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It's a regular Saturday morning when Tommy runs into someone unexpected from his past. He's at a farmer's market with his daughter, chatting to vendors and doing some shopping. He's in the middle of answering his little girl's question about tomatoes, when suddenly he hears a very familiar voice — a voice belonging to someone he hasn't really thought about in almost a decade.
The voice says his name, calling him multiple times, getting louder the closer the person gets, and Tommy freezes. Then his eyes meet the blue ones he once was deeply in love with. For a second he's thrust back in time, to that fateful day when he met the most adorable man in the world, who shook his hand and smiled the most charming smile, then when Tommy introduced himself, repeated his name like it was something sweet and revered. He remembers that split second where he forgot what he was about to do, that he was going to fly a couple of first responders into a hurricane. For a second it was just him and the man who introduced himself as 'Evan.' He knew right away that he'd be trouble for Tommy's battered heart — turns out, he was right.
But now it's been almost ten years since they broke up, and Tommy moved on. His heart healed and found a new home a long time ago. That familiar warmth in his chest at seeing Evan slowly changes into simple nostalgic fondness, as Evan makes his way through the crowd closer to him.
"Tommy, hi! I thought that was you," he says, eyes sparkling, as he's grinning in astonishment. "Wow, I can't believe it's actually you. It's been so long!"
"Evan," Tommy breathes. He looks amazing. A few more wrinkles, some grey hair, but other than that, he's his Evan. The same broad shoulders, a tight t-shirt stretched over them, the same plump, pink lips, the same adorable birthmark over his eye. It takes him a few seconds to think of even saying 'hi' back. But before he can say anything else, his kid tugs on his hand to get his attention.
"Who's that, daddy?" Lila asks, and just then Evan's eyes land on the child clutching Tommy's hand. He frowns for a second, surprise passing over his face, before schooling his features back into a charming smile.
"Uh, this is Evan," Tommy smiles, eyes not leaving Evan's. "An old friend."
"Hi," Evan crouches down to be eye-level with the little girl. "And what's your name?"
"Lila," she answers, then looks up at Tommy. "Old friend or boyfriend?" she asks suspiciously and Tommy tries his best not to laugh.
"Boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend," he corrects himself, then looks at Evan again. "She's been asking a lot about relationships lately," he says, not sure why. An explanation for the question, maybe. More as a way to fill the silence. "Wow, I just can't believe I'm looking at you. It's been, what, ten years?"
"Yeah, give or take," Evan shrugs. "You look really great," he says, eyeing Tommy up and down. Tommy knows he looks good. His hair now almost fully grey, the laugh lines etched into his face permanently, the crow's feet his husband's favorite place to kiss. He's also still working out and keeping his body fit, so he knows what Evan sees. His husband compliments him enough to be aware of that. "And you're a dad!" Evan adds before Tommy can think of a response — he's never been great at receiving compliments, and especially now from an ex-boyfriend.
"I am," Tommy looks down at his little girl, who's frowning at Evan. Tommy's about to continue talking, but she beats him to it.
"What's wrong with your eye?" Lila asks, and there's a moment of silence. Tommy sighs. Children and their lack of filter.
"Lila, you can't just ask that," Tommy chastises gently. "That's rude."
"Why?" she shifts those gorgeous eyes onto him. Evan laughs.
"It's fine, I get that a lot. It's just a birthmark, I was born with it," he explains with a shrug. His curious girl looks like she has more questions, but then Evan looks back at Tommy and asks, "this might be weird, but would maybe wanna grab coffee? Just to talk and catch up, I don't know," Evan ducks his head in that bashful way of his. "It's just crazy to run into you like this, and I- when are we gonna get an opportunity like that again?" he chuckles with another shrug. Part of Tommy thinks he shouldn't, it certainly would be very weird to grab coffee with any ex, but especially an ex he hasn't seen in a decade. Especially when the ex is someone who was such a significant part of Tommy's story, as short as their time together was. But another part of him does want to catch up. Because Evan was important, and he was a friend, too, and maybe Tommy wants to hear how he's doing, wants to hear how his life turned out after everything.
