Archive of Our Own

“You want me to do what?” Buck asks incredulously as he stares back at Detective Miller. The man had interrupted family dinner at the 118. The worst part was that Bobby had made his famous baked mac and cheese. Eating was swiftly postponed due to some urgent LAPD matter. The tantalizing scent of melted, cheesy noodles had lingered in the air.

Hungry firefighters tended to be grumpy firefighters. The detective hadn’t seem to care when he pulled Bobby into his office to chat.

Buck had itched to take over in the kitchen. To be useful in a way that used to be so familiar. He hadn’t exactly been invited back into Bobby’s kitchen since returning from the lawsuit.

Not that Buck blamed Bobby for hesitating.

Buck hadn’t joined in on the guessing game the others had played while they waited. Chimney suggested that the detective was asking Bobby for advice about Athena. He implied that the man was too afraid to go to the woman herself. Hen suggested that Detective Miller had an arson related question and that Athena had sent him to speak with Bobby. Eddie suggested that the Detective had questions about a domestic call they’d been apart of during their last shift.

No one had been right.

The detective and Bobby made a reappearance. Bobby dismissed everyone else to return to their chore list until further notice. Except Buck. As it turned out, Detective Miller had come to speak to Buck specifically.

Not that Bobby had trusted Buck enough to speak to the detective alone.

Now Bobby stands just behind Buck. Listening in on the conversation with silent judgement. Buck feels his shoulders inch up towards his ears. He wishes Bobby would join them at the table, instead of looming behind Buck like a man made of shadows.

“I’ve hit a dead end with this case.” The detective repeats. Slower this time in hopes that Buck will understand. “We just need someone to lure our suspect out. It won’t be anything dangerous. None of the previous victims were injured in any way.”

“No injuries?” Buck repeats blandly. That wasn’t exactly a selling point. No injuries didn’t necessarily mean no danger. And just because no one had been injured before, didn’t mean that Buck wouldn’t end up hurt.

His luck lately hasn’t exactly been stellar. Buck just got the screws out of his leg. He just got back to the 118. All the drama from before was finally over.

Mostly over. There were still some bruises healing between him and everyone else. But they were healing. Slowly.

This didn’t seem like a good idea. Not that Buck could ever be accused of knowing a good idea from a bad one. He’d sued his boss, after all. And he’d taken his best friend’s kid to the pier during a tsunami. Buck wasn’t going to win any awards with his bright ideas as of late.

“No physical injuries.” The detective promises. “You will be completely safe. My team will be with you the entire night. I just need someone that fits the profile to be—”

“Bait.” Bobby slips into the conversation. His voice is eerily calm. There’s an edge to it. Something Buck has become accustomed to hearing. He isn’t happy. Disappointed might be a better way of describing it.

Buck shrinks a bit further into himself.

“Incentive.” Detective Miller corrects carefully. He pins Buck with an imploring look. “These men went to the bar to have a good time. They didn’t ask to have their property taken from them.”

“What about me fits the profile?” Buck asks curiously. He’s a big guy. Not exactly someone that would be a normal target.

“All of our victims were good looking, young males. All tall.” Miller tells him. “They were all approached by a woman. Though none of them have been able to remember her clearly enough for us to make an ID. She has a way of changing her appearance. We believe she is some kind of makeup artist.”

“What about security cameras?” Bobby asks tightly.

“There aren’t any in these particular bars.” The detective glances at Bobby. Each word spoken comes out a bit sharper. Like he’s speaking through clenched teeth.

“Why don’t the owners of these bars put them up if this is a consistent problem?”

“There are five bars she’s been known to use.” The detective answers Bobby’s questions easily. As if he had come prepared. The impatient edge remains in the undercurrent of his answers. “We think we know her pattern. She chooses bars without cameras. If we put up cameras up, she’ll know we’re onto her and change her play. The victims will never get justice.”

Buck wonders if perhaps Miller had prepped for this meeting with Athena. The detective turns his attention back to Buck. “Look, I think you would be perfect for this mission, but if you want to pass I’ll understand. It’s just, you are a first responder. You are a protector. I thought that maybe you’d want to help me keep the streets of LA safe.”

“Buck,” Bobby breathes and Buck glances back at him. They hold each other’s gazes for a tense moment before Bobby looks away. His arms crossed tightly over his chest. “It’s your choice.” He sighs.

The thing is, Buck doesn’t want to let Bobby down. Not after everything. The last few months had been difficult. For both of them. Now things were looking up and the last thing Buck wants is to disappoint Bobby. Again. Bobby would want Buck to make the decision to protect people. That is what being a firefighter is all about.

