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“ZEUS!!!!” The god of gods smirked when he heard his older brother’s shriek of fury.
“Ah, brother. I was expecting you.” Zeus responded, masking his amusement.
Sure enough, God of the sea, Poseidon, stormed into Olympus, fuming.
His hair, a shifting mass of seawater, floated behind him in jagged, snapping tendrils; every drop of water that fell from it hissed as it hit the ground, steaming.
“YOU MASSACRED THIRTY MORTALS AND LEFT THE ONLY ONE I ACTUALLY WANTED DEAD ALIVE?!” Poseidon’s eyes glowed blue, and in his fury, he didn’t think before gathering all the water in the room and sending it as one giant water-ball at his brother. Zeus ducked, and the boiling water sailed over his head.
“Cool your jets, water-boy. It wasn’t personal.”
“SEA-SCUM!” The god of the sea cursed, “We both know it was completely personal.”
Zeus shrugged. “Maybe a little.”
Poseidon glared at his younger brother, and soon Zeus was dodging another flying water-ball. “Oh, don’t get pouty, Po. I was just helping you.”
“I DO NOT NEED HELP FROM YOU, SPARKY! I WAS HANDLING IT!”
“Handling it?” Zeus barked out a laugh. “You’ve been dragging out that man’s suffering for ten years. Ten. Years. At some point it stops being vengeance and just becomes a hobby.”
“I HAD A PLAN!”
“Oh, please.” Zeus waved a dismissive hand. “You had no idea where he was half the time.”
Poseidon roared and hurled another ball of water—this one larger, hotter, and very much aimed at Zeus’s face.
Zeus sidestepped again, this time laughing outright as the water-ball shattered against a column and instantly vaporized.
“Brother,” he said, “you really must work on your aim.”
“I’LL SHOW YOU AIM!”
A fresh wave of water surged toward Zeus before he could even find the words to respond.
He yelped (very undignified for the King of Gods) and vaulted over his own throne as the blast hit it with a hiss loud enough to make the marble smoke.
From behind the throne, Zeus’s voice floated out:
“That was rude.”
“So was sparing my number one nemesis for decades.”
“...He chose his crew.” Zeus reasoned. “Not himself.”
“THEN YOU SHOULD’VE KILLED HIM ANYWAY!”
“Brother, what’s done is done. There’s really no point in being mad at me for it.”
“You condemned him to the island of Ogygia.” Poseidon growled. “How am I supposed to kill him if he can’t even get into the sea?!”
Zeus shrugged. “Not my problem.”
“WHY DON’T I MAKE IT YOUR PROBLEM, THEN?!” Poseidon gathered more water, and Zeus scoffed.
“You can try!” He pulled back his white hair with lightning bolts, and summoned his own ball of energy.
“Brothers. What are you two fighting about this time?”
A ripple of cold rolled through the throne room as the torches dimmed.
Both Zeus and Poseidon froze mid-throw—water suspended in the air, lightning buzzing dangerously like an overcharged beehive.
Hades stood in the doorway, looking like someone had just dragged him out of a very important meeting. Hermes hovered behind him, desperate and frazzled.
“Care to explain to me why Hermes informed me Athena sent him to tell me to, and I quote: ‘Come to Olympus. The children are throwing elements at each other unsupervised again.’”
Zeus gasped. “How dare she speak against her own father?!”
Poseidon smirked. “Serves you right.”
“Brothers.” Hades repeated, slower this time. “What are you two fighting about now?”
Poseidon pointed dramatically at Zeus. “HE killed thirty mortals and spared the one I’ve been trying to kill for a decade!”
Zeus scoffed. “Oh, don’t be dramatic, Po—”
“DRAMATIC?!” Poseidon exploded. “YOU STRANDED HIM ON OGYGIA! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I’VE WAITED FOR THAT MORTAL TO TOUCH THE SEA AGAIN?!”
Hades pinched the bridge of his nose. “I truly do not care.”
Poseidon recoiled, offended. “You SHOULD! You’re the god of the dead—he’s supposed to be with YOU by now!”
“Trust me,” Hades said dryly, “no one wants him down there more than I do. The man talks too much.” He glared at Zeus. “But stranding him? Really? You couldn’t just kill him like a normal overreacting storm-god?”
Zeus straightened, indignant. “He made a noble choice!”
Poseidon barked a laugh. “Oh please—he chose his crew because he thought you wouldn’t actually kill them.”
Hades turned to Zeus. “Did you?”
Zeus shrugged. “I did.”
“Of course you did,” Hades muttered.
Hermes lounged back in the air. “Lord Zeus also laughed afterward.”
Poseidon roared. Zeus hissed, “HERMES!”
Hermes laughed, zipping out of the room.
Hades sighed so deeply the room temperature dropped another ten degrees. “Enough. Both of you, stop flinging elements before you vaporize half of Olympus again. Remember what happened last time?”
Poseidon crossed his arms. “Zeus started it.”
Zeus jabbed a finger at him. “Poseidon threw boiling water at my face!”
“You ducked!”
“I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO DUCK!”
Hades held up one hand.
Just one.
The room went silent immediately—lightning fizzled out, suspended water sizzled into steam, and even the marble stopped vibrating.
“Enough,” Hades said, voice echoing like a closing tomb. “I am ending this, because clearly neither of you have the maturity of a cyclops larva.”
Poseidon opened his mouth.
Closed it.
Looked at the floor.
Zeus crossed his arms, pouting like a chastised storm cloud.
Hades pinched the bridge of his nose. “Here is what will happen. Poseidon, you will stop trying to murder the mortal today. Zeus, you will stop goading him like a child poking a shark with a stick.”
Zeus muttered, “He started—”
Hades cut him off, “Both of you will cool off. Separately.”
Poseidon grumbled, “But Ogygia—”
“NOT. TODAY.” Hades thundered.
For a moment, neither sea nor sky dared move.
Hades gave Zeus and Poseidon the withering, exhausted stare of the eldest sibling who had absolutely had it.
“If either of you throw one more element in my presence, I will bury this entire palace under so much obsidian that even the Fates won’t dig you out.”
Both brothers swallowed.
Poseidon huffed, flicked his watery hair, and stormed out in a salty splash that drenched the entryway.
Zeus waited until he was gone, then leaned toward Hades and whispered,
“…He really does need to work on his aim.”