"Uh, sure, why not," Tommy smiles, looking down at his child. "There's this coffee shop we like nearby that has a play area for kids, we could go there."
"Alright, lead the way," he beams. That smile used to get Tommy's heart racing. Now he just smiles back as another wave of nostalgia hits him. It feels so surreal, not only running into Evan so randomly like this, but being next to him and not feeling the way he used to. Ten years is a long time, though, a lot's changed. Tommy finds himself very curious about what Evan's been up to all these years.
They sit down at a table near the play area, so Tommy can see his daughter as she goes over there to play. There are two other children there, both a bit younger than her, but she's great at making new friends, and she immediately joins them, her voice standing out against the chatter of the cafe.
Evan insists he's gonna buy their coffees, saying he bets he can still remember Tommy's order, and when he brings them back to the table, he's grinning proudly. Tommy meets his eyes and the intensity of his gaze hits him like a truck.
"Here you go. Did I get it right this time?" he asks teasingly, taking a seat opposite Tommy. Tommy smiles, as he takes a sip of his coffee. He remembers that day, Evan inviting him for coffee after their disastrous first date, and asking for a second chance, with one of the worst coffees Tommy's ever tasted. He remembers Evan saying 'I'm not sure what I'm ready for' and thinks he should've been wary instantly. Instead, he let that charming smile woo him and lead to his heart breaking. But he also remembers that later Evan learned Tommy's order and he never got it wrong again through the whole six months of their relationship. Until now. Because it seems like every single thing about Tommy has changed.
"Well, this used to be correct," Tommy says gently, and Evan's face falls. "Don't worry, who would've thought I'd change my coffee preferences at fifty," he laughs. "I still like this, though, thank you. Exactly the one I used to get, you remembered, so you get points for that," he laughs.
"Huh. I guess I can never get it right. Should take it as a sign," Evan mutters, then laughs awkwardly, "Anyway. So, how's life?" Evan asks with another incredulous laugh. Tommy gets it, he can't believe they met like this, either, after all that time. It's ridiculous.
"Perfect," Tommy says honestly, gaze shifting to his kid for a second. "I've honestly never been happier."
"You're married, huh?" Evan looks down at Tommy's hand. He hasn't even realized he started playing with his wedding band. Just a habit he developed. He always fidgets with stuff, has to have his hands occupied, and ever since getting that ring, it's taken on that role almost exclusively. His husband always affectionately makes fun of him for it, saying the only reason Tommy even wears the ring is to have something to occupy himself with — which is very much not true, it's maybe half the reason, the other half is, of course, his love for his husband.
"What gave me away?" Tommy laughs quietly, willing his fingers to stop fidgeting. "Yeah, I am, almost seven years now," he can't help a huge smile that stretches his face when he thinks of his gorgeous husband. "How about you?" Tommy asks, glancing at Evan's hands, clasped on the table, hoping he's being subtle about it. He doesn't see any rings, but that doesn't really mean anything. Maybe Evan just isn't a jewelry guy. He's hit with the realization that he can't remember. Huh. He didn't think he'd forget anything about this man, but here he is.
"Uh, I used to be, for a little while," Evan says with a nervous chuckle. "It didn't work out."
"Oh. I'm sorry," Tommy says, feeling genuinely bad. He knows — he knew, back then, that Evan wanted marriage and kids and all that stuff. Back then, Tommy wasn't sure he wanted that, wasn't sure it was in the cards for him, and they never really discussed it — which is probably one of the reasons they didn't work out —but Tommy knew Evan did want it, he gathered as much from some offhanded comments in passing. So he feels sad, knowing Evan didn't get everything he wanted.
"It's all good," Evan shrugs, seemingly unbothered. Tommy can't tell if there are any hidden feelings underneath, though. He used to be able to read Evan like a book, at least in some aspects. "It was, well, very impulsive and rushed," he chuckles softly, "very Buck, I guess." Tommy wasn't expecting him to dive deeper into the topic, and he wasn't about to intrude and ask, but he's glad his curiosity will be satiated. "We were together for six months when we got married, and then stayed married for almost two years, but then it kinda fell apart- we just weren't meant for each other," he pauses, then adds, quieter, "I think I'm not meant for marriage."
