Chapter Text
Sasuke refreshed his snapchat. And refreshed it again. It was telling him something strange.
It was one of those nights. One of those nights where Sasuke had accidentally spent double his allocated screen time fully brain rotting on his phone. It was at the point where he didn’t think he could scroll through another unfunny meme without losing his mind. So he'd opened his less used apps. Grindr, for example.
And snapchat.
The light from the phone screen was burning his eyes. Even the ceiling lights burned into Sasuke’s eyes like he was outside looking directly at the sun.
For some reason, at the top of Sasuke's snapchat page there was a red square to indicate that a photo was sent to ‘naru_10’.
Very quickly that red square became white with a red outline. To indicate something strange like the photo had been sent and opened by ‘naru_10.’
Not ‘nick.zeven.’
And that was strange. Because he remembered sending a dick pick to Nick (nick.zeven). So, Nick’s snapchat username was the one that should have been there, up at the top.
The last snap he’d sent Naruto (naru_10) was… what was it? Sasuke didn’t think he’d ever actually sent Naruto a snapchat. It wasn’t like he actually used snapchat much. Only when he wanted to, you know. Do stupid stuff because he was bored and some nobody called Nick had messaged him on Grindr.
Naruto sent him plenty of snapchats and constantly kept trying to start ‘streaks’ with him. Some of his snaps even made Sasuke slightly smile. But Sasuke ignored every one of them. He had never once sent something back.
So, it was very weird that it looked like he had sent something to Naruto. Very, very weird, because Nick was the one who he had just replied to.
Sasuke tapped into the snap thread with ‘naru_10’ with shaky figures. Immediately, Naruto’s bitmoji popped up. He was there in the thread too. He currently had it open too. And he was typing something. Sasuke quickly got of there and closed the app entirely.
Oh.
Oh.
Sasuke nearly threw his phone across his room. He sat fully upright in bed and shrieked. An uncharacteristic move but entirely necessary.
Sasuke had sent a dick pick to Naruto. Naruto Uzumaki. His long-term acquaintance/friend/occasional crush.
Not Nick.
Sasuke felt his whole body start to heat up, like he was on fire.
Oh my god.
How had this happened? Sasuke was a lot of things, but not normally careless.
There was a knock on his door and then two seconds later Itachi was entering the room. Sasuke managed to adjust his doona cover over his bare legs just as the door opened so he could reasonably pretend he wasn’t sitting completely naked and sending nudes of himself.
Sasuke gave Itachi his best glare. Now that they had both moved out of their parent’s house into a shared apartment in the city that was closer to both their offices, Itachi had decided to take on the role of quasi mother. He was always finding an ‘excuse’ to check on him. The list of excuses included, but was not limited to:
- checking if Sasuke knew that there was a 2-for-1 deal on toilet paper at the store across the road
- making sure Sasuke had completed his “homework” (he had a full-time corporate job and no homework, thank you very much)
- seeing if Sasuke needed a water or some prunes in case his bowel movements hadn’t been regular lately
‘Go away!’ Sasuke yelled. He could not deal with this right now.
‘I can't check on my favourite brother?’
Sasuke didn’t bother to respond to that. He was Itachi’s only brother.
‘What do you want?’ Couldn’t Itachi see straight away that he was having a crisis? His dick was no longer sacred. Unimaginable things were happening.
‘It’s late. Don’t forget to set your alarm.’
‘I won’t forget to set my alarm.’ Sasuke couldn’t believe Itachi had bothered him for that. He did it on purpose. Definitely on purpose. Itachi smiled thoughtfully and finally shut the door.
It was nearly midnight and he should have been sleeping. Still, he really didn’t impulsively take a dick pic and then scroll past Nick’s name and select Naruto to send it to, did he?
Did he?
He had. Reality was closing in.
Sasuke re-entered the snapchat thread. He needed to say something to Naruto before he said something to him. What if he thought it was on purpose?
Sasuke quickly typed a message, complete with typos, and tapped send.
Sory ignore accident
He breathed out. Honestly, after the initial embarrassment, burn, and panic, his logical mind had taken over and reminded him: It’s just Naruto. Naruto who had seen his actual penis in real life, more times than he could count, while growing up and changing at basketball practice. Naruto, who had been there at university when they did that stupid challenge in first year and ran through a tutorial nude. That had been kind of a thrill.
