Archive of Our Own

Pregnancy had been, despite all struggles, oddly enjoyable for Buck. If he looked past his doctor labeling him as borderline geriatric, he legitimately harnessed no real complaints about the way his body morphed into the perfect host for his and Eddie’s twins. The first trimester had been rough (to no one’s surprise), the second trimester had left Buck feigning for Eddie in a variety of ways, and the third trimester left him…peaceful in a weird way. It was, in no way, easy, nor was it remotely fun, but Buck understood why things happened the way they did.

It did suck knowing his old clothes fit no longer, it did suck stretch marks kissed his skin like freckles under the sun, and it did suck his body could no longer temporarily serve him a career in firefighting. It honestly felt weird seeing his body and identity evolve into a purpose solely existing for the life it was making, yet as he looked into the mirror every night before bed, Buck could finally breathe and realize he was ready for it.

Not to mention, he had finished the nursery mural he’d been meticulously planning since he hit ten weeks at long last. The painting was a task Buck was uncertain about at first, but it became a painting containing his multitudes of pride and undying love for his future children. He had scourged the interest for a few references and might’ve had a few dilemmas regarding the overall nursery theme, but once he discovered the endless hues and shades of greens and blues in paint swatches from the local paint store, Buck was able to finalize a wilderness mural depicting various creatures and greenage. Eddie made jokes it belonged in a museum, but to Buck, it already was in one.

Their home—a simple, yet oh so loving home—on 4994 South Bedford Street transcended into a museum of endless trials, battles, wars, and triumph. It was a gallery of infinite love, growth, and a prickling sense of bittersweetness as the walls witnessed every individual in the house come and go as if they were the seasons Buck once witnessed living in Montana.

Everything was perfect.

For once, Buck could describe his life as perfect.

Well…almost everything.

When Buck entered his thirty-sixth week, Eddie had been adjusting in strange, peculiar ways that left Buck’s brows raised or arched. It had started off small, like changing the filter in the dehumidifier Buck had to turn on in the garage, or rearranging the pillows on the bed. Yet recently, as casual Braxton Hicks rolled into Buck’s day, Eddie turned it up a notch—he had been frayed at his edges almost twenty-four-seven, and while it was humorous to some extent, Buck couldn’t help but wonder if his husband was burying something deep within his unrevealed grave.

To get an answer he wished he could know, Buck understood he had no choice but to simply wait. Whether or not he agreed with the decision was another story, however, Eddie casually bestowed new quirks upon Buck’s horizon almost every other month, and majority of the time, they were harmless undertakings serving as a gradual correction—was it necessary to correct a behavior meaning no deep-rooted harm?

He didn’t know.

“Alright, bud,” Buck adjusted in his chair, sighing in casual preparation—the wooden seat underneath his tailbone gnawing at his base. Unfortunately, due to his protruding bump, Buck could never be completely situated at the dining room table for the time being, so he tried his best to adjust in whatever way he could possible. But that usually resulted in looking ridiculous. “Balancing chemical equations…”

He blinked at the endless papers Chris scattered across the wooden surface. Chris sent Bucl a glance over the ridge of his glasses, eyeing him suspiciously.

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

Buck scoffed, making a face. “Obviously. They don’t call me Mr. Chemistry for nothing.” He tried to reach for a pencil, but his bump promised him that he looked like an idiot.

“I don’t think anyone calls you that,” Chris retorted, skepticism covering his voice, as he watched Buck finally grip the mechanical pencil after a few tedious moments.

Buck groaned in defeat while he settled in his chair again. “Yeah, you’re right. But trust me! Once we get the basics down, it’ll come to you. Easy peasy. Lickety-split. Like—”

“I get it, Buck,” Chris breathed out, pulling the first worksheet closer to him. “I get it.”

Chuckling, Buck flashed a grin in Chris’ direction. When he first learned he was pregnant, Buck instantly brought himself to an edge of confusion and conflicting emotions regarding Chris and how he would go about being an older brother so far in his teen years. It had been Chris as a sole child for years; a sole child going through endless journeys—good or bad—and to add another child could arise complications neither Buck or Eddie were capable of handling.

Chris was Eddie’s entire world, and he was damn near being Buck’s world, too, yet the bond between Chris and Eddie was so sacred Buck found himself hesitant on using it to spring towards the future.

Though luckily, to no one’s surprise, Chris was thrilled when he heard the news—and the thrill doubled when Eddie and Buck learned they were expecting twins. Chris joked he’d make the twins turn against them—whatever that meant—and Eddie dared him to bring it on.

Whether or not Chris would follow through that promise was to be determined, but Buck was ready. More than ready.

“So!” Buck clasped his hands together in anticipation, reading the spreadsheet. “If we have phosphoric acid—”

The sound of feet trudging across the floor interrupted Buck and Chris’ new study session. Buck, who stopped talking almost immediately, scrunched his brows in confusion, and Chris followed suit by the swift turn of his head.

Eddie, covered in dirt, emerged into the dining room, a satisfied smile plastered on his face as he continued making his way to the kitchen. With the way he paid no mind to the two boys watching him intently, Buck could only resume questioning his lover.

“Uh, dad?” Chris asked, concerned.

Eddie stopped in his tracks and looked over at Buck and Chris. His eyes glistened. “What’s up? Do you guys need anything?” Then in an instance, they darkened with concern. “Are the babies okay?”

Chris darted his eyes to Buck. Buck shook his head as he registered the sight in front of him. “No, they’re fine, don’t worry about that but uhm—” Buck cleared his throat with a weak sputter. “Could you, I don’t know, explain why you’re…uh, covered in dirt? Perhaps?”

As if he became hyperaware of the fact, Eddie glanced down at his brown hoodie and sweatpants—which were, unmistakably covered in mud, flower pollen, and streaks of sweat and hard work. “Oh, I was gardening,” he answered, moving his hand to pick off a leaf hugging the left side of abdomen. He returned his attention to Buck and Chris—who were still confused. “Why do you ask?”

