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Charlie sipped his coffee, somewhat bleary eyed, and checked the clock on the wall. He was just about to shout a 10 minute warning up the stairs when he heard Nick do exactly that from the floor above. He heard Aislinn’s muffled response before Nick came trudging down the stairs. He tried not to cringe at his husband’s very heavy footfall. It was just part of being married to a large former rugby player who wasn’t always aware of how he was moving through his world. Charlie finished securing the lid on Nick’s travel mug of coffee while Nick rustled around in his school bag near the front door.
Charlie tried not to cringe again when Aislinn then thundered down the stairs in her heavy Doc Martins. She absolutely loved her Christmas gift from Aunt Tori, but they made a terrible racket on the wooden steps.
She burst into the kitchen, heading for the plate holding the breakfast sandwich Charlie had made for her. “Thanks, Dad!” she said, and took a huge bite. Louder, she asked, “Who is picking me up after footie practice today?” with her mouth half full.
“I’ve got it!” Charlie called out, loud enough for Nick to know he had answered. He directed his quieter follow-up just to her. “Papa has a staff meeting after school, so I’ll swing by and get you. Done at 5:45, as usual?”
“Yup, thanks, Dad,” she said around the last large bite of sandwich she’d stuffed in her face. “Bye!”
She and Nick passed each other in the kitchen doorway, shuffling past each other in their rush.
Charlie handed Nick the travel mug in one hand and his packed lunch in the other.
“Thanks, Char,” he said gratefully. “You’re a lifesaver!” He leaned towards Charlie, but was interrupted by Aislinn calling out that they were going to be late if they didn’t leave right now. Nick sighed and headed out of the room, calling “I love you, bye!” as he and their daughter hurried out the door.
The sudden silence was shocking and relieving. After 15 years of being parents, Charlie had become used to the noise and chaos of their busy family, but that didn’t mean he didn’t appreciate the relative calm of his working days at home, alone.
It was as he was rinsing out his now empty coffee mug that he realized that he and Nick hadn’t even kissed each other goodbye. He frowned as he realized that wasn’t even the only time it had happened in the last week or two.
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Charlie was busy most of the day, finishing up with a manuscript he’d been working on for the last month and reviewing the summary of his next assignment that his boss had sent over. After working remotely for years, he’d got very good at keeping his focus on his work during business hours and tried not to get distracted by his home life, except during lunch and a short afternoon tea break. He’d managed to keep on track, but the lack of goodbye kiss had been niggling at the back of his mind all day. It wasn’t until he was sitting at the kitchen table to eat his leftover lemon chicken pasta that he let the thoughts fully form.
By this time, he and Nick had been together for almost 30 years. They had finished grammar school together, then gone off to uni together after Nick’s gap year. They’d lived in Leeds for seven years, then moved back closer to Kent. They’d bought a house and eventually brought Aislinn home to raise. They’d done book clubs and rugby teams and nursery groups and a million playdates. There had been anniversaries and health scares, arguments and deep comfort.
Through all of that, Charlie was as assured of his love for Nick as he’d always been. His feelings for his husband had only grown and deepened, as they went through all of life’s ups and downs together. He was sure to his very core that Nick loved him and would always be there for him, his commitment rock solid.
But…..
There was no denying that they had become a bit…complacent, was maybe the right word? Comfortable to the point of taking their relationship for granted, perhaps. So bogged down and preoccupied by their busy lives that they were not really connecting the way they probably should be.
It was far too easy to go through the motions, jumping from one obligation and task to the other, and not making time for each other.
When he really sat and thought about it, he was shocked to realize he couldn’t actually remember how long it had been since they even had sex.
Having a busy, active teenage daughter with a bustling social life was often exhausting. Just juggling the logistics of everywhere the three of them had to be from week to week was a lot. Not to mention said teenager with her perfectly functioning ears and a high intolerance to “hanky panky”, as his dad used to call it, was frankly just a big, giant cockblock.
Still, they had always made time for each other in physical and emotional ways. Those aspects of their relationship seemed to have slipped through the cracks without them even noticing lately.
It’s not like he thought that their relationship was stale or under threat at all, but he was sad to realize how much the romance had been ignored.
This simply wouldn’t do. He would need to talk to Nick about this, so they could make a plan to put some priority on their connection.
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By the time Charlie collected Aislinn, made dinner and Nick got home from his long staff meeting, the evening had slipped away from them. Everyone was tired and Charlie had a bit of a headache, so he didn’t bring it up that night.
The next night, they had plans to go to dinner at Tori and Michael’s house, before the couple would be out of town for several weeks due to Michael’s speed skating training and competition.