"Evan," Tommy says softly, not really sure what to follow that up with. He wasn't expecting quite a heart to heart like this. It feels like a bit much, honestly. But he'd never say that, not to Evan. He's glad he still feels comfortable enough with him to open up like this. He's always been much better at it than Tommy.
"No, I'm serious. The divorce made me really reevaluate what I actually want from life. Yet again," he laughs again. "It feels like every few years something happens that makes me rethink stuff again and again. God, I'm in my forties and I'm just now finding out what I want," another self-depracating laugh follows.
"There's nothing wrong with that. Look at me, ten years ago I had no idea I wanted everything I have now, but then I met my husband, and I can't imagine my life any differently," he says, glancing at his daughter again.
"A husband and a child," Evan smiles, shaking his head. "Tell that to the Tommy that ran from my loft when I suggested moving in together," he says, and Tommy lets out a loud laugh.
"If I recall correctly, that wasn't the whole reason for me breaking up with you. I had other issues, which I worked on eventually."
"Yeah, I wasn't blameless either," Evan sighs. Tommy doesn't really want to get into it right now. They never had a proper conversation about it, but the past is the past. No point going back there. He doesn't regret ending that relationship. He did what he thought was best for himself and for Evan — and he was proven right later on when they briefly reconnected for one night a couple months later, anyway. Besides, he never would've had the life he does now if all that didn't happen.
"Children," Tommy says, correcting Evan's earlier statement, as a way of changing the subject. Evan looks at him questioningly. "I have two children. Lila and her brother Nate," he feels himself grinning. He can't help it, when he talks about his family. "When we decided to adopt, the plan was one, but then we found out there were siblings, so now we've been their dads for five years. Lila was two, Nate was six months old when we took them in," he shares. "They're my everything," he adds, quietly, looking at his daughter, who's still playing with the other kids.
"That's beautiful," Evan says, and Tommy brings his attention back to him. "I'm so happy for you," he sounds so earnest and genuine, and his hand twitches as if he wanted to reach out and touch Tommy's.
"Thank you, Evan," Tommy smiles.
"So where's the little man now?"
"With his other dad. Some quality one-on-one time, you know," Tommy shrugs, not sure if Evan does know. He wants to ask if Evan ever became a dad. Just because he's divorced after a short marriage, doesn't mean he's not. But he's not sure if it's appropriate to ask, so he stays quiet. But once again, Evan fills the gaps himself.
"There was a time I was sure I wanted kids, too," he says, a wistful smile on his face, as he looks over at the kids, too. "Never happened for me, and I don't know if it ever will, but at this point I'm genuinely fine with that. I wouldn't hate it, but I don't feel that need, you know? I'm the coolest uncle, and that's all I want, honestly," he says, his smile turning happier, loving, at the thought of his niece and nephew. He looks back at Tommy. "Like I said, lots of reevaluating," he chuckles.
"Seems like you've changed a lot," Tommy says, taking all that information in, realizing this man sitting in front of him is someone he once knew, but now he's basically just a stranger. They have shared history, and that's all. He also feels more and more sure that he was right in ending things with him when he did. It seems Evan still doesn't know what he wants and is indecisive and impulsive. And that's fine, but it's not for Tommy. Even back then, he needed someone who knew what he wanted and went for it — and that was his husband.
"So have you. I mean, it's been a decade, Tommy, of course we've changed," he says with a small laugh. "You have a whole family now. And I have the most adorable dog," he adds and proceeds to take out his phone and show Tommy a picture of a happy golden retriever. Tommy laughs.
"He really is adorable."
"Takes after his dad," Evan grins, pocketing his phone again. Tommy sits back, thinking that once upon a time he'd say something like that to Evan, too, use this opportunity to flirt. Evan seems to realize that, too because he clears his throat awkwardly.
"So how's work?" Tommy changes the subject again. They said they'd catch up, after all. "You still at the 118?"
"Yeah, I am. It's good, it's… it's work," he shrugs, looks into the distance for a moment. "I'm the only one left, though. Everyone else either retired or moved on to other stations, higher positions, you know. It's definitely not the same, but I'm good where I am, really," he says, and once again, Tommy can't really read the emotions in his face. "You? Are you a captain yet?"
