Chapter Text
“I’m pregnant”
It wasn’t exactly how either of them had pictured it. Certainly not in the parking lot of the hospital, inside his car, before she said
“I’m sorry to blurt it out like that but if I do t say it out loud I’m going to explode”
And tried to leave the car. He didn’t let her. He took her to a nearby diner and they ate in silence. Many things left unsaid hanging over them, but they remain quiet. And then he accompanied her to her apartment, and followed her. Nothing to talk about, only a mess on clothes who didn’t even make it to the living room and their pants to fill the silence.
It was nothing like that first (and only) time, the one that brought them to their current predicament. That night it was buzzy, tipsy and very vocal in both parts. It was far from cheap, drunken, sex. They were two people who needed just that bit of liquid courage to take the edge off and forget, for one night, all the reasons that were holding them back.
Reasons that came back the day after at the hospital, when she was assigned to triage and was exposed to a patient who -as it turned out- had malaria. And he was, out of all the attendings, the one who forced her to quarantine. She didn’t like it. She didn’t like the antibiotic shot she gave her. The same shot that neutralized her pill.
The talk came, eventually. It was in the morning, and a wave of morning sickness later. Nothing like a good vomiting to make the announcement real.
“Samira…” he said and waited for her to make eye contact before continuing “I’m… to be honest I’m a bit overwhelmed right now”
She nodded.
“But I’m here for you. Whatever you need, whatever you choose. It’s not… I know you had other goals to achieve before something like this could happen” he took her hand “but there’s no wrong choice to make here”
“What do you want Jack?” Samira asked “I can’t exclude you from this decision”
“What I want, granted that I know, doesn’t matter Samira” Jack said “what I want is that you’re happy with your life choices. You can be a mother or you can choose to postpone it or never have kids. I need you to never look back”
“We still have a couple of weeks to decide” Samira said
“Yes, we have.” Then, to lighten up the mood “look at us, senior attending and senior resident dealing with an unplanned pregnancy. Can you believe we advise teenagers against it?”
“They’re going to put us on a billboard for a ‘medics who don’t follow medical advice’ campaign”
They kept this banter for a couple of minutes until they were lying on the couch laughing and she fell on top of him
“Hey”
“Hey” he replied, tucking a curl behind her ear
“We are going to be fine” Samira said, half questioning
“We are” he said
~~~~~~~
In the end, the choice was made. Samira hadn’t planned to become a mother before the end of her residency, but she resolved that a lot of things in her life weren’t going according to plan, no matter how hard he tried. Jack, on his part, was happy. During his marriage to Beverly he was always too deployed, too depressed, too amputated to think about kids. And then when he started to accept his condition and that he could build a life with what he had, Beverly was swept away by a drunk driver. The idea of fatherhood that he had only caressed for a brief moment was about to become a reality.
The arrangement was quite easy. She was moving to his house, which was bigger and had a room that could be converted into a nursery. They would disclose their situation to HR, with which they actually achieved a good agreement: they would keep their relationship under the radar and HR wouldn’t interfere. By the end of the second month they made the rest of the attendings aware without very much fanfare. Robby wasn’t happy, to say the least. Baran wasn’t either, professionally speaking, but Samira looked lighter than she’d ever seen her. And that put to rest any concerns. Cassie wasn’t happy the first to know, even before Jack, even before Samira. She’d taken matters into her own hands when Samira was in denial and dragged her into North 4. “Here’s the gestational sack” she announced pointing at the echograph screen. Her surprised face when Samira scrubs gave her pregnancy away would’ve won her an Oscar.
Being stuck on different shifts was certainly not easy. They could not talk about any arrangement, Wednesdays were made for sleeping in and grocery shopping. the five minutes in between shifts were their anchor, and they were mostly spent in an on call room kissing and whispering “I missed yous”. The beginning of the second trimester brought Beverly’s birthday with it.
“It… would’ve been her birthday in a week” he said to her, caressing her hair on a rare, long, lazy morning off.
“Do you usually celebrate it?” She asked
“We’ve tried to… my in laws and I. They usually come in town and we visit her.” He said
“When do they arrive?” She asked, as if it was natural
“I… put them on stand by…” he admitted
“Why?” She asked before thinking, then she realised “Jack you didn’t change that because I’m here did you?”