Buck wants to make Bobby proud again. He misses the warm feeling in his gut when Bobby acknowledges that he’s done something right.

“Okay.” Buck turns back to the detective. “If you really think I can help. I’ll do it.”

Bobby exhales and walks away. Buck hardens his heart. He’ll make Bobby proud. Even if Bobby is disappointed that Buck had been so slow to agree.
__

Despite Detective Miller’s ‘precautions,’ Buck can’t help but feel exposed. He sits at the bar and sips at his beer. He was told what to order. There’s a small ear piece in his ear. Detective Miller’s voice jumps into his ear every once in a while. Each time his voice comes over the ear piece Buck has to force himself not to jump.

So far no one has approached him. No strange woman. Nothing but unease and bad beer.

“We’re calling it.” The detective says twenty minutes before the bar closes. Buck is tipsy by that point. He sighs, paying his tab and leaving a tip before heading to the back ally. He glances around before he slips out the back door.

He walks down the sidewalk and towards the surveillance van. It’s poorly disguised as some obscure plumbing company.

The side door slides open and detective Miller pulls his headphones off his ears and sighs. “We struck out tonight, Buckley.”

“Tonight?” Buck frowns. He had thought this was a one time attempt kind of thing. “As in—”

“I’ve commandeered you for the time being.” The detective says, leaning back in his chair. It creaks under the strain of the movement. “I cleared it with Chief Alonzo. Until we have the subject in custody, you’ll be assisting me on this case.”

“I mean, I’m not sure I’m her type.” Buck points out. He doesn’t like the idea that this was decided behind his back. He doesn’t like it one bit. It feels strange and wrong.

“These things take time.” Detective Miller promises. “We’ll meet up later on today to debrief and come up with tonight’s game plan.”

“Tonight?” Buck’s bones already feel tired. He feels drained in a way that doesn’t sit right.

“We have a small window to catch this criminal.” Detective Miller tells him. “Don’t get cold feet on me now.”

“Right.” Buck swallows down his frustration. “Okay.”

__

“Where’s Buck?” Eddie asks as he comes back up to the loft. He circled around the firehouse twice without any sight or sounds of his partner. “Is he running late?” It feels weird to be asking such a weird question. Buck is never late to work. He’s annoyingly early.

Even more so after the whole lawsuit mess.

For a while there Eddie worried that Buck wasn’t getting enough sleep. Then again the nightmares from the tsunami and the bombing had never quite left Buck alone.

“Buck? I haven’t seen him.” Hen frowns. “Bobby, did he call in sick?”

Bobby’s shoulders visibly bunch under his shirt, but he doesn’t turn back to face them as he answers. “He’s been pulled for a special assignment.”

“Special assignment?” Chim echoes. “For, what? Like the Chief or something?”

“For the police department.” Bobby says. He continues to chop vegetables, though with more force than is strictly necessary. The sound of the knife striking the cutting board echoes throughout the space.

“Excuse me, what?” Hen asks, lips parting in shock. “The police department?” She looks at Chimney and then turns back towards Bobby. “I mean, really?”

“Yes.” Bobby says. Voice clipped as he chops down viciously once again.

Eddie frowns and glances at Chimney who looks mildly alarmed. None of them know how to tread forward without causing more damage. Bobby is clearly having some kind of a reaction. A bad reaction.

What exactly did that mean for Buck?

Eddie was afraid to ask Bobby, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t ask Buck. He pulls out his cell phone about the same time Hen and Chimney pull out theirs. For a moment he hesitates, not sure what to type.

Eddie: Dude, where are you?

A minute passes and Buck doesn’t respond. There is no read receipt. Two minutes and there aren’t even bubbles.

“This is weird.” Chimney announces.

“He didn’t answer you either?” Hen whispers, eyeing Bobby’s back with caution.

“Nope.” Chimney says, popping the p in nope. “Eddie?”

“Nothing.” Eddie chews on his lower lip and glances at Bobby. It feels a bit like when he used to sneak downstairs and call Shannon when they were in high school. Like his father was in the next room and Eddie was trying not to get caught doing something he shouldn’t.

Except Bobby isn’t his father and Buck isn’t—they aren’t like that. Because that would be strange. Buck was his best friend. His partner. Of course, Shannon had also been his best friend and partner.

Though, admittedly, Eddie felt a strong connection with Buck. Stronger than maybe a normal friendship should be.

