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Welcome to Imladris!
We've got many, many new recruits to our little army here. Here's a little guide to the ins and outs of camp.
Q: Who are you?
A: I'm Macalaurë Feanorion — in today's parlance, Maglor the Kinslayer. I made some very poor decisions related to gemstones a couple thousand years ago and have since been wandering and singing as penance. I'm the oldest of the Noldor remaining in Middle-earth after my father, uncle, elder cousins, and brothers all died dealing with Morgoth. Most of them on the right side, even!
Q: Why are you here?
A: What else would I be doing? The shores are boring.
Also, I'm working on composing the Noldolante, the great history of the Noldor. I must be here to see out the stories of Elrond and Gil-Galad, in order to tell the tale to its conclusion.
Q: Why are the rest of us here?
A: The Last Alliance of Elves and Men is fighting to remove the final traces of Melkor from Middle-earth by destroying the last of his lieutenants. It's only taken three and a half millennia since Melkor's defeat to get to this point, which might be a new record. I think the humans are to credit for that; if it was just amongst us elves, we'd probably still be deliberating amongst ourselves whether we might be able to just let the Valar handle it.
Q: Where is here, exactly?
A: We're camped out in Imladris, home of freedom. Three years ago, men and elves swore an oath unto Eru Iluvatar (terrible idea, but what do I know about oaths) to defeat Sauron. We've spent the time since then training together and forging weapons. Gotta catch the immortal Maia with the magical seeing devices off-guard.
***
Q: Who are all these people fighting against?
A: Sauron the Abhorred -- also known as Morgoth’s Torturer, Annatar the Gift-Gifter, Gorthaur the Jerk, Mairon the Prettyboy, and That Asshole Who Hung My Brother Off a Mountain.
Q: He seems like bad news.
A: Yup. And he's got a whole army of minions to back him up, ranging in power from "rats with rabies" to "fallen angels in the form of giant snakes that may or may not have wings". But the bulk of the army is orcs and men.
Q: Who are the men and who are the orcs?
A: The men are from the Southlands. I can't really blame them; I mean, if my entire society had been pruned like a bonsai tree into worshipping one evil bastard as the highest creator above, what else would I know? Daily I thank Eru Ilúvatar for not making me like them.
The orcs are... it's complicated. Officially, they're mindless automatons enslaved to follow Sauron's will and so we shouldn't feel bad about slaughtering them. You may recognize that as a contradiction in terms with regards to their capacity for thought. Unofficially, some of them look an awful lot like friends and family of mine who died in the first age. It won't stop them going for your neck, though.
Q: What did Sauron do?
A: What, is hanging my brother from a mountain and serving Morgoth for millennia not enough for you? Fine, I'll keep it to this Age then. He conquered Mordor and razed it into a blighted hellscape, for starters. Then he tortured my nephew Tyelperinquar to death and made him into a pincushion. Then he started a Númenorean cult of human sacrifice to Morgoth which was so terrible that Eru Ilúvatar, the Highest himself, rearranged the planet to remove all evidence of it. And now he's come to conquer all the rest of Middle-earth.
Q: Is it possible he has something against your family?
A: Who doesn't have something against my family?
Q: What's all this I hear about jewelry?
A: Tyelpe was a dreamer, an optimist, and frankly kind of an idiot. He created an art colony and let anyone and everyone in, including Sauron cosplaying as the most suspicious representative of the Valar ever to exist. Tyelpe made some powerful rings with Sauron's help, then some without him, and hid the new ones. Turns out the guy really wanted all the rings and still had some torturing skills left over from the First Age.
Q: Why did Sauron want those rings?
A: He's a control freak. And he made his own ring which lets him control the other ones. And Tyelpe gave out the other ones to his little friends, which Sauron redistributed to control just about all the heads of state of Middle-earth. Whoops.
***
Q: Who's in the alliance?
A: It's a real who's who, at this point.
Elves:
Galadriel, also known as Artanis and Nerwen: one of my favorite cousins. Only person I've seen who could match my father for raw passion and my brother for being a fashion icon, at the same time. Hates my guts. Probably Absolutely justified in doing so.
Celeborn: Galadriel's husband.
Sorry, did you want something funny? I'm pretty sure Galadriel can hear an echo of my part in the Great Song from here. I'm not getting close to either of them, lest I be turned to stone by her gaze.
Elrond, also known as Elros when his parental figures got confused: A good kid, at only four thousand years old. Half-elven, which seems to mean he's basically an elf plus he has the ability to die if he wants. I've no idea why he would want that, but his belated brother did.
Gil-galad: my cousin, one or two times removed? I think? He looks like Elrond wearing a silver wig, a crown, and a fake mustache, to be totally honest. And I've never seen the two in the same place.
But then again, I've only been able to spy on record the details of the Last Alliance for posterity by sneaking in wearing a fake mustache and a pair of sunglasses, so those who live in glass houses and all that.
Men:
Elendil:
Eldest descendant of elvish Elrond's twin elder brother, Elros. He led the Faithful men who didn't buy into Sauron's whole cult schtick, and so he was allowed to flee from Númenor before Eru Ilúvatar sank it. Voted Best Beard in Middle-earth, three decades in a row.
Isildur:
Elendil's son, who was ruling Gondor in his own right until Sauron drove him out. And I know Men age faster than elves do, but this guy is, like, fifteen, in our years. When I was a mere hundred-and-twenty, I was still placing third in singing competitions. I'm honestly a bit uncomfortable letting him lead half the army.
Dwarves:
Durin—
Q: Wait, why is it called the Last Alliance of Elves and Men if the dwarves are involved?
A: Honestly, I don't know. Maybe the historians recording all this for posterity were only looking over the top of the crowd. Anyways!
Durin IV:
Has been reincarnated by Aulë several times, unlike every other being in Middle-earth. I suppose some of the Valar are allowed to play favorites.
***
Okay, I think this is long enough.
Q: Long enough for what?
A: A distraction.
Yes, Artanis, my dear cousin, I am dropping this letter in front of your rooms before the morning meeting intentionally; nobody else has seen it. By this point, you should be hearing singing (or perhaps screaming) from the main body of the camp.
The Age is ending; I'm sure you can hear it in the Song as well as I. It is a closing, an undoing, an unmaking. I cast the Silmaril into the sea thousands of years ago, and Eru took it beyond recovery along with Númenor. I feel myself called to join my brothers in judgement.
I came here to give closure to those who mourn the ones I killed. To retell the whole Noldolante: the good and the bad, the first age and the second. To apologize to your subjects — yours and's Elrond's and Gil-Galad's — and all those who I have wronged (well, who haven't I wronged?). I needed to begin without you, to ensure that your force of personality wouldn't be able to disband the group before I could begin.
With love (although I understand if you do not love me),
Macalaurë