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So, Buck has a date. Eddie knows Buck has a date because Eddie has been tasked with watching Buck's kiddo while Buck is on that date.
Which is why Eddie's stomach is in knots, trying to keep up with a tornado toddler. Definitely that. Definitely not that the love of his life is out on a date with someone else.
He's just glad he's got some back up with Christopher. Theo seems to respond better to Chris than Eddie, ducking between Eddie's legs and dashing down the hall. But then there's Chris. Theo clings to his legs and giggles. Eddie is at once endeared and exasperated. He's never felt older, but Chris is giggling and spinning Theo around. And Eddie is fucking grateful that Chris is there.
The initial awkwardness of Theo asking "what's wrong with your legs?" weeks ago, after Eddie got out of the hospital with a stitched up side and Buck announcing he's officially fostering Theo, had passed. Now, Chris and Theo get along like a house on fire.
Listen, Eddie thinks Theo's adorable. Hearing him call Buck "Mr. Poop" alternating with Buck melted his heart. And honestly, Eddie wanted Theo to go with Buck, even if just temporarily, because he was desperate for people to stop falling through the cracks. He in no way wanted to invalidate the donor vs. parent thing, of course, and he's definitely not allowing himself to think of Theo as Buck's son. Not really.
But right now, Theo is kicking and screaming and crying on Eddie's living room floor, knocking things off the coffee table and getting snot on every available surface.
"I want to go home!" the little boy is wailing, a mostly shattered airplane toy clutched in his left hand.
Eddie had a brief moment of wondering if Theo is a leftie just like him.
But his thought is immediately interrupted by another piercing wail. Eddie hates to see the heartbreak on Theo's cute little face—a little face he sees so much of Buck in.
Chris is perched on the couch, watching the chaos with a pinched look.
"What time is it, Chris?" Eddie whispers, barely audible over the crunching sound of Theo smashing his toy on the ground repeatedly.
"Seven thirty-eight," Chris answers, looking at his phone.
Buck's only been on his date—with Taylor, guy Taylor, not Taylor Kelly—for thirty-eight minutes. They're nowhere close to being done, but Eddie can say a little white lie if it means getting Theo to settle.
"Theo," Eddie reaches over, trying to pat Theo's back soothingly, but the kid squirms away. "Hey, buddy. You're gonna get to go home soon. Buck will be back in no time."
"I don't want Buck!" Theo screeches, ear splitting. Eddie can't help looking at Chris then, helpless.
Chris's eyes are just as big as Eddie's behind his glasses. Theo didn't notice either of them.
"I want my mommy and daddy!" The tears are coming down in a waterfall, and Eddie feels like he's getting stabbed in the gut all over again.
He knows Theo's been told, more than once, that his parents aren't coming back. He knows Buck has had that difficult conversation several times, and yet Theo still doesn't seem to totally understand. And fuck, Eddie was barely equipped to have the conversation with his own eight-year-old, years ago. He's not prepared to have it with Theo. And he really doesn't know what to do other than just stand and scoop Theo up, pull him right into Eddie's chest.
At first, Theo squirms, banging his broken toy against Eddie's side until it falls away with a loud clatter onto the hardwood floor. He sees Chris wince, but Theo is clutching to Eddie now, soaking Eddie's shirt at the shoulder with tears and snot. Eddie's gripping the kid so tight, murmuring.
"It's okay, Theo. You're okay. Buck's got you. I've got you. Eddie's here. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you."
Eddie hears and feels Chris approach, wrapping his arms around the two of them from behind.
"Chris is here," Eddie continues, rubbing circles over Theo's little back.
He's so, so small and Eddie barely got time with Chris at this age. He just wishes things with Theo were different, under better circumstances. He would never wish the death of parents on anyone. But Buck is the absolute best person Theo can be with while they work to find next of kin. It's just…Eddie kind of wishes no next of kin turns up. He just…wants this for Buck. But he knows that's just a little bit fucked up.
But the little trembling boy in his arms is settling into the hug.
"Hey, Theo," Chris says softly. "You wanna watch some Cars?"
Theo sniffs. "Okay," he says.
Eddie's just glad he's not asking for Paw Patrol. He cannot abide by the way the show portrays cops and has such a weird message about authority, so he's glad Buck isn't showing it to him either.
So, they settle on the couch to watch the movie. Eddie had planned on making dinner, but now he thinks he shouldn't leave Theo's side. So, instead, he asks Theo if he wants a pizza.
"With pineapple!" Theo hollers over the movie.