Trying to stifle his laugh, Buck scratched the back of his ear. “I guess I didn’t take you as the…gardening type? I thought that was more of a me thing—”

“He’s trying to say you kill every plant you touch,” Chris clarified, sending Eddie a pointed look.

Buck whipped his head to stare at Chris, baffled. “Chris.”

“What?” Chris asked. “It’s true. He killed a cactus one time.”

Grimacing, Buck made a face, then looked at Eddie for confirmation.

“True story,” Eddie admitted in a sigh, placing his hands on his hips, but when he saw Buck become swamped with profound judgement and sadness, he quickly opened his mouth. “The daisies just needed some touching up, okay? Plus, the flower beds in the back were all filled with weeds, and I made sure to fertilize the lawn. Trust me, Buck. It’s all good. It’s taken care off—it was beginning to look a mess and it was pissing me off.”

Still confused, Buck tried his best to make sense of Eddie’s new…hobby, he figured. Maybe this was another quirk. He pushed his lips together and cocked his head, then nodded after the rolls of silent acceptance smoothed down his pent up stress. The last thing he needed was a messy house before the babies arrived, and if Eddie could prevent that, well then maybe, just maybe, Buck could overlook Eddie trying to become a groundskeeper despite his daunting track record.

“Alright, fine,” he placed his hands in front of him as he visibly calmed himself down. “Thank you, Eddie. I appreciate the work you did—now please, go take a shower before you drag dirt on all these floors.”

Eddie winked then gave him a weak salute. “Aye, aye, captain.”

When he walked down the hall, Buck gave Chris a particular look and they both ended up laughing in silent fits as Eddie went about his day.

Driving while heavily pregnant was an experience Buck would never forget. Not only was buckling himself a persistent challenge, but he had continuous troubles reaching the radio buttons, too. All while keeping a considerable amount of inches between his swollen bump and the steering wheel, of course. He never went more than ten minutes away, and in total, limited himself to only thirty minutes in the store, and only if he felt comfortable enough. Today was one of those days, and Buck grunted as he crawled out of the driver seat, recently returning from a quick market run to retrieve more whole milk for a recipe he wanted to make for dinner. Eddie offered, as he always did, but Buck had to prove to himself he still could function. He fetched his keys from the center console and waddled—yes, waddled—to the trunk, where his lord and savior, his Jeep’s simple lift gate, awaited to open.

Buck lodged his hand in the handle and opened the Jeep’s back end with a quick maneuver. He caught his breath, scolding Eddie in the back of his mind as he stubbornly tried to withstand the humidity clogging his senses and slicing his happy mood in half.

Eddie was literally home—evident by the Denali truck in the driveway—and Buck was what, nearly thirty-seven weeks pregnant now? He was nearly losing track with the weight of two large Diaz babies taking up most of the space in his body. Hypothetically, no—realistically, Eddie should be swooping in and offering to take the heavy groceries off the hands of his beloved, very irritable, yet adorable pregnant partner.

Buck grabbed the milk, the extra bags of snacks he totally didn’t need, and a few other hygiene products he decided to stock up on. Somehow, with a belly that’s too big and an attitude too prideful, Buck delicately moved into the house with hands full of groceries and car keys. To his surprise, Buck’s dissatisfaction dissipated when the front door, slightly jarred and unlocked, easily gave with a nudge of his hips.

The worriness in Buck’s voice didn’t bother hiding itself. “Eddie?”

Chris, luckily, was at school, so if a robber did decide to come in and raid their house, they would be met with one protective Eddie Diaz. Maybe it was a stretch—a reach Buck grabbed in the far back of his mind—but Eddie never left the door opened, and as the panic nestled in Buck’s gut he—

His footing slipped.

“Shit!” Almost dropping the milk, Buck threw his weight onto his other foot to prevent a devastating fall, and as he did, a loud, piercing beep attacked his ears. He winced upon hearing it. “Eddie!”

No response.

He glanced down at what made abrupt connection with his foot.

A wire.

Anxiety spreading like a rapid wildfire, Buck gulped as he tried to step over the multiple wires occupying the floor. He didn’t know what to make of the wires, or the beeping, or the lack of an Eddie Diaz running up to him to grab his groceries, and it horrified him. Buck tried to shout Eddie’s name again but was met with a deafening silence only forcing his heart to beat faster and louder. He swallowed nervously as pleas of safety overtook his mind.

“I’m in here, Buck!”

Buck almost cried in relief.

Where’s here, he wanted to shout, but with the sound of Eddie’s voice so close, he guessed he had to be in the main hallway. Continuing his avoidance of the wires like he was some spy avoiding the deathly red lasers to the sound of endless beeps in the background, Buck finally found Eddie on top of a ladder.

He stopped short of it and glared at Eddie with daggers in his eyes. “Eddie, are you serious right now?”

Eddie glanced down, blinking in confusion while holding the cap of the detector. “What?”

“The door?” Buck flung out his question, suddenly angry. “The wires? What the hell are you doing? I almost tripped—”

Eddie innocently pointed to the fire detectors above. “I’m testing these out. The batteries needed some replacing. Wait—are you okay?”

If Buck wasn’t holding groceries, he would’ve rubbed his temple, but alas, he was, so he could only allow his eye to twitch slightly. “Yeah, I am, but why are you testing them out?”

“Because we need to have working fire detectors when the twins are here, Buck. What, you want them to not go off in case of a fire?”

“Okay, first of all,” Buck corrected, “You said since we are firefighters, you didn’t need to stress about them. Don’t go spinning on this on me. And I doubt a fire would happen here.”

“Alright, fair,” Eddie admitted. “I did say that, but I’m a changed man.”

Buck readjusted the slipping milk in his arms. “Right. Makes sense. Thanks, I guess.”

“Anytime, Buck,” Eddie offered him a smile, but then dropped it when he realized. “Shit, let me help—sorry. Was distracted.”

