffened further and held like that for a while 5 seconds before he put away the trash can and turned, his back to her. "Yes," he said. "Yes, I suppose so."
Almost as if on cue, the door opened and she could hear her mommy calling out. "Trix! Lucifer! I'm back!" She opened her mouth to try to speak again, to make him feel better, but he was out of the kitchen in an instant. His shoulders were back and his head high, but he didn't look like Lucifer, the one she knew. He looked like he was going to cry for a second, like Trixie did in movies where the dog died.
But then he got angry and then he got sad again and he was gone before she realized he'd called her Beatrice.
She paused for another beat before asking, "Can I have another piece of cake?" Chloe smiled faintly. "Maybe tomorrow, baby." She kissed Trixie on the forehead before nodding back towards the bedroom. "Why don't you go back to bed, sweetie? I'll be along to read you another story soon."
"Okay, Mommy," Trixie said. She hopped off the chair and wandered back into her room. Chloe watched her go, watching until the light in her daughter's room flicked off and plunged the hall into darkness.
---
As much as Chloe appreciated Lucifer distracting the sniper long enough for her to find him, she really wished he wouldn't have done so like he did.
Throwing himself in front of the victim and begging to be shot after she'd sent him home? Something was definitely wrong. "Come on!" he shouted, stretching his arms out, the woman cowering behind him as a shot shattered the glass of the window behind them. "Do it! I'm right here! Shoot me!"
As quickly and quietly as she could, Chloe slunk up the stairs towards the direction the shots were coming from, her heart pounding in her chest. If he got himself shot, the idiot, she would literally kill him herself. Not a civilian. Not on her watch.
Lucifer finally got his wish when with a soft pop, another bullet whizzed through the air, clipping him in the arm, doing little more than slicing the fabric of his jacket sleeve. Lucifer snarled as Chloe moved just a little bit faster. "That's not good enough!" he shouted, and he was starting to get so pale she would have been worried he was sick if he ever actually got sick. He didn't look like he should be standing upright.
"Go on! Shoot me! Just shoot me! Shoot me!"
Chloe hadn't flinched at the sound of a gunshot in years, but when the sniper fired the next one... She twitched slightly and her heart beat just a little quicker as the bullet sliced into her friend, through the front of his shoulder and out the other side.
She burst up the stairs, caution to the wind, as Lucifer looked at his arm. He put his fingers to the wound, covering his fingertips across it and not pulling them away until they were covered in red. "I deserved this," he whispered, quiet, but not quiet enough in the large, cavernous building. She got the feeling that the bullet wound wasn't what he was talking about.
"I deserve this," he repeated, his right hand limp at his side and his left, fingers coated in blood, held up near his face. His knees shook slightly, but he stayed on his feet. "And I deserve so much worse! Come on! Do it! Do it, you coward! Do it!"
Just as Chloe reached the top of the staircase, the sniper's finger squeezed the trigger.
---
"Pity," Lucifer spat. He was firmly planted on the ground, his back against the coffee stand and his legs splayed out in front of him. "The last shot didn't hit its mark, either..." He was vibrating with rage again, his bloody fingers digging into his palm, clenched into a fist.
Chloe hugged slightly, shifting her weight to the opposite foot. "What the hell was that about, Lucifer?" she asked angrily. "Begging to get yourself killed? That was so, so unbelievably stupid!" Lucifer rolled his eyes slightly. "You caught the bad guy didn't you, Detective?" he said, arching an eyebrow. "I assume I did my job? Shame he didn't do his."
Chloe tucked her gun away, beckoning the paramedics over before crossing her arms. "That was stupid," she told him. "So stupid. You are a civilian, Lucifer! What would I have done if he'd actually killed you?"
Lucifer's eyes fluttered over to the paramedic and he tended noticeably before pulling his gaze back to the detective. "I don't know," he said, his lip curling. "You won't have to now, because the incompetent fool didn't." The paramedic knelt down beside him, and Lucifer watched, his eyes narrowed. He inched away, a minuscule amount, but the paramedic didn't notice and pulled out his supplies anyway. Chloe opened her mouth to speak again but was interrupted again. The paramedic touched Lucifer's upper arm, pulling away the ripped fabric, and Lucifer flinched. Except it wasn't just a flinch. He hissed and pulled away like he'd been burned, dripping blood on the floor. "Don't touch the merchandise," he snapped, holding his wounded arm against his chest.
"Lucifer!" Chloe shouted. "He's trying to help you! Now stay down, stop acting like a child, and let him help you." She spun on her heel and strode across the building toward the front door, not waiting to see Lucifer's face fall.