He sees Chris pump his fist with excitement.
You really are related to Buck, Eddie thinks. What does that say about Chris?
He orders the pizza on his phone, all the while keeping an eye on Theo who's picked up another toy—a firetruck this time—and only half paying attention to show.
When the doorbell rings from the delivery guy, Theo immediately races to open it. Thankfully his little hands can't quite get the handle twisted. Eddie gets up and checks the peephole first to make sure it is indeed the pizza guy.
"Theo, buddy," Eddie says gently, "We only open the door if we know who it is, right?"
"It's the pizza!" Theo says, his huge beautiful smile lighting up the room.
"We didn't know that before we looked through the peephole," Eddie gestures to it.
"Is it the pizza?" Theo tilts his head, little puppy.
He sighs and hangs his head dramatically between his shoulders. "It's the pizza."
"Yay!" Theo shouts and goes back to try to open up the door.
Eddie puts his hand over Theo's to help him open it.
"Hey," Eddie says to the pizza guy who hands him a receipt to sign and then passes over the two boxes of pizza he'd ordered—one mushroom pep for himself, sue him.
"Have a good night," the pizza guy says before beating feet back to his car parked at the curb.
"Bye!" Theo hollers for Eddie instead, and Eddie can't help the endeared little chuckle he lets out.
Theo is just so cute and, despite everything, does remind Eddie of Buck. He thinks, more than anything, it has to do with how hard Buck is working to be a parent. Sure, Theo has some emotional regulation issues, but his behavior has morphed, his energy more redirected into productivity, into trying sports and into a parent that pays attention to Theo the way he needs. The kid has blossomed, but obviously this is the first time Buck hasn't been around the way he has been constantly since he started fostering, the first time he's been alone with just Eddie and Chris. It's no surprise he's feeling unregulated and thinking about his deceased parents.
But the pizza is doing its job, already digging into his Hawaiian pizza with his fingers and no plate. Eddie snorts and grabs them all paper plates, handing them to both kids before grabbing a couple of slices of his own pizza and making his way back to the couch. Theo settles in between him and Chris to finish the movie.
When the movie ends and Theo still has some restless energy, Chris suggests they go outside for a bit.
Eddie, in his infinite wisdom, knowing that Theo would be over sometimes, decided to get a little play set for the minuscule space he does have as a backyard. This isn't the first time it's been useful, so Eddie tells them to go ahead and he'll meet them out there. He needs to grab a citrinella candle to ward off mosquitoes now that summer is here.
But secretly it also gives him a chance to watch Chris and Theo play together through the kitchen window. Big brother, he thinks looking at his kid. His kid that Buck helped raise. He was and is so good with Chris. Eddie doesn't want Theo to go to someone else. He just…he wants to raise another kid with Buck. He always thought he'd have another. And now, after Bobby, after jumping off a bridge, after bidding on himself at an auction, after the desert, after the elevator, Eddie wants to raise that kid with Buck. As a family.
Fuck. And Buck is out on a date. With guy Taylor. If he doesn't…do something, he could lose his forever just like that.
He grabs the citronella candle and lighter and heads outside to light it and settle into one of the patio chairs. His heart is fluttering, so soft. He wants Buck to keep Theo, but selfishly he wants to keep Theo too. Eddie's already wrapped around that kid's finger.
Eddie can already see Theo drooping by the time they make it back inside. They put on Peppa Pig this time, and Chris begs off to his room because he has a "tournament" scheduled with his friends and he says Peppa Pig's animation is creepy. Eddie honestly has to agree, but Theo likes it and likes the songs, so it plays.
It's nearly nine o'clock by the time Theo tips back onto the arm of the couch and his little eyes slip closed and his breathing slows. He's asleep, but Eddie waits a few minutes before switching over to ESPN, low enough not to disturb the kiddo.
When the door unlocks, whisper soft, Eddie's half asleep himself. His eyes flutter open and land on his past, his present, and hopefully his future. Buck is just as handsome as he was when he'd dropped Theo off—in his cream colored button down that shows off his biceps, tucked into dark khaki chinos with a belt, and leather loafers he's slipping off in the foyer. In Eddie's sleep-addled brain, he had the thought that Buck looks delicious and that he wants to eat him.
He shakes himself awake as Buck quietly slips off his shoes and tiptoes into the living room, coming around the couch to peer down at Theo's sleeping form.
"Oh," Buck says softly, voice nothing but a rumble in his chest, "he's really passed out."
"Mhm," Eddie hums back. "Should probably let him sleep," he suggests.