“Clearly,” Buck hummed. “But may I also ask why the door was open? And what are the wires for?”

Descending from the ladder, Eddie wiped his hands on his pants before grabbing a few of the groceries Buck held. “I knew you were coming home, and since I was working with wires, thought I’d leave it open for ya.”

“Okay, yeah, but why wires? They haven’t changed the science behind fire detectors have they?” asked Buck.

“Oh, those are for the cameras,” Eddie answered nonchalantly.

Buck did a double take. “Wait, cameras?”

“For the babies, Buck,” Eddie added, sighing. “We need to make sure they’re safe at all times.”

“Hold on—I thought you hated technology. How the hell are you okay with that? And how did you even manage to get them installed?”

Eddie mindlessly shrugged, somehow grinning so cheerfully Buck wanted to swoon. “It actually wasn’t so bad.”

“Huh,” Buck verbally contemplated, desperately attempting to try to comprehend yet another quirk Eddie bestowed upon him in such a short amount of time. His face could only twitch in confusion—consisting of furrowed brows, pinched lips, and a clenched jaw that ached under the stress currently residing in his system after answers were given to him. Buck tried to open his mouth to speak again, but realized speaking would be in vain due to the fact Eddie was in the kitchen already, storing away the groceries he snatched from Buck’s hand with a steady pace. And it was when Buck stepped into the kitchen to further investigate Eddie’s behaviors that the answer popped into his head in the form of a bright halo of clarification and sanctification.

“I’m a nester. I nest!”

And suddenly, the past few instances Buck witnessed made a bit more sense before a Braxton Hicks contraction tightened his body once again.

Under the soft luminescence of his phone’s white glow, Buck opened Google in his bed later that night. To no one’s surprise, Eddie continued on testing every single device in the house—ranging from the fire detectors to the microwaves. Buck tried not to say much, and when Chris saw his father’s behavior, he glanced at Buck, blinked, and went about his day, muttering about how weird Eddie was. Buck, however, wanted answers, and while he wished he could confine in one of his friends, the itch to do his own research became more prevalent than ever. Plus, he needed to take his mind off of the practice contractions coming on throughout the day, anyway.

They weren’t anything serious, obviously, and he was lucky to avoid labor for right now.

With Eddie getting ready for bed in the bathroom, Buck took the opportunity to confirm whether or not Eddie was experiencing what was called nesting. He heard of the term, no doubt about it, but he never heard of it happening during pregnancy. Much less their partner’s. His fingers typed across his keyboard, and he visibly frowned at the suggested searches.

While the breastmilk one certainly entertained him and became a search he’d indulge in later, Buck ignored the rest to select on the final search suggestion. He patiently waited for his screen to load, and when it did, he couldn’t believe he wasn’t the only one witnessing the phenomenon of nesting.

Of course, Buck knew, of course, he knew he should find a legitimate source to either confirm or deny his suspicions, but unfortunately, Reddit tempted him. Buck already knew first responders, dispatchers, and nurses—if he needed actual medical advice, he’d go to them, simple as that. Hell, he’d even ask his own husband. But when it came to…whatever this was, Buck needed to know if Eddie’s behaviors were isolated or related to the twins ready to pop from Buck’s body. There was no doubt the Reddit story called to him like a goddamn siren, and there was no doubt Buck would succumb to it as quickly as he found it. Clicking on the link, Buck settled in his side of the bed a little more, breathing in relief when he realized he wasn’t alone.

Thank you HuskyFlare01, Buck grinned, leaving an UpVote. Clearly, it was safe to assume Eddie was living a life similar to the 32M husband Buck read about. It was also clear nesting became the sole explanation of the eccentricities he saw from Eddie the past few days. Technically, Buck was wrong in the sense it was nothing, but technically, he was also right about the fact it wasn’t harmful. While he continued reading the comments sharing a similar story or cracking a joke, he felt much better about the fact he didn’t need to worry that his husband became brainwashed by a creepy symbiote.

He was about to turn off his phone, slip it on his nightstand, and try to doze off until Eddie returned from his shower until the sudden bang of a ricocheting pound from the other side of the wall shocked his body in an instant panic. Buck cursed under his breath as he flung off the comforter that was oh so comfortable.

He couldn’t even grasp a weak control on his racing thoughts—was Eddie okay? Did he slip and fall in the shower? Did something break? Did his faulty wiring finally trip him up? Buck couldn’t breathe. He used the wall for support as he rounded the corner and approached the bathroom—where the door was wide open, taunting him with the possible dark reality awaiting him, jaws open and snarling.

“Eddie!” Buck whispered harshly, knowing Chris was in bed down the hall. He hoped the boy didn’t wake up in a scare. When Buck entered the bathroom, he stopped in the middle of his tracks, and his concern eventually morphed into judgement.

Eddie was…for some reason, renovating the bathroom, deadly close to midnight. He, a man knees-deep in a stacked pile of paint gallons, looked up with wavy strands of hair covering his forehead in a way that tempted Buck to not even question his motives. “What?”

Buck gestured to the bathroom that was practically gutted.

“Do I even need to say it out loud?”

It was so much more than just paint gallons awaiting to be opened and swatched on the wall. It was the hammers and wrenches and levelers on the dusty counter; it was the tiles in the shower covered in some sort of material he didn’t recognize; it was the sprawled, open cabinets where their under-the-sink products were robbed empty.

“Right,” Eddie swallowed, shaking his head. “I was hit with inspiration. I guess.”

With a soft sigh, Buck’s eyes drooped with tiredness. “So late at night?”

Eddie licked his lips and stood up, shaking his head again. “I was brushing my teeth and saw how crooked the cabinets were—I wanted to fix the hinges real quick, that’s all. Promise.”

“I think you were doing a lot more than that, Eddie,” Buck laughed under his breath, rubbing his temple as he tried to calm himself down after getting up so fast. “You’re usually so quiet at night, you freaked me out.”

