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The king of Ithaca was sinking—drowning—in darkness. He called out, but his voice made no sound. His body felt light, but heavy at the same time, and some unknown force was dragging him down, down, down.
“You can relax, my friend.” The soft murmur was meant to be soothing in his ear, but all it did was spark newfound panic and grief. “I can tell you’re getting nervous…”
Polites! The king tried to speak once more. Where are you?
The familiar shape of Odysseus’ best friend took form in front of him, but he was facing away from him. Too far. Ody reached for him, but he couldn’t move from the floating position his body was in.
“Captain?” Polites asked.
Yes! Polites! I’m right here! The king’s voice wouldn’t work, but he still called out uselessly.
Polites’ head moved, and when he caught Odysseus’ gaze, he was surprised to find anger there. “You’ve killed me, Ody.”
W-what?
“You’ve killed all of us.” Polites’ voice multiplied into that of his former crew. “You’re a monster.”
“Selfish.”
“Uncaring.”
“Arrogant.”
The crew spat insults at their captain, until they all came to the same conclusion.
“Monster. Monster. Monster.”
“Stop!” Odysseus could finally hear his own voice now. “S-stop, please!”
But they didn’t, and panic rose quickly. Suddenly, he was back on the edge of the wall in Troy, a small infant in his hands that then became weightless.
Ody tried to breathe, but the darkness pressed in around him, and so did his crew.
Through the translucent skin of his friends, a glint of steel caught the king’s eye, and he spotted the trident belonging to the great god of the sea, sparkling with golden ichor.
“After everything you’ve done… how will you sleep at night?” The weak voice of Poseidon himself echoed in his mind, and Odysseus knew what he was supposed to say. What the right answer to this question he’d been asked before was.
But all he could think about was the real answer. The one he’d wanted to admit, but knew he couldn’t.
I won’t.
…
..
.
“Odysseus, my love, wake up!”
The king gasped awake, gulping in air that wasn’t available to him before. Through the dim light he could see the shape of his wife, Penelope, sitting on the bed in front of him, her glittering green eyes filled with concern.
“I’m… a-awake.” Odysseus managed to gasp out, his chest still heaving and heart pumping abnormally quickly.
“Are you okay?”
Even in the middle of a panic attack, the voice of his wife still affected him all the same. “I-I’m fine, love.”
“You’re not fine, Odysseus, and you are not going to lie to me right now. Breathe.” Her hand moved down to his, lacing their fingers together. She squeezed. “You’re okay. You’re safe. It was just a nightmare.”
Odysseus’ heart rate slowed as he took deep breaths.
“You’re home, my love. With me. With Telemachus.”
His eyelids fluttered closed. I’m home. I’m safe.
Penelope’s hand moved from her husband’s and slid up his arm to his shoulder, pushing his body gently into hers until he was leaning on her.
Monster…
The lingering panic soon transformed into sorrow, and a sob broke from the king’s lips. “I-I’m a m-monster…”
Penelope’s arms wrapped around her husband’s shaking body. “Oh, honey… That’s not true…”
Ody buried his face into the fabric of his wife’s peplos, and she kissed him gently on the head. He wailed in despair and grief, his cry muffled by the cloth.
“But it is… M-my whole c-crew… they’re all…” He trailed off, not able to bring himself to finish the sentence.
“A real monster wouldn’t feel guilt or remorse, Odysseus. But you do.” Penelope cupped her husband’s face in her delicate hands and forced his eyes to meet hers. “Just the way you still care for them proves you aren’t a monster. You did what you needed to get home. To me. To our son.”
“But—”
“Nuh-uh.” The queen of Ithaca cut off Ody’s rebuttal. “Repeat after me. I…” She pressed her lips to his forehead. Odysseus closed his eyes, echoing her words obediently.
“I…”
“Am not…” She kissed his cheek.
The king’s voice was a whisper. “Am not…”
“A monster.”
“A mons—” Before Ody could finish, his wife pressed her lips to his gently. He melted into her touch, muscles finally relaxing from his nightmare.
“Now say the whole thing.” Penelope pulled back to whisper the words.
“I am not a monster.”
“Good.” She gave him another peck on the lips, then plopped back down on the mattress. “Now go to sleep.”
“Hey!” Her husband protested, cheeks warming with a prominent blush. “You can’t do that and then say—”
“I just did. Sleep.”
Odysseus smiled despite himself, laying down next to his wife and pressing himself close. “You’re going to make up for that.”
“We’ll see.” The queen replied with a smirk, to which Ody chuckled.
Penelope’s breathing rate slowed as she drifted off into sleep, and hesitantly, the king of Ithaca followed.