Definitely no ulterior motives. Nope. None.
Buck flicks his eyes around the room, up to Eddie, back to Theo, and finally land on Eddie's.
"Okay," Buck nods. "Can I, uh, take a shower and borrow some sleep clothes?"
Eddie's stomach swoops at that. Buck in his clothes. It's not like it's never happened before, but it's never happened since Eddie Realized. Now, the prospect has him, well, hot and bothered.
"Of course," Eddie agrees, waving his hand in the direction of the bedroom and bathroom. "You know where everything is."
Because Buck does know where everything is. Because this house is just as much a home to Eddie and Chris as it is to Buck and, someday, Theo too.
"Thanks, Eds."
Buck's voice is still so low, and Eddie's pretty sure he's trying to hide some kind of disappointment, so he can surmise the date didn't go super well. Which Eddie shouldn't be happy about because he doesn't wish heartbreak on Buck, but he's also selfishly a little happy about it. This gives Eddie an opportunity to make the move he's been too afraid to make for weeks and weeks because it didn't seem the right time with Buck trying to settle in to routine with Theo. But if Buck is trying to date then that means he's got himself in the mindset for it. Eddie's out of excuses.
So, he goes over his words, over and over in his mind when he hears Buck rummaging in his dresser and then moving into the bathroom and then turning on the shower. It's definitely better than letting his mind slide over Buck's skin that is wet and exposed under the shower. He's not allowed to go there. Not until he has an answer from Buck.
Yes, he is bracing himself. He's running through all the rejections, what he could say, how he could assure Buck that he can live with it if Buck doesn't want him, that he still wants to be friends with Buck, that he still wants to be Theo's uncle. Even if it all might kill him. He'd rather live a life of heartache with Buck than a life of heartache without Buck.
Their friendship has survived worse, Eddie tells himself. So, he steels himself. He's going to tell Buck. He's going to. This is may be the last chance.
Giving Theo one last glance, he drops the couch blanket over his sleeping form and then shuffles down the hall to knock softly at Christopher's door. He'd kept it pretty low once Eddie texted him that Theo was asleep, so he answers the door pretty quickly.
"Did they leave?" Chris asks, settling back into his computer chair.
Eddie purses his lips and shakes his head as he leans in Chris's doorway. "They're staying the night."
Chris blinks at Eddie. "They are?"
"Theo's taking the couch," Eddie says carefully.
"So, you and Buck…"
"Okay, smart guy. Yeah, we're sharing. But don't get any ideas." Eddie points a finger at Chris who just laughs at him.
Eddie's stomach swoops.
"Well, good luck with that." Chris shrugs and puts his headset back on.
"Night, Chris."
"Night, dad. And tell Buck I said night too."
Eddie wraps his knuckles twice on the doorjamb. "Will do." Then he closes the door and heads to the bedroom to change into some sleep clothes—tank top and basketball shorts—all the while listening for the shower cutting off.
When it finally does, Eddie's throat tightens but he doesn't move from where he's perched on the edge of the bed, scrolling his phone unseeingly. It's all just a bright blur as Buck's footsteps trail back down the hall to check on Theo again. The kid must still be asleep because Buck pushes into Eddie's room dressed in one of Eddie's biggest shirts and loosest pair of sweatpants. He still looks hot like this, hair dripping dark streaks on the shirt.
"Still asleep?" Eddie asks, looking up at Buck coming into the room.
"Yep. And thanks for putting the blanket on him."
"Of course," Eddie says, shrugging.
He waits for Buck to sit on the other side of the mattress before he speaks again.
"You should know, he was asking for his parents today. Saying he wanted to go home."
Buck deflates at that. "Thanks for telling me," he says with a flat tone. "I thought he might have some issues with emotional regulation, being here without me for the first time."
"Chris calmed him down. It was all before dinner. They played and then he asked for yucky pineapple pizza."
"Pineapple pizza is yummy," Buck interjects automatically. They do this every time.
"It wasn't perfect. Several toys became collateral damage, but I think Theo really likes Chris. He's a good big brother."
Buck sighs, standing to turn down the bed sheets and stuff his feet in so he can get comfortable and lie back. It reminds Eddie of when they were roommates briefly last summer. That was before Eddie Knew. Now he Knows, and he is slow to follow suit, even with as much as he wants to be in bed with Buck. His nerves are making his hands shake.
"He's a great brother," Buck agrees. "Eddie, that kid taught me everything I know about being a dad. I couldn't do this for Theo without him. Without you." He tells this to the ceiling, not to Eddie's face, even though Eddie's settled himself in facing Buck.