Eddie, frowning, realized the weight of his actions and maneuvered his body to come in front of Buck. He carefully lifted Buck’s face in his hands and gazed into the ocean eyes that could easily swallow him whole. “M’sorry about that, darling. Things have been… bugging me more lately, that’s all.”

“I read online that…” Buck drawled at the same time Eddie chuckled in disbelief, “…you’re nesting.”

“Nesting?” Eddie blinked, tugging the corner of his lips into a small smirk.

“Yeah,” Buck gently lowered Eddie’s arms. He gestured to the bathroom once more, but this time, with an obvious scan of a simple, nonjudgmental stare. He met Eddie’s brown eyes again with a pointed look. “Nesting.”

Eddie’s mouth permitted a soft ripple out of his chest—it was so soft his sharp canines flashed as his body relaxed in the presence of Buck. Buck returned the smile, too, and he then felt Eddie’s hand rest on the bump he sported. Flushing, Buck stabilized himself.

“I think you’re right,” Eddie admitted, breathing out. “I also think I’m paranoid.”

Arching a brow, Buck squinted his eyes. “Paranoid?”

“For the twins,” Eddie added quickly. “Not in a bad way, of course. I’m just…nervous I won’t be able to handle it. I guess. Saying it feels ridiculous—I’m not pushing them out—”

“Eddie,” Buck firmly interjected, giving him a certain look. “It’s okay to be nervous. I am too.”

“Well, yeah, you’ll be in labor and I’ll—”

“Eddie,” Buck tried again, moving his hands to cup Eddie’s face this time. “I’m talking about them in general. It’s okay to be nervous about the time after they’re born, it’s kinda our job.”

“I know,” Eddie whispered, almost hating the fact tears swarmed in his eyes. “I should be ready. I’ve done this before.”

“We’ll never be ready,” Buck gently reminded him. “Have you ever been ready for what Chris brings you?”

Feeling relieved, Eddie began to forget the troubles his mind clouded his judgement with. “No, never. Still aren’t actually.”

“Exactly,” Buck emphasized. “It’s an adjustment, but we don’t need to lie to ourselves and think parenting is easy. Every amazing thing brings some sort of struggle—it makes it worth it. And just because you question whether or not you can handle it, it doesn’t mean you’re being ridiculous or a bad person or a bad father. No matter what happens, no matter if you crash or burn after these twins arrive, I’m going to catch you no matter what. Got it?”

“Usually I’m the one giving you these sort of speeches,” Eddie embraced the cooling touch from Buck’s hand with a broken chuckle and watery eyes. Eddie enjoyed the refreshing touches Buck brought; there was so something so profound in the way Eddie’s warm touch grounded Buck’s insecurities, and there was something so profound in the way Buck’s brisk touch froze Eddie’s doubts. They were givers, they were takers—but most importantly, they were the anchors used to pull each other in from their sea of salty struggles and deafening thoughts.

Buck shrugged. “All the more reason you need to listen to me.”

Eddie picked one of his hands off of Buck’s bump and brought it to Buck’s hand. He gripped it carefully and kissed it, giving Buck a longing look of secured vulnerability. “Thank you, Buck.”

“Anytime,” Buck laughed softly at the gesture.

“And thank you for diagnosing me,” joked Eddie. “It makes sense since—”

“You’re a nester?”

“Yeah, since I’m a nester,” Eddie rolled his eyes lightly. “Though, I will ask…if I can keep doing this? Nesting that is.”

“You don’t need to ask me, Eddie. Do whatever you need to do,” Buck permitted, but he stopped himself. “But not at midnight anymore, okay? You need sleep, I need sleep, the twins need sleep, and I do not want to wake Chris up. We also have work tomorrow—well, you do. I’m on leave, so.”

“Okay, okay,” Eddie responded. “Guess I did get a little bit ahead of myself,” he decided after looking around the bathroom bleakly.

“You think?” Buck scoffed. “But y’know, I’m glad actually.”

Eddie’s eyes narrowed. “Glad? Why?”

“I saw a few ideas from HGTV you might as well implement in here while you’re at it. I mean, you’re already halfway there.”

Laughing louder than intended, Eddie switched off the light and wrapped an arm around Buck’s waist, guiding them to bed. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, big guy.”

The following morning, Buck watched Eddie pull out of the driveway and head to work with prevalent sadness dotting his eyes. He had hoped Eddie didn’t see, and maybe he did, but Buck couldn’t resist feeling anxious watching his husband drive away when the thirty-seventh week of pregnancy was teetering too close for comfort. Shockingly, despite his age, his health, and the twins’ overall health and position, his prenatal practitioner cleared him for a vaginal birth if he desired it; so, with a C-section tucked in the far corner of his mind unless an emergency emerged, all Buck had to do was wait until the twins and his body decided to cast a spell of unimaginable pain on him.

Easy peasy.

Buck gulped nervously as he shut the door. He then headed into the kitchen, where he wanted to finish up the dishes—as it was meant to get done yesterday, but he forgot.

Eddie would return tomorrow morning, if all went well. Now, Buck understood he couldn’t ignore labor, or even delay it, but underneath his prideful boasts of superficial clarity and readiness, he could not look at himself in the mirror and will himself to say he himself was ready.

He was only lying to himself thinking he was.

Labor didn’t scare him—he had been on enough calls where the mother pulled through an impossible situation for her child, and he had been on enough calls to help deliver said babies—but something about his comfortable life changing stressed him out.

Change became the sole factor of unwarranted pain in Buck’s life, and as a result, he could not bear to withstand no more, and he feared whether the love he felt from Eddie would disappear after Eddie became a father of three instead of one.

Buck was, at last, happy.