“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable” he said
“And I don’t want you to stop celebrate her life cause I’m here” she said, and that was final. He called his in laws after lunch, and Maggie announced that they would arrive three days later and stay for two days, so they could finally meet Samira.
Maggie and Vincent Decker were the typical couple who got together in high school and lived in the same exact town they were born in. They had a son, Gary, a lawyer living in Florida. And they had Beverly, a social worker who flew away too soon. They were the first people Jack called when he and Samira decided to have their baby. Maggie started crying immediately, before catching herself and telling Jack that “she was overjoyed” and that “she’d prayed every single day that he could find it in him to open his heart again and live the life he deserved”. Vincent had always been a man of very few words, much like Jack’s own father.
They’d been to Jack the closest thing to a pair of parents he’d ever had, or so he explained to Samira, who in turn knew she would never have her mothers support after Vidya Mohan now Kowalski all but called her a whore for getting herself knocked up.
And when Maggie and Vincent arrived two days later it was refreshing to see two elderly people who could be happy for them.
Maggie was a lovely 71years old lady who hugged Samira immediately after Jack, taking her a little by surprise and congratulating on her pregnancy. Vincent was more wary, offering his congratulations and opting to bring the baggage to their guest room.
“I bought you something for the baby” Maggie announced
“Mrs Decker you didn’t have…” Samira started
“First of all call me Maggie; secondly you better brace yourself cause I’m going to spoil him or her rotten” Maggie said gently
“Thank you Mrs… Maggie” Samira said
“Besides, when are we knowing if it’s a boy or a girl?” Maggie asked
“Next week, hopefully” Samira said and her hands went instinctively to caress her stomach
“And you’re going to let me know right after. Right Jack?” She said pointing at Jack who was coming in from the backyard
“Don’t know what you’re talking about but yes” he said, confused
The evening was uneventful enough, and it wasn’t long after dinner when the Deckers called it a day. The next day Samira went to work and Jack, Maggie and Vincent went to buy flowers and visit Beverly. Samira came home right before dinner. She stayed a bit more at the hospital, wanting to give them as much time as possible to grieve and celebrate Beverly’s life. When she came back Maggie offered to reheat dinner, which was Beverly’s favorite dishes. Samira ate with Maggie, chatting quietly about Beverly. Samira wasn’t sure of how to move around the subject, but Maggie made it easy for her. In the meantime, Jack and Vincent were in the backyard. It was a Decker’s tradition to celebrate a birthday with a cigar, and outside they went to smoke. When they came back inside, Samira looked up to smile quietly at Jack, but the look he gave her wasn’t his usual smile, eyes bright and a slight blush, like he couldn’t believe she was there. Instead, he looked at her with a blank stare, lips pursed in a thin line and eyes hollow. Maggie and Vincent excused themselves cause they had to leave early on the morning, Maggie warmly saying goodbye to Samira and telling her she was going to be back for a baby shower for sure.
Samira got up and cleaned up after her dinner, leaving the tea towel near the sink, instead of putting it in its hanger.
“This fucking dishcloth goes there!” jack snatched it from the sink and hanged in its usual spot
“I… sorry” she said, surprised
“Just, I hate to find a mess in the morning” Jack said, calming down a bit
“I know, I’m sorry” Samira said “did something happened?”
“Nothing happened” he answered too quickly
“Ok…” she said, not really believing him “I’m going to bed”
“Yeah I’ll just stay here for a while” he said
It was the first time since she went to live there and they both had the night off that they didn’t go to bed together. Usually it happened one night per week, and they tried to make the most of it to talk a bit about their day, catch up, try to make plans. And he usually put some anti stretch mark lotion on her abdomen, murmuring things to their baby. And the he usually couldn’t keep his hands to himself and… you know.
Samira didn’t want to think a lot of it. It was surely an emotional day for Jack, so she didn’t want to push. Deep down it felt a little like a rejection, but she suck it up and gave him the space he needed. She was already asleep when he came back to their room. Two whiskeys later and no intention to sleep. When he heard Maggie and Vincent getting up at 4:30 to get ready to leave he was in the same position he assumed when he entered the bed. Staring at the ceiling, wide eyed.
When he accompanied them to the airport Samira got up to get ready for work. She went to the kitchen expecting to find on the counter her vitamins and a glass of water, a nice gesture that Jack did for her every morning, leaving them out the night before if he needed to. Nothing. He probably was in a rush.
