Chapter Text
It was thundering right outside the atelier. I hated storms; they always made me think of Mother—and how pathetic I was for being scared of something so simple.
When it stormed, I always stayed in my room. I don’t know why. Maybe it felt safer that way. Maybe if I stayed hidden, no one would see me fall apart over something so small.
A knock came at the door.
“Coco?”
My chest tightened.
“Y-yes, Master Qifrey?”
“May I come in?”
I hesitated.
I didn’t really want him in… but I also didn’t want him to leave. I knew if I told him to go, he would. He wouldn’t argue. But some part of me—the part that just wanted to be held together for a little while longer—didn’t want to be alone.
“Yes… you can come in.”
The door opened gently, and Master Qifrey stepped inside. He gave me a small, calm smile and a soft wave, like nothing in the world could rush him.
“How have you been fe—”
CLACK.
The thunder didn’t just sound close—it felt like it split the world open.
My body jolted so hard I nearly lost my balance.
CLACK.
My chest locked.
Air—wrong. Something was wrong with the air.
I tried to breathe in, but nothing came. Like my lungs had simply stopped understanding what to do.
CLACK.
Too loud. Too sharp. Too inside my head.
My thoughts started breaking apart.
It’s just thunder. It’s just thunder. It’s just—
CLACK.
My vision flickered at the edges.
My heart slammed against my ribs, too fast, too hard, like it was trying to escape me.
Why can’t I stop it?
Why can’t I—
CLACK.
My hands flew to my ears, but it didn’t matter. The sound was inside me now.
Something touched my shoulder.
My entire body recoiled violently.
I fell sideways—my head hitting the desk.
Pain flashed white through my skull.
And everything got worse.
No air. No control. Too much sound. Not enough space inside my own body.
I can’t breathe I can’t breathe I can’t breathe—
“Agott.”
A voice cut through the chaos—but it was distant, like I was underwater.
“Look at me.”
I couldn’t.
I physically couldn’t make my body obey.
My fingers clawed at my sleeves, at the desk, anything. Nothing stayed still.
“Agott. You’re here. You’re safe.”
Safe?
That word didn’t reach me.
CLACK—
Another strike.
My whole body flinched so hard my nails dug into my palms.
“I can’t—” My voice came out broken, barely there. “I can’t—something’s wrong—I can’t—”
“Breathe,” he said, sharper now—but steady. Anchoring. “You are breathing. You just need to follow me.”
I shook my head without meaning to.
No, no, I’m not—I’m not doing it right—I can’t fix it—
My lungs refused to work properly, like they had forgotten me.
“Agott.” His hand stayed on my shoulder—firm, grounding. “Stay with me. Just this moment.”
I tried.
I really tried.
But everything kept collapsing inward.
CLACK—
“I—can’t—stop it—” I choked out. “I can’t stop it—make it stop—please—”
My voice cracked completely on the last word.
“Hey.” Softer now, but still solid. “You don’t need to stop it. You just need to breathe with me. That’s all.”
I didn’t understand how that was supposed to be possible.
“Breathe in,” he said.
I didn’t think.
I tried to follow the word.
It hurt.
My chest resisted like it was made of stone.
“Good. Again.”
“Out.”
My breath came out uneven—shaky, wrong—but it came out.
“Again.”
The thunder was still there—but it stopped being everything. It started becoming outside again instead of inside my head.
My hands were still shaking violently, but I could feel the floor again.
The desk.
His hand.
Something real.
“I—I’m…” My voice barely worked. “I think I’m going to— I can’t—”
“You’re not going anywhere,” he said immediately. “You’re here. With me. Stay with me, Agott.”
Stay.
That word caught on something in my chest.
I clung to it.
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
And then—
The world stopped breaking apart.
“I—I’m sorry,” I whispered.
It came out small. Ashamed.
“I can’t even handle a storm… I shouldn’t be like this…”
“Don’t,” he said immediately.
Not harsh. Absolute.
“Don’t apologize for that.”
“But I—”
“You were overwhelmed,” he said quietly. “That’s all.”
That’s all.
Like it wasn’t something shameful.
Like I wasn’t.
“But I was having a whole breakdown over something stupid like thunder.”
“And?” he asked softly.
I hesitated. “I don’t know…”
“Come sit with me.”
He guided me toward the bed. I sat down carefully, still shaking a little.
He sat beside me, then lifted his arm slightly—waiting. Asking without words.
“Please,” I said quietly.
He didn’t hesitate.
He pulled me into a hug.
And something in me finally broke.
I started crying—harder than I expected. Not just from fear, but from everything I had been holding in. The shame. The fear. The loneliness I didn’t want to admit I felt.
“I don’t even know why I’m crying,” I choked out between breaths.
“It’s okay,” he said softly. “Let it out. I’m here.”
I don’t know how long it lasted.
Eventually, my breathing evened out. My tears slowed.
At some point, he had shifted so I was leaning against his chest. I could hear his heartbeat—steady, calm, real.
It made everything feel less sharp.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
He smiled faintly. “You’re very welcome.”
I looked up at him. His expression was calm, warm in a way that made my chest feel tight for a different reason.
It always made me feel safe—his smile. Like nothing could reach me while he was there.
“Do you have these often?” he asked gently.
“Not often,” I admitted. “Only when there’s a storm.”
“I see.”
A pause.
“Why didn’t you come to me? Or Olruggio? We wouldn’t mind keeping you company.”
Heat crept into my face.
“I don’t want to look like a baby,” I said quietly. “It’s bad enough I’m the youngest here. Being scared of thunder just makes it worse.”
He looked at me for a moment.
Then, gently: “And what would be wrong with that?”
I didn’t answer.
“Next time,” he said, softer now, “just tell someone. Me, Olruggio… even Coco. You don’t have to deal with it alone.”
“…Fine.”
A small smile.
He shifted, pulling the blanket up around me. It took a moment—he had to adjust it carefully around where I was sitting—but he managed, tucking it around my shoulders.
“Thank you,” he said quietly, like he meant it.
I gave him a small smile back.
“Thank you, Master Qifrey.”
He stood slowly, still watching me to make sure I was okay.
“You’re welcome, Agott. Goodnight.”
A pause at the door.
“I love you. Come get me if you need anything.”
The door closed gently behind him.
And for the first time that night, the silence didn’t feel scary anymore.