Or at the very least comfortable with where he was physically and mentally. Which was rare for him. He couldn’t say goodbye to it. He just couldn’t. And as he stood at the kitchen counter trying to clean in order to calm himself down, he felt anxiety elevate ceaseless goosebump trails across his skin, which encouraged intense emotions sizzling at the ready in his heart and brain. He tried his best to relax, and he tried his best to muster Eddie’s voice in his brain to force his body to comply, but the gnawing sensation of time ticking by remained relentless. Buck shifted his weight onto one foot, but as he did, a zigzagging tightness bombarded his stomach. He clenched the edge of the counter while the deafening weight of labor slammed into him violently. His eyes darted to his stomach, where he cupped it with his hand.

The pain squeezing him vanished fast, and Buck’s mind reaffirmed it was simply just another practice contraction. He had been having them for a while. It made the most sense; he shouldn’t be surprised, even though it felt…different. The one saving grace Buck gathered as he wiped his forehead free from weak sweat was that they’re irregular, yet it meant labor was creeping close. Too close for comfort.

Buck’s beating heart came to a steady thump once he forced himself to take deep breaths. The thing about Braxton Hicks contractions was that they were triggered by various causes, and if Buck wanted to prevent anymore from happening, he had to move and get water. He adjusted his path to the fridge in order to snatch a plastic water bottle and a light snack.

He swung the door on its hinge and blinked in surprise to see containers prepped and stacked—which he definitely did not do. Or if he did, he certainly didn’t remember. Yet, quickly, he noticed a sticky-note plastered on the front of one and gripped it with his fingers, beginning to read it once it got closer.

I prepped all your meals when I got up this morning. Make sure you stay hydrated, too. I guess I am nesting.

— Eddie

(Please do no over do it today.) (I’m serious.)

(You know about those cameras.)

With a smile on his face, Buck shook his head as soft laughter rolled off his tongue. He even noticed the wonky stick figure Eddie attempted to draw in a hurry. Buck grabbed what he originally planned to take and made his way to the couch, telling himself to take it easy—despite the bones in his body telling him to continue moving to stir up distractions for his brain to mend and bend. The last thing he needed was a light-hearted scold from a tired, work-exhausted Eddie, and so, in order to reach Eddie as he’s off saving the day, Buck decided to actually listen to his orders.

He had hoped the water and snacks would be his saving grace for the day. It was funny, Buck would do the classic twenty-four hour shifts without a single sweat breaking, and he swore, deep down, it went by faster than he realized, as if it was a normal high-school day, but now, since he was much older and (hopefully) wiser, the slow, ticking hours of the day could not have been any slower. Eddie had been gone for a mere two hours, and Buck was already antsy. He sipped a tiny amount of water and glanced down at the twins.

The fear remained persistent. 

Weirdly enough, Eddie’s note amplified the guilt Buck felt for questioning their future.

Eddie meant well, and here he was, doubting whether or not he could withstand the violent changes they’d endure in a week or so. So, as a result, Buck wanted to push it away as far as possible.

“Please,” he whispered out loud. “Not today. Just not today, okay?”

Eddie came home to a quiet house, which he certainly loved, but he mourned the fact he barely missed the opportunity to say goodbye to Chris before Pepa picked him up. The shift he returned from was the furthest thing from easy, especially knowing Buck was alone, but he was grateful it wrapped up efficiently. The next shift swiftly rolled in, meaning Eddie and the rest of the 118 could roll out themselves and enjoy some time off without any issue. Eddie had wanted to do a few things remaining on his list before the twins arrived, but before he could anything, he needed to shower and shed the old clothes sporting his body.

He also wanted to check on Buck, too.

Making his way to the bedroom, Eddie stifled a yawn threatening to slip out; if Buck was sleeping, he needed all the energy he could get before labor began. He cracked the bedroom door open and spotted a sleeping Buck nestled against his pregnancy pillow—which yes, Eddie did hate, thank you very much—soundlessly and peacefully. Eddie soon began to bite back bittersweet tears threatening to slip out, too, because seeing Buck, so quiet and still with the twins basically being full-term, Eddie knew the hardships they faced were worth it.

And he’d do it all again if it meant he could stand next to Buck. To Chris. And now, the twins.

Eddie sucked in a fragile breath, embracing all he could from the precious moment he stood in. He did so until the uncomfortable sweat from the 118’s last call reminded him of its present. He should’ve showered at the station, but knowing Buck was at home made him skip a few steps he would’ve taken as the shifts rotated. Eddie set down his duffle bag and retrieved a fresh pair of sweats and a black t-shirt from the dresser drawer, being so quiet a mouse wouldn’t be able to tell Eddie moved about. Seeing no movement from Buck, Eddie exited the bedroom and made his way to the bathroom, where he hoped the shower turning on wouldn’t stir Buck out of his slumber, either.

After showering, Eddie dressed himself and paused to check if he heard noises emitting from the bedroom. When he didn’t, he assumed it was safe to do what he’s been meaning to accomplish—besides the cameras, testing the detectors, and the bathroom he tried to tackle. There had been a stubborn, yet persistent leak burrowing itself in the plumbing underneath the kitchen sink, and while it didn’t cause crazy troubles or a need for a towel, Eddie was determined to knock it out of the park. The last thing he needed was the sink to break on him or Buck when they were trying to clean bottles, pumps, and everything else.

Reminding himself of the promise he swore to keep, Eddie continued on being quiet. He fetched his toolbox from the nearby storage closet and set up temporary shop on the floor. He laid a few towels in preparation, opened the cabinet, and removed the contents underneath the kitchen sink. He got on his knees to slide in the opening, twisting off the water that led to the kitchen.

He wanted to get this done before Buck woke up, so in case Buck needed water, he wouldn’t have to deal with an agitating sink that irrevocably, gave him issues without fail. Eddie gripped the wrench amidst the grip of his hand and tried to shift to get a better angle—telling himself he would replace the whole damn pipe and sink if need be. He stopped when footprints audibly announced themselves a few feet away.

A groggy voice sliced through the air. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

Eddie smiled to himself as he exited the passage, shaking his head softly. He sat up to spot a sleepy Buck, disheveled and all. His light grey t-shirt hugged his body perfectly, and his sweatpants hung low on his stomach (which evidently dropped to Eddie’s surprise), and his curls were tussled into a beautiful mess.