He wasn’t. He hadn’t sleep one bit the night before. And she was about to see how much things would change from that day on. Gone was the loving man who kissed the ground she walked on, who looked at her like she had some sort of superpower for the fact that she was growing a -his- child inside of her. He became cold, distant. As if they were two strangers living in the same house with nothing in common but the oxygen they shared inside the house. He was planning on buy some paint to start working on the baby’s room, but he didn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to. And he knew he was being unfair to Samira. He knew he should help her with the pregnancy. That he should talk to her. But he couldn’t bring himself to do so.
“Jack? Tomorrow’s appointment has been moved to 12 instead of 11” Samira said
“I… I don’t think I can come tomorrow. Sorry” he said
“What do you mean?” Samira asked
“I promised the SWAT team I would assist them” Jack said, matter of fact
“We’re going to find out the sex tomorrow” she said, barely a whisper
“I’m sorry I can’t back out last minute” Jack said, then went to have a shower before bed. When Samira finished loading the dishwasher and went to their room, he was already on his side, facing the door. Like that, his back would be turned to her in bed. He was still awake, and she knew it. She also see it in his hand. He had put his ring back on. A silent signal but loud enough for Samira. She took a pj from a drawer and changed, then went to the guest room and laid down. She thought about the past week. How he went from the Jack she knew and loved to this emotionally unavailable ghost. She thought about all the little things he did on a daily basis that made her feel loved and cherished. And that he wasn’t doing anymore since the day of Beverly’s birthday. Samira was used to rejection. Wasn’t the first choice at volleyball just like she wasn’t the first choice at prom. She wasn’t even her mother first choice. Not since she chose her new husband over her and not since she made it clear that she didn’t want a grandchild in those conditions. But Jack, he made her feel wanted in a way that his pull back was unexpected. Cause pulling back from her in this moment meant he wasn’t pulling back from his child too. And then she saw the ring. Just like she noticed his wedding picture was not in its usual spot but slightly moved, as if he took it. Samira concluded, before crying herself to sleep, that he was regretting all their predicament. He was regretting letting her in this space that was once his and Beverly’s. But she left her apartment and she didn’t want to keep Jack away from their kid. So she would stay. Trying to take as little space as possible but there in case her Jack would come back. For their child. That as much as she could, was going to be her sole priority.
“Hey kid. So how did it go?” Dana said when she saw her
“Uh?” Samira asked, confused
“Boy or girl, Samira. I put good money on girl so..”
“I… sorry Dana…” Samira said, smiling softly
“It’s going to be a little Jack or a little Samira?” Dana rolled her eyes “I bet he was so smug if he saw his doppelgänger”
A tear escaped her eye before she could stop it. She quickly wiped it but not enough for Dana to not see.
“I’m sure he’ll be once I tell him” Samira said
“What do you mean? He wasn’t there?” Dana said, disbelievingly
“He.. had a SWAT gig” Samira said
“And he lost… Nevermind” Dana said, not wanting to upset Samira. But it was very strange, cause when the OB/gyn set the appointment Jack had talked about how he was going to see his kid in 3D.
Jack had, in fact, not picked any gig with the SWAT team. He spent the morning in the house. In silence. Picking the wedding picture from its place a looking at it. Fidgeting with his ring. Replaying the conversation he had with Vincent that night, smoking the cigar
“It should’ve been hers” Vincent had said glancing inside where Samira was sitting down to have dinner, chatting with Maggie
“Who?” Jack answered
“Beverly’s” Vincent said, dragging his cigar “it should’ve been her kid”
“Vincent…” Jack started
“You’re here playing house with this young woman who’s carrying your child and Beverly is six feet under and… it should’ve been her.” Vincent said
“Vincent. You know how much I loved -love -Beverly, but”
“How can you say you love Beverly when you knock her up? How can you say you love Beverly and love Her” Vincent said almost disgusted
“I do Vincent” Jack said “believe me”
“You want to know what I believe? I believe that my daughter deserved to have a devoted husband, and deserved to fulfill her dream to become a mother. And see her children grow while growing old with you. But she can’t. And this girl… she stole it. She stole Beverly’s dream” he said leaving a stunned Jack behind.
It took so much time to Jack to gather up the courage to live without Beverly. Nevermind be brave enough to choose happiness. To give Samira the chance to make him see a future for the first time in years. And he thought he was doing a really good job. Until Vincent words shattered all the progress he had made. Was he really worthy to have a future with? Was he meant to have a future at all without Beverly? He was ok with being by himself for the rest of his life, why did Samira had to disrupt that? And took him further away from Beverly?