Which maybe is why he feels so uneasy. Bobby isn’t talking and Buck isn’t texting.

The bell rings and Eddie lets himself be happy. If only for the distraction.
__

Firefighters don’t have briefings. They have morning meetings. They get rundowns on the way to incidents. Firefighters don’t talk things to death. Not like this, anyway. Buck feels his eyes crossing as the fourth person stands up to talk about people, places and things. None of the information seems related to what Buck is supposed to be doing.

By the time the meeting ends, Buck is in desperate need of a nap. Not that he’s going to get much of one. He’s supposed to be back at the bar in two hours.

“How are you holding up?”

Buck startles. His eyes snapping up to Athena’s bemused face.

“Are—wait.” Buck frowns. “Are you on this case now?”

Athena purses her lips. “Not officially. No.” She says carefully and glances around. Detective Miller is chatting with a few people. He looks as proud as a peacock. Strutting around. Joking with a smile too big to be real.

Buck looks back at Athena as she continues. “Bobby wanted me to keep an eye on you after the chief called him last night.”

“Yeah.” Buck frowns and glances away. He was afraid that Bobby might be upset that he’d be missing work for a while. Especially without notice. It didn’t sit right with Buck. He hated missing work. “I didn’t know Detective Miller was going to do that. I kind of thought that they’d only need me once.”

“To be fair, from what Bobby told me that’s what the detective wanted you to believe.” Athena sighs and sits down next to Buck.

“Is.” Buck clears his throat, his eyes fixed on the table. “Is Bobby mad?”

“Why would he be mad?” Athena asks.

“I don’t know.” Buck closes his eyes. “I just want to make him proud. I feel like all I’ve been doing lately is letting him down.”

“Oh, Buck.” Athena sighs. “He’s only worried. Not upset. I promise.”

“Okay.”

“How are you holding up?”

“I’m tired.” Buck admits before he can think better of it. “Stayed out all night and then they got me up early to come here and talk about everything. Excessively.” He whispers the last word and gets Athena to smile. Though she still looks concerned about something.

“You are allowed to say no to all of this.” Athena tells him quietly. Her eyes sliding to the detective laughing from across the room at something his companion said. “You can walk away any time you’d like. Don’t let detective Miller convince you that you can’t.”

“I,” well he didn’t know that, exactly. It did sort of feel like he wasn’t allowed to say no at this point. “I’m okay.” He thinks. “I’m good. Just a little tired. Don’t worry. I’ll be fine tonight.”

Athena presses her lips together. “I know you will be.” She tells him and reaches out to squeeze his arm. “I’ve asked to be in the surveillance van tonight.”

A weight lifts from within Buck’s gut. Her being there didn’t untangle all of the nerves settling in his chest. But it did help.

Absentmindedly he turns back on his phone. It buzzes as several text messages come through.

“They’re worried about you.” Athena points out. “I got a few texts during the briefing myself. From Hen and Bobby.”

“Oh,” Buck frowns. He reads through the texts tiredly.

Eddie: Dude, where are you?
Eddie: Bobby said you were working a case with the police? What the heck?

Hen: Missing you today.
Hen: Stay safe, okay?

Chim: Did you tell Maddie you were doing this?
Chim: Don’t do anything stupid.
Chim: Please? My heart can’t take it.

Bobby: Stay safe, kid.

Maddie: Howie just texted me.
Maddie: Are you doing something dangerous?
Maddie: Call me.

Great. He sighs. The last thing he wants is to get scolded by his sister. Though her reasons for worry probably aren’t unfounded.

“I guess I need to call my sister.” He tells Athena.

“Good luck with that.” Athena releases his arm and stands. “I’ll see you later on tonight.”
__

“How’d he seem?” Bobby asks. He locked himself in his office to get away from the speculation happening in the loft. Buck’s responses to the team’s worried texts had done nothing to calm them down. The worry in the 118 is thick.

“He’s tired.” Athena sighs over the line. “They kept him out all last night and they plan to do the same tonight.”

“I want to be there.” Bobby admits.

“I don’t think detective Miller is going to let you join us.” Athena says stiffly. “I had to get Elaine involved in order for me to be in the van.”

“I don’t have to be in the van. No one needs to know I’m there at all.” Bobby exhales and rubs at his forehead. His eyes tightly closed. He hates this. “I hate that he’s putting himself in danger.”

“I know.” Athena sighs. “But I don’t think he realized this would be a multi day sting operation.”

“No.” Bobby agrees. “I don’t think he did either.”

