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Javadi had never ‘gone out’ in the way most people her age had. In fact, she had never even gotten drunk. It never really seemed like something she’d enjoy. And with her mother watching over her like a hawk during her teenage years, her options had always been limited. When Santos discovered this while charting together a few days prior, she insisted on taking her younger colleague to a few clubs. Tonight was meant to be dedicated to two of Trinity’s favourite places. They pre-gamed at Santos’ apartment (who was careful not to let Victoria try too many different drinks to prevent an insane hangover) and headed to the first club around eleven in the evening.
Quite early, but Santos needed a bit of time to get Javadi orientated with the entire concept of clubbing. Whitaker would’ve joined them but was so insanely exhausted after finishing his shift that he could hardly find the energy to keep his eyes open. This meant that up until that point, it had been just Santos and Javadi. This one-on-one quality time between them was pretty rare, but both of them were secretly grateful for a chance to get to know one another better.
Everything went fine the first few hours, up to the moment when they decided to move things to a different club. Trinity had been flirting with a hot blonde and was sorry to leave her, but the text Garcia sent her was far too tempting to ignore. Javadi agreed to leave almost immediately, not having hit it off with anyone yet and being too afraid to walk up to anyone with the lack of liquor in her system.
When she admitted how little courage she felt to Trinity on the way over to the next club, they made the impulsive decision to stop by a liquor store on the way and share a relatively small bottle of vodka. “Be careful with this shit, okay? It’ll hit harder than you expect.” Santos warned her coworker, knowing how terrible too much vodka could make someone feel the following day.
As soon as they arrived at the club Garcia was supposed to be at, Trinity asked Victoria to get rid of the bottle. There was simply no world in which they successfully sneaked an entire bottle of cheap vodka into a club with no less than three security guards stationed at the entrance. Santos offered to stand in the small queue while Javadi found the nearest trash can to toss the half-empty bottle into.
Victoria drank about three shots worth of vodka out of the bottle before throwing it away, desperately wanting to feel more than just the usual lightness that came with being tipsy. The taste was overwhelmingly bitter, and it kind of made her want to puke her guts out, but she knew it would have to do. She wanted to let loose a little, get drunk, and maybe even kiss someone. Out of everything on her bucket list, the latter had been number one for about four years now. It wasn’t as if she were too repulsive to be kissed, she knew, but because she had never been in a kiss-worthy setting before.
Now that she found herself in exactly that type of place, she felt the urge to just get it over with. At this point, she hardly cared about looks or even gender, let alone romance. She made her way to Santos’ spot in the queue swiftly, her coworker already having almost made it to the door. It wasn’t until then that she fully realised what sort of club they were about to step into. “Wait, is this a gay club?”
The words ‘Blue Moon’ were spelt out in one of the main windows. It was a name Javadi recognised from stories her queer college friends (acquaintances, really) had told her. “Nice observation, Crash.” Trinity grinned, treating it like the most normal thing in the world. This, however, felt like a major step for Victoria. “You nervous?” Santos tilted her head, noticing the hint of fear on her colleague’s face.
Javadi swallowed her spit, softly shaking her head. After a few beats, she added “Maybe a little bit.” The alcohol was beginning to hit. She could tell by the way her hands had partly lost feeling and the amount of inner calmth and chaos she was simultaneously experiencing. “Relax, Crash. None of the women in there are gonna force you to kiss them.” Santos chuckled, using humour in the hopes of soothing her friend. Visions of Javadi’s coworker Dr. McKay immediately flooded her brain.
Santos watched as Victoria’s cheeks reddened. “What? Do you want them to?” Trinity raised her eyebrows whilst pulling out her ID. They were almost at the front of the line, where three intimidating-looking guys were verifying people’s ages. Victoria couldn’t stop herself from fantasising about a specific redhead kissing her, touching up on her, and dancing with her right then and there. “I think I do. Is that bad?” Javadi scrunched up her face, the liquor finally providing her with the same boldness she wished for earlier that night.
