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Hunk knows that there are 376 spots on the ceiling, twenty cake forks in the drawer by the sink and that if you stack more than thirteen espresso cups onto each other the tower will collapse dramatically.
He knows all this because his boyfriend is a force to be reckoned with, especially when bored. A bored Lance means a loud, chaotic Lance, and it's gotten to the point where the words "I'm bored" coming from him trigger some sort of pavlovian response in Hunk.
So when the cursed phrase is spoken, he just puts down the dishes he was washing and walks over to his boyfriend immediately.
"Huuuuunk," Lance whines, and it is absolutely a whine no matter how much he always denies it, and repeats, "I'm bored."
"A true tragedy," he mutters dryly. "How ever will you survive?"
Lance pouts at that, so Hunk gives a longsuffering sigh and hooks an arm around him, pulling him close. Lance sort of... curls into him, and it's nice.
"What am I supposed to do, magic us up some customers?"
And it's true that the shop is absolutely deserted now that the lunchtime rush is over. It's kind of the only reason Hunk is even cuddling with Lance, because he's not exactly a big fan of PDA. But right now there's no one here to see it.
Lance pulls back far enough to waggle his eyebrows suggestively. "I can think of a few things to keep us occupied," he purrs.
"Not at work!", Hunk scolds and lightly punches him in the arm. He disentangles himself from Lance's octopuslike limbs and steps away.
Lance pouts again, but Hunk shakes his head and looks away. "Nuh-uh. Not happening. Now put those puppy dog eyes away."
Lance sighs, mutters "so bossy" under his breath and turns his attention towards the sugar dispenser.
Hunk groans. "Please don't start counting grains of sugar again. I am so not cleaning up after you this time."
"But I'm bored."
Hunk rolls his eyes. "Don't you have a paper to write? For Keelman's class."
"Yeah, but it's not due until Friday."
"Today is Wednesday," Hunk points out.
"Exactly!"
Before Hunk can respond to that - and there isn't really anything he can say that will convince Lance not to procrastinate besides his usual I Told You So afterwards - the door of the café opens and someone steps in.
Lance eyes light up and he whispers "Magic!" to Hunk, who just snorts and turns back to the dishes. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Lance put on his patented Customer Service smile, which is a mixture of polite and flirtatious. (Hunk has no idea how he can do both at the same time. The one time he tried to copy it, Lance started laughing and asked him if he was constipated.)
Finishing the last of the dishes, Hunk turns back to the counter just in time to see Lance chirp out a cheerful: "Welcome!"
Their customer is a cute asian guy, probably around Hunk's age, and looks a little steamrolled by Lance's enthusiasm. Hunk can relate.
"What's your name?" Lance asks.
"Oh. Keith," their customer replies, a little hesitantly.
"Alright, Keith, what can I do for you today?"
"Um..." Keith checks the menu on the wall. "A hot chocolate. Size large."
"Coming right up!" Lance promises, and Hunk dutifully starts getting the coffee machine ready.
"Did you want that to go?", Hunk asks over his shoulder, hands hovering over the different types of cups.
When he turns to look at him, Keith clears his throat and looks away. "Here is fine," he mutters.
"Want anything in it?" Lance asks, leaning towards Keith. "A shot of hazelnut or caramel, maybe? Or peppermint. That one's popular around Christmas." Lance picks up one of the syrup bottles and shows him.
Hunk almost has a heart attack when Lance throws it up - what is he doing those are expensive!! - but he has to admit it looks cool when Lance snatches it out of the air expertly.
He glares at Lance, who is smirking slightly. Asshole.
Keith looks somewhat uncomfortable and leans back a little, shaking his head at Lance's offer.
"Haven't seen you around here before, Keith," Lance says, not one to give up easily. Also, he's lazy and has no qualms about letting Hunk do all the actual work.
"I just moved here," Keith admits.
"Well then you have good instincts! We make the best coffee in the city," Lance promises.