"How was your date?" Eddie asks, seemingly apropos of nothing. Even though it is very much not nothing.
Buck laughs derisively, his hands coming up to cover his eyes.
"My first date after that disaster with Jade and Zane, my first date as a parent, and it just…it wasn't even bad, Eddie. He was sweet and nice and he was so understanding of Theo. He wanted to see pictures and he said Theo was cute, but then he saw you and Chris when I pulled out my phone and he asked who you guys were."
"What did you say?" Eddie asks, stomach flopping like a dying fish as he examines the tight lines of Buck's face.
"My best friend and my first kid."
Eddie's breath was punched out. "He is your first kid," Eddie agrees in a whisper.
"I love that kid, Eddie. I really do."
"I know. And he loves you too. He said goodnight, by the way."
Buck snorts. "I stopped by his room on the way in here. Couldn't help it."
Eddie's heart is soaring.
"We're…we're a family, aren't we?" Eddie ventures, hoping his point comes across.
"A little bit, sure. The whole 118 is."
Eddie shakes his head. "No, I mean the four of us. You, me, Chris, and Theo."
He sees Buck's throat work at that question. "Well, we could be a platonic family, yeah," Buck agrees.
Eddie clamps down on his emotions, on all the warning bells screaming in his head, telling him not to bark up this tree. He's doing it and that's final.
"So, why didn't the date work out? You seem upset?"
"It just felt like something was missing. I don't know. We agreed to go out again—"
"Don't," Eddie cuts him off.
"Huh?"
"Don't. Don't go on another date with him," Eddie pleads, screwing his eyes up tight.
"Why?" Buck sounds indignant.
"We can just be a family, Buck. You don't…you don't have to date someone else."
"Eddie, I want a partner," Buck tries, voice tight but not angry. Frustrated perhaps?
"I am your partner," Eddie insists, opening his eyes again just because he wants to look at Buck's face.
"Not like what I need, Eddie. I need someone I can be intimate with."
"We could…"
"Eddie, oh my god!" Buck rolls out of the bed to stand and pace. "I love you, dude, but I am not letting you have sex with me or something because you think that'll get me to stick around."
"What if I want to?" Eddie jumps out of the bed too, his feet carrying him around the edge to Buck.
Well, that's not how he expected this to go. Of all the scenarios he ran in his head, this was not one of them. He didn't picture himself, chest heaving, standing in front of Buck in his bedroom, pleading Buck to have sex with him.
"Um," Buck says dumbly, frozen in his tracks. "What?"
"What if I want to?" Eddie says again. "What if I'm in love with you?"
"Are you?" Buck blinks, deflating.
"Yeah, Buck," Eddie sighs, passing a hand through his hair, his most beloved nervous tick. "I, uh, I figured it out when I was dying in that elevator."
"Thought you said it wasn't that deep," Buck jokes, going for levity.
"Shut up. Anyway. Yeah." Buck sets his jaw, scratching at his stubble, and then continues. "I'm in love with you."
"Holy shit," Buck breathes and they're just standing there breathing heavily and looking at each other.
"We don't have to decide now," Eddie says, scratching the back of his head. "I just wanted to tell you before you go on another date—"
And Eddie is cut off by Buck's lips on his. It's like a sigh of relief, a breath of fresh air. Eddie sighs into it, relaxing and letting himself fall into Buck, both hands braced on Buck's expansive chest.
"I love you, too, Eddie. So much, it's stupid," Buck admits, gripping at Eddie's hips.
Eddie pecks at his lips again.
"The date didn't work out because he wasn't you."
Eddie pulls Buck in tighter. "Good," he says against Buck's lips.
"Buck?" A small, sleepy voice comes from the open doorway and they spring apart.
Eddie's chest is heaving and his eyes feel glassy and he looks over to the little boy in the doorway. He's a little disappointed to be interrupted, but Eddie's already ready to spring into Dad mode. Buck is too.
"Yeah, buddy?" Buck says, toddling over to Theo and scooping him up.
"Can I sleep in here with you guys?"
"Of course," Buck says, hugging Theo tightly.
And they all settle in. This little family they're building, with their teenager down the hall. It settles something in Eddie to have Theo nestled between him and Buck, right where they belong.
Before he falls asleep, Buck reaches over Theo to grab Eddie's hand. They rest their clasped hands over Theo's little back, feeling his breathing up and down. It's possibly the best sleep he's gotten in years.