The next evening, Nick had gone straight from work to Sarah’s house to help her with a broken back door handle that was making it difficult for her to let her small dog outside in the back garden. They didn’t want her having to leash up the little terrier every time he needed to go out, so that took priority.
Between this, that and the other, it was five days before Charlie finally got a good opportunity to talk to Nick about his recent realisations. Aislinn was staying over at a friend’s house, so they had a rare evening all to themselves and an empty house.
Charlie made them a nice dinner and set the table with a small vase of wildflowers and some candles. He had to stifle a laugh at the startled and worried look on Nick’s face as soon as he saw the table.
“Oh, God, did I forget an anniversary?” he asked quickly, looking at Charlie with wide eyes. He looked so comically caught out that Charlie couldn’t help the giggle that snuck out.
“No, baby,” he reassured Nick as he gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek, “you didn’t forget anything. We just don’t have the house to ourselves very often, so I thought I’d put in a little extra effort.”
He pulled his relieved husband into a hug and was hit with a feeling of yearning. Nick started to pull away after a short moment, but Charlie held on and tightened his arms around Nick’s neck. Nick squeezed and melted into the hold.
“You OK, Char?” Nick asked quietly. “What’s going on?”
Once Charlie had his fill (for now) of Nick’s touch, he loosened his arms and pulled back enough to look into his husband’s eyes with a soft smile.
“I’m fine,” he reassured Nick. “I’ve just been missing you lately.”
Nick cocked his head slightly to the side, like the golden retriever of a man that he was. “I see you every day,” he pointed out.
“I know,” Charlie responded, “let’s talk about it while we eat, OK?”
They washed their hands and got all the serving dishes on the table, dishing out food for each other onto their plates. They took a few bites and Nick complimented Charlie on the delicious meal.
“So what’s going on?” Nick asked “What’s on your mind?”
Charlie smiled at his wonderful, caring husband, feeling incredibly thankful, even if they’d let things slip a bit.
“I realised the other morning, after you and Ais had left, that we didn’t even kiss goodbye,” Charlie started. Noting the surprise and slight frown on Nick’s face, he continued. “And I just got to thinking about how busy our lives are and that maybe we haven’t been paying as much attention to our relationship as we maybe should?”
He saw the quick flash of panic in Nick’s face and hurried to reassure his husband, reaching out for Nick's hand and entwining their fingers.
“I’m not saying there’s any problems or anything,” he carried on. “I just think it’s easy to get caught up in all the business of daily life and I don’t want to take our relationship for granted, you know. I guess….,” he paused to collect his words. “I don’t ever want to feel, or make you feel, like our marriage isn’t the most important thing. Being a parent is so important, of course, but we’re the foundation of our family, and I just want us to be as solid as we can possibly be.”
Nick was quiet for a moment, processing, and Charlie was again so grateful for this man he was spending his life with. Nick was so thoughtful and giving and easy-going. Charlie really was incredibly blessed.
“Yeah, you’re right,” Nick easily agreed. “I haven’t really noticed, but we’ve been running at full speed lately and haven’t put in the time or effort to really connect like we have in the past.”
Charlie was so relieved that Nick understood where he was coming from and wasn’t getting defensive.
“I’m so glad you brought this up, Char,” he said softly, pulling Charlie’s hand towards himself to kiss his knuckles. “I don’t ever want to take you for granted, either. You’re still my favourite person!”
Charlie huffed a laugh and grinned at his husband. “You’re my favourite person, too, Nick.”
They stared at each other in happy silence for a bit in full “heart eye mode”, as Tao had always called it.
“Let’s make some plans for some dates,” Nick suggested. “Maybe ship Aislinn off to grandma’s and take a weekend away, time just for us.”
“I love that idea!” Charlie enthused. “It’s been ages since we’ve had a whole weekend just being us.”
Nick pulled Charlie up by the hand and engulfed him in a tight hug.
“Thanks for looking out for us, sweetheart,” he murmured into Charlie’s ear. “I am still the luckiest man alive.” He pulled back and kissed Charlie softly.
The soft kisses turned passionate and later, much later, snuggled up in bed together, Charlie listened to Nick’s soft puffs of breath as he slipped into sleep.
Their relationship had grown and evolved over the many years that they’d been together. They might not be madly in puppy love like they were when they first got together as teenagers. But just because they were older and their love was more mellow and mature, it didn’t mean it was any less important or fulfilling. This was just another phase in a long life lived together. He was looking forward to his next stage, perhaps clawing back a little of their passion and devotion from the trenches of parenthood and capitalism.
Afterall, he knew in his heart of hearts that the love that he and Nick shared was forever.