"Our hot chocolate is decent too," Hunk chimes in with a smile, bringing over a small tablet with the hot chocolate and a cookie. There's whipped cream and sprinkles on top, and maybe those usually cost extra, but Hunk sort of feels sorry for the guy because capturing Lance's attention is always a mixed blessing.
Keith nods, accepting that without asking, and takes a small experimental sip of his drink. The whipped cream gives him a little 'stache, and Hunk coughs out a laugh before helpfully saying: "Um, you have a little... yeah."
Blushing furiously, Keith wipes at this mouth with the back of this hand. Without meeting Hunk's eyes, he picks up his order and takes it over to one of the smaller tables by the window.
Now Hunk sort of feels bad, because he wasn't trying to embarrass him.
"You're going to give him a free refill, aren't you," Lance states flatly. But he looks amused, if a little resigned to Hunk's soft-heartedness.
Hunk just huffs and fixes Lance with a hard look. "You're going to walk over there and harass him, aren't you."
Lance's eyes widen and he gestures to himself in Who, me? kind of way, before dropping the act and shrugging.
"He's cute and I'm bored. Can I make it anymore obvious?"
Hunk picks up the smaller jar next to the tip jar and gives it a meaningful rattle. Lance glares at the glass labeled "annoying pop culture references" but obligingly digs out a quarter and drops it in.
Then he grabs a cleaning cloth and vaults over the counter, shooting Hunk a mischievous "See ya later, boy" as soon as he's out of reach.
Hunk laughs before he can stop himself and then kind of fake-glares at Lance to make up for it. Lance, of course, pretends to be cheerfully oblivious as he gives the empty tables a quick wipe.
When he gets to the one next to Keith's, he casually leans against it and strikes up a conversation. Hunk watches on with exasperated fondness before heading to the backroom to restock on paper cups.
Most people think it's weird, how blasé Hunk is about Lance flirting with other people, but it's not weird for them. Lance always flirts. And Hunk knows he would stop if he asked him to, but he's never felt the need. No matter how attractive the other person is, at the end of the day Lance always comes home to him, and Hunk knows Lance really loves him.
Even if he's not overly fond of the dramatic and showy way Lance expresses it (mostly to embarrass him, really, because they were best friends long before they started dating and they do casual affection really well).
Hunk smiles when he steps back into the Café with the cups. It looks like Lance actually got Keith to open up a little, since he's saying more than just the handful of words he had earlier.
It's hard to be shy around Lance, after all. And if Keith is new to the area and as awkward as he was earlier, it would be good to have someone to talk to.
Even if they seem to be arguing now. Hunk sighs and very resolutely tells himself he does not want to know.
Of course he gets dragged into it anyway when Lance yells: "Hunk! Keith thinks I'd be a redshirt! Tell him how wrong he is!"
"Keith, you're wrong!" Hunk shouts back and Lance looks smug until he adds: "He would have flunked out of Starfleet Academy!"
Lance lets out an outraged squawk while Keith starts snickering.
Those two, fighting about Star Trek already. Hunk thinks they'll become good friends.
That is, he amends, if they can stop arguing long enough. With an eye roll, he walks over to be their referee.
When Keith comes by the next time, Hunk is working but Lance isn't. Which - considering the way their last encounter went - is probably a good thing.
There had been some name calling involved. And a lot of shouting. It ended with Keith storming off, but only after he'd paid for his drink and left a decent tip.
Since Lance isn't the only one who can be a little shit, Hunk meets his eyes and salutes, offering a respectful "Captain Kogane."
Keith blushes brightly and looks away. Hunk just grins at him and asks: "What can I get you?"
He orders a cappuccino this time, then shuffles to the side awkwardly so the next person in line can order. It's a lot busier today, and Keith looks a little uncomfortable with all the people, so Hunk isn't surprised when he makes his order to go.
When Hunk passes him the paper cup he asks: "You settling in alright, buddy?"
Keith looks surprised for a moment before he offers a small smile. "Yes," he answers, shyly. "I, uh, meet someone who's pretty cute. And a complete asshole."
