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Apocrypha, or, How Jonathan Sims Learned to Like Poetry

Summary:

“Jon thinks he knows what you’re going to get,” Tim says conspiratorially.

“Oh!” Martin says, and turns towards Jon, holding the menu between them. “Please! I’m indecisive. What did you see?”

Jon raises his eyebrows at Tim as if asking for permission, then taps at the menu. “They have an Earl Grey French ‘75,” he says. Martin squints at the description: Earl Grey infused gin, honey, lemon juice, prosecco. Color is rising in Jon’s cheeks, he thinks, although that could just be light reflecting from the sofas. “I was mostly joking -- you can get whatever you like, of course. On me.”

“Is this from our social budget?” Tim asks.

“No, this is -- on me. Truly. After the week I just put you through, it’s the least I can do.” Jon wrinkles his nose as Martin waves down a waitress. “We have a social budget?”

ADDED 5/13: More epistolary poetry (ch 10), and a timeline (ch 11).

Notes:

I started writing this in late 2020. The original premise was "Martin helps Jon quit smoking during season 1", and after a while, "and also Jon figures out that he is capable of liking poetry". I was feral about it for a few weeks, but I got stalled at about 30K words in. I've come back to it a lot over the years, and added on here and there, and although I LOVE it... I can't see myself finishing it. But it's all canon compliant and takes place during the first season (with the exception of a couple of isolated snippets from later), so it's not like I'm leaving you with a cliffhanger!

I've got some formatting work to do on it, but I intend to clean it up and post everything that I have -- all the parts I've written, and all the notes for the parts I haven't.

This breaks my heart a bit, because I really loved this story -- but I would rather the People of the World have the parts of it that exist than hoard it jealously to myself out of perfectionistic / completionistic sentiment.

Chapter 1: quitting

Chapter Text

Document Storage Room, Archives, The Magnus Institute
20 October, 2015 1:14 p.m.

JON
Wh-- aagh! Ah! Ah!
[Hyperventilating]

[A moment later]

MARTIN
[shy, but cheerful]
Everything all right in here? I heard a bit of a -- Jon? Whoa. Are you -- are you okay? Are you hurt?

JON
[low moan]

[Careful footsteps]

MARTIN
Oooooooh. [Nervous laugh.] Oh wow, okay, Jon, can you- can you set the box down? Only don't drop it. Yeah, I see it. You've got a - do you know about spiders? I think it's a spotted wolf spider. They're okay. They're, um. I know it's pretty big, but it's not gonna do anything unless you spook it, okay? Can you --? Okay. Okay.

[Beat]

You'll find them in gardens mostly. They're beneficial. Oh, well, I know, he doesn't look friendly, but they play an important role in the ecosystem-- these guys in particular, they do flies and that, yeah, but they'll also go for some of the nastier bugs, so you really-- want them around. I mean, not here, obviously, but.

There you go. Hi. Yeah, eyes on me, I’ve got this.

Wolf spiders are fascinating, actually. I know the name is scary, but that's just ‘cause they're fuzzy and tend to be grey or brown and they’re ground hunters. They don't weave webs, did you know that? And this breed -- they’re okay. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t break skin. But um. If he gets nervous, he might, uh. Jump. So you gotta let go of the document box nice and easy, I’ve got it now. [Slow breath] Theeeeere. All right. Thank you.

Why don't I go ahead and take this guy outside, you keep a tidy Archive and we don't really need him down here.

[Another laugh, this one soft and a bit self-conscious]

Gentleman spider. No need to smash him. He doesn't mean any harm.

[Footsteps moving away, then echoing in the nearby hall. Martin’s voice murmurs low as he gets to the end of the hallway.]

Sash, can you just -- thanks.

SASHA
[Faintly audible]
Oh, lord.

MARTIN
Yeah.

SASHA
That is -- wow. Thanks for taking care of that.

MARTIN
Yeah, no problem, I’ll be right back.

SASHA
[Even softer]
Should I check in on Jon?

MARTIN
Nah, he’s fine. I’ll grab him a cuppa when I get back.

[At the end of the hall, the door thunks closed. Footsteps hesitantly approach, then Sasha apparently thinks better of it and retreats. A moment later, Tim’s voice rumbles something and Sasha’s low murmur replies.]

[Three steps, a slow rustle of fabric, and a soft thud; the sound of Jon backing up into the wall and sliding down it to the floor. His breathing becomes the most audible thing: it’s a bit ragged, but getting steadier.]

[A minute later:]

JON
[very softly] Fuck.

[The door at the end of the hall creaks open again, and steady footsteps return.]

MARTIN
Back! Oh -- let me --

JON
[Hoarsely] No, I’m fine, Martin, I -- I appreciate it.