“You need sleep, Buck,” Eddie softly reminded him. He stood up and walked over to Buck, embracing him in the process. He planted a firm kiss on Buck’s lips and slipped his hands over the bump, giving Buck a warm smile on top of it. “Hi, baby.”

“Hey,” Buck muttered softly, but as he  continued to awake, Eddie narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

“You good?”

Nodding, Buck swallowed. “Tired. ‘Nother dumb practice contraction—or whatever they’re called,” he slurred quietly, rushing his words as the mind fog clouding his thoughts continued to dissipate while his body awakened.

Eddie scrunched his brows. “You sure? Have they been—”

“No, Eddie,” Buck shook his head. “They aren’t contractions. They aren’t worsening. I told you they’ve been popping up randomly for a few weeks now.”

“Are they—”

“Eddie. I am fine. Please. Can we just…” Buck sucked in a sloppy breath, “talk about your shift. Or something.” He attempted to wave his hand in dismissal, but it fell flat, mirroring the rejection of his request. Eddie, stubborn and resistant, licked his lips, for he couldn’t fulfill Buck’s request at a time so dire.

“No, Buck, I won’t. You’re on the verge of—”

“Labor, yes, I get it,” Buck tried again, shifting his body aside to maneuver towards the fridge. How Buck wasn’t given direct orders for bed rest was beyond Eddie, but Buck still forced his body to move to the drag of his feet even though the toll began to appear evident on his body and spirit. Despite Eddie’s best interest, Eddie drew a quiet sigh before eyeing Buck dig through the fridge, avoiding the activity Eddie started near the sink.

“I just want you to be safe, Buck,” Eddie began firmly. “I get you’ve been cleared, but this stuff can take a turn at any given moment. Hell, when Shannon was pregnant, she was freaking out.”

“Well,” Buck muttered while he rummaged through the contents of the fridge, unsure what he wanted at the moment, “that makes sense. She was young. So were you.”

“Not really the point here, bud,” sighed Eddie. “I’m saying you need to be careful.”

Buck shot him a sharp glare. “Am I not already? I do absolutely nothing each and every day.”

“That’s not true,” Eddie reminded him. “You’re resting. Storing your energy. Trying to work with what you’ve got.”

“Eddie,” Buck closed the fridge out of frustration. “Can we just drop it? Please? Look, I didn’t sleep good, my head hurts a little, and I want to enjoy your days off before I’m left alone again.”

Parroting what Buck stated, Eddie made a face. “Left alone again? Wait, you think I’m leaving you alone?”

“Drop it, Eddie. I’m not in the mood.”

“But I am,” Eddie quickly rebutted as Buck passed him. “We’re not doing this before the twins come,” he added, rotating on his feet to watch Buck head into the dining room through the doorway. Afterwards, he began to trail on Buck’s feet after he shifted his path to the living room. “Buck, can you just—”

“I just don’t want everything to change, alright!” Buck turned to face Eddie with brazen, wide eyes. He would’ve crumpled to the ground if he could, but once Buck realized his fears were displayed on a sliver platter, he closed his eyes and tried to recompose himself. He shooks his head, as if it would shake away the reality dripping down the walls. Buck eventually breathed in after Eddie allowed a few passing moments between them. “There. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s the whole dynamic hanging on this thread I don’t know how to control, and I—and I guess I’m scared.”

Eddie stepped closer, nodding. He reached out. “I know. I understand.”

Buck wiped his eyes before Eddie slowly led them to the couch to catch a break. Eddie was a certified medic—not some idiot who didn’t help deliver countless of babies on high-stake calls. He knew what early labor presented itself as. And Buck stood at the beginning of it. Obviously, there were things Buck weren’t telling Eddie, and Eddie couldn’t decide why Buck would even bother hiding the pain or emotions he withstood in his heart, or if he simply wanted to ignore it. Uneven ground stood underneath Buck’s feet, and Eddie needed to understand.

So he’d keep on digging to break the surface of Buck’s thrashing waters.

He’d done it before.

Both physically and mentally.

Sitting horizontally to Buck, Eddie glanced over at Buck, saddened, yet worried.

Buck’s posture come across as defeated and tired to the bone. “No, you don’t.” His voice was as silent as the morning drive Eddie took to get home. “I—it’s not about the twins, Eddie.”

His words were also thick with shame, causing Eddie to blink in confusion.

“It’s about…you,” Buck sent Eddie an exhausted, strained look.

“Me?” Eddie carefully repeated, confusion only multiplying.

Buck dropped his shoulders. He frowned, trying his best to scrunch his nose to prevent the hot tears swarming in his eyes from falling. His initial instinct was to pull away from Eddie’s addicting warmth—to pull away from the care and sympathy Eddie tried so hard bestow upon him in a genuine manner, but the shame gnawing at Buck’s soul was too much for it be ignored after sitting with it while Eddie was away. He bit his bottom lip as the thoughts and feelings slipped through his fingers.

The feelings were much more complicated than he thought.

“I don’t want things to change. I-I don’t want this life we built to be uprooted and destroyed all—all because we made a mistake.”

“The twins aren’t a mistake, Buck,” Eddie tried to nudge, and Buck agreed with a small nod of agreement, but his words said otherwise.

“Not them. Me,” he quietly corrected.

Still confused at what Buck was getting out, Eddie’s reassuring instincts took over “Buck…”

Lifting a hand to wipe his eyes, Buck huffed in annoyance because of his words failing him. “I was brought into this world for spare parts, and I failed what I was made to do without even having the chance to be aware of what was happening. I…I can’t fail what my body decided to make now, either. My parents tried to be normal after Daniel died. They sat with their grief, thinking playing pretend would work, but it didn’t. They’re what? Divorced after how many years of marriage? Maddie and I don’t even have a relationship with them.”

