Work Text:
2:42 PM
Ocean: Alright, assembly line. Serious topic.
Ocean: We need to address the Mischa & Noel situation.
Penny: oh thank god
Constance: THANK U
Ricky: Oh finally. My eyes have been rotting out of my skull.
2:43 PM
Mischa: what situation? what are you talking about???
Ocean: Please. The hallway PDA. The staring during rehearsal. The fact that you wrote a verse about his "eyes like sad little moons" in your latest rap.
Mischa: THAT WAS ABOUT THE UKRAINIAN SKY AT DUSK
Noel: ^^ It was very romantic, honestly.
Mischa: NOEL DO NOT HELP ME
2:44 PM
Constance: Mischa, you literally kissed him on the forehead before third period.
Mischa: its called being a good friend constance
Penny: You carried him bridal style to the cafeteria because he said his feet hurt.
Mischa: HE HAD BLISTERS
Ricky: He was wearing Crocs.
Mischa: EMOTIONAL BLISTERS
2:45 PM
Ocean: And what about the cuddling? Every single time we watch a movie in the choir room, you two are tangled like pretzels.
Mischa: ITS COLD IN THERE. BODY HEAT. SURVIVAL TACTICS.
Noel: He does run very warm. Like a human radiator. It's nice.
Mischa: NOEL I AM BEGGING YOU
2:46 PM
Penny: Okay but Mischa. Be honest. Do you have a crush on Noel?
Mischa: NO.
Mischa: ABSOLUTELY NOT.
Mischa: WE ARE JUST GUYS BEING DUDES.
Constance: Guys being dudes don't share a single earbud and stare at each other like that.
Mischa: WE WERE LISTENING TO MY NEW MIXTAPE. HE WAS APPRECIATING THE ART.
2:47 PM
Ricky: Mischa. You literally just sent a text that said "noel wyd tonight" and then deleted it.
Mischa: THAT WAS FOR THE GROUP. FOR EVERYONE.
Noel: Oh, I'm free. Did you want to watch another movie? I'll bring the good blanket.
Mischa: SEE. THIS IS WHY PEOPLE TALK. HE IS BEING WEIRD.
2:48 PM
Ocean: No weird behavior detected from Noel, honestly.
Penny: Yeah Noel is just... existing. You're the one blushing.
Mischa: I DO NOT BLUSH. I HAVE A UKRAINIAN COMPLEXION. ITS JUST FLUSHED.
Constance: Mischa. Sweetie. You kissed his knuckles yesterday when he handed you a pencil.
Mischa: IT WAS A VERY NICE PENCIL
2:49 PM
Noel: ^^ It was a mechanical pencil. Pink.
Mischa: EXACTLY. PINK. MY FAVORITE COLOR. I WAS BEING POLITE.
2:50 PM
Ricky: Okay, so if you're NOT in love with him—
Mischa: I'M NOT.
Ricky: —then why are you always cuddling him and kissing him and holding his hand?
Mischa: BRO ITS SATIRE
Mischa: EVERYTHING I DO IS IRONIC
Mischa: THE CUDDLING? IRONIC. THE FOREHEAD KISSES? POST-MODERN COMMENTARY. THE HAND-HOLDING? SATIRICAL PERFORMANCE ART.
Noel: He held my hand for 45 minutes during the bus ride to the competition.
Mischa: DEEP SATIRE. YOU WOULDN'T GET IT.
2:51 PM
Penny: Mischa. No one is buying this.
Constance: Not even a little.
Ocean: The evidence is overwhelming. You are clearly, deeply, hopelessly in love with Noel Gruber.
Mischa: OKAY BUT HERES THE THING
Mischa: EVEN IF I WAS
Mischa: WHICH I'M NOT
Mischa: BUT EVEN IF
Mischa: NOEL WOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING BY NOW BECAUSE HE IS INCAPABLE OF KEEPING HIS OPINIONS TO HIMSELF
Mischa: SO THE FACT THAT HE HASNT SAID ANYTHING MEANS THERES NOTHING TO SAY
2:52 PM
Noel: Oh, I'm in love with you.
Mischa: WHAT
Noel: Yeah. I thought that was obvious. I literally wrote a poem called "Mischa's Hands" and read it aloud in English class.
Mischa: I THOUGHT THAT WAS ABOUT A SCULPTURE
Noel: It was about your hands holding a sculpture.
Mischa: ...
Noel: I've been calling you my boyfriend for three weeks. You said "okay bet."
Mischa: I THOUGHT YOU WERE BEING SARCASTIC
Noel: Babe, I don't have the emotional range for that kind of bit.
2:53 PM
Ocean: Oh my god.
Penny: OH MY GOD.
Constance: ARE YOU KIDDING ME
Ricky: I'm screenshotting this for the yearbook.
Mischa: NOEL YOU HAVE TO TELL ME WHEN YOU ARE BEING SERIOUS
Noel: I kissed you on the lips after rehearsal on Tuesday.
Mischa: I THOUGHT THAT WAS A EUROPEAN THING
Noel: Mischa. We are in Saskatchewan.
Mischa: THAT MEANS NOTHING. SOME SASKATCHEWAN PEOPLE ARE CULTURALLY EUROPEAN.
2:54 PM
Noel: Okay. Let me be clear. Misha Bachinski. I love you. Romantically. With my whole sad little French-Canadian heart. Do you understand?
Mischa: ...
Mischa: okay but like
Mischa: romantically romantically?
Noel: Yes.
Mischa: or like friend romantically
Noel: That's not a thing.
Mischa: okay
Mischa: okay cool cool cool cool cool cool cool
Mischa: me too
Mischa: i mean i also love you
Mischa: romantically
Mischa: with my whole ukrainian-rapper heart
Mischa: which is bigger than your sad french one by the way
Noel: I know it is. 💜
2:55 PM
Constance: I'm going to scream.
Penny: We have been WAITING for this.
Ocean: Finally. The group chat can rest.
Ricky: You owe me ten bucks, Constance.
Constance: I KNOW. WORTH IT.
2:56 PM
Noel: So. Movie tonight? I'll still bring the good blanket.
Mischa: yes
Mischa: but only if we can hold hands
Mischa: unironically
Noel: I would expect nothing less.
Mischa: cool
Mischa: i love you
Mischa: wait that was serious not satire
Mischa: just so we are clear
Noel: I know, babe.
Mischa: okay good
Mischa: i love you
Mischa: okay stopping now
2:57 PM
Ocean: You two are going to be insufferable, aren't you.
Mischa: absolutely
Noel: Yup :)
Ricky: And they were choir mates.
Penny: OH MY GOD THEY WERE CHOIR MATES