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The first proper shift after his injury was just like any other, they got call to which they responded too and everyone worked like a well oiled machine. The only real difference was the fact that Eddie was in his head whenever they weren't on a call, nobody seemed to notice that he had turned into himself though, nobody seemed to notice he didn't talk as much or even spent time with them. Eddie was always there physically on the edge of the boundaries between everyone but mentally he was in the elevator. Alone and bleeding out onto the floor below him.
Sometimes his mind wonders back further into the past back to hospital in New Mexico.
His mind isn't going back to these events to relive the trauma he gained because of them. No his mind was showing him that even when he is injured he is in it alone.
Now that he isn't actively trying to stay alive his mind is playing these events on repeat, like a movie sometimes is slow motions, sometimes with audio descriptions. The one thing his mind is focused on though is that fact that even when he had a severe concussion, wounds littering his arms, a possible broken shoulder, nobody from his 'family' had asked about his condition. Nobody. They just wanted him to go on a search for Buck which he was going to do anyway because he couldn't loose Buck but looking back is showing him that nobody actually cared how he was they just wanted him to fight against the injuries they didn't even know he had to find Buck. He could have had a broken leg and he'd doubt they'd care, they just wanted him to get Buck no matter what.
And then when he was stabbed he doesn't even think he crossed anybody's minds, from what he had heard from the others was that they where in contact with each other whether they were standing next to one another or they had gone through Maddie. But they all knew everyone was safe, but nobody tried to contact Eddie, one he got his phone back there wasn't any missed calls, no notifications to show that anybody had thought to check if he was okay. He was actively dying alone trapped and yet his safety didn't cross anybodies minds.
Now here he is going through the motions, doing his job, taking care of his son and yet he hasn't had anybody actually ask how he was after everything, even after New Mexico nobody really checked on him it was all about Buck and yes Buck's injuries were worse but that didn't take away from the fact that Eddie had also been in the same crash Buck had been in. And yes but had the added element of being kidnapped but he was safe now he was home all thanks to Eddie yet as soon as he wasn't useful it felt as though he was thrown away.
He didn't have anyone ever come to him just for him, no they came to him when they had a problem and he was expected to fix whatever it was. Eddie was starting to realize that nobody actually cared for him.
The days crept on the shifts bled together and yet nobody noticed the absence of his voice in conversations, nobody noticed the fact that Eddie wasn't himself and that, that was what really cemented the fact that Eddie wasn't worth anything unless he could fix the issues others were having.
As the end of yet another lonely shift Eddie was in the locker rooms changing into his civilian clothes when he couldn't help but feeling like he was about to burst at the seams. He wasn't alone in the locker room though, the rest of the team in various states of dress. One by one they all left but Eddie didn't really notice the absence of everyone he was just sat staring into nothingness.
"You going to go home? Or you just going to keep staring at the wall?" Came Buck's voice, amusement trickling through the questions.
Instead of answering though Eddie started a different conversation "you know what I keep thinking about?" He questioned eyes not moving from where he was staring. Though when he didn't receive an answer his eyes drifted to Buck's face, he was met with a confused expression, so instead of continuing to wait for a response he carried on and though he received one "the elevator…"
"Eddie!?" Buck questioned cutting him off.
"How long?" Eddie asked instead of continuing his original train of thought. It was a question that had been circling his head since.
"I'm confused, how long what?"
"How long was it until somebody realized I wasn't there? How long would it have taken if the elevator hadn't opened? How long would I have been bleeding out before somebody realized that nobody actually knew where I was? Would I have already died?" The questions came out quickly once the first one was out of his mouth they kept flowing, not even realizing that he had so many.
Despite the numerous questions he had asked Buck stood there staring at Eddie in shock mouth opening and closing but not actually forming an answer. Eddie waited letting the questions hang in silence, yet no matter how long he waited it didn't seem like he was about to get any answers so with that he stood grabbing his bag "never mind, doesn't matter anyway" he threw over his shoulder as he left the locker room.