“He wanted to help.” Athena says. “I think he also wanted to make you proud.”

“I’m always proud of him.” Bobby opens his eyes and feels his heart squeeze. “I should tell him that more.”

“If you happen to be in the area tonight, keep your distance.” Athena sighs. “Stay in your truck. Stay out of sight. No one needs to know.”

“Thank you, Athena.”

“Just don’t make me regret this.”
__

Night two feels a lot like night one.

Buck paces himself with his orders. Drinking slow. Looking sad. That was the other thing. The mysterious woman targeted sad looking tall men.

Tired sometimes passed as sad.

“Hey, there.” A soft voice says from Buck’s right. He glances at the woman and wonders if this is the one detective Miller is after.

“Hey.” Buck greets half-heartedly. Should he be friendlier? Should he smile? What did the other victims do?

“Mind if I join you?” Her hair is dark. Cut in a short, sharp bob. Detective Miller believes whoever the thief is wears wigs and is a masterful makeup artist. There are no features that stick out to any of the victims. Just a woman who strikes up a conversation, makes promises and ends up drugging them and stealing their car.

“Not at all.” Buck tries to smile. It flickers and fades and he looks down at his beer. It’s his second one, but he’s been at the bar for hours.

“Aren’t you going to offer to buy me a drink?” The woman asks with a sly smile. “Or would you rather I leave you alone?” Her voice turns soft.

“Nah,” Buck chuckles and looks at her again. “I don’t mind the company.” He gestures to the bartender to get the girl a drink. Then he studies her face. Trying to find anything that stands out. Her makeup is flawless. Dark eyeshadow. He thinks Maddie calls that look a ‘smokey’ eye. There is nothing remarkable about her appearance. If she had freckles or a scar she’s covered it all up. “Have we met before?” She isn’t even slightly familiar.

“I have one of those faces.” The woman says and graciously accepts her own beer. “What’s your name? I’m Avi.”

“Buck.” He holds out his hand and she takes it with a smirk. There’s a tiny pinch. Her ring catching one of his fingers. Buck pulls back and frowns.

“Sorry about that.” Avi laughs and shows him her hand. “My sister makes these rings—she hasn’t quite mastered smoothing out the metal. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Oh, that’s cool.” Buck double checks to make sure he isn’t bleeding. There is a tiny pin prick, but nothing too terrible. “Nice to meet you too. Does your sister sell her rings?”

“Not yet, but that’s her goal.” Avi says proudly. She pulls out her phone and starts to show Buck the different designs her sister is working on.

“These are impressive.” Buck says with a yawn. He’s running on fumes.

“Move on.” The voice in his ear says, causing Buck to jump.

“Are you okay?” Avi asks, noticing the flinch.

“Yeah, electric shock from the chair.” Buck lies, voice a bit higher than before. “Sorry about that.”

“No worries.” Avi giggles. “I’m sure it was very, um, shocking.”

“Very.” Buck laughs.

“She’s not our suspect. None of the other suspects mentioned anything about rings.” Detective Miller’s voice returns once Buck has fully recovered. “Get rid of her.”

That seems harsh. Buck yawns again. “I think I need to get up for a bit.” He tells Avi who tips her head curiously.

“Are you okay?” Avi asks, concern dripping from her tongue.

“Yeah—just got tired.” He says, stumbling a little as he stands. The room tips and twists and Buck has to reach out and grab the counter to stay on his feet.

“Let me help you.” Avi says, slipping next to him. “Do you want to get some fresh air?”

“That’s not our suspect.” Detective Miller grouses in Buck’s ear and Buck suddenly wants to scream back, ‘I’m not so sure.’

Buck opens his mouth to say something, but the room dims slightly. “Uh, yeah. Fresh air sounds-it sounds good.”

There was a code phrase he is supposed to say when he feels uncomfortable. But he can’t remember it. Sometime to do with the temperature.

“I’m feeling a bit, hot.” Buck slurs as they make their way into the ally.

There’s no response of the earwig. Nothing at all.

“Does it feel better out here?” Avi asks. The concern drops from her face and she suddenly vanishes from his side.

“Took you long enough.” A man says and strong arms wrap around Buck. “Ollie is distracting the cops in the van.”

Dizziness washes through Buck’s brain. “Huh?”

“You weren’t subtle.” The guy says and drags Buck towards a white panel van. “So we thought we’d have some fun with you before ditching this city.”

“I-I’m not,” Buck tries to say. He isn’t a cop.

“Fuck the police.” Avi says as she opens the side of the van and the man tosses Buck in. His world goes dark.