And so he couldn’t help but detach himself from Samira. It wasn’t supposed to be like that. He tried to be supportive for the child, but he couldn’t even look at Samira. He knew he was hurting her, but he couldn’t do it differently. He couldn’t go to that appointment and look at her hopeful face, receive congratulations for a child who maybe was meant to be Jack and Beverly’s, and Samira and someone who could offer her 100% of their heart.
He couldn’t even bring himself to ask her how the visit went. It felt… wrong. He eventually came to know, two days later. He came back from his shift knowing she’d already left, as he saw her parking at the Pitt. He went to his room and saw the bed made. Not by her, by him the day before. He felt a little guilty for that, and so he went to the guest room and saw the bed made. This time her way. He also saw it at the bedside table. The sonogram. He picked it up and saw that on the back she had wrote with a sharpie “💙you , baby boy”
He traced the baby in the picture with a finger, then put the sonogram back in the exact place he found it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next month and a half passed by like that: hellish.
Samira stuck to the day shift and Jack to nights. They didn’t see each other besides on Wednesdays, when he was off, and Thursdays, when she was off. Normally Samira would’ve picked even more shifts, just to get out, but she was tired and she didn’t want to put her baby in danger. But honestly the air at his house was tick and it tired her more this way of living in the same house like strangers than going to work. After the second week that way, she regretted having given up her apartment. The problem was, there was no way she could afford a house in this area, and she didn’t really want to go back to her sketchy neighborhood. Plus, there was the biggest issue yet. Had Samira not been pregnant, she would’ve been long gone. Certainly away from the apartment; probably from the Pitt; possibly from Pittsburgh. But she wasn’t alone and she didn’t want to prevent Jack from being a part of the baby’s life. Besides, the cold shoulder he was giving her didn’t mean he didn’t love their baby. She knew how and when to take the hint: he wasn’t as over from the loss of his wife as he wanted -or pretended- to be, at the beginning. She could understand that. Really. But she, and their baby, were still alive and in front of him. She could survive without Jack Abbot, that’s for sure. But their baby had no part in this inner turmoil. So she did what she could, and hoped he would eventually come to his senses.
Hope that she saw thinning day by day. When he accompanied her to her appointments or joined her later, only focusing on the screen and never once looking at her. She saw the other couples in the waiting room. Holding hands; chatting with other parents to be. But they were never typical. And they weren’t a couple. Not anymore. It stung to think about it, cause up to one point they were a couple, and they could’ve had the same experience the other parents were having. But he took it away from both of them.
Third trimester brought her hormones to the roof. She was snappier than usual, rage always bubbling under the surface and blood pressure skyrocketing. The doctor ordered to lower her stress levels and she almost chewed his head off. What the fuck does he know about coming home and finding your baby daddy looking surprised to see her, before his right hand flies to his left one, looking for the ring to remind him where his priorities are. What does he know about having a panic attack after an irrational rage fit against Beverly Decker- Abbot, screaming at the wedding picture on the wall cause if he looked at it like it could give him the answers he needed, maybe it would work for her too. Beverly didn’t answer. Of course she didn’t. She looked serenely to tue camera, hands intertwined with Jacks who was holding her from behind, chin on her shoulder.
Maggie and Vincent had to come back to Pittsburgh halfway through the sixth month of Samira’s pregnancy. Vincent had to replace his pacemaker and they needed someone to pick them up from the airport. Maggie offered to book an hotel, but Jack was having none of it. Besides, they hadn’t even start setting up the nursery in the guest room, cause Samira was sleeping in it.
“Maggie will stay here for a couple of days” he said
“Oh?” Samira said, more surprised at being acknowledged than at the news “Vincent is not coming?”
“He’s scheduled for a pacemaker replacement, he’ll be at the hospital” Jack said “Oh, ok. She wanted to book an hotel but I told her she could stay here. We can share the room for a couple of days, if you don’t mind?”
“I don’t mind if you don’t either” Samira did mind, cause unfortunately she knew what sharing a bed with *her* Jack meant. She would do anything to go back to that, but sleeping with the man in front of her, who was the shell of the Jack she knew, was a different thing. Jack, on his part, didn’t want the headache of hearing what Maggie had to say about their sleeping situation.
