Chapter Text
“Hey Egbert!” A rough shove caused me to fall down.
“Oops! Sorry, dork!”
I ignored it. I just imagined what Nick Cage would do in these situations. He would just smile his signature Nick Cage-y smile, and walk away to a premiere. Or a movie set.
So I simply picked myself up, dusted my knee, and gathered my scattered folders. I ducked out of the hallway and into the last class of the day.
History class was really interesting. We got to watch a hiss-and-boo film that the Americans made against the Nazi’s during WW2. We booed along with the melodramatic actors, as the ‘patriotic’ Americans waved the star-spangled banner. I found the whole movie to be rather ridiculous, as I instead imagined instead Nick Cage waltzing around in the movie, “National Treasure.”
In my notebook I had doodles of various pranking plans, and methods to go up against my father, the Betty-Crocker-Pranking-Master-Of-The-Universe. Well, the title is waaaaay too long, but the man deserves it nonetheless. He is a master after all, and it is my sworn duty to surpass the pranking legends before me. It’s in my blood.
“Mr. Egbert?”
I snapped out of my day-dream, one that involved cream pies filled with shaving cream and a harlequin. God, I hate those things. Or as Dave would say, “Jegus.”
“Yes, ma’am?” I eyed the teacher. I wondered randomly if a clown hat would suit her. Maybe not.
“Mr. Egbert, what is your opinion of the movie? How did propaganda shape the outcome of the war?”
Oh god. Not these types of questions! The simple bullshittyness of them gave me a migraine. These questions are so confusing, ones that you can’t answer with a simple “Yes” or “No”! Well, time to pull a Strider and play it cool.
“I believe that…” I hesitated, and continued, “I believe that the movie did a good job inspiring people to fight against the Nazis, and hiss-and-boo films helped to raise the patriotic spirit for us keep on going in the war.”
I winced at how stupid I sounded in my answer. Damn it.
The teacher nodded in response, writing down a much smarter sounding version of the shit I just said onto the blackboard.
“Good job, Mr. Egbert.” she praised, and picked on someone else.
After class I was ambushed by idiots.
“Yo, John!”
I turned again to the assholes who pushed me earlier.
“What do you want?” I asked, wishing I had some prank to gain the upper hand.
“Just wanted to say that you didn’t fuck up so much during class today. The bitch would have assigned more homework if you didn’t answer the way she wanted.”
“What?” my eyes bulged.
“You weren't paying attention? Dude, she said if one more person didn’t answer ‘correctly’ she would have assigned an essay! So thanks.” I received a crooked smile from the class jerk, and I smiled hugely as well, ‘cause I hated homework. Well, this day had become quite pleasant.
After school I entered my silent home with caution. Dad was still at work, but he always set up traps. Clowns littered the halls, with harlequin posters and old comedians decorating the spaces between our respective bedrooms.
I successfully dodged the cheese filled pastry that flung itself at me. I smiled in triumph, then ducked into my room to avoid more pastry-inspired pranks.
The computer buzzed to life as I logged onto Pesterchum. Oh! Rose is on today! Lately she seems busy with school. Something about her mom signing her up into a band class to play the trumpet. I remembered her saying that she only played the violin and it was her mom’s way to get to her.
ectoBiologist[EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist[TT]
EB: hi rose!
TT: Hello, John. I see you arrived home from school?
EB: yup! how was your day?
TT: It was pleasant. Nothing much happened though. I tried to play the trumpet, but ultimately failed. I insisted to my teacher that I’d play the violin, but he insists that this is band class, and if that I wish to play a string instrument, I should go to Orchestra.
EB: that sucks.
TT: I know. Well, enough with me. How was your day? Was it uneventful like mine, or…
EB: it was good actually! i was only pushed down once!
TT: I see. And how is that a good thing John? Anyway, anything else?
I sighed. Oh Rose. She is going on all therapist-y on me,I know she is!
EB: um…also we watched a ww2 anti-nazi propaganda film! it was interesting. not as good as the movies i have at home, but it was cool!