MARTIN
Oh. Okay then. Do you want me to get you a chair, or --? You look --

JON
[Overlapping]
No, I’m fine. Really.
[He doesn’t sound it, but his tone is firm.]

MARTIN
Right, sorry, okay. Um, you want the box back?

JON
Yes, thank you.

[Sharp inhale. Suddenly crisp.] No webs, you said? That’s a relief, at least. They’re a nightmare to clean from old papers.

[Hesitates.]

Thank you, Martin.

MARTIN
O-of course. Yeah. Um, anytime.

[Beat]

I’m gonna go put the kettle on, I’ll bring you a cuppa in a few.

JON
There’s really no need. I am fine. It just -- startled me.

MARTIN
Nah, I don’t mind, really, I need a warm-up myself. Two sugars, no milk, right?

JON
[Pause]
Yes.

[Retreating footsteps. Shaky sigh, then the sound of papers being pulled from the file and some shuffling.]

[A moment later, from down the hall:]

SASHA
[Gently, warmly]
There, see, I told you he isn’t made of ice.

MARTIN
[Defensively] I never said --

[Door at the end of the hall closes again. Martin huffs after her.]

TIM
Our savior!

MARTIN
Look, they’re really important to the ecosystem, okay?

TIM
Yeah, yeah. You putting on the kettle?

MARTIN
Green, touch of honey?

TIM
Ta, Martin.

 

The Bullpen, Archives, The Magnus Institute
4 November, 2015 9:06 a.m.

TIM
Morning.

MARTIN
Oh! G’morning! Um. You might wanna --

JON
[from down the hall]
Tim.

TIM
[groans]

JON
[Stone-cold bitchy] At your earliest convenience.

[Tim’s footsteps. Door closing.]

SASHA
Wait, did he really just --?

MARTIN
Don’t.

SASHA
He’s six minutes late. That’s practically a record, for Tim. Seems a bit harsh, don’t you think?

MARTIN
He’s in a mood. And I think he might have slept here last night. I got in early and his hair was all --

SASHA
Oh, damn.

MARTIN
What? [Pause.] Sasha, what?

SASHA
Has he been out for a smoke?

MARTIN
[Pause] Oh, shit.

SASHA
Yeah. That’s what I thought.

MARTIN
No, no, when we went to the MoD last month he was smoking on the way over and I asked and he said he realized that now wasn’t the right time to quit.

SASHA
And then it started to get cold out.

MARTIN
God, you’re right.

What do we do?

SASHA
Nothing to do. Just keep on your toes. Let me know if you want me to give anything a once-over before you give it to him.

[Silence.]

MARTIN
How long do you think it’ll be this time?

***

Drummond statementInbox ☓

S. James ˂[email protected]˃5 Nov 2015, 6:04 PM
to [email protected]▼

I just reviewed the Drummond statement to prep for our 2:30 tomorrow, and unfortunately there are some audio quality issues. Recommend we plan to finish follow-up on schedule but bump the wrap-up to next Tuesday's agenda to give us time to re-record.

RE: Drummond statementInbox ☓

S. James ˂[email protected]˃5 Nov 2015, 6:55 PM
to [email protected]▼

📎 aud_01511042217.mp4

Hi Jon! I just checked out the Winkler statement and it has the same issue in parts, although I think the audio on this one should be salvageable. I think maybe you're jiggling your leg and it's shaking the desk a bit? Also possible it's coming from the boiler or somesuch, but it's definitely a mechanical issue, not anything with the tech (for once!). A clip with the noise is attached. Happy to help with sound isolation if you need.

RE: RE: Drummond statementInbox ☓

J. Sims ˂[email protected]˃6 Nov 2015, 12:17 AM
to [email protected]▼

📎 aud_01511052027.mp4

Please find attached the Drummond statement, re-recorded and tested for quality.

RE: Drummond statementInbox ☓

J. Sims ˂[email protected]˃6 Nov 2015, 12:22 AM
to [email protected]▼

Issue corrected. I expect you all to be prepared to close on Drummond at our 2:30 as originally scheduled.

RE: RE: Drummond statementInbox ☓

T. Stoker ˂[email protected]˃6 Nov 2015, 12:58 AM
to [email protected]▼

sg boss. go to bed

RE: RE: RE: Drummond statementInbox ☓

M. Blackwood ˂[email protected]˃6 Nov 2015, 6:21 AM
to [email protected]▼

Great! Just a reminder I'm meeting Marcus Winkler this am so won't be in my chair til 10ish, txt me if you want anything from Starbucks or the like --mkb

RE: RE: RE: RE: Drummond statementInbox ☓

J. Sims ˂[email protected]˃6 Nov 2015, 6:28 AM
to [email protected]▼

1. A modicum of professionalism in your e-mail etiquette, please.
2. Do not further delay your arrival by stopping at Starbucks "or the like".

RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Drummond statementInbox ☓

M. Blackwood ˂[email protected]˃6 Nov 2015, 6:42 AM
to [email protected]▼

Good morning, Jon!
1. Noted! Sorry.
2. I should've said -- I'm actually meeting Winkler at Starbucks, so it's not out of my way!

RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Drummond statementInbox ☓

J. Sims ˂[email protected]˃6 Nov 2015, 6:45 AM
to [email protected]▼

I do not recall approving an expenditures budget for the Winkler statement, nor did I request in-person follow-up.

RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Drummond statementInbox ☓

M. Blackwood ˂[email protected]˃6 Nov 2015, 6:51 AM
to [email protected]▼

I wasn't planning to submit receipts, it's just coffee :) As for why in-person, it was noted in the original file that Winkler has hearing loss from the incident, and we did have quite a few questions, so I just thought a face-to-face meeting would be easier.

RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Drummond statementInbox ☓

J. Sims ˂[email protected]˃6 Nov 2015, 7:02 AM
to [email protected]▼

I see. Do not make a habit of such assumptions.

FWD: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Drummond statementInbox ☓

M. Blackwood ˂[email protected]˃6 Nov 2015, 7:12 AM
to [email protected], [email protected]▼

?????

RE: FWD: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Drummond statementInbox ☓

T. Stoker ˂[email protected]˃6 Nov 2015, 8:58 AM
to [email protected], [email protected]▼

lol wow

***

Head Archivist’s Office, Archives, The Magnus Institute
6 November, 2015 10:09 a.m.

[Soft knocking]

MARTIN
Good morning!

JON
[steely silence]

MARTIN
[Unfaltering] Um, I just wanted to check if there’s anything I can do to help you out. I finished with Winkler and we’re all set for Drummond and Sasha’s handling McKell and, um.

[Faltering] You seem like you maybe. Um, I mean. I got the sense you might be having a rocky week. And obviously you were up late last night re-recording, so.

[Beat]

I can leave you alone if you’d like, just wanted to offer. Um, if you haven’t got anything else I can do some cross-referencing or see if Elias ne--

JON
Just go away, Martin.

MARTIN
[Forced cheerfully] Right, okay. Um.

JON
Why are you still here?

MARTIN
Look, I just -- obviously we all know you’re trying to quit again, and I just -- I know, that is, I’ve heard how hard it is, and I doubt being in the fluorescents all day is helping any, so I just wanted to make sure you know that we, um. If you need to get some air, or sleep, or, or, or need someone else to record for you for a bit, you can -- yeah. Okay, I’m sorry, stupid, you know all this obviously, I -- I’ll just leave you be.

[Door closes.]

JON
[Frustrated groan.]


The Bullpen, Archives, The Magnus Institute
6 November, 2015 12:11 p.m.

SASHA
I think our best option would be to create a clear hierarchy. Priority one would be reserved for statements reporting multiple disappearances or fatalities in which the culprit, whether that’s a being or an artefact, is thought to be unaddressed and / or uncontained.

MARTIN
We could probably put any reference to Leitner in there, too.

SASHA
Well, there are nonfatal Leitners, yeah? I’d rather try to create a natural hierarchy than build in too many exceptions.

MARTIN
Good point.

TIM
Are you proposing a formal hierarchy? Like, something Elias would have to sign off on? Because if so we’ll also have to consider the statement giver, instead of just the topic of the statement. He almost bit Jon’s head off for sitting on the Grosnjer case, which was pretty much totally benign, but the Grosnjers are friends of one of the donor families.

SASHA
Hmmm. That’s a good point. I wasn’t thinking of it as that formal, but if we’re using it to prioritize our work, it would be important to account for those kinds of edge cases. High-profile statement giver, one red flag. Multiple casualties with an unaddressed cause, one red flag.

TIM
Statement giver is a college student, minus one flag.

MARTIN
Statement given Halloween week, minus one flag.

SASHA
Guys.

TIM
No, no, you’re right, it’s a good idea. I’m kind of imagining a card on the front, maybe attached to the statement sheets, with check boxes. We can also note Needs Audio Recording, Needs Translation, Needs Transcription, Needs Digitization, Needs Follow-Up.

MARTIN
What do we do when we need translation?

SASHA
Not a formal system. First we go around the room and see if any of us can get it. I know French and can get by in Italian, between Jon and I we’ve got some solid Greek, I’m sure we’ve all got passable basic Latin. You know Polish and BSL, right?

MARTIN
[A bit surprised she remembers.] Yeah.

TIM
And I’m an uncultured swine who knows fuck all. But my Google Translate skills are legend.

JON
[Wearily, from the door.] Please do not use Google Translate for Institute work.

TIM
Aye-aye, boss.