Hunk laughs, because that's Lance alright.
Keith smiles at him hesitantly and Hunk smiles back, but before either of them can say anything a lady trying to cut in line elbows Keith sharply in the ribs.
Appalled by her rudeness, Hunk suffers from a sudden case of complete deafness, and Keith shoots him an amused look even as he grabs his coffee and leaves.
Their conversation puts him in a good mood, even with the woman threatening to call his boss if he doesn't serve her this instant.
(The next time he sees Keith, Hunk quietly tells him about the usual times the Café isn't as busy and Keith looks unbearably grateful. Hunk doesn't ask, just gives Keith a smile before bursting out with a bad joke that makes his coworker grimace and Keith laugh.)
"I can't believe you got in trouble with Mrs Holt," Lance exclaims gleefully when Hunk tells him about it. He pauses and amends: "OK, I can, but I can't believe I missed it!"
"The lady was being rude!" Hunk insists. "And Mrs Holt was totally on my side when I explained it to her afterwards. She cut in line and even elbowed Keith!"
"Wait, Keith was there? Tell me, how is my eternal rival?"
Hunk gapes. "Eternal Rival?! Lance, you just met the guy!"
"Sometimes you see someone and just know. Antagonism at first sight, they call it." Lance sticks his nose in the air and sniffs. "We'll see which one of us makes Starfleet Captain first."
Hunk groans and slumps onto the couch in defeat. He shifts around until he has his head in Lance's lap and his legs propped comfortably up on the arm of the couch.
After a moment of content silence, Hunk opens his eyes and says: "I like him. Seems like a nice guy. And," he adds, suddenly remembering, "he thinks you're cute."
"Of course he does," Lance says arrogantly, before carding his fingers through Hunk's hair and admitting: "He might not be that bad."
When Keith comes by again - and he does, pretty frequently, and seems intent on working his way through the menu - Lance gets this glint in his eye that makes Hunk wince in sympathy and sneak Keith free food and drinks.
Because Lance alternates between being snarky and antagonistic and turning up his charm, provocatively flirting in the way only Lance has mastered.
Keith seems confused by the attention but gets used to it pretty quickly, building a repertoire and trading barbs with Lance. Still, he frequently shares a commiserating look and eye roll with Hunk whenever Lance gets particularly dramatic.
They move on from arguing about Star Trek to Star Wars, Firefly, Gurren Lagann and finally the X Files. Sensing a theme, Hunk asks, and is rewarded with a blushing Keith admitting he 100% believes aliens are real and even owns a dorky Area 51 T-Shirt.
It's cute, and Lance obviously thinks so too since he redoubles his efforts to get Keith to yell at him. Hunk manfully resists the temptation to make a joke about pulling pigtails - or, well, mullets.
One day, maybe two weeks after they met, Hunk sits down at Keith's table. Lance is busy meticulously cleaning the coffee machine (it's one of those days, apparently) so Hunk feels confident he won't burst into their conversation and ruin the moment.
Keith raises an eyebrow but doesn't say anything, so Hunk smiles at him. "I wanted to thank you, you know."
Now Keith looks confused, which Hunk expected, so he explains: "For coming to our shop that first time." Keith doesn't know it, but his timing was excellent: he probably saved that poor sugar dispenser's life.
Lance seems happier too; as much as he likes to complain, having Keith to argue with and occasionally insult has done wonders for his boredom. And for obvious reasons, Hunk benefits from that too.
And since Keith seems kind of lonely - he's always alone at his table, and Hunk has never seen him talking to any of the customers - Hunk makes sure to show how earnest he is when he says: "I'm really glad to have met you."
Keith flushes and looks away, which is fair, since Hunk is more touchy-feely than most guys. Still, he wanted to say it.
This is naturally when Lance swears loudly and they both turn to him. Hunk lets out a pained noise when he sees that Lance somehow managed to spill the milk - all two pints of it.
Hunk hurries over to help mitigate the damage and Lance forces a smile.
