Work Text:
Tokyo's Finest☕️🚔
Members: thetrafficqueen, kenjikeiji, taru_kun, chibu, unverreaparis, 1bsensei
thetrafficqueen: Alright hopeless romantics. I need to settle a debate with my shogi-obsessed headache of a boyfriend.
thetrafficqueen: What is the absolute weirdest, most unhinged romantic gesture your partner has ever done for you?
kenjikeiji: Yumi, we are literally in the middle of a shift.
thetrafficqueen: You have been staring at the back of Takagi-kun's head for twenty minutes instead of doing your paperwork, Miwako. Answer the question.
taru_kun: She was staring at me? :D
kenjikeiji: I was looking at the clock ABOVE your head, Takagi.
chibu: I'll go!
chibu: Naeko tried to cook me a romantic dinner last week.
chibu: She wanted to make a heart-shaped hamburger steak.
chibu: But she got distracted by a cat outside the window and it caught on fire.
1bsensei: The cat caught on fire?!
chibu: No! The steak!
chibu: We had to use the fire extinguisher.
chibu: We ended up eating convenience store noodles on the floor while it aired out.
chibu: It smelled like chemicals and burnt meat for three days.
taru_kun: Aww, that's actually really sweet Chiba! It's the thought that counts!
thetrafficqueen: That’s cute but not unhinged.
thetrafficqueen: Next.
1bsensei: Oh I have one!
1bsensei: Ninzaburo tried to write me a love poem in French for our anniversary last month.
thetrafficqueen: That ISN'T weird.
1bsensei: He used a highly defective police translation app.
1bsensei: He accidentally told me that my smile was a "major traffic violation" and that my eyes looked like "confiscated contraband."
taru_kun: PFFFFT.
thetrafficqueen: I AM CRYING. SHIRATORI, YOU ROMEO.
unverreaparis: Sumiko, my love, I begged you to delete that text message.
unverreaparis: The software was completely inadequate for the delicate nuance of the French language!
unverreaparis: I have since hired a private linguistic tutor to ensure I never insult your beauty with legal jargon again!
kenjikeiji: "Confiscated contraband."
kenjikeiji: I am putting that on a plaque for your desk Keibu.
unverreaparis: Sato-san, I am technically your superior officer. Please show some mercy.
1bsensei: It's okay, Ninzaburo. I printed it out and framed it.
1bsensei: I keep it in my desk at school❤️
thetrafficqueen: Alright Miwako-chan your turn.
thetrafficqueen: Expose the rookie.
thetrafficqueen: What's the weirdest thing Takagi-kun has done?
kenjikeiji: He's actually very normal and sweet.
kenjikeiji: He buys me flowers.
kenjikeiji: When I'm having a stressful day he brings me that milk chocolate that I'm obsessed with.
kenjikeiji: Oh, wait.
kenjikeiji: Last winter, he tried to knit me a scarf.
taru_kun: SATO-SAN!
taru_kun: We agreed to NEVER speak of the scarf!
thetrafficqueen: SPILL.
chibu: Wait, Takagi-san knows how to knit?!
kenjikeiji: He does not.
kenjikeiji: It was supposed to be red, but he ran out of yarn and finished it with neon yellow.
kenjikeiji: It was six feet long and covered in giant gaping holes.
kenjikeiji: It looked like a radioactive fishing net.
kenjikeiji: He presented it to me with a band-aid on every single one of his fingers.
1bsensei: Oh my goodness, Takagi-san!
1bsensei: That is so incredibly endearing!
1bsensei: You hurt your fingers for her!
thetrafficqueen: Wait.
thetrafficqueen: Does she ACTUALLY wear it?
taru_kun: Only when she's sick and watching TV on the couch. 🥺
kenjikeiji: Wataru stop giving them details!
kenjikeiji: I only wear it because it's warm!
thetrafficqueen: Alright Takagi-kun.
thetrafficqueen: Your turn.
thetrafficqueen: Expose the Siren.
taru_kun: Oh that's easy!
taru_kun: For my birthday last year, Sato-san took me to a batting cage!
taru_kun: She wanted to show off her swing, but she got so competitive with the pitching machine that she swung too hard and literally snapped the aluminum bat in half.
taru_kun: The front half of the bat flew across the cage and completely shattered the machine's camera.
chibu: SHE SHATTERED THE MACHINE?!
taru_kun: We had to sprint to the car and speed away before the manager could call the cops.
taru_kun: It was the first time in our career lives that we fled the scene of a crime!
taru_kun: She was gripping the steering wheel so tight, drifting around the corner...
taru_kun: and I just looked at her and thought...
taru_kun: wow
taru_kun: It was the most romantic date of my entire life. 😍
thetrafficqueen: ...
unverreaparis: ...
1bsensei: Oh my.
kenjikeiji: I MAILED THEM AN ENVELOPE OF CASH TO COVER THE DAMAGES THE VERY NEXT DAY!
kenjikeiji: ANONYMOUSLY!
thetrafficqueen: Takagi-kun.
thetrafficqueen: Your girlfriend committed property damage, then forced you to become an accomplice in her escape, and your only thought was that she looked hot?taru_kun: She looked really cool when she swung the bat!
taru_kun: and her driving was very impressive!
chibu: You are completely beyond saving Takagi-san.
unverreaparis: I retract my previous statement.
unverreaparis: The "confiscated contraband" poem is significantly less embarrassing than committing a misdemeanor as a bonding activity.
1bsensei: I think it shows a lot of loyalty!
thetrafficqueen: Well, I think we have a winner.
thetrafficqueen: Takagi is officially the biggest simp in Tokyo.
thetrafficqueen: May you both survive your next date night without getting arrested by your own department.