Maggie arrived on a Tuesday evening, after spending the night at the hospital and dealing with Vincent admission forms.
“I thought I would’ve been taking the couch” she asked, confused
“Why would you think Jack would leave you to sleep on the couch?” Samira said
“Cause I thought he would’ve at least painter the baby’s room by now” Maggie asked, brows furrowed
“He’s been busy” Samira said. She didn’t even know why she was defending him, he didn’t deserve her protection. But she didn’t want to put him in a situation with Maggie, who was too strong minded to stay silent. She didn’t need that.
But Maggie was no idiot, and the next morning she rode with Samira to the hospital and waited. Trying to connect the dots. Samira’s apology for Jack crumbled that same afternoon, when she went to the cafeteria and found Dana Evans. They knew each other cause Dana befriended Beverly when they moved to Pittsburgh, and was there when she passed.
“Samira said that Jack almost become emotional when he saw it was a boy” Maggie said
“Is that what she said?” Dana asked back, raising an eyebrow. No it wasn’t, and Maggie knew it. The night before, Samira had shown her the blurred pic at Maggie’s request. She tried to push and Samira answered with short answers
The night before:
“I bet Jack was happy?” She had asked
“Yeah..” said Samira, not loooking at her
“Did he cry?” Maggie pushed
“Ah… no, I mean… not exactly” Samira had said
Back to the cafeteria, the next half hour Dana really, really didn’t hold back. She told Maggie how things changed; how he took the swat gig instead of holding Samira’s hand when she found out the sex of the baby. Everything. At one point Cassie passed by and Dana stopped her
“What do you think about Jack and Samira?” Dana urged her
“You don’t want to know” Cassie spat back
“I actually do” Maggie insisted “you’re Samira’s best friend. Tell me”
“I think, Mrs Decker, that I’m counting the minutes until Samira finally has enough and takes a plane five-six hours from here and never has to deal with Jack Abbot again” Cassie said
“Cassie…” Dana warned
“You asked me. I answered. Didn’t you want the truth? The truth is that at one point, around the time you were here last time, he decided to step out from everything they were starting to build and left her to deal with the entire pregnancy alone. You want the truth? I offer her everyday the spare room of my apartment cause I can’t stand to see her heart break more and more everyday”
“Do you think there’s still a chance for them?” Maggie said, and she didn’t know if she wanted to know the answer
“She still loves him, unfortunately. But her priority is the baby. If he gets his head out of his ass, maybe. But he breaks her heart everyday more. I don’t know how long she can go on, and I don’t know how long I can before I go pack her things myself” Cassie said, then went to pick up her order.
In the end, Dana and Maggie decided to try to cheer Samira up organizing a baby shower. It was also something to remind Jack that the baby was real, and he will eventually pop out and at that time, he’s going to need his father to suck it up. Plotting this party, Maggie accompanied Dana back to the ED. Before leaving to go upstairs though, she still had a question for Cassie
“Dr McKay?” Maggie said and Cassie turned “you said something”
“You have to be more specific Mrs Decker, I word vomited on you”
“You said things changed the last time I was here” Maggie said “can you be a bit more specific?”
“Yeah. Samira stayed here a bit late to chart, said something about giving you all some space” Cassie said walking to a computer “the next day she looked at Abbot like a puzzle to solve. Over the next few weeks they grew apart visibly”
That night, Maggie saw Jack and Vincent coming to the kitchen. She figured their faces were the faces of two emotionally drained men who were grieving. The elevator ride was so slow it didn’t help the ire. Pacemaker or not she stormed into her husband’s room
“What did you say to him?” She asked
“What did I say to whom?” Vincent answered
“The night of Beverly’s birthday. What did you say to Jack?” She said, seething
“The truth.” Vincent said simply
“And what would this truth be?”
“That Beverly should’ve been the mother of his children. Not anyone else. Not a girl 15 years younger than him that would never take Beverly’s place. She will never be Beverly” he said
Maggie walked slowly to her husbands bed, put her hands on the bed and forced him to face her before she whispered
“You will talk to Jack, apologize for telling him all this bullshit. Then you’ll wait until Jack makes up to Samira and apologize to her too”
“Maggie…” Vincent tried to defend himself
“You’ve always said that Jack was like a son to you. You would never plot against Gary’s happiness, you will not do that to Jack either. I will not allow that.”
