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interlude: gay rat powers

Summary:

Ottawa Centaurs Official ✅ @ottawacentaursofficial 

Mouse on the ice, I repeat, MOUSE ON THE ICE, this is NOT a drill! 

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The internet's reaction to the wild events of home alone, featuring Kyle the mouse, a gas leak, a relationship reveal and a whole heap of fandom drama.

Notes:

help, I'm addicted to writing SocMed fics.

This was the most fun everrrr. Be warned: the drama in this is ramped up to a 10 and some of it is super toxic, including mild canon-typical homophobia.

Love yous, enjoy!!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Ottawa Centaurs Official @ottawacentaursofficial 

Mouse on the ice, I repeat, MOUSE ON THE ICE, this is NOT a drill! 

 

darcy @ottcentaursfan29

harris we love you so much 

 

boo-dram 👻 @boodssteak

how do the most random things always happen to the cens 

 

love on ice @estherberg4ever 

aww please trap and release it 🥺poor mousey 

 

darcy @ottcentaursfan29

guys………. it’s the gay rat 

 

rozanov #1 fan @rozbear

I thought it was a mouse? 

 

all queer all centaurs 🏳️‍🌈 @hollanovtruther

the mouse listens to chapelle roan 

 

darcy @ottcentaursfan29

the mouse owns a pair of birkenstocks 

 

gay hockey mouse official 🐭🌈 @centaursrodenthours 

hi i’m the new transfer

 

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Queer News Outlet @queernews
Ottawa Centaurs Players Ilya Rozanov, Shane Hollander, Troy Barrett and Luca Haas seen boarding a flight to Los Angeles this morning at 7:35. 

scott hunter is my daddy @kelseythepup
the whole squad is here!!!!!!

 

so normal about troy barrett @trooooy17 

gayvengers assemble

 

luca haas is my spirit animal @madeinswitzerlandhaas

vibrating on a frequency formerly unknown to mankind 

 

I post true hockey @hockeynewseveryday 

the fairy squad once again neglecting their actual jobs for god knows what 

 

so normal about troy barrett @trooooy17

hey dude, how’s the divorce going? 

 

I post true hockey @hockeynewseveryday 

how tf do you know about that?! 

 

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Ottawa Centaurs Official @ottawacentaursofficial 

mouse update!! we’ve named him Kyle. 

 

visit the kingfisher 🍻🏳️‍🌈 @yourfavoritebartender 

all the baddest bitches are named kyle 

 

darcy @ottcentaursfan29

kyle the gay rat……… I mean mouse

 

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TMZ ✅  @tmzceleb 

Rose Landry spotted in Los Angeles, having lunch with ex-boyfriend turned best friend Shane Hollander and his husband Ilya Rozanov. [image attached: pap shot.]

 

hollandry4ever (platonic) @rosesshane 

“ex boyfriend turned best friend” 🥹❤️

 

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Ottawa Centaurs Official @ottawacentaursofficial 

Due to a concussion acquired during training, Ryan Holmberg will unfortunately be on medical leave for the upcoming game against the Boston Bears. 

 

boo-dram 👻 @boodssteak

…the mouse pushed him 

 

kyle the gay hockey mouse official 🐭🌈 @centaursrodenthours 

I did no such thing! You will be hearing from my lawyer (the spider who lives in the corner of the break room)

 

r. holmberg #87 ✅ @bergyyyyy

so annoyed at myself but health = the most important!!! I’ll be back 🩶🦫

[image attached: selfie lying on the sofa in a hoodie, looking sleepy and pale] 

 

stella estherman figure skating 🧸🩷 ✅ @bellastella_onice 

ugh my poor baby i’ll pick you up in a minute 🥺 if anyone needs two tickets to Taylor’s show in Ottawa tonight, please DM me (politely) 

 

tiana 🌺@radfemmtradfemm 

no girl don’t skip the taylor concert for your whack ass boyfriend 

 

tiana 🌺@radfemmtradfemm 

lmao she blocked me 

 

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Doctor Lisa Hayes ✅ @vaccinateyourtoddler 

Getting ready for the concert with the best babes in the world! 🍾 

[image attached: mirror selfie of some of the WAGs including Harris crammed into the Hayes’ bathroom; all of them are wearing fun glittery make-up, outfits and hair.]