She sighed deeply, rubbing her hand over her face as she walked. Whatever had she done to get stuck with Lucifer? Of all things, what had she done to deserve this? A childish partner who drank too much and stood in front of snipers and begged to be killed.
What had she done?
God, he was worse than Trixie sometimes!
She kept walking, walked straight into her squad car, and didn't turn around once.
---
If he slept, the nightmares would come.
But he was living one.
So what was the harm?
---
[Sent at: 8:34pm]
Sent by: Chloe Decker
Sent to: Lucifer Morningstar
What's wrong with you lately?
[Read at: 8:35pm]
[Sent at: 9:10pm]
Sent by: Chloe Decker
Sent to: Lucifer Morningstar
You can tell me what's wrong, Lucifer.
[Read at: 9:12pm]
[Sent at: 9:17]
Sent by: Chloe Decker
Sent to: Lucifer Morningstar
I know you're reading these.
[Read at: 9:27pm]
[Sent at: 9:32pm]
Sent by: Chloe Decker
Sent to: Lucifer Morningstar
Lucifer, talk to me.
[Read at: 9:49pm]
[Sent at: 9:59]
Sent by: Chloe Decker
Sent to: Lucifer Morningstar
Please.
[Read at: 10:09pm]
[Sent at: 10:10pm]
Sent by: Chloe Decker
Sent to: Lucifer Morningstar
I'm sorry I snapped at you today.
[Read at: 10:31pm]
[Sent at: 10:32pm]
Sent by: Chloe Decker
Sent to: Lucifer Morningstar
I'm not stupid, I know something is wrong. Please talk to me.
[Read at: 10:41pm]
[Sent at: 10:42pm]
Sent by: Chloe Decker
Sent to: Lucifer Morningstar
Please
[Read at: 10:53pm]
[Sent at: 10:57pm]
Sent by: Lucifer Morningstar
Sent to: Chloe Decker
you'd look at me different if i told you i hate it i hate it i hate it i don't want pity i want punishment i hate it
[Read at: 10:57pm]
[Sent at: 10:58pm]
Sent by: Chloe Decker
Sent to: Lucifer Morningstar
Lucifer, whatever's wrong, I won't look at you different. I promise. Just... Please. You have to talk to me. You're scaring me.
[Read at: 11:04pm]
[Sent at: 11:05pm]
Sent by: Lucifer Morningstar
Sent to: Chloe Decker
you say that but you would you'll try to fix it but you can't it's my punishment this is all my fault all of it it's my punishment you have to let me do this tell your spawn i apologize
[Read at: 11:05pm]
[Sent at: 11:06pm]
Sent by: Chloe Decker
Sent to: Lucifer Morningstar
Lucifer, what happened? What are you doing? Listen, you can talk to me!
[Message not read]
[Sent at: 11:07pm]
Sent by: Chloe Decker
Sent to: Lucifer Morningstar
Lucifer...
[Message not read]
[Sent at: 11:08pm]
Sent by: Chloe Decker
Sent to: Lucifer Morningstar
Please talk to me. I'm worried.
[Message not read]
[Sent at: 11:10pm]
Sent by: Chloe Decker
Sent to: Lucifer Morningstar
Lucifer? Come on, answer me.
[Message not read]
[Sent at: 11:11pm]
Sent by: Chloe Decker
Sent to: Lucifer Morningstar
Lucifer. Please. I want to help you.
[Message not read]
[Sent at: 11:11pm]
Sent by: Chloe Decker
Sent to: Lucifer Morningstar
Lucifer, are you there?
[Message not read]
Outgoing call from: Chloe Decker to Lucifer Morningstar
At: 11:12pm
Call not accepted
Outgoing call from: Chloe Decker to Lucifer Morningstar
At: 11:14pm
Call not accepted.
[Sent at: 11:16pm]
Sent by: Chloe Decker
Sent to: Lucifer Morningstar
Lucifer?
---
He put the phone down quietly on the table.
His fingers brushed against the hilt of the knife and he touched the end of the gun lightly.
Maybe... Maybe he could do it. Maybe if he thought about Chloe, it would work. He glanced at his phone, vibrating yet again, but he ignored it this time.
He tapped the white top of the medicine bottle once, twice, and paused, deep in thought, before retracting his hand.
Maybe this one. After all, he deserved it. He was a coward, though. A dirty coward. He didn't deserve painless.
He glanced at the clock and picked up one of the items.
11:11, he thought.
The door clicked open behind him and someone was shouting, but all he could do was lift his hand up and think.
Make a wish.