"No use getting angry over spilled milk, right?", he asks hopefully, and Hunk gives him a fond look even as he shakes his head at his boyfriend. "Go get a dishtowel," he orders.
Once they've mopped up as well as they can, Hunk looks over to Keith, who has his phone in hand and is glaring at it. Lance follows his gaze and snorts when he sees Keith texting furiously.
"So he does have friends."
Hunk frowns at him and Lance quickly defends himself: "Hey, I know you were thinking it too!"
He then narrows his eyes at Hunk suspiciously. Hunk very deliberately looks away.
"You're already planning to adopt him!" Lance accuses.
"...Nooo?" Hunk tries.
Lance raises one immaculate eyebrow and Hunk gives up and says: "He's nice! And he seems lonely."
"He's cute, you mean."
"That too," Hunk admits and Lance laughs.
"I'm just saying," he continues, "we could invite him to pizza night or something."
Lance gasps dramatically. "Pizza night is sacred!"
"I think it would be fun," Hunk says stubbornly.
The door opens and Lance hisses "We're talking about this later!" before cheerfully greeting the old lady that wandered in. Hunk hopes she's not ordering anything with milk in it.
At some point while Lance is too busy charming his other customers to really have time for him and Hunk is getting more milk out of the storage room, Keith pays and leaves. It's earlier than he usually does and a little abrupt, but Hunk doesn't really think anything of it.
It's about two hours later - half an hour before closing time - that Hunk notices the slip of paper wedged beneath the tip jar.
Since there aren't any customers right now, he picks it up and unfolds it.
When he reads the message, he blinks, before passing the note to Lance and saying: "I take back every thing I've ever said about you not having game."
Lance looks confused but when he reads the Call me - Keith and the phone number scrawled below he breaks out into a victorious grin. "I've still got it!", he croons.
Hunk shakes his head and watches his boyfriend do a little victory dance with amusement.
Then something occurs to him and he frowns. Lance stops dancing and just looks at him. "I sort of feel bad for him," Hunk confesses. "He doesn't know you're already taken. Not that... Well. You could, if you wanted to. Date him. You know that."
Lance gives him a soft look and reaches over to squeeze Hunk's hand. He does know that. They've done it before, sort of, when Hunk met a girl he liked and they realized neither of them really minded sharing. The thing with Shay hadn't lasted, but nothing else changed.
"I'm not sure yet," Lance admits. "But I should tell him we're already dating so he knows what he's walking into."
Hunk watches him get out this phone and type a text to the number on the note. come by the coffee shop at 6 pm?
A minute later, he gets a reply: OK.
"Better start cleaning," Lance says cheekily. "We're closing early today."
Hunk snorts but dutifully starts cleaning the coffee machine.
Lance hums a little as he wipes down the counter and tables. Flirting is, to him, his easiest way of socializing and having his attractiveness confirmed. Most people would think that makes him shallow, but Hunk knows it's more complicated than that. So he lets his boyfriend have his bravado and only interferes when Lance's way of coping drifts from suave to irritating. (Lance is the reason he's been in two bar fights so far. To be fair, he'd been very remorseful when he saw Hunk's black eye.)
Lance stops humming long enough to get out the mop and actually gets to work properly.
Together, they make quick work of it, and are just putting the chairs on the tables when the bell chimes and the door opens.
It's Keith, and he looks nervous and determined and good. He's wearing skinny jeans and a dark red v-neck shirt and his hair is even messier than usual, but in a seemingly deliberate tousled look. Lance wolf-whistles and Keith blushes deeply. He looks supremely awkward.
"Sorry about him," Hunk says, jerking his thumb at Lance. Keith's shoulders relax a little and he returns Hunk's smile.
Lance saunters over to where Keith is standing and Hunk follows.
"You should know," Lance starts, "that I'm not single."
Keith blinks. "That's... nice?"
Then he turns to Hunk and asks, nervously, "You got my note?"
Wait. What?