 

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City of Ottawa ✅ @cityofottawa

⚠️WARNING: An underground gas leak has been discovered - All Citizens living in the affected areas required to evacuate immediately - check map HERE  

 

Ottawa Centaurs Official @ottawacentaursofficial 

An underground gas leak has been discovered in Westboro, affecting several areas in the vicinity! We urge all fans to check the City of Ottawa’s evacuation map here! Be safe 💛

 

Théo LaPointe #65 ✅ @pointyhockey 

…uh oh 

 

boo-dram 👻 @boodssteak

begging god for one quiet day for the Ottawa Centaurs 

 

vee 🎃@disneyadultery 

by thalos this can’t be happening

 

psalm 7:12 @christianhockeyenjoyer 

God is always sending signs for everyone with eyes to see… woke = broke ❌🏳️‍🌈

 

all queer all centaurs 🏳️‍🌈 @hollanovtruther

then why is all of this happening while the queers are OUT OF TOWN you dipshit 

 

vee 🎃@disneyadultery 

god protecting the queers from the gas leak… praise the lord 

 

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rozanov’s loon tattoo 🦆 @bettygr.81  

hollanov + luca + troy glaad awards photos just dropped!!!!!!!!!!!!! what a beautiful day to be alive and queer!!!!!!

 

Queer News North America ✅ @queernewsna 

New York Admirals Captain Scott Hunter and husband Kip Grady attending the GLAAD awards. “It’s always an honor to be here.”

 

scott hunter is my daddy @kelseythepup 

“It’s always an honor to be here” can you be any more regal and humble and beautiful aaaaaaaa i love him sm king of gay hockey

 

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Théo LaPointe #65 ✅ @pointyhockey 

Evacuating with the booyyysssss [image attached: selfie of LaPointe, Young, Smith and Bolduc out on the street, all in sweatpants carrying overnight bags. Smith is wearing never before seen glasses.]

 

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pay the price @ryanpricelover

look at how handsome and happy ryan looks 🥹 ok and now all we need is Rozanov talking him into coming back to hockey and joining the centaurs

i post hockey fights @droppinggloves99 

things that will never happen for 10, please 



stream big boy on all platforms @fabybaby 

nobody cares about hockey show me my fabian NOW 

 

cats can have a little salah-mi @musicnme 

hi it’s me, the most normal person in the world who absolutely did not zoom in on our baby’s boyfriend’s crotch for fanfic purposes 

 

daily fabian salah @fabiansalahpicturesdaily

quick reminder that rpf is parasocial, inappropriate and crossing a boundary ✨

cats can have a little salah-mi @musicnme 

just say you’re boring and go 




all queer all centaurs 🏳️‍🌈 @hollanovtruther

oh look, it’s the MLH mandated gay orgy squad! so nice to see ryan is back from retirement

 

shane hollander rainbow tape @loulouloveshockey 

can you literally be normal JUST ONCE 

 

rozanov #1 fan @rozbear 

so wait is this real or not? 

 

all queer all centaurs 🏳️‍🌈 @hollanovtruther

yes of course the MLH mandated diversity orgy is real

 

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Colin Smith #57 ✅ @colinsmith57 

Please don’t worry, me and the boys are evacuating! Please make sure to help each other out and be kind to one another! ❤️

 

centaurs to the cup babeeee @dazedandamazed 

smithy we love you, you fit right in 

 

D. Bolduc - Ottawa Centaurs ✅  @dimabhockey77 

sorry guys it was me, had too much dense bean salad for dinner 

 

rozanov’s loon tattoo 🦆 @bettygr.81  

…okay goblin child 

 

fart joke detector @brrrrrrrrt 

fart joke detected ⚠️

 

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hollanov’s third 🍋‍🟩@pathtoottawa 

can we recenter roz’s cunty little outfit 

 

fingers in his mouth friday @hockeysexy 

[18 photos of Ilya Rozanov in his suit, with special focus on the diamond choker and the angle of him flipping the camera off with his tongue out]

 

hollanov’s third 🍋‍🟩@pathtoottawa 

i tthink i huave covid 



queer magazine ✅ @queerthemagazine 

Shane Hollander represents his Japanese heritage in a one-of-a-kind suit made by Japanese-Canadian designer Justine Sato at the GLAAD awards. 