A genuine smile washed over Santos’ face as they were let into the club, a rather loud group of friends blocking their way to the bar. “That’s fucking awesome, Vic. God knows the Pitt could use some more queer people.” Victoria processed both the nickname (which was a fairly recent development in their friendship) and the label as a ‘queer’ person. The latter made her stomach feel odd, though the alcohol blocked that feeling out for the most part.
But it was true, wasn’t it? The fact that she thought about female celebrities (and coworkers…) while getting herself off and stared at pretty women in public wasn’t nothing. And she had never even had a boyfriend, so how could she truly know what she was into? She hadn’t even kissed anyone yet, for fuck’s sake. Still, the label felt smothering to her. It was comparable to the way she felt whenever her parents were trying to convince her what direction her future should be headed in.
As if a choice that was solely hers had already been made by others, and there was no way out. Perhaps she simply wasn’t ready for a label like that yet. For tonight, she just wanted to kiss someone. “I don’t know what I am yet.” She found herself expressing these feelings out loud. Santos’ eyes met hers, her gaze momentarily softening. “You have all the time in the world.” Her tone was oddly comforting, and she had her hand on Javadi’s shoulder, giving it a soft, reassuring squeeze before letting go.
This made Victoria feel better. In fact, she was somehow moving to the music already. She hardly noticed this quick change of mood, but Trinity chuckled before joining her. She felt grateful for the sheer top she had picked out for the night, with sweat dripping down her back after mere minutes of being inside.
The music made her feel sexy and alive, two fairly new sensations for Javadi. Trinity had been moving closer for the entirety of the current song, but she hardly cared. It felt good to dance up against someone familiar. She felt the youngest she had felt in a very long time, finding the rhythm of the music and letting it guide her, telling her when and how to move along to it.
Constriction of labels was no longer on her mind; the only thing she could think of being music, music, music. They danced together for what could’ve been either five hours or two minutes, neither of them giving a fuck about much else. People. hot and young women, were undoubtedly looking their way. Victoria felt their eyes on them. But it only made her want to give into the music more.
Eventually, the synchronicity they had established together was broken by a woman approaching Trinity. It took Victoria a few seconds to realise it was none other than Dr. Garcia, whom she had last seen at work, merely a few days ago. Normally, the presence of someone with any form of authority over her would cause a wave of awkwardness to flush over her, but Javadi found herself not caring even a little bit.
She was in a room full of sapphics and had heard several stories about what Garcia was like in bed, which pretty much destroyed the instinctive embarrassment she always felt in her nearness. Though she could never quite grasp what was exactly going on between Trinity and Garcia, she knew to stay out of it unless she was told otherwise by Trinity. Lesbian situationships were very fucking tricky; she knew that much.
“We’re headed to the bar. You want anything?” Santos yelled over the music, pointing behind her. "Yes, please!" Before Trinity could ask her what it was she wanted from the bar, Javadi had already begun dancing again, this time by herself. She allowed herself to look at all the people around her for the first time that night, noticing what felt like an infinite amount of attractive people within a few feet of her.
Santos grinned, leaving Javadi on the dance floor to catch up with Garcia. At the bar, Garcia immediately began suggesting for them to leave. “What about Victoria?” Trinity felt annoyed with herself for letting her protectiveness over her younger friend actively cockblock her. “Can’t you just leave her here?” Garcia fought the urge to roll her eyes, wanting nothing more than to take her situationship home with her. “No, I can’t just leave her!”
Trinity turned around, her eyes scanning the room for Javadi, who was dancing so hard it had an almost endearing effect on Santos. She grinned before turning back to Garcia with a serious expression on her face. “She’s, like, almost blackout drunk. I need to make sure she makes it home safe.” A month or two ago, she would’ve undeniably agreed to pretty much anything Garcia asked her to do. She felt embarrassingly proud of her own personal growth whenever she talked back to the older physician. “Aw, Santos is worried about her little friend. How endearing.” Yolanda deadpanned, clearly not giving a single fuck about the safety of her friend.