Buck stopped his vent for a breather, yet Eddie processed it as an opportunity. “You aren’t going to fail.”

“But I am,” Buck urged. “What if something does happen and you don’t love me anymore? What if we play pretend and—”

“That isn’t going to happen, I can promise you that with my whole heart,” Eddie promised with great valor.

“You’ve been through so much, Eddie,” Buck wiped his runny nose. “I keep coming back to that whenever I get scared. God, I want these kids, I want them more than anything else in this entire world—but I want you to be happy. I want Christopher to be happy. You and him grew up together; you were so young when you had him, Eddie. That boy’s been your world since the day we met. Maddie—she,” Buck stopped again, swallowing. To his surprise, Eddie remained quiet, almost stunned if his wide, brown eyes had anything to say for it. “She was forced to be someone she wasn’t after Daniel died. What if Christopher feels he has to do the same when the twins come? I can’t be the source of any uncertainty in your life. Or his life—I refuse to be. I refuse.”

Once Buck finished talking, Eddie continued to sit with it in respectable silence. He was grateful to have been sitting down already, because the truth knocking down his door told him Buck was unfortunately correct. The feelings regarding their families and past were complicated, and they knew it going into the pregnancy, but seeing Buck vocalize them reminded Eddie that hiding it underneath the rug only did so much for so long. The relentless trepidation Buck worried about occurring would never happen as long as Eddie lived, but he wouldn’t sit there and call Buck crazy.

Eddie’s face slightly contorted when he realized the emotions boiling underneath Buck’s surface were ones he, too, faced before Christopher was born. So, as a result, Eddie only nodded. “And you won’t. You have never made things hard for me, or for him. And you know that, Buck.”

Buck shook his head softly, chuckling in disbelief. “Please, we all know I have.” His broken sniffle sliced the air in half. He chuckled again, but this time, emotions choked his throat. “Sorry. This isn’t making any sense.” He began to sigh and attempt to get up, but Eddie finally spoke a string of words, reaching out with his arm.

“No, no, Buck. It isn’t that—it’s just, why didn’t you tell me? You were sitting with this alone? This entire time?”

“I didn’t know to tell you,” Buck then admitted sheepishly, relaxing in his spot again. “A-and besides, it’s a new thing I’ve been juggling with. I think the weight of it is finally hitting me, y’know?”

“Tell me about it,” Eddie’s voice, measured in casually, lifted Buck’s emotions over its hurdles. He shook his head with a scoff, trying to get Buck to smile again. “I’ve been going insane.”

And it worked.

Buck wiped his nose again, laughing quietly. “I saw that—you’re fixing the sink now?”

Shrugging, Eddie said, “It’s the last thing on my list to fix before the twins come.”

“God,” Buck let out a small breath. “You are nesting.”

“Pretty sure we established that already,” Eddie grinned.

“It’s cute, honestly,” Buck admitted, his eyes softening and shedding the dark cast of turmoil thunderstorms hoarding their beauty. “Did you do it for Chris?”

Eddie now laughed, loud. “Hell yeah. Shannon was sick of me.”

Buck titled his head down with a smile, reminiscing about the brief moments he shared with Shannon years ago. “I don’t blame her. I bet you’re gonna try to repaint the kitchen next.”

Eddie made a face, squinting his eyes as his brain churned. He titled his head with genuine interest. “Now that you’re mentioning it….”

“Eddie!” Buck exclaimed with another laugh, shoving Eddie slightly. “Do not be filling this house with fumes as I start—” Buck cut himself off the moment his body betrayed him. His face bunched together as a particular, searing pulse danced across his lower abdomen and back. He lurched forward as the radiating tightness remained at a decent strength, biting his lip so hard he drew blood. Eddie’s hand gripped his in a flash, and the reassuring voice belonging to his soul trickled into Buck’s now-hot ears.

“Breathe, baby, breathe. Take it easy. There ya go…hold it through. Almost there.”

Buck’s body retracted, and so did the pain, after seconds Buck didn’t bother counting. He inhaled sloppily, wincing as he adjusted to feeling semi-normal again. He attempted to catch his breath, but it was no use. He grunted.

“About twenty seconds, Buck,” Eddie soothed him, wiping Buck’s forehead with his thumbs after reaching out once more. They remained on Buck’s heated skin as he gave Buck a sympathetic look. “I know you’ll hate me for saying this but…”

“Yeah,” Buck begrudgingly admitted, blinking slow. “I know. I think it’s starting. You’re right.”

Eddie nodded, knowing it wasn’t the time for any joke, but then he softly said, “Hey, look at me Buck.” He gently took his thumbs and moved them to stroke Buck’s cheeks, gazing into the blue eyes that were pulsing with fear but adrenaline. “I have been waiting for you my whole life. Do you understand me?”

Buck’s eyes temporarily flickered. “You don’t need to lie to me.”

“I’m not,” Eddie swore so softly. Leaning closer, he asked, “Why would I lie to you about that?”

Buck’s tears returned with the weak croak of his voice. “I don’t know.”

“You are my person, Buck,” Eddie promised; the spoken words embodying the rope tethering their souls together. “Maybe the universe knew I’d take so long to find you they sent Chris to hold me off.”

Chuckling underneath his breath, Buck glanced at Eddie with curiosity. “You’re finally believing that universe stuff, huh?”

Eddie scoffed. “Oh, absolutely not, but if that means you feel better amidst all the contractions then yeah. Yeah, I do.”

Buck unexpectedly snorted, shaking off Eddie’s hand as he failed to stifle a small giggle.  He took a deep breath, glancing down at the bump he knew would look different in a matter of hours or days. He glanced back at Eddie. “Do you think we need to go to the hospital yet?”

“Not yet,” Eddie answered earnestly. “But I want us to keep tracking these. When did they start?”

“I don’t know. I kept waking up throughout the night, though.”