 

hollandry4ever (platonic) @rosesshane 

our baby 🥹 he’s come so far look at him 

 

chekov’s cum @uraliendad 

i need that twink in my lap, stat 

 

all queer all centaurs 🏳️‍🌈 @hollanovtruther

[image attached: photo of all four Centaurs players on the red carpet] girl which one



riley @hyped4hockey

ugh shane is so gorgeous and rozanov once again showing no class at all… sticking out his tongue flipping people off… dare is say DISGUSTANG 

 

shiba nino @nervousnino 

shane looks so uncomfortable🥺literally a crime to force an autistic person to do this 

 

shaydentruther @mormonhaydenpike 

no wonder he’s uncomfortable when his fake playboy of a husband behaves like this. Hollanov 👏 divorce 👏  when 👏 !!!!

 

shane hollander rainbow tape @loulouloveshockey 

you’re all sad little creatures, and not in the cute kyle the mouse way 



haadler stan 🏆 @sylvieeeeeee 

where’s yannick :(((((( please I’m freaking out 

 

puck me luca haas @biandsurprised

me gaslighting myself into getting my hopes up 

 

thomas jefferson miku binder (hamilton edition) @theatrefuckboy 

babes chill yannick is literally working tonight [link to post: Yannick smiling for a castmate’s selfie.]

 

all queer all centaurs 🏳️‍🌈 @hollanovtruther

it’s literally homophobic that neither yannick nor harris are there

 

f/f stands for forward/forward @amideluluorareyoublind 

you call it homophobic, I call it fate 

 

locker room party🪩@rpfisliterally_fineyouguys 

are we all seeing this? we’re all seeing this, right? [4 images attached: various shots of Troy and Luca on the red carpet together. They are touching in none of the photos. In one of them, they are sharing a look across Ilya’s back, who is in the process giving the photographers a devil’s horns pose.]

 

hollanov’s third 🍋‍🟩@pathtoottawa 

why am i not surprised that y’all are shipping them with each other rather than with their respective boyfriends, who are both visibly queer and, in Harris’ case, fat? 

 

rozanov #1 fan @rozbear 

wait, are they dating?! I thought they both had boyfriend. 

 

darcy @ottcentaursfan29

rozbear my love… please get diagnosed 

 

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Malik Young #40 ✅ @myoung_hockeyplayer 

GOATed evacuation 💚 [image attached: selfie in the Hollanders’ minivan with McDonald’s bags strewn all around.]

 

darcy @ottcentaursfan29

omg i’m gonna cry this team you guyssssss 🥹 

 

anaya🧚🏾‍♀️🏳️‍⚧️✨ @anayaapril01

❤️

 

Malik Young #40 ✅ @myoung_hockeyplayer 

❤️

 

boob whisperer @coldfreshandsexy 

EVACUATION RELATIONSHIP REVEAL???!!!! 

 

centaurs to the cup babeeee @dazedandamazed 

you guys this is too much. i have a job. 

 

centaurs to the cup babeeee @dazedandamazed 

update: called in sick to my job, said it was a family matter. 

 

i love wyatt hayes @hayzeeeee

bestie it is 

 

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recovering toronto fan @fuckdallaskentforever 

what being a rapist does to a mfer vs what respecting women does to a king [two images attached side to side: on the left, Dallas Kent outside the courthouse in an ill-fitting suit, looking sickly, unkempt and unhealthy. On the right, Troy Barrett on the red carpet at the GLAAD awards, looking incredibly handsome, giving the camera a sexy, smouldering look, the black of his hair, eyeliner and outfit making his eyes stand out and look even bluer than they are irl.]

 

troy barrett redemption arc 🌱@canadiantwinkenjoyer 

he can call me any slur he wants 

 

Gritty ✅ @grittyflyers 

[image attached: A photoshopped image of Gritty, in a suit, on the red carpet next to Troy.]