“Fuck off. Javadi only turned 21 last month, and she hardly went out before that. She isn’t aware of her own limits yet.” Santos was sick of having to explain herself to others and was getting weary of the conversation she was having. Their situation was meant to be light and breezy, not this annoyed and tense. “Well, can’t you call someone else to take her home or something?” Garcia’s expression had softened, but there was still an impatient edge to her voice Santos was growing tired of noticing.
But she really, really wanted to get laid. It had been well over a week since their last hookup, and while she felt embarrassed to admit it, Trinity was starting to get desperate. “Whitaker?” Yolanda suggested after a few moments of silence. “Can’t. He’s in the middle of hibernating.” Santos shook her head, trying to think of someone who could be of help. “McKay?” This made Trinity look up at Garcia, a grin appearing on her face. “Funny, but fuck no. Crash would never forgive me for that.”
“No, McKay is here.” Her eyes widened, instantly scanning the room for her older colleague. As soon as her eyes landed on the redhead, she felt her heartbeat quicken, as if she had just been caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to be doing. She was making her way through a crowd of people and looked to be on her way to the bar. “I fucking knew she was queer.” Garcia snorted. “She hardly tries to hide it.” Trinity tilted her head in agreement.
“Let’s get away from this bar before we get trapped in useless small talk, c’mon.” Garcia tugged on Trinity’s top, ready to get back to dancing for some reason unbeknownst to her. Victoria was still going at it in the middle of the dance floor, though she was getting thirsty for something without alcohol, and her legs were beginning to feel wobbly.
She waited for the song to finish before making her way to the bar, hoping to find Santos and Garcia there, ideally with a coke ready for her to drink. The smell of other people’s sweat was unignorable, but it hardly bothered her. She didn’t even apologise for softly shoving people to make her way through the club. When her eyes eventually spotted Dr. McKay instead of Santos’, Javadi swore she felt her heart stop beating, even though she realistically knew that wasn’t happening.
Her older coworker hadn’t spotted Victoria yet, who quickly turned around, making her way back to the dance floor. She ran into Santos and Garcia quicker than expected. They were dancing together, but Javadi could tell Garcia really didn’t want to be on the dance floor. “Vic!” Santos cheered, pulling her in for a hug as if they hadn’t seen each other in weeks.
“Did you know McKay is here? Like Dr. fucking McKay?” Victoria spoke directly into Trinity’s ear while they embraced. Santos avidly nodded, wanting to know how her friend felt about it. “Do I say hi? Or do I, like, pretend she’s not here?” Javadi was starting to fade into her usual, slightly neurotic self, the alcoholic edge blurring. “Do whatever you want to, Crash.”
The thought alone of doing exactly that caused heat to rise to Javadi’s face. Acting on her inappropriate thoughts felt like the best possible thing she could do to fuck up her career at PTMC. But with the music playing, dozens of hot people around her dancing and making out, and the freedom she felt being out of her parent’s grasp for one night made it feel like none of that shit mattered. If she wanted to say hi to one of her favourite coworkers, she would do exactly that. When she made the first move to leave, Santos rested a hand on her arm as if to keep her there. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” Trinity yelled over the music, shooting Victoria a wink before turning back to Garcia.
Trying to make her way through the crowd of people once more proved to be quite the task, physical exhaustion starting to settle in from all the sweat and lack of hydration. She decided that a breath of fresh air was the next best step to maybe clear her clouded mind and judgement a bit and to get rid of any lingering nausea she was experiencing.
She could already picture the ways in which her colleagues would make fun of her if she ended up puking on someone, let alone Dr. Cassie fucking McKay. As soon as she stepped outside, it felt as if a bucket of ice-cold water had been dumped onto her head, instantly snapping her from her never-ending train of thought.