"Wait. What?" Lance blurts out. "You have a crush on Hunk?"
"What's wrong with Hunk?" Keith says defensively, raising his chin and glaring at Lance. Lance, Hunk's boyfriend, but of course he doesn't know that. (The small corner of his mind not completely stunned by surprise thinks this is adorable.)
"Keith... I-"
"He's already dating me," Lance interrupts and hooks his arm around Hunk's middle. He seems offended at the implication that he thinks Hunk isn't crush worthy.
Keith's eyes widen as he takes in their new position, Lance practically glued to his side even though he knows Hunk doesn't do PDA. Little shit.
"Oh," Keith offers weakly. Then his face shutters and he turns away.
"I'm- I knew this was a bad idea. I... Sorry, I'll go," he forces out and storms off before Hunk can say anything.
"That," Hunk says, "did not go well."
He shoves Lance off him - careful not to actually hurt him - and pokes his head out of the door, but Keith is already out of sight.
It takes Lance three minutes of Hunk frowning disapprovingly/sadly to crack, which shows that he is clearly losing his edge.
Lance finally throws up his arms. "Fine! I'll call him!"
He gets out his phone and dials. After a few moments, someone picks up. "Keith? It's Lance. I wanted- He hung up on me!"
His expression is a mixture of sulky and guilty, and it's not a good look on him.
"Probably should have expected that," Hunk admits. He sighs. "Let's lock up and head home for tonight. I'll call him later."
They walk to their apartment in silence. When they're standing in front of the door and Lance is fumbling with his key, he mutters: "Just say it."
Hunk follows him into the apartment and kicks off his shoes. "I'm not mad at you," he says, and Lance throws him a disbelieving look. "Much," he amends. "But I do expect you to apologize for basically shattering his heart into a thousand tiny pieces."
"Fine. I didn't mean to, anyway... You know I'm impulsive."
"I do, but that's no excuse. Not when someone gets hurt."
Lance makes a face but nods, collapsing dramatically onto the sofa. With his face pressed into one of the cushions, Lance mutters: "Stupid Keith with his stupid mullet."
"Are you really blaming this on his haircut?"
Since Lance doesn't respond, Hunk gets out his own phone and Lance's. He copies the number and hesitates a second before texting him.
Keith? It's Hunk
I'm sorry about Lance. And about hurting your feelings.
I think we should talk.
Five minutes later, there's a reply. It reads only: i'm listening.
Because he doesn't want to do this over the phone - which kind of sounds like he has a plan when he absolutely does not have one, he's winging this whole thing entirely - Hunk sends him the address to their apartment.
He's pretty convinved he won't show, but he prods Lance into helping him clean up a little and orders a pizza anyway.
About forty minutes later, the door rings and Hunk feels his heart speed up. Since Lance is currently picking pieces of pepperoni off the slice he's holding, it could be the pizza guy who came by five minutes ago that forgot something, but it's probably Keith.
He opens the door and Keith steps in, looking awkward and subdued but just the tiniest bit hopeful.
Hunk smiles at him automatically and it suddenly occurs to him how often he's been doing that. He's not a looker like Lance, but - well. Maybe it's not too strange that Keith got the wrong idea. Or the right idea, which would be kind of embrassasing for Hunk, since he himself just realised it in the last hour.
He thinks of how often Lance complains that feelings are hard and finds himself in agreement. Especially when it's feelings caused by cute boys.
Keith returns the smile, a little hesitantly, then he's frowning a bit.
Right. Mixed signals. He should probably clear that up first.
"Thanks for coming. Take a seat?"
Keith nods but hesitates when he actually looks around the room. He seems reluctant about squeezing onto the couch with Hunk and Lance (which would be a tight fit but still totally doable), but that's actually the only seating available. Hunk's mother would be appalled.
He finally just pushes the xbox back and sits on the coffee table, which creaks a bit but holds firm.
Hunk sits down on the couch, not too close to Lance since he senses that would be awkward, but Keith looks between them anyway and frowns.