Understanding, Eddie continued to evaluate the situation. “We have some time. But I’d rather be safe than sorry. How about…I make us some breakfast, you listen to some music, try to relax, and then, I’ll finish up in the kitchen if we have some more time. I know how you operate, Buck. If I fret over you, you’ll panic even more. We’ll try to be…normal. I guess.”

With his hand on his bump, Buck sighed out wistfully. “But I do love when you fret over me.”

Eddie adjusted his position on the couch to lean closer to the bump. “I know you do,” he whispered before placing a kiss on it. “That’s how we ended up here.”

He felt the playful swat of Buck’s hand on his back, but deep inside, despite Buck’s worries, and even his own, he knew they’d be alright.

They always were.

Eddie returned from the hospital nursery in the early hours of the morning. If he had to be honest, the hours began to blur and mix together the second they arrived. Barely three hours in the plan Eddie proposed to Buck, the contractions Buck experienced progressed faster than they had anticipated. While it was a peaceful yet emotional drive to the hospital after Buck’s water broke, Eddie couldn’t grasp the fact that the nine-month journey halted to an abrupt end on a random Thursday in April.

Buck was safe and healthy, and were so the twins, which meant Eddie could, at long last, inhale and exhale normally after months of uptightness and careful adjustments—both on his end and Buck’s. He had no idea how Buck had their beautiful boy and girl naturally, but he did after countless, body-taxing hours, and now, they were beginning the lifelong journey of parenting from the very beginning, together.

Awaking from his slumber, Buck sat up when Eddie positioned himself on the chair beside the bed. “R’they good?” he sleepily mumbled, rubbing his eyes. Exhaustion drenched Buck’s expression and features, but Eddie thought he never looked better. His blue eyes still shone despite his tiredness, and his curls, albeit messy and still recovering from the sweat that soaked them as he pushed, allowed a soft aura to encompass his face with. Eddie smiled warmly, promising to himself he wouldn’t cry again.

Seeing the twins born did a number on him, but he wouldn’t have had it any other way.

“As best as they can be,” he supplied. “The nurse told me they’re almost done with some tests they were wrapping up.”

“That’s good,” Buck mumbled, voice thick with drowsiness.

“You did so good, baby,” Eddie whispered tenderly, engrossed with unfiltered proudness. He leaned forward to brush back some of the curls plastering themselves on Buck’s forehead. He let the warmth emitting from his hands cover Buck’s senses with a blanket of comfort and familiarity amidst a long, justifiable hospital stay.

Buck practically flushed, yet he grinned weakly as he tried to summon a simple response. “Couldn’t have done it without you.”

“You could’ve,” Eddie bluntly stated, “but hey, I’m glad you didn’t.”

He sent a wink Buck’s way. Chuckling, Buck readjusted on the bed, yawning quietly. “Do you think they’ll be done soon?”

“For sure,” Eddie answered, drawing his hand back. He shifted the gears of their conversation afterwards, his expression pulling itself into a look of concentration and concern. “Do you need anything while I’m up? Water? Bathroom break? Food?”

Visually contemplating, Buck hummed as he closed his eyes. He opened his eyes then weakly patted on the empty section of the bed beside. “C’mere. I’m cold.”

Breaking into a full smile, Eddie complied as fast he could. He situated himself into the hospital bed, curling against the backside of Buck’s body despite the limited room it gave them. He let Buck nestle his head into the crook of his neck, and he sighed once he felt Buck still, his own tiredness washing over him in quiet, lapping waves. He remained quiet, only letting their synchronized breaths serve as the melody of their unspoken conversation. To be in this hospital room meant they started a new chapter of their life. To be in this hospital room meant Buck overcame his fears. To be in this room meant Eddie could undo his previous wrongs and protect Chris from the roles Ramon forced onto him so young.

“Do you need anything, Eddie?” Buck broke the silence.

Eddie chuckled under his breath. “Just you.”

Buck hummed happily, embracing the warmth Eddie brought him. “Y’know, I didn’t get to thank you for before. When you talked to me on the couch.”

“Anytime,” Eddie answered with a low voice. “I get you’re worried, I do, but we…” Eddie licked his lips as he prepared his words. “We can handle it. I promise. If there’s any changes between us, or in our house, it’s for the better. Not for the worse.”

Buck felt bittersweet tears swell in his eyes. “I’m still scared, though.”

“You have every right to be,” Eddie admitted softly. “We’ll make mistakes, there’s no doubt about it, but we won’t destroy what we’ve built together. Like you told me, if you need to crash or burn, I’m here for you, Buck. I want no more secrets between us, alright? This part is impossible to do alone, and I won’t let myself forget it this time around.”

Buck, somehow, sunk further in Eddie’s presence. “Are you scared?” he asked in a intimate whisper.

“Not anymore,” Eddie replied honestly, but he then laughed nervously. “If anything, I’m more scared of the bills to undo my horrible house-fixing projects.”

Buck snorted. He patted Eddie’s thigh. “Now that’s the price of being a nester.”

Eddie playfully shivered, but deep down, it truly was genuine. “We are absolutely taking down those cameras when we get home. I don’t even know what I was thinking.”

Buck glanced up at Eddie as a small chortle came out of his mouth. Deep down, he was grateful he’d never have to see another odd quirk from Eddie’s nesting capabilities ever again while his body began a fulfilling journey of recovery. But at the same time, he wondered if Eddie would step back into nesting like an old habit if they decided to have more children. As a result of his thoughts, Buck only said, “I couldn’t tell you either. Even Chris was confused—and you know that boy is too wise for his own good.”

“Better than I ever was at his age,” Eddie sighed out, satisfied. “Thank God for that.”

Buck scoffed. “You were not that bad.”

This time, it was Eddie who burrowed closer to Buck. “Oh, you have no idea, sweetheart.”

Buck closed his eyes, enjoying the quiet painting the hospital room walls in meaningful solace before they either had more visitors or quality time with the twins. “Considering how you nested, I think I do. You did ruin our bathroom after all.”

Eddie rolled his eyes before placing a kiss on Buck’s lips.