 

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a little birdy 🐦@admiralsadmiralsadmirals 

literally sobbing on the floor look at our dads [image attached: Scott and Kip sitting in the audience at the GLAAD awards, both smiling up at the stage.]

 

scott hunter is my daddy @kelseythepup 

they are MY the president and first lady… boutta get patriotic as shit in this bitch 

 

luca haas is my spirit animal @madeinswitzerlandhaas

and i oop [image attached: Scott Hunter insistently talking to Luca, leaning in, hand on his shoulder.]

 

a little birdy 🐦@admiralsadmiralsadmirals 

yes YES it is all going according to plan!!!!!!!! #admirallucahaas 

 

all queer all centaurs 🏳️‍🌈 @hollanovtruther

in the name of the father (brandon wiebe), the son (ilya rozanov) and the HOLY SPIRIT (kyle the mouse) I say unto thee demon, leave this holy place!! 

 

puck me luca haas @biandsurprised

can we please stay focus on what really matters? [GIF attached: A photo of Luca smiling on the red carpet morphs into a shot from the leaked sex tape of him squirming on the chair with his legs spread, biting his lip.]

 

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x-squad hyperfan @roselandrynation 

Rosie accepting her award gosh I love her so much 

 

silly paige | booktok @paigebetweenpages 

kinda strange that this award is going to a straight actress but okay….. who said that 

 

x-squad hyperfan @roselandrynation 

babes get with the program [2 images attached: the first one is a paparazzi photo of Rose Landry and Svetlana Vetrova walking out of Erewhon, both of them holding smoothies; Svetlana’s free hand rests on Rose’s hip. Rose seems to be talking animatedly, beaming up at Svetlana looking very happy and bright while Svetlana looks at her with a soft smile. The second photo is them standing next to a car. Svetlana is holding both of their smoothies while Rose stands on her tip-toes to kiss her on the lips.]

 

silly paige | booktok @paigebetweenpages 

I would like to issue a formal apology. 

 

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Théo LaPointe #65 ✅ @pointyhockey 

In times of need, the best team in the league comes through. thanks so much @ilyarozanov81 and @shanehollanderhockey [image attached: low-light shot of the Hollander-Rozanov’s living room, Shrek playing on the enormous tv screen.]

 

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TMZ ✅  @tmzceleb 

Ottawa Centaurs WAGs and assorted players have fun at the Taylor Swift concert. [several images attached: one of them features Lisa and Wyatt, arm in arm, singing along. Another one features Harris Drover clutching his phone to his chest with tears in his eyes.]

 

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D. Bolduc - Ottawa Centaurs ✅  @dimabhockey77 

bout to honk shoo up in this bitch [image attached: selfie of Bolduc sitting on the edge of the Hollander-Rozanov’s guest bed. From the other side of it, Smith smiles sleepily up into the camera, bundled up in a blanket.]

 

all queer all centaurs 🏳️‍🌈 @hollanovtruther

🤨🏳️‍🌈?

 

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Harris Drover 🍎@hdroversocmed 

let’s recenter love and kindness. 🩵 

[six images attached: the first photo is a group selfie with everybody who went to the concert, all smiling brightly into the camera. The second photo is a sweet photo of all the players at the GLAAD awards posing and laughing. The third photo is a shot of little mouse Kyle in what looks like a guinea pig cage on the Wiebes’ dining room table, Coach Wiebe’s daughters crowding around curiously. The fourth photo is another selfie of the rookies in the Hollanders’ car, doing french fry vampire teeth. The fifth photo is a selfie of Holmberg in Stella’s pink living room, with his head in Stella’s lap while she pets his hair. The last photo is a sweet shot of Shane and Ilya in the audience at the GLAAD awards. Shane is leaning into Ilya, smiling up at him. Ilya gazes at him lovingly, his face soft and full of adoration.] 

 

kyle the gay hockey mouse official 🐭🌈 @centaursrodenthours 

and to all a good night 💜

Notes:

let me just remind you of my tumblr where you can find a bunch of bonus stuff in the form of asks I've ansered about this fic series :) I always love yapping about my fic, so don't be shy. ♥

 

this little anya 🐶 is here to remind you to please leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed it!

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