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The first and second day on set are difficult. Filled with dread. Ryland finds himself somehow both exhausted and completely overwrought. Nervous energy makes him jumpy and shaky. It's been a while since something has hit him like this. Like being on top of the big drop of a roller-coaster not knowing when it'll tip forward and send panic full force. Or scared it'll fail and start rolling backwards.
Ryland knows Colt is becoming suspicious. He catches him watching, but Colt hasn't said anything. He hasn't asked for or demanded information about Tom. It at least points to Colt lacking knowledge. If Colt knew, if he'd seen that picture, Heck would've been fully paid by now. Ryland would have been condemned for his lacking backbone.
That doesn't stop Ryland from panicking every time someone looks at him with recognition. All it'd take is one person to show Colt that photo and it'd be over. The choice would be taken from Ryland. He knows he should just spit it out. Get it over with and deal with the fall out. He just can't do it. There's a disconnect between his brain and every other part of him. Ryland tells himself to stop fidgeting. He does it more. He takes a deep breath and pushes himself to just go talk to Colt. The words won't come out. He stays where he is.
Tom is trying to be helpful where and when he can. They try not to spend a lot of time together and keep it subtle when possible. Ryland can tell Tom wants to do more, but can't. Not here. The small moments they get are enough, Ryland thinks. It's another lie. What he wouldn't do for Tom to give him a gosh darn hug right now.
People move around him. They talk. About a make up artist that apparently quit. About Tom Ryder's boyfriend. Rumors abound, uncaring or unaware that they may cause anyone pain. Gail has heated phone calls, damage control. Ryland wonders if the damage is him. Tom gives him proximity and makes a few jokes. Ryland laughs for the first time in almost 48 hours. A crew is rigging something huge. It looks dangerous, deadly. Colt is trying to act cool. Ryland worries regardless of Colt’s insistence.
Jody is showing Colt something on her phone.
Recognition from Colt. Recognition from Ryland. He’s too late. He waited too long. A physical fight that gets thankfully cut short. A feeling of loss for a choice ripped from his grasp. The roller coaster free falls backward.
Stupid. Failure. Coward. The words his brain chooses to attack with. The insults somehow still feel too kind.
Ryland silently panics in Colt's truck. He tries not to break down. It's time to talk. No more hiding.
It goes beyond terribly. Ryland is at the corner of the block. A phone call to Tom recently ended. Ryland can’t do anger. Not when it's from Colt and directed at him. Ryland understands why that anger exists. He’s the one to blame.
Now he’s here waiting for Tom to come pick him up. Crying. He wants to stop, but trying to makes it worse. He just has to ride it out. He can’t rely on Colt to fix it this time. It's not up to Tom either. It feels unfair. He just needed to get away before things escalated more. Tomorrow he’s going to find Colt and apologize. Hopefully they can work it out. Talk. Ryland can’t force Colt to understand, but he can take responsibility for the things he’s done. Maybe that will be enough.
Tonight, he’ll seek comfort with Tom.
A vehicle, Tom’s car, pulls up. He gets out and approaches Ryland. Ryland can see something like rage simmering underneath the surface. Tom places a hand on each shoulder and holds him aloft for a moment. Ryland feels Tom give him a once over. Ryland isn’t sure what he’s looking for, but Tom must not like what he finds. Tom looks troubled, the sight makes Ryland feel even worse. A few more tears drop and he hiccups a sob. Ryland's breath shudders. Tom shouldn’t have to deal with this.
Tom removes one hand. This is it, right? It’s over? He’s going to say they’re done. That Ryland is too much. At least Tom has the courage to say it to his face.
Instead he feels Tom touch his lip with one finger. He shushes him and then wraps his arms around him tightly. One behind his head carding through his hair the other securing him around his shoulders. Ryland grasps onto the back of Tom’s jacket.
“It's okay,” Tom reassures softly. He says it a few more times along with a few other comforting phrases. Ryland’s tears don’t stop but they quiet after a few minutes. They’re embracing on the sidewalk. It's late. “Ready to go?” Tom asks. Ryland nods.
Tom loads in Ryland’s bag. Ryland takes his spot in the passenger seat. Tonight he’ll seek comfort with Tom.
They go to bed together. There is an arm around him. A soft kiss to the forehead. A hand brushes through his hair. He tells Tom about the conversation, argument, with Colt. He listens fully. Ryland feels safe and cared for. Tom somehow manages to pull him impossibly closer when Ryland tells him he loves him. It's the first time he’s actually said it to Tom. It's no longer a quip or a comment about Ryland to poke fun or use in an argument. The crying stops eventually. They only get a couple hours sleep.
Tomorrow he’ll talk to Colt and apologize, he reminds himself. Tomorrow will be better.
There’s no need to hide anymore. Ryland and Tom walk onto the lot together. Everyone here knows about them anyway. It's nice not having to hide. The circumstances could be better. The looks Ryland feels thrown at him could be more subtle. Especially when he can tell some lean more negative. Weighing his worth. Tom still has work to do. He bids Ryland good luck and heads off.
Ryland looks for Colt throughout the day. He needs to pick his moment. He’s not trying to delay but he doesn’t want this to be a public spectacle. Ryland watches as Jody and Colt go off to one of the trailers together. It's a little funny how they seem to think they are good at keeping their relationship on the downlow. He gives them a few minutes, but it feels like now or never.
It becomes now. Jody greets him and whispers something to Colt on her way out. Ryland enters. It's good. Colt has cooled off. Ryland is being honest. They apologize. They hug. Everything worked out.