__

Bobby witnesses the moment the strange van pulls up to the mouth of the alleyway. It’s strange, but not something entirely out of place. Bobby thinks maybe it’s some kind of delivery—until a man appears dragging Buck along with him.

“No.” Bobby’s heart leaps into his throat as he watches Buck being tossed into the unmarked van. Bobby reaches forward without a second thought, twisting the key he left in his truck’s ignition. The engine comes to life just as the man and woman climb into the driver and passenger seats. “No. No.” Bobby swallows and glances down the street. The surveillance van hasn’t moved. Either they are unaware of what happened or too slow to act.

Bobby pulls onto the street and follows after the van. His heartbeat thundering in his ear. “Call Athena.” He says after tapping on his phone. “Speakerphone.” He adds.

“Bobby, now isn’t a good time.” Athena says, sounding stressed.

“I’m following after the van.” Bobby tells her.

“What van?”

His heart drops. “The one Buck was just thrown into.” Bobby tells her.

“Shit, Miller!” Athena starts shouting orders. Bobby has to switch lanes. Dodging around cars to keep up with the white van.

“The license plate is partially obscured by mud.” Bobby reports as he runs a red light. Cars honk in typical LA anger. “It’s a white van, no markings.”

“Bobby, what street are you on?” Athena asks.

“I’m not certain.” Bobby admits. This isn’t a part of the city he’s overly familiar with. The 118 have never been called out this way. “I don’t want to lose them. My location is on for you. Can you track me that way?”

“Yes. I have you.” Athena tells him. “We’re in pursuit. Bobby—drive safely. Don’t lose that van.”

“I’m not letting it out of my sight.” Bobby vows and presses his foot down on the gas.

__

“We’ve got a tail.” A woman says. Her voice sounds familiar, but Buck’s head is too fuzzy. He rolls as the world makes a sharp turn. His stomach lurches and a groan builds in the back of his throat.

It feels like he’s trapped in the wave again. Spinning and slamming into things unseen. He holds his breath, not sure when he’ll be able to breathe again. Another sharp turn and Buck’s back collides with something unforgiving. It knocks the air he trapped in his lungs free.

He gasps, sucking in air instead of water like he feared.

Oh. Maybe he isn’t trapped in the wave. No. He isn’t. That happened months ago. This is something else.

Why is his head so heavy?

“That isn’t the police.” A man says.

“Maybe just a nosey loser.” The woman hisses. “They’ll lose interest.”

“They just ran a red light.” The man says. “Not many strangers are going to risk one of those traffic light tickets for a dude they don’t know.”

“A cop wouldn’t drive a piece of crap truck.” The woman insists.

Bobby has a piece of crap truck.

Buck cracks his eyes open and looks up at the ceiling of the—van? His vision flutters and winks out. No. His eyelids shut. Buck’s head throbs as he’s tossed again. His limp body rolling against another unforgiving surface.

His bruises are going to have bruises.

“Turn right up here.” The woman says. The world flips again and something strikes Buck’s head. The lights go out. Buck wakes when the world screeches to a stop.

“Dump him.” The woman’s voice sounds again. The world shakes and there’s a snap of a door opening with some force. Hands reach for him and then he’s being pulled.

“Where?”

“Where do you think?”

“Hey, I didn’t agree to kill anyone.”

“We aren’t going to kill him.” The woman promises. “The water’ll do the job for us. Now toss him!”

“Let him go!”

Bobby. Buck peels his eyelids open. Bobby is here? Where is here?

“If you insist.” The man says and Buck stumbles, shoved powerfully from the back. The air hugs him as he flies. Falls. His stomach drops and then he hits the water with a painful slap. It’s cold. The ocean in California is always cold. Sometimes if the sun is hot enough the surface of the water gets somewhat warm. But it’s not warm. It dives the air from his lungs.

Automatically he sucks in water in an attempt to capture air. He’s drowning. He claws to try and break the surface, but he doesn’t know which way to go.

Strong arms wrap around him. Buck struggles, not sure if they are attached to a friend or a foe. The arms don’t let him go. No matter how much he flails. The world pinpoints. Zeroing out. His lungs filling with salty water as he drowns.

“Come on, kid.” Bobby’s voice sounds in his ears as something forces the water from his lungs. Buck tries to replace the water with air too quickly. He coughs. And coughs. And coughs. “That’s it, breathe.” A hand pets through his soggy curls. “Breathe, Buck.”