After a tense moment, Keith breaks the silence. "You wanted to talk," he reminds Hunk, "so talk."
"Right. Well... first, I wanted to tell you I've been dating Lance for three years now. And you're a great guy, Keith, and, uh, cute too..." He trails off, kind of embarrassed.
"Is this you letting me down easy?" Keith says, and he looks closed off again.
Hunk shakes his head. "This is me making sure we're on the same page."
Lance reaches over to give Hunk's hand a reassuring squeeze and Keith follows the movement with what looks a lot like aching loneliness.
Which just strengthens Hunk resolve. He looks at Keith, doesn't mind he's not meeting his eyes because what's important is that he listens, and says: "I like you, Keith. And I'm polyamorous. So... as long as it's okay with Lance and with you, we could try to make this work. If you want to."
Keith blinks. "You... want to date me?" He looks confused and hopeful all at once. It makes Hunk's heart hurt.
"I do. But we should take this slow. Talk things through properly." He looks down at where he's still holding his boyfriends hand and adds firmly: "Also, I don't think this will work out if you actually hate Lance. He'll still be my boyfriend."
Keith looks away and mumbles: "I don't hate him." And the fact he's blushing as he says it is certainly interesting and Hunk will definitely get back to that at some point but right now it's not important.
"For the record, I don't hate you either," Lance chimes in. Then he scrunches up his face because feelings. "And I wanted to apologise. I was petty - which I'm good at - and jealous, which was a new one. So I'm sorry I hurt you. Somehow you always manage to push my buttons. I have no idea how or why but damn if it's not annoying.
Hunk likes you, so you're okay in my book, I guess. Even if you have shitty taste in TV shows."
Hunk facepalms and Keith glares. So much for Lance being nice, he thinks, faintly amused. But Keith seems a bit more relaxed now and his glare lacks the open hostility he'd shown Lance at his botched confession. So yay for team work-in-progress.
"Let's save that fight for the next movie night, okay?" Hunk cuts off before either of them have a chance to be offended. "We have better things to talk about, I think."
Then, on an impulse, he pats the empty spot on the couch and gives Keith a hopeful look.
Keith sighs but does in fact move over to where they're sitting. And, well, there's not a lot of room, so they end up squished together.
But Hunk - as much as he dislikes PDA - is actually a huge cuddler, so he lets himself lean into the warmth of Keith at his side. And Lance doesn't elbow him either, so there's that.
"So... what now?" Hunk asks after a kind of content but also pretty awkward few minutes. He and Keith have somehow ended up holding hands, and Lance (since expecting him to sit still and quiet without a distraction is ridiculous) is playing candy crush on his phone.
He's thinking a movie, maybe, or a round of Halo, so Keith blurting out, "Can I kiss you?" is pretty unexpected.
"Uh," he says. He looks over at Lance, who just raises a sardonic eyebrow, before nodding. "Sure."
He closes his eyes and leans in.
They clumsily meet in the middle and their noses bump together. Hunk can hear Lance snort quietly and his own lips quirk in a smile as he opens his eyes. Immediately, he's speechless, because Keith's eyes are bright and he's blushing. He lets out a breathless little laugh and leans in again.
This time, he tilts his head, and the kiss is a lot more successful. It's a good kiss; soft and warm. It makes something in Hunk's chest bubble up and he smiles into the kiss.
When they part, he's got a goofy grin on his face and Keith stares at him wordlessly. Lance looks over, spots Hunk's expression and shakes his head sadly. "Hunk, babe, we've talked about this... stop looking so cute. You'll give me a toothache."
"That's not a thing. And... uh, sorry?"
Lance just looks at him before sighing. "Move," he says, and leans forward - over Keith - to press a quick kiss to Hunk's lips.
"Help, my boyfriend is too kissable," he laments when they part. He's smiling, though, so Hunk smiles back.
"Our boyfriend," Keith corrects, and then looks nervous. When the two of them just grin at him, he relaxes, before leaning in and stealing another kiss.