"Uh, no," Tommy chuckles, cheeks heating up. "Not yet, at least. There might be an opportunity soon, but we'll see," he shrugs. Truth was, he had an offer or two, but he turned them down. They were at different stations, and he needs to be somewhere he can fly. He loves it too much to give up, even for a higher position and a bigger paycheck. He doesn't feel like getting into it with Evan right now, though. It's not like they're friends who are gonna hang out now. They're still just people who used to know each other, that's all.
"Well, good luck then." Evan says, raising his coffee cup as if in a toast. Tommy chuckles and mirrors him.
Just then, his phone pings with a message. He reaches for it and can't help the huge smile on his face when he sees his husband's name on the screen.
"Sorry, it's just Charlie- uh, my husband. I'll just text him back," he says, feeling a little rude for being on his phone while in the middle of a conversation. The message from Charlie is a picture of their son on the playground, where they are right now, and a question about Tommy's day with Lila. Tommy texts him back quickly, tells him he ran into Evan and they're having coffee. He gets a 'have fun, call me after ❤️ and don't be late!' in response. "Sorry, he was just checking in."
"All good," Evan smiles. "He must be a great guy, making you smile like that," he says, a little wistfully. Once upon a time it was Evan making him smile, laugh, making him happy. It feels like a whole different life now.
"He is. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Equally with my children," Tommy adds. "I'm forever grateful that I found him."
"How'd you two meet?" Evan asks, and Tommy can't tell if he's just being polite or if he really wants to know. Either way, Tommy loves talking about his love.
"Kind of a funny story, actually," Tommy chuckles nervously, moving his coffee cup from hand to hand. "We met because of you. Indirectly."
"What?" Evan frowns. "How?"
"I- I wanted to call you. Back then, after… after Bobby died, after everything," he says carefully, and doesn't miss the flash of pain in Evan's eyes at the reminder. "I just felt like we left a lot unsaid, and- and I wasn't even sure if I wanted to get back together, or if I wanted closure, but I definitely wanted to reach out," he confesses. "Even just to see how you're doing. But I wanted to give you time and space to grieve first. Our thing didn't seem important in the grand scheme of things."
"Yeah, that was- it was a rough time. But I think I could've used a call from you, you know? Might've made me feel a little better," he gives him a small smile. "Even if it was just for closure."
"I didn't want to impose," Tommy shrugs. He battled with himself a lot for weeks, typing out messages and deleting them, opening Evan's contact and closing before he could talk himself into calling. He just didn't want to bring his shit up, possibly getting into an argument again, while Evan was mourning — and not mourning just anyone, but Bobby. That really wasn't the time.
"But then you never called."
"Yeah," Tommy can't help another smile. "One day I was getting coffee before work and I finally decided to text you. I had the message typed out and everything. And then someone bumped into me," he chuckles. "Made me drop my phone and spill my coffee."
"And that was your husband?" Evan asks softly.
"The most gorgeous man I've ever laid my eyes on," Tommy smiles at the memory, belatedly noting he's saying this to his ex-boyfriend, who he once considered the most gorgeous man, too. That also changed. "I looked into his eyes and forgot about everything else. He bought me a new coffee, asked me for my number, and the rest is history."
"And you never called me." Evan finishes, a bittersweet smile on his face.
"I decied that I don't need closure, after all. It still took me a minute to fully move on, but Charlie was patient. We didn't start dating until like two months later, but once we did, I knew this was it for me," he finishes, turning his wedding ring on his finger again. That was such a good day, meeting Charlie. The first time in months he felt actually good. They had a fun, flirty conversation that left Tommy smiling the whole day. And later on, when Tommy called him and said he might not be ready to date yet, Charlie said that it's fine and they can just be friends for now. Tommy was sure to be upfront and honest about everything, and it paid off. He fell in love again when he was sure it'd never happen to him again. He trusted someone with his heart, and for the first time ever, he's not scared it's going to break again.
"I'm so, so happy for you, Tommy," Evan says, leaning over the table, looking into Tommy's eyes. "You deserve everything good in your life."