“B-Bobby?” Buck manages to whisper when the coughing finally subsides. His eyes flutter open and he looks up into the older man’s face. “Hi.”

“Hi, Buck.” Bobby exhales wetly. Water dripping off his hair.

“‘Happened?” Buck glances around. They’re on a beach. Had they gone swimming? Had another tsunami happened?

“What happened is your first and last undercover mission.” Bobby says sternly. “Never again, Buck. I’m not going to let you do that again.” He leans forward, resting his forehead against Buck’s. “Don’t do that to me again, kid. I can’t lose you.”

“Sorry.” Buck manages. The tug of exhaustion pulling his eyelids shut. “S-sorry, Bobby. Sorry.”

“Hold on, Buck.” Bobby begs. “Help is on the way.”

__

Bobby keeps replaying it in his head. The moment that the man had shoved Buck off the bridge and into the ocean. How Buck had floundered, but had been helpless to stop the momentum. Helpless to keep himself from falling.

There hadn’t been a thought in Bobby’s mind when he jumped after Buck. The fall wasn’t terrible, but the way Bobby had landed had knocked the wind out of him. It hadn’t mattered. He dove down, eyes stinging from the salt as he searched for Buck.

Buck had been disoriented. Drugged. Concussed. He had fought Bobby’s hold. It had taken everything within Bobby to maintain a solid hold on the kid’s wild frame. By the time Bobby had gotten them both to the surface Buck had filled his lungs with water. He wasn’t breathing.

“Bobby?”

Panic had filled every nerve in Bobby’s body. Sinking into his bones as he dragged them both to shore. It was almost too late. Bobby had started compressions. Praying to God that he wouldn’t lose another kid.

“Bobby, look at me.”

The memory of trying to force the water from Buck’s lungs fades. Athena appears before him. His second chance at love. At happiness.

“What happened?” Bobby asks her. Voice cold and unfeeling.

“Buck is being evaluated.” Athena answers calmly. “We’ve been waiting for a little over an hour. You wanted to wait before we called Eddie and Maddie because it’s so late.”

“No.” Bobby swallows down his simmering emotions. Athena doesn’t deserve his anger. She hadn’t been in charge of what happened back at the bar. “What happened in the van? Why didn’t you—?” He pauses and closes his eyes. “What happened?”

“We had a distraction.” Athena says tightly. Jaw clenched. “A teenager started to spray paint the side of the van. It-it was stupid. I should have stopped Miller, but he was furious. We missed everything.”

Bobby looks down at his hands. They tremble slightly. “Was the teenager involved?”

“We think so.” Athena nods. “He’s been detained. So have the couple who took Buck.”

“That detective said Buck wouldn’t be harmed.” Bobby whispers. “I should have stopped him.” If Bobby had talked to Buck maybe he could have prevented this whole debacle.

Athena frowns and leans back slightly. “Why didn’t you try and stop him?”

Bobby looks away. “I didn’t want to overstep. He’s an adult. He can make his own choices. It’s better when I don’t interfere.”

“Bobby.” Athena sighs. “He wanted to make you proud.”

“He always makes me proud.” Bobby’s voice breaks. “I should have talked to him. Guided him. Everything seemed so easy before the bombing. Before the lawsuit.”

Athena eyes him and nods slightly in agreement. “Yes. Everything was simpler before it got messy. But nothing has changed. You still see him as someone you care deeply about and he still looks to you for guidance. What the two of you need is better communication.”

“Ha,” Bobby bobs his head in agreement. “Yeah. I suppose that’s true.”

“Family of Evan Buckley?” A doctor calls out after they step into the waiting room.

“That’s us.” Athena announces as they stand together.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Adams. I treated your son.” The doctor looks at Bobby as he speaks. Neither Athena nor Bobby jump to correct the man. “He is doing well. His lungs are clear and we’ve stitched the gash on the back of his head. He may have a lingering headache, but the concussion is mild. I’d recommend he take it easy and stay off his phone for the time being. He has a few deep bruises on his side and back, but nothing I’m overly concerned with at this moment. He’ll be sore for a few days, but things should heal up nicely.”

“The drug?” Athena asks before Bobby can manage to find the words.

Dr. Adams nods. “We found trace amounts of Ketamine in his bloodwork. It was fast acting and a small dosage. Not enough to really knock out a man of your son’s size.” The Doctor says reassuringly. “It’s already burning out of his system.”

“That’s good.” Bobby nods.

“Very good.” The doctor agrees with an encouraging smile.

“Can we see him?”