Because not only was it suddenly extremely cold outside, she found herself with company. Leaning against the wall, absentmindedly smoking a freshly lit cigarette, was Cassie. Victoria hadn’t noticed earlier, but her older coworker was wearing a light tank top through which the outline of her nipples was visible. Her jeans were wide and low rise, leaving a small sliver of abdominal skin exposed for the whole world to see. The jacket she was wearing on top of everything made Victoria shiver, goosebumps spread all over her bare arms. Javadi didn’t fully notice how thirsty she was until her gaze landed on a bottle of water in the pocket of McKay’s jacket.
She must have been staring for a while, because she nearly had a heart attack when her silent observation was suddenly interrupted. “Javadi?” McKay said, not unkindly but clearly startled. “Hi, Dr. McKay. Could I maybe get a sip of your water?” I swear I’ll pay you back, I’m just, like, really thirsty.” Her words barely came out coherently, her mind going a million miles a second. “Sure, of course, don’t even worry about it. You okay, hon?” She tilted her head as she observed Javadi, trying to assess her state of intoxication. Victoria took a hold of the water bottle and clumsily took her first sip, trying to make it seem like this wasn’t her first time going out.
Moments later she eagerly nodded, the nickname staining her cheeks red as she answered. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just taking a quick break from dancing.” She looked down at her legs, unsure if she would ever be able to properly walk with them again that night. McKay turned away from Javadi for a moment, seeming to be deep in thought about something before turning back to her. “Are you here with friends?” Her tone was almost motherly, which made Victoria feel awfully defensive of her current whereabouts.
“I’m 21, you know. I’m allowed to be here by myself.” There was the slightest bit of an edge to her voice, one she only had when talking to her parents. “I know, hon. I was just making conversation.” McKay pressed her lips together and softly smiled. She calmly took another drag of her cigarette. Victoria was mesmerised by the way she brought it to her lips, and blew out the smoke after a second or two. “Okay… Well I’m here with Trinity, but she’s with Dr. Garcia somewhere on the dance floor back inside, and I don’t know I’ll see them again tonight. But I think I know the way back to my house from here, so I’ll be fine.” She spoke very quickly, fidgeting with the water bottle and taking a sip without acknowledging much else.
“Are you gonna call an Uber?” McKay tilted her head. “Probably. I mean, it’s probably not the safest option to walk home by myself. In the dark. At, like, three in the morning.” She grinned, her eyes traveling over the various features of her coworker’s face. Truth of the matter was, she had absolutely no clue as to what time it was “That’s a very good call.” McKay chuckled, taking another drag in such a casual way it drove Victoria crazy to watch.
it only dawned on Javadi then that her superior was not only at the same club as her, but at a gay club. “Dr. McKay, what are you doing here? No offense, but…” She trailed off, uncertain as to how to finish her sentence. “You can call me Cassie when we’re not at work, Victoria.” Her eyes stared directly into Victoria’s, sending shivers down her spine. Something about her gaze felt so intimate,
“Alright then, Cassie… What brings you to the Blue Moon?” Javadi was feeling cocky now, the liquor feeling like the push normally only Santos could give her. “I guess it’s a way to unwind for me.” Cassie shrugged, her inner nerves peeking through. The sound of her voice alone made Victoria want to put her face against McKay’s neck and feel the soft vibrations when she spoke.
But she had failed to answer the question Victoria was dying to know the answer to. “It’s a gay club.” Javadi added, emphasising the word ‘gay’ to get her point across properly. “I’m aware,” Cassie chuckled. “Which is why I was just as surprised to see you here. I thought you and Mateo had something going on.” She admitted, her tone growing slightly harsh as she spoke his name, as if it was physically hard for her to say it.
“Mateo…? Oh, no, not like that, no. I mean at first, for a bit, but then, like,” she trailed off, certain of the fact that her face was now visibly red. “Whatever it was, it ended months ago. We’re friends now.” She added. McKay merely raised her brows in response, tilting her head in surprise. “Really?” She was deflecting again, and Javadi wasn’t about to let it slide. “You still haven’t answered my question.” Victoria crossed her arms over her torso, a rather sad attempt at keeping herself warm while wanting to look cool.