"Eddie wait!" Buck's voice came from behind him though he didn't listen and let his feet carry him to his truck before getting in and driving off without another glance in Bucks direction.
He didn't want to go home, it was empty Chris was with Pepa and the thought of sitting at home with no noise repulsed him so instead of driving home he just drove. No destination no plan he just drove. Not half and hour later his phone lit up with a call from Buck, he thought about answering but after his questions went unanswered he just left it letting it go to voicemail, though that didn't stop Buck from calling again. And again. And again. It must have been the eighth call before Eddie caved and answered the call.
"Where are you?" Traveled through the phone before any,
"Driving" Eddie replied in a clipped tone,
"Driving where?"
"Don't know, just driving"
"Why?" Buck questioned,
"Didn't want to go home yet" Eddie kept answering the questions coming at him.
"Okay, well I'm at yours" the voice on the other side of the call said,
"Okay" Eddie stated voice tight,
"You going to come home?" Buck questioned,
"Not yet" he continued with the short answers,
"Why?"
"Driving"
Eddie could hear the sigh coming through the speakers before Buck continued "okay well I guess I'll see you when you get home"
"Okay" Eddie said before hanging up without any goodbyes.
It was another two hours before Eddie decided to finally go home he was hungry and didn't want to wait in line for food so he decided he would just heat up the leftovers he had. Pulling into his driveway he saw Bucks truck but he been expecting him to still be at the house so Eddie wasn't shocked by it. He put the truck in park before hopping out and making his way to the front door, entering the house he noticed Buck sat on the couch but he didn't pay and mind to him and walking into the kitchen to search for his leftovers.
"Hey" was what he was greeted with as Buck followed him into the room,
"Hey" he replied as though the conversation in the firehouse and the phone call hadn't happened,
"What you doing?" Buck questioned,
"I'm hungry, so leftovers" he said while presenting said leftovers to Buck,
"I can make you something fresh" Buck said as he moved further into the kitchen heading for the cupboards,
"No it's okay, don't worry about it" as he opened the microwave and putting the leftovers in.
"Are you okay?" Was what came next,
"Yeah I'm good, why?" He replied distracted while getting a plate and cutlery for himself.
"I mean with what you said in the firehouse I'm worried about you"
Eddie just shrugged, he didn't really have anything to say so just played his food and started to eat.
"Eddie?" Buck's voice started to sound strained,
Eddie turned to face Buck plate in hand, he finished his current bite before replying with a short "yeah?" Before taking another bite of his food.
Looking at Bucks face he could see the worry etched into his expression, "why did you ask the questions?" Carried on,
Shrugging Eddie replied "just been thinking that's all, then they just came out I guess"
"Okay but why would you think that" The concern on Buck's face continued to grow,
"I mean they are valid questions," Eddie said trying to get a beer from the fridge he grabbed one for Buck too sliding it over to him before opening his own, though Buck didn’t acknowledge the beer he was given "you all knew everyone else was okay but how long would it have taken for anybody to realize I wasn't if the doors of the elevators hadn't opened when they did?"
"as soon as I realized I asked where you where!" Buck stated,
"Yeah! And when was that?" He questioned not breaking eye contact with Buck.
This got Buck stammering as though he didn't want to answer the question which caused him to receive a pointed stare from Eddie, looking away Buck answered "just before the doors opened"
To that Eddie just nodded taking a sip of his beer before going back to his meal, letting Buck's answer float in the silence between them.
The silence didn't last long before Buck was trying to fill it. "But I was with Harry and we were trying to get the basement to, to turn the power off so that the doors would unlock, and and Chim and Hen they were saving a guy who had been shot, I mean Hen had her hand in his chest manually pumping his heart and Ravi and May they were moving Athena because the guy was after her!" Buck rambled before running out of breath forcing him to stop.