"Uh, thanks," Tommy says, a little flustered. "So do you," he adds, and Evan just shrugs. All Tommy ever wanted for Evan was to see him happy. Turned out Tommy wasn't the one meant to make him happy, but he hopes somehow he found it. In his family, in his friends, in the job he always loved. He deserves to be as happy as Tommy is.
"Do you ever-" Evan starts suddenly, but cuts himself off, frowning, as if he didn't mean to say it out loud. "Nevermind, of course you don't," he chuckles awkwadly.
"What? You can ask me anything," Tommy encourages gently. Evan studies him for a second, there's hesitation in his face. He seems unsure, but finally he takes a breath and says:
"I was gonna ask if you ever wonder what- what could've been," he says quietly, averting his gaze, then chews on his lip. "Because I do, sometimes. Not in a 'I'm still hung up on you' way, but in a… I don't know. In a 'that could've been it for me and I screwed it up' way," he shrugs. "But you obviously don't have any reason to wonder, so nevermind."
"Honestly, no, I don't." Tommy says as gently as he can. "I don't- this might sound bad, but I don't really think about you. Sorry," he winces.
"It'd be weird if you did," Evan laughs, finally looking at him again. "I'm not- I don't know what I meant, sorry, I made it weird. It's just, I think our relationship was the best I've ever been in?"
"Evan," Tommy sighs. "It wasn't even that great. We barely knew each other."
"Yeah, I know. Which is why it's so crazy," he laughs again. "But I'm good, honestly. I think seeing you again just brought up some old nostalgic feelings, sorry."
"It's all good," Tommy takes a sip of his coffee, then steals a glance at the clock. They should get going soon.
"You're happy, right?" Evan asks all of a sudden, and Tommy beams at him.
"Did anything I said give you the impression that I'm not?"
"No, I just- I don't know, man, I think you still make me flustered, even after all this time," Evan laughs louder now, cheeks red.
"I'm the happiest I've ever been," Tommy says thruthfully, then takes the last sip of his coffee. "Are you?"
"Yeah," Evan says after a thoughtfull moment. "It's far from perfect, a lot of my life is far from what I thought it'd be or what I wanted, but I'm content. And that's enough for me."
"I'm glad. I hope you figure out what it is you want now, and that you find it, truly."
"Thanks, Tommy," Evan smiles shyly.
"And on that note, I should go. Sorry to just run like that, but we have somewhere to be in a little bit and we need to get there," Tommy says, slowly standing up. "Dinner at the in-laws, you know," he shrugs. It's a weekly thing, meeting at his wonderful in-laws' house. They're supposed to meet his husband and son there, after spending some one-on-one time beforehand. It's the highlight of his whole family's week. Charlie's parents have welcomed him into the family and made him feel like he's always belonged there, and he loves them a lot. He really lucked out with everything in his life.
"Yeah, sure, go. It was fun running into you. And meeting your kid," he adds when Tommy calls Lila over and she sprints to him, running into his legs. "I hope we see each other again."
"Yeah," Tommy smiles, not sure if he means it. "I'll see you around, Evan."
"Bye!" Lila waves enthusiastically, and Evan grins at her.
Tommy grabs his daughter's hand and they walk out of the cafe. He feels a set of eyes on his back, but he doesn't look back. Evan is his past. It was good to see him, catch up, reminisce. Maybe get some sort of closure, in a way. But the past is the past. He doesn't even know that man anymore. He wears the same face, the same smile, is just as adorable, but he's not Tommy's Evan. And Tommy's not the same man he was back then, either. It feels like everything about them both changed, and now they're just two strangers, who should barely say hi on the street. Maybe sitting down for coffee wasn't a good idea. He's not sure how he feels. All he knows is that this felt like finally closing a chapter that was still cracked open all these years. Leaving history in the past. Now he walks back to his present and future, to his husband and children, who make him happier than anything. He hopes Evan finds something that makes him just as happy.
He never runs into Evan again, never notices him on the street, isn't sure if Evan even lives nearby or if he was just in Tommy's neighborhood by accident. After telling his husband all about the encounter, that's the last time Tommy thinks of Evan for at least another decade. He has no reason to look back on that relationship, as important as it was at the time. He has everything he needs right where he is.