“Where are you going?” Vincent asked when she took her purse to leave
“Downstairs to wait for Samira to give me a ride home. I don’t want to be in your presence one minute longer. And I need to start organizing a baby shower for my grandson. Cause he deserves to have his grandma’s support. Just as much as Samira needs all the support she can get, cause because of you these months have become a nightmare.”
~~~~~~~~
Samira and Maggie arrived home to see that Jack had ordered Chinese. It was Maggie’s guilty pleasure, and she only indulged in it when she was in Pittsburgh. Beverly took her to her favorite restaurant everytime she visited, and everywhere else the food didn’t taste that good.
The problem was that her stomach was closed, and although Samira probably didn’t know about this little tradition, it felt a silent blow to eat that.
“I thought you liked Chinese, Maggie” Samira said, and Maggie noticed Jack was looking at her picking at the food on her plate
“I’m not so hungry” Maggie said
“Maggie, you know a pacemaker replacement is a routine procedure. You don’t have to worry” Samira offered
“Oh, Samira, it’s not like that” she wiped her mouth with a napkin “I just had a quite long lunch with Dana… actually, we decided to throw you a baby shower”
Samira all but froze, just as Jack did.
“Maggie, you’re very kind but..” Samira started
“Ah ah. There’s no but. There’s only this backyard here and Dana and I will take care of everything”
Jack didn’t say a word, and Samira didn’t know if She should just stop the two elderly ladies. Truth is, Samira was barely holding it together cause it was the only night she would have to share the bed with Jack, and honestly she was dreading his coldness. She didn’t need to add a baby shower to that.
“Are you ok with this baby shower thing?” She asked on the bed, when he was already facing away from her
“Yeah” was his only answer.
Samira didn’t press any further. She was thankfully exhausted and slept almost immediately.
The next morning, Samira got ready and headed to the kitchen, finding Maggie already up and preparing breakfast.
“I’m not going to the hospital in the morning” Maggie announced “no need to give me a ride
“Are you sure? It’s not a problem for me” Samira said
“It’s ok. I’ll just wait until Jack can bring me. He wanted to speak to the cardiologist anyway” Maggie said. It was the truth, really. And then there was the omission. The fact she wasn’t sure she could be cordial to Vincent. The fact that she was counting the minutes until Samira would leave for her shift and finally kick Jack’s ass.
“Morning Maggie. I thought you left with Samira” Jack said gruffly. She didn’t answer
“are you ok Maggie?” He asked again, then started fiddling with his ring absentmindedly
“Is it working?” Maggie asked and he looked at her confused
“Is it bringing her back? All the pain you’re putting yourself and Samira into” Maggie said
“What are you tal…”
“You perfectly know what I’m talking about.”
“Maggie you don’t understand”
“You’re right I don’t. I don’t understand why you’re doing this to Samira”
“Maggie…”. jack said
“She’s dead, Jack. Your wife is dead. My daughter is dead. There’s nothing you or me or anyone can do about that.” Maggie said, tears threatening to spill
“I know” Jack said, quietly
“Do you? Cause four months ago this house was finally becoming a welcoming place for the living. It only took five minutes of Vincent bullshit to transform it into a mausoleum”
“I don’t want to forget her” Jack said
“Then don’t. But don’t let this be the reason why you live. Remember her, the good, the bad. The way she would’ve wanted to see you happy. Why are you throwing this away?”