“Is that an appropriate thing to discuss right now?” Cassie let out a sigh. “You said it yourself, we’re not at work.” Victoria challenged, cocking her head in the same way McKay had done mere seconds ago. “I flirt with girls here, is that what you want to hear?” Cassie’s voice remained soft, but her body language hinted at discomfort. Javadi felt too dumbfounded by the sudden admission to respond.
The cold was beginning to get uncomfortable, and while a part of her was screaming to get her ass back inside, she couldn’t tear her eyes away from McKay. Dr. McKay, who was definitely into girls. Dr. McKay, who was staring right back at Victoria as if she was one of the most precious things alive. Dr. McKay, who was double her age and had a son old enough to be Victoria’s little brother. Dr. McKay, who had been the cause of many late nights spent in bed, unable to process the feelings that were so, so wrong.
“Can I have a drag?” Javadi blurted out, wanting desperately to stay in the moment, out in the cold evening breeze, even if it meant hypothermia would be her cause of death. “You don’t smoke.” McKay was holding Javadi’s gaze as if her life depended on it. “I know. But I’ve always wanted to try.” Victoria couldn’t help her eyes from lingering down to the older woman’s lips as she spoke, her eyes quickly darting back up after she realised what it seemed like she was trying to say.
Which wasn’t that far off from the truth. Actually, it was exactly how she felt. What she wanted to do next. She earnestly had always wanted to try and taste what Cassie’s lips tasted like. “I don’t want you to end up addicted to this stuff. It’s bad for you, as I’m sure you’ve been told a million times before.” McKay copied Javadi’s move, allowing her gaze to drop down for a split second before continuing to hold eye contact Victoria swore was nothing short of hypnotising.
“Just this once, I promise.” Though the height difference between them was minimal, Victoria made a point of looking up at her coworker in what she hoped was a seductive manner. “Fuck, Javadi.” Her voice was breathy, her face somehow only inches away from Victoria’s. She dropped her cigarette, quietly stumping it out with her shoe. “Are you sure?” She asked, her eyes flicking back down to Victoria’s lips, making sure this was what she wanted out of this interaction.
Javadi solely nodded, the proximity having rendered her speechless. The small gap between the two of them was swiftly closed by Cassie, their lips gently touching for the first time. Victoria reveled in the smell and close presence of Cassie, unable to contain a soft gasp as McKay pressed harder, her hand tucking behind her neck like it had always been meant to fit there.
Carefully, Javadi opened her mouth, allowing Cassie’s tongue the entrance it so deeply yearned for. McKay wasted no time deepening the kiss, her other hand on Victoria’s cheek. Her thumb moved in gentle circles over Javadi’s soft skin as the kiss continued. Victoria couldn’t remember a time she had ever felt this alive. When they eventually broke apart to breathe, Cassie stayed close, basking in the afterglow of their first kiss.
She ran her hands down Victoria’s arms, noticing the goosebumps and letting her fingers softly glide over them. “Oh, honey, you’re freezing.” Without asking, Cassie took off her jacket and put it around Victoria’s shoulders. “Thanks.” Victoria looked up at Cassie with starry eyes, wanting to be closer, to keep touching.
“Cass...” Victoria felt stone cold sober, the kiss having knocked all of the liquor out of her system. Because right then and there, everything felt so obnoxiously clear. “Call me that again.” McKay ordered, though the tone in which she said it made it sound more like a desperate request. “Please kiss me again, Cass.” Javadi obeyed. Her current state was one close to topping euphoria, something unlike she had ever felt before.
How could anyone say no to that? Minutes passed before either of them spoke up again, both women too caught up in the other woman’s taste to notice much else. “Do you want to come dance with me?” Javadi’s lips were numb from all the kissing, and despite the jacket that comfortably hung from her shoulders, it was still quite cold outside. “I’d love to. You do know we need to talk about this, right?”
Victoria eagerly nodded. “Later,” she muttered, confidently grabbing Cassie’s hand, locking their fingers before dragging her inside. Maybe going out could be her thing, after all.