SASHA
Hi, Jon! We were just talking about the hierarchy. I’m taking notes --

TIM
[Overlapping] Of course you are.

SASHA
-- I’ll share them on the listserv before our check-in.

JON
Yes. Um.

TIM
What can we do for you?

JON
I, uh. I’m feeling… under the weather. I’m going to have a lie-down. If I… I would appreciate if someone could check in with me at two.

TIM
Absolutely.

SASHA
Do you need anything? I have paracetamol and antacids and Anadin Extra.

MARTIN
Have you eaten?

JON
Mmm. I’m fine. Th-thank you for your -- thank you.

[Slow footsteps away. Door closes.]

SASHA
God. He looks awful.

TIM
Does he have a bed here?

MARTIN
Yeah, there’s a little camp cot in document storage.

TIM
When you say “little”, do you mean Jon-sized?

MARTIN
It’s long enough, just a bit narrow.

TIM
I bet it’s haunted.

SASHA
Guys. Can we be serious for a moment? I’m actually worried about him. He looked like he was ready to faint.

TIM
Nah, boss-man’s invincible, Sash.

SASHA
Tim, be serious.

TIM
I am. Look, ten pounds says he cracks by midnight, and this is all over. Until it starts again.

MARTIN
[Sharply] That’s not funny.

TIM
No, but it’s true. Withdrawal’s a bitch, and he’s obviously not going to be able to tough it out this time.

MARTIN
Says who?

TIM
Says the mostly-full pack of cigarettes in his coat pocket, Marto. As long as he’s still carrying it, he’s always a maximum of ninety seconds of bad decision making away from losing. Tells me he’s not serious about quitting. If he was, he’d give it to a friend, lock it in a safe, something to put up an extra hurdle.

SASHA
[Sighs] You’re probably right.

Where were we about the index card?

***

Document Storage Room, Archives, The Magnus Institute
6 November, 2015 2:01 p.m.

JON
Wh-- huh?

MARTIN
Hey, you asked us to check in on you at two.

JON
Ah. Martin.

MARTIN
Yep. Uh, there’s a fresh cup of tea on your desk and I also left a pain au chocolat. Are you, um -- are you good, can I leave you or do you need a minute to make sure you don’t go back to sleep?

JON
I am perfectly capa --

MARTIN
Whoa, slow.

JON
God.

MARTIN
[Small but steely.] I’ll be right back. Don’t -- don’t try to stand up while I’m gone.

JON
[Small noise of distress.]

[Door closes. Door reopens thirty seconds later.]

JON
I’m perfectly fine, Martin. Just some vertigo.

MARTIN
Have you been drinking?

JON
At work?

MARTIN
No, I mean, fluids. Water, tea. Have you been hydrating?

I’ll take that as a no. Here’s the tea. Slow sips.

There. Now, have a bite of the pastry. You need something solid.

[Crinkle of wax paper.]

JON
Mmm.
[Deep breath.]
Stop hovering, Martin.

MARTIN
Sorry, I just -- you are not perfectly fine. You’re terribly peaky and your pupils are gigantic.

JON
Oh.

MARTIN
Should I get Tim or Sasha instead? If you’d be more comfortable with them -- I just don’t want to leave you sitting alone quite yet.

JON
It’s fine.

MARTIN
It’s okay if it’s not fine. I won’t be offended.

JON
I said, it’s fine, Martin.

MARTIN
Okay.

JON
Not sure what’s wrong with me. You probably shouldn’t be so near, in case I’ve caught something.

MARTIN
I mean, Occam’s razor, Jon. Nicotine withdrawal, sleep deprivation, dehydration, and an empty stomach?

JON
Oh.

I’m sorry, Martin. I’m afraid I’m feeling a bit… fuzzy.

MARTIN
Can you take another couple slow sips of tea for me?

JON
[Scathing.] I’m not a child.

MARTIN
No, I know. Just giving you some guidance to compensate for the fuzziness.

JON
Oh.

MARTIN
Stay here. I'll be right back.

[Retreating footsteps, door shuts.]

JON
Wonderful.

[Door opens.]

SASHA
--need anything.

MARTIN
Yeah.

[Door shuts.]

Jon? I got you some Anadin, but if you want it, you shouldn't take it until you've finished the pastry. It's, um, it's got caffeine? But I'm not sure if you want to, uh. Should we cancel the 2:30?

JON
Ah. I think we'd better, yes. I'm in no state, clearly. We can, uh. I don't want to set us back a full week, but perhaps we can reschedule by Monday.

MARTIN
Great. Good. Okay. Let me tell the others. [Door creaks.]

Jon (Boss)

Nov 6, 2015 4:35 PM

Martin Blackwood
Hi Jon, just wanted to make sure you got home okay.

4:44 PM

Jon (Boss)
Yes, fine. Thank you for your help.