Chapter Text
His phone rings.
It's that stupid ringtone Leo set for him the other day, the one that announces "LEON DRAISAITLLL SCORESSSSSSSSSS!!!" whenever it rings. He told Leon he hated it, but he secretly loved it. Now he would always know if it was Leon calling him. But right now, he ignored it. There was a reason he got out of that locker room and back to the hotel so quickly. Sure, his leg hurt, but walking fast was better than facing his teammates. Maybe that wasn't very "captainlike" of him, but he did do a speech. Sort of. If you count 'it was a good game boys, we played good but they played better' a speech.
He just couldnt bear to see their faces. There was Nuge and Hyms and Nurse and Bouch, all people who were used to this, who thought maybe it was finally their year. And then there was the new guys, like Savoie and Samanski, who thought that they could help this team all the way this time, and they probably felt like they failed.
It wasn't their fault though. It was his. If he had been more careful, hadn't gotten injured, they might've made it. Maybe if, instead of shooting, he had passed to Leon or Ekholm-
The phone rings again. Same stupid ringtone. He picks his phone up this time and looks at the picture of Leo on the screen. He's smiling, a big smile the public never sees, next to his dog Bowie. Connor can't help but think that he's probably not smiling like that right now, or going to be for a long time. He decides to do the 'captainly' thing and answer the call. Mostly because he wants to get it over with, and he knows Leon won't stop calling until he answers.
"Hey, Leo."
"Con. Are you good?"
"Yeah, I'm good. The best in the world apparently."
"Con-"
"Maybe not anymore now, because I'll never get a cup and-"
"Con. Shut the fuck up and listen to me."
"My name is actually Connor."
"Connor Andrew fucking McDavid, shut up and listen."
"Fine." He's only being like this because he's pissed at the loss, at the Ducks, the whole world really. But right now he can't think of any other way to be.
"Connor, it is not your fault we lost. I know you think that, and it's not true. It's not, no matter how much you believe it. Hockey is a team sport, you know that. Its just as much my fault, and Nuge's and Nurse's and everyone else on the team, even Knobs and Stan. We all could've been better tonight and throughout the series. I know you already know that, and- What I'm trying to say is, you don't have to blame yourself for this. Jesus Christ, you were injured! The rest of the team should've stepped up. And yes, I'm saying you can resent us for that. Hate us even. Just don't blame it on yourself."
At the end of that, Connor is sobbing. Full on, gasping for air crying. Because he knows that it's not completely his fault- sometimes. But when he thinks about the game, he can only remember his mistakes. The things he did wrong, even if it was just skating a bit slower than he could've. And it just builds and builds until it's completely his fault they lost every game they did.
But that last thing Leo said hit him hard. That he would want him to resent his team, the team he's been on for his entire career, instead of hating himself, it showed him how much Leon actually cared about him, if he were willing to have Connor hate him.
"Leo- I-"
"I know. I'm amazing, right?"
Connor snorts and laughs. Because it's true, Leon really is amazing.
"I love you."
"Love you too, Con."
As Leon hangs up, Connor sighs. He wonders if Leon means that as a friend, or the way Connor means it.