Eddie took this break in Buck's ramble to look at him and calmly state " I was stabbed before the guy even pulled his gun out and all hell broke loose, and I know nobody could have known that but even so all of the team had their phone all of you had the chance to try and call me or even send a simple text asking where I was or if I was okay but nobody, nobody thought to check in. Even after you noticed I wasn't there how long would it have taken for anybody to realized I wasn't okay?" Eddie took a breath before continuing "but it's okay it's not like it was the first time something like that has happened"
"What do you mean it's not the first time that's happened?" Buck questioned instead of acknowledging the rest of what Eddie had said,
"New Mexico"
"I couldn't have done anything! I was kidnapped for god sake!" Buck exploded,
"I know that Buck!" Eddie said voice rising "I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about every other goddamn person! Though I did ask where you where as soon I saw the empty bed next to me, told them that I wasn't alone in the car then I rang Athena as soon as the I knew the cops weren't going to do a damn thing to find you and she went to dispatch to talk to Maddie then Chim was there and then I was told I had to go find you, which don't get me wrong I was going to do anyway but not one person asked how I was. I was in a fucking car accident and instead of asking if I was okay enough they just told me to go find you!" By the time he was finished Eddies chest was heaving.
Buck didn't say anything, he just stood there mouth open face pale. Eddie waited for him to say something say anything he didn't even care if was related to the conversation.
He didn't get anything, he took a sip of his beer before starting to speak again but this time it was just a question "what injuries did I get from the accident?"
"I erm.. I don't know" Buck replied looking guiltily towards Eddie,
"I can tell you what injuries you got; broken ribs, eternal bleeding, severe concussion, multiple minor scapes and abrasions, a black eye, and residual leg pain from the cattle prod." Eddie stated the injuries like he was telling somebody his shopping list," would you like to know my injuries?" He inquired,
“I-I don't kn…yeah, yes please" was the reply he received.
Eddie took a deep breath before listing off the injuries he got: "severe concussion, several wounds on my arms some of them bad enough to need a hell of a lot of stitches, minor scrapes and abrasions, possible broken shoulder which I'm almost sure was at least fractured because it still hurts sometimes, couple of cracked ribs, bunch of cuts on my legs and lower back pain." He finished then looked over to Buck "yet not one person asked if I was okay enough to even attempt to find you, hell I climbed out of the hospital window to find you, and I can understand them not asking then you were missing but after that! After I found you after you were checked over at the hospital nobody asked about me, not one person asked me how I was injured, or if I was even okay to drive us back to LA. And I'm not saying you, I know why you didn't ask you didn't have to you just had to focus on yourself."
"No but I should have! I should have asked you how you were, I knew you came to find me so I should have asked if you were okay. We were in that car for over 10 hours and the whole time you were asking me if I was okay if I needed anything when you were in the condition you were and not one did I ask if you needed anything." Buck rushed out as soon as Eddie finished speaking moving closer as he was speaking, "and Athena, Chim, Hen hell even Maddie should have asked I mean especially Maddie god you dragged yourself through New Mexico to find her brother, she should have asked!" Buck's voice was getting angrier as he continued on.
"So yeah that's why I asked what I asked" Eddie admitted leaning back into the counter, "Just feels like nobody cares about me unless I can do something for them, hell I haven't been present in most of the conversations at work or even in the room with you guys and not one person noticed my absence"
"God Eddie I'm so so sorry, you shouldn't have to feel like that you shouldn't have to question things like that, you shouldn't have to wonder how much we love you!" Tears started to form in Buck eyes as he spoke,
"It's okay Buck"
This got Buck moving closer to Eddie "no Eddie! No it's not okay you shouldn't have to question your place in our lives." Buck then pulled Eddie into a hug tucking his chin over Eddies head,"I'm so sorry, I'm going to do better I'm going to show you how much you mean to me. Everyday of the rest of our goddamn lives in going to show you"
"Okay Buck!"