They return to set. Ryland finds himself a spot to hang out. He’s nervous but Colt said he trusted the crew. It's going to be fine. Ryland lets his glasses hang so he can see better. The rigging is set. There’s a sound like a loud zipper as Colt falls. Ryland immediately feels like something is wrong, but he can’t quite place it.
Snap. Cable failure. Crack. Colt’s body on the ground.
Ryland stands frozen. Everything feels muffled. The edges of his vision blur as he zeroes in on Colt’s unmoving body. A scream makes his brain reboot.
No. No. No. No. No.
An ambulance arrives. They don’t let Ryland ride along. Jody is there, they ride to the hospital together. He’ll feel bad about not saying goodbye to Tom later.
A doctor tells them the prognosis after several hours of waiting. A broken back. Colt needed surgery. He’s got a long recovery period ahead of him. Physical therapy will be required. He will need help for a while, but should recover fully. At most he might have lingering aches. It's a painful thing to hear, but it could’ve been so much worse. Ryland’s brother is alive. He’s going to make it.
Ryland and Jody start making plans. Ryland can stay with Colt, his schedule more open right now. Maybe, eventually that will have to change come Fall. He can deal with that roadblock when it happens. For now he emails admin and lets them know he has a family emergency and won’t be available for the foreseeable future. He won’t be teaching summer school after all.
Production halts for three days. So they can investigate what happened. No one knows how or why, but a slider was bumped on the control board. An accident, they say. People use the time to come visit. They give their condolences. Tom stops by but not for Colt, for Ryland. He offers no “thoughts and prayers.” Just a source of security and comfort for a few short minutes.
“I’ll call or text you,” Tom promises as they separate. It's not ideal, but Ryland gets it. They are both busy. The filming schedule had to be reworked for Tom and Ryland now has someone depending on him for their care. It’ll have to be enough. They’ve dealt with distance before. This can’t, no, won’t break them.
“Okay,” Ryland speaks in a hushed tone. He tries not to let it bother him when someone walks by and does a double take. Tom’s phone jingles his normal alarm. A warning that their time is up.
“I have to go,” Tom says as he swipes to quiet his phone. “I lov- I…” Ryland’s heart flutters. Tom hasn’t said it yet. The stutter is strange coming from him. A lack of confidence that feels so far from right on Tom’s face. Ryland won’t force him. He won’t let him say it before he’s ready.
“It's okay. I know,” Ryland acknowledges. He does know. Well, he thinks he does. Tom loves him. He doesn’t need him to say it to feel it. Even if it’d be nice.
“Yeah, alright. I wish I could stay.”
Ryland nods. He feels the same. Eventually they part ways. It's going to be fine. They are going to be fine.
Over the course of a few months Ryland rarely sees Tom, but they still have communication. Tom’s promise to call and text held true. The school year is about to begin, but Ryland asks for a leave of absence. Colt’s already succeeded in pushing everyone away, except Ryland. Not for a lack of trying. Colt has been mean. Ryland tries not to let it hurt. Tries to understand.
Filming had wrapped up four weeks ago and Tom’s off traveling for work. Ryland stays and waits for him to come back. Two weeks after filming the silence starts. He calls. They are missed. He texts. They go unanswered. A break in communication. It worries Ryland, but he makes his own excuses. It's getting harder though with the passing time.
Colt finds out. He starts picking away at the wound that’s starting to build where Ryland thinks his heart might be. He throws a few “I told you so’s” out there. He uses their last argument as fodder.
“Has he even told you that he loves you?” Colt starts in on him again today when he spots Ryland staring at his phone with a forlorn look. Ryland sighs, deep breath. He’s not going to let it bother him.
“Well…” He begins and is interrupted.
“No, I guessed not,” Colt says. “You are so fucking stupid. I told you. I told you he’d drop you like nothing. He doesn’t give a shit about you.”
Ryland feels like weeping. This isn’t the brother he remembers. The Colt that came back from the hospital is bitter and angry. He left behind his best parts on a surgical table.
“Come on, don’t do this,” Ryland all but begs. He needs Colt to stop. He can’t do this anymore.
“No, because you know I’m right. He's probably got someone new. He’s just keeping you in the wings for when he gets bored. You just don’t wanna believe it, because you're a coward.”
Colt’s somehow incredibly good at finding all the things Ryland has been holding inside. His deep insecurities that he’s been trying to ignore. Ryland looks at Colt. He realizes, in this moment, that he is done. Just like their last argument Ryland doesn’t bother with saying a word. He grabs his things still partially packed from living out of suitcase, and leaves. He’s going home.
Ryland arrives at his apartment door and goes to unlock it. He doesn’t need to though because it already is. Scary. Unsettling. He takes a moment. Should he call someone? Who would he call anyway? Colt doesn’t care. Tom’s not answering him. Jody is probably too busy. No options.
He wills himself to go in with his keys clenched like a claw just in case. Out of the corner of his eye Ryland spots someone leaning on his kitchen counter. He jumps and takes a blind swipe at them. They are definitely a lot more agile than him. His wrist is captured, but it's not painful. It's gentle if anything. Keys fall to the ground with a clatter. Ryland gasps, because in his apartment, holding his wrist is Tom Ryder.
There's a beat of silence where neither of them speak. Ryland has no idea how Tom knew he’d be here or how he got in his apartment. He doesn’t think he really cares. Tom is here. That's all that matters.
“I…” Tom starts. He looks tired and uneasy. Not his typical demeanor. “We need to talk.”
Ryland nods. The worst possible statement in the world. The last thing he wants to hear right now, but it’s true. They need to talk.