EB: also when the teacher asked this question about the movie, she seemed to like what i said
EB: so we didn’t get any extra homework!
TT: That is wonderful John. I’m sure the rest of the class was pleased that they didn’t get any extra assignments as well.
EB: hehe yeah
TT: But do tell me, why are you pushed at school? Are there any bullies bothering you? Please tell me John, I only wish to help you.
EB: nothing rose! just some jerks
EB: on april fools i made the mistake of pulling this awesome prank on them!
EB: and they just got pissed thats all
TT: And what prank did you pull on them, John?
EB: can’t tell you!
EB: a master never reveals his secrets.
TT: Fine, be secretive when I’m trying to assist you.
TT: Oh John, my mother is calling for me. Something about a mexican fruit cocktail. Good bye, and I hope to talk to you again soon.
EB: bye rose!
TT: Bye, John.
tentacleTherapist[TT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist[EB]
I rolled around in my rolly chair. Rose can seriously sniff out trouble.
I heard the computer beep and I saw someone else was trying to contact me.
Seeing the name my cheeks suddenly flushed, and I stared in awe at the red glaring letters.
turntechGodhead[TG] began pestering ectoBiologist[EB]
TG: hey john
EB: hi dave!
TG: so john like today i was all looking at the clouds and shit
TG: wondering what time is it
TG: then i remembered i had fucking school
TG: that aint as cool as the slick rhymes thats cool
EB: dave that makes no sense!
TG: shhh egderp let the magic of the rhymes happen
EB: /rolls eyes
TG: i see what you did there mister
EB: /sighs and rolls eyes again
TG: oh well then
TG: i guess you dont wanna know what time im coming then
TG: heartless egderp you aint cool
TG: you act like a tool
TG: with your bad movies and whatnot
TG: and pranks that sound stupid what what
EB: just stop dave!
EB: they sound even worse than usual
TG: cause you broke my heart egbert
TG: my rhymes arent going well
TG: i ran out of apple juice in my closet
TG: and i got rained on by my bros smuppets
TG: oh the fucking agony
EG: okay okay geez. you are so dramatic dave!
EG: but you think you can come?
TG: ya totally man
TG: the teachers said ya
TG: my bros cool with it
TG: did dadbert agree
EB: he said he didn’t mind, but what about school? for me?
TG: i can meet your friends man i dont mind
EB: um okay. but i have to talk to my teachers too.
EB: i don’t know if you want to come to school with me at least for one day.
TG: you are scared that i will embarrass you cause im too cool
EB: heck no.
EB: i don’t want you to be bored thats all!
TG: at least you get a week off next week
TG: i mean i do too
TG: oh yeah i leave on thursday
TG: and get there at night
TG: and then go to school with you on friday
TG: friday
TG: friday
TG: gotta get down on friday
EB: dave stop it!
EB: that song is awful!
TG: haha sorry bro
EB: /rolls eyes
TG: in three days huh
EB: …
TG: in three days i get to meet you for the first time
TG: you feel nervous to meet me bro
TG: you can bask in my coolness
EB: i guess.
TG: you guess
TG: bro you broke my heart
EB: no! i mean i feel like i’m going to be boring to you
TG: nah bro
TG: were cool remember
EB: yeah
TG: ahh dude i gotta go need to go pack up some shit and check on flights
I glanced at the clock. Shoot, I need to finish my homework! I glare at the neglected pile of assignments.
EB: it’s going to be cold. bring sweaters and warm clothing
TG: what are you my mom
EB: /rolls eyes
TG: sorry mommy i will pack warm clothes
EB: good
TG: well gotta go
EB: bye!
TG: bye
turntechGodhead[TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist[EB]
I noticed that Jade wasn't online today. That sucked. She’s is like a cute little sister to me.
Then it dawned on me.
In three days I will see Dave Strider for the first time. In three days I get to meet him. In three days I must deal with the fact that the boy I have been crushing on for the past few years of my life will be sleeping under the same roof as me.
Crap.