“He’s being moved into a private room.” Dr. Adams says. “I’ll have a nurse come get you both when he’s ready for visitors. He may still be asleep when you go back to see him. Don’t be alarmed. He’s been through a lot and rest is the best medicine for him. We’re going to keep him under observation for the next twenty-four hours as a precaution. Then you’ll be able to take Evan home.”

“Thank you, doctor.” Bobby breathes out the gratitude with a sigh.

“You are most welcome.” The doctor smiles one last time before leaving them.

“See?” Athena pulls Bobby into a tight hug. “He’s going to be okay.”

“This should never have happened.” Bobby tells her. His voice is harsher than he intended it to be. She stiffens and pulls back. Bobby closes his eyes and looks down at her. “I’m not blaming you.”

“But you’re not, not blaming me.” Athena points out.

“What if I hadn’t been there?” Bobby whispers, eyes fixing on a painting on the other side of the room.

Athena doesn’t answer him right away. The silence lingers in the air around them. Tight and heavy and wrong.

“I don’t know.” Athena admits. “I do know that I would burn down the city to find that boy.”

Her confession is soft, but fierce. Bobby believes her. Her conviction softens his heart and he’s able to look at her once again. There’s regret in her eyes. They can’t change what happened. Bobby can’t erase the memory of Buck’s body being shoved off the bridge like trash. How the kid’s body fell down towards the wild waters below.

Jumping in after Buck had been as natural as breathing. One minute Bobby was on the road, the next he was diving off the railing to save his son.

Not his son.

Bobby closes his eyes. He blurs the lines too often with Buck. It isn’t fair to the kid. Buck has a father. One he never talks about, but Bobby knows he has a father. He doesn’t need Bobby to be that for him.

And yet…

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Athena asks.

“A lot of uncertainty and fear.” Bobby admits.

“Cut it out.” Athena tells him sternly.

Bobby chokes on a laugh. “I’ll try.”

“Good.” Athena sighs. “Because I believe we have some very uncomfortable phone calls to make.”

__

Buck wakes to the feeling of falling. He jerks, grappling for anything to stop.

“Buck!” A startled voice cries out as a hand grips his flailing arm. “You’re okay.”

“Bobby?” Buck forces his eyes open. His vision is blurry, but his stomach reunites with his body. The world still bobbles, like it isn’t sure if it wants to continue to twist and turn or if it’s happy to give Buck a break. “Bobby?”

“It’s me, kid.” Bobby reaches out with his other hand, gently resting it on Buck’s shoulder. They stare at each other for a moment. Buck catches his breath and slowly starts to relax. Bobby is there. Everything would be okay.

Slowly, Bobby takes in a deep breath and retracts his hand. “How are you feeling?”

“Weird.” Buck admits and finally peels his eyes away from Bobby to look around the room. The hospital room. “Where—what happened?”

Bobby doesn’t answer right away. Buck glances up at the man with a frown.

“What do you remember?” Bobby asks cautiously.

“I,” Buck tries to think back. He was at work—no. He hadn’t been at work the last few days. “There was a bar. I was helping the LAPD.”

“Yes.” Bobby nods ever so slightly in approval.

“Something went wrong?” Buck assumes. He’s in a hospital and has no memory of how he got there. Of course things had gone wrong. That was the story of his life. Buck tries to help. Things go wrong. Injuries happen. Buck goes to the hospital.

“Yes.” Bobby agrees again. “Do you recall what happened?”

“No.” Buck answers honestly, rubbing a hand across his face. “I can’t remember. I don’t remember anything past Maddie yelling at me.”

“Your sister yelled at you?” It’s Bobby’s turn to frown.

“She wasn’t too happy that I’d agreed to be bait.” Buck shrugs. “She scolded me right up until the point where I had to go sit at the bar. It gets fuzzy after that. Something about rings? Then—nothing.”

“The doctor’s were concerned that you might have some short term amnesia.” Bobby sighs, though he doesn’t look disappointed. If anything the older man looks relieved. “You were given a dose of Ketamine. Not enough to fully knock you out, but enough to disorient you. One of the side effects of Ketamine is short term memory loss. On top of that you hit your head pretty good when you were tossed around in the back of the van. You have five stitches.” Bobby points to the area on the back of his own head as he speaks.

“Oh.” That explains the headache. And the dizziness.

“The doctor said you’ll be sore for a while.” Bobby continues when Buck doesn’t. “The bruising is extensive, but you’ll be okay in a week or two. If you take it easy.”