“I don’t want to hurt Samira, but it’s like I’m living a life I wasn’t meant to. Why do I get to experience that and Beverly doesn’t? It was her dream just as more than mine”
“Because you’re still alive Jack. And she’s not. And you know I would do anything in my power to have her back, but I can’t. And neither can you.” She wiped her tears
“Maggie I…” Jack went to put his hand on her shoulder but she shoved him away
“You have this beautiful thing, a baby you didn’t hope to have anymore and a beautiful woman who, for reasons unknown to me, still hasn’t given up on you. But I don’t want to hear that you don’t want to hurt her. Cause you are, and you know it. Everyday more.” She was angry and couldn’t stop
“I can’t give her what I had with Beverly” Jack said
“Then don’t. Cause she’s not Beverly. She’s Samira. And she’s alive and Carrying your son”
“I know, Maggie”
“You also know what you’ve lost. You couldn’t do anything about that. But this time you’re risking to lose more, and you can -and should pray that you come to your senses before she comes to hers. And I hope, really hope, that when you do she will find in the heart you shattered a chunk big enough to forgive you”
“Maggie…”
“Take me to this address, I have a catering to book for the baby shower before going to the hospital”
And that was it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The day of the baby shower Dana arrived after lunch. She looked around and shook her head. She’d been at the house before, actually helped furnishing it. She saw a pair of shoes that she recognized as Maggie’s. It struck Dana, if she didn’t knew it, she would never guess Samira lived there too. It wasn’t an house lived by more than one people, let alone an house that was about to welcome a newborn. She showed the way to the catering and noticed Samira by the bedroom door
“You’re nervous like we’re about to host a fellowship interview Dr Mohan” Dana said
“I don’t like the spotlight Dana”
“We’re not letting this baby pop out without a baby shower”
“You didn’t have to”
“But we wanted to” Dana said
“I know, and that’s why I’m letting you do it” Samira admitted
Overall, Samira almost had a good time. jack stayed on a corner with Robby, not really engaging with the party. At one point Princess made them take a picture with the cake, and Samira almost audibly gasped when he laid his hand on her belly. He didn’t even know why he did it, it was natural. And then he withdrew the hand, and himself to his corner. Robby went to grab a drink when Dana approached him.
“It’s nice isn’t it?”
“My backyard full of blue balloons?”
“You’re house not looking haunted by Beverly’s ghost” Dana said and he chocked on his drink
“What? Can’t handle a little truth?”
“That I guess you’re not going to hold back” Jack said, warningly
“Cassie offered to host the party at her house” Dana said
“I’m not sure she has a backyard” jack answered
“She also offered her guest room to Samira” Dana said and Jack snapped his neck to look at her “sooner or later she’ll accept. I hope she does”
“Dana” he tried to stop her
“I mean how long can she go without feeling like she’s outstayed her welcome”
“She hasn’t” Jack said
“Doesn’t look like it. Doesn’t look like she lives here at all. Not a picture. Not a claw clip. Not a chapstick misplaced somewhere”
“I wouldn’t mind” he said
“Does she know that?” He stayed silent “cause if you were to ask Cassie she would tell you that she took her photo with her dad out of its frame and it’s using it as a bookmark”
Robby came back with another drink and Dana left him with his thoughts.
Couple of hours later, people started to leave. Dana, Maggie and Javadi stayed behind, insisting that Samira shouldn’t deal with the mess and ushering her to the shower. Jack used the team to sort out the leftovers in the kitchen. Dana and Javadi took the garbage on their way out, while Maggie accompanied them to thank them. Samira came down from the bathroom with her hair still wet, to make herself some chamomile tea.
They were silent for a while. Samira put the teabag in infusion, and Jack put the last of the tuppers in the fridge. He then sat on a stool, and glanced at the wedding picture for a second. But it was enough for Samira to see. Just as she saw hundreds of times in the past three months.
“I need you to promise me something” she blurted out,voice barely a whisper, and he wasn’t sure if he had imagined it
“I need you to promise me that you’re going to love him as if it were hers”
Jack’s eyes widened “Samira”
“Just promise me Jack. I… I need to know. That even this is not the ideal situation; or the ideal time; and I’m not the person you would’ve wanted to have this baby with. I need to know you’re going to love him as if you were having him with Beverly”
“Listen” Jack felt like his heart could easily jump out of his chest
“Yes or no Jack. It’s the only thing I will ever ask from you, I need my son to be loved as he deserves to. It’s the only thing I can offer him” she said, anxiously
“Yes, Samira, of course” Jack said and she looked at him as if assessing if she could believe it. The sigh of relief she let out when she was satisfied with the answer is what brought him back to reality after four months
“Samira I need to ap..” he started but when he looked at her she was heading upstairs and hiding the way she was wiping her tears
“I’m just… I need a minute. Can you wait a minute to come up?” she all but run to the stairs
It seemed so surreal. She was a couple of meters away but the house felt cold. Wrong. He scanned the room like he didn’t recognize it, only stopped when he spotted Maggie, silent tears running down her cheeks, after hearing the conversation. She was frozen in place and could only stare at him, not even bothering to dry her eyes.
“What did I do?” He asked, and Maggie snapped to action and got close to him. She barely had the time to wrap her arms around him before he started sobbing
“What did I do, Ma? What did I do to her? What did I do?”