There’s something missing. Maybe it’s the memory thing, or maybe it’s something more. Buck can’t tell. He looks at Bobby and frowns, scouring the void in his head for any hints.

“Is—did anything bad happen?”

“Other than the concussion?” Bobby asks incredulously, but huffs an airy laugh. “They threw you into the ocean.”

“What?” Buck’s jaw drops. He—that he didn’t expect.

“I dove in after you.” Bobby continues quickly. “I got you out.”

“Oh.” Buck’s heart flutters in an odd way. Then he frowns again. “Wait, what were you doing there? How did you find me?”

“I was parked outside of the bar.” Bobby admits carefully. “I was worried about you.”

“Weren’t you angry with me?” Buck interrupts. “I was so sure you were pissed.”

“I wasn’t angry, or pissed.” Bobby leans forward, resting his hand on Buck’s wrist gently. His fingers falling over Buck’s pulse point. “I was trying to give you space. I was trying to let you make your own choices without my interference.”

“Interference?” Buck’s frown deepens. “You don’t interfere.”

“I seem to remember a lawsuit that may prove otherwise.”

“That was—a mistake.” Buck says slowly. Gritting his teeth as his head throbs. “I shouldn’t have put you through that. I reacted so carelessly. I’m so sorry about that whole thing.”

“You weren’t completely wrong.” Bobby admits quietly. “I was holding you back and it was unfair.”

Buck stops talking.

“You almost died because of me.” Bobby whispers, unable to look Buck in the eyes as he speaks. “The bomb was placed under my seat. Freddy was angry at me. Then you collapsed in my backyard—right in front of me. The blood—I still have nightmares about that. I-I kept almost losing you. Even when I thought you were safe, somehow you ended up in the middle of a tsunami. I hadn’t even known, Buck. You could have been swept out into the ocean and none of us would have known until days later.”

Buck’s heart clenches painfully in his chest. Guilt prickles under his skin. “But I’m fine.” He aims to be reassuring, but Bobby still looks far away. Reliving moments that had affected Bobby more than Buck had ever known.

“I couldn’t lose you.” Bobby looks at him finally. “So I tried to keep you away from the danger. Just a little bit longer. I felt like I was protecting you, but I hurt you. I’ve been trying to be better about not overstepping again. I’ve been trying, Buck. But I don’t think I can do it anymore.”

“Oh.” Buck’s heart shatters. Bobby can’t do it anymore. He doesn’t want to have Buck around. Buck who is a trouble magnet. Buck who gets hurt all the time. Hell, Buck can’t blame Bobby for not wanting the responsibility. His own parents had given up on him ages ago.

“I don’t want to lose you.” Bobby continues, seemingly unaware he’s stepping on the fragmented remains of Buck’s heart. “But I also can’t keep my distance either. I’ll understand if you want to switch houses. Or even move to one of the other shifts. Another captain will give you the professionalism that you deserve.”

“What?” Buck frowns.

“I want to be there for you, Buck. Whenever you need advice. I want to be that person for you. But I don’t want to stand in your way—I’m not sure I know how to balance these parental feelings I have for you with professional distance.”

“I’m confused.” Buck winces, raising his free hand up to the side of his head.

“Confused?” It’s Bobby’s turn to frown.

“You aren’t firing me?”

“Why would I fire you?” Bobby’s expression turns stunned.

“Because you don’t want me around anymore?” Buck guesses. “I don’t know, my head really hurts.”

“Of course I want you around!” Bobby stumbles over the words. “But I’m not sure I can give you the space you want.”

“Wait. When did I ask for space?” Buck blinks. “All I wanted was to be with you guys again. All of you. You especially.”

“Me?”

“Yeah.” Buck swallows thickly. “You’ve taught me so much. Like, way more than you ever had to. Like cooking and stuff. And you never treat me like I’m a total loser. I-I don’t want to lose that. Please don’t make me go somewhere else—”

“You aren’t a loser, Buck.” Bobby leans closer. “You’re one of the most promising young firefighters I’ve ever had the pleasure to work with.”

Buck stares. “I am?”

“You are.” Bobby nods. “And I promise that I’ll remind you of that every day if you need to hear it. I don’t want you to leave, either. I just wanted to make sure you knew you had options.”

“I don’t want options.” Buck shakes his head and winces with regret. His head spinning and throbbing painfully.

“We’ll continue this when you’re feeling better.” Bobby promises. “But I’m not going anywhere. Never again.”

“Good.” Buck yawns. “I’m not going anywhere either.”

“Good.” Bobby squeezes Buck’s hand a little as he falls back to sleep.