Sasuke saw Naruto’s icon disappear from the chat. Then a second later it reappeared again. The typing bubble came up again. Sasuke found himself biting his nails, not sure what to expect. Surely a haha or something.
The thing is – Sasuke probably wouldn’t have felt any embarrassment at all if it weren’t for the fact that Naruto had been his secret friend crush for about four years now. Since they started university and did the nudie run in their first year. Sasuke had glanced at that and thought, ‘Wow, he’s really grown up.’
Naruto’s message finally popped up. What?
Sasuke wanted to spiral. This was so Naruto. The biggest chatterbox in real life, he always seemed to struggle on text. Anything slightly different than a “where/what time are we meeting” conversation was met with one word answers like that.
Sasuke quickly replied. Forget about it.or I’ll kill you
Naruto responded again: Huh
Sasuke didn’t know what to say to that, so he didn’t say anything. But his heart started sinking again. He immediately uninstalled Grindr and deleted Nick nobody off his contacts list. Nick had sent him a snapchat message (probably asking where he went) but he couldn’t bring himself to read it.
He even felt like being extra and deactivating Instagram and deleting snapchat. Really show the world he was going through something. But he stopped himself and finally threw his phone across the room instead.
If only he could delete the last ten minutes of his life.
–
Sasuke did indeed sleep in the next morning because he forgot to set his alarm. As soon as he got up, he started panicking. There was kind of a reason Itachi had asked about the alarm.
Today was Sakura’s bachelorette party. Sakura, one of his best friends from high school, who even defended him during a particularly challenging year when he was convinced he would become a professional DJ. She had got engaged a few months ago to her university boyfriend, Rock Lee. They were kind of like opposites, but worked together in a really sweet way.
Itachi sat at the kitchen table, reading the news on his tablet like an old man. His glasses were sliding down his nose, but it seemed like it didn’t bother him because he refused to push them back up. Sasuke squinted at him – did he really even need glasses? Did he just wear them to look smart? Sasuke felt like that was something Itachi would do.
‘Morning,’ Itachi said, way too cheerily.
Morning,’ Sasuke replied, unnecessarily tensely. Ino had arranged a full day event at a winery for Sakura’s bachelorette. She had told everyone that if they missed the day she would personally ensure they never enjoyed wine again. He didn’t know how that could be possible, but he didn’t want to risk it. There had been a few psychic-type incidents between Chouji, Ino and BBQ in the past that had kind of freaked him out.
'Do you want coffee? You look a bit unwell,' Itachi helpfully said.
Sasuke shook his head and quickly grabbed his keys and wallet. 'No, thank you. Bye.'
Sasuke had already missed the bus Ino had arranged to pick everyone up from Richmond, so he called an uber. As he sat in the car on the way to the Yarra Valley, he tried to think about what he was going to say to Naruto.
Before leaving, Sasuke had stalked the facebook event invite list.
Naruto’s name had shown up as ‘Going.’
Sakura had been obsessed with Sasuke in year 7. After she mustered up the courage to confess and Sasuke had not so gently let her down (he was an immature teenager), they started to hang out like friends. Sakura was the first person he opened up to. She had become kind of like a close personal confidant. Somehow, with Naruto always somewhere nearby, the both of them had started a friendship too. Normally, that didn’t bother Sasuke, but right now he was wishing he had tried harder to keep those two friendships separate.
Sasuke was going to be put face-to-face with the accidental dick pick receiver at Sakura’s bachelorette. He took a deep breath in the uber to calm his nerves, but instantly regretted it when he got a whiff of something that smelled unnervingly like dried vomit. Sasuke imagined a drunk guy, pretending to be sober to get a car home and then puking all over the back seats. Sasuke felt like he might puke too. Not because of alcohol. But because of a stupid snapchat picture.
Sasuke had looked up what happens to people who send other people dick pics without their consent. The answer was up to 3 years imprisonment. Sasuke shuddered. The thing is - knowing Naruto had a photo of his dick pulled up on his phone for that 10 second snap (why did he set it for so long!?) was enough to feel like 3 years of prison already. He was so screwed.
–
Sasuke ended up being early. The winery was surrounded by grape vines and rolling green hills. It was a bit secluded (the uber driver had shot him a dirty look when he’d seen the dirt road to the venue) but Sasuke could see why Ino chose this place as one of the winery stops. It was stunning.
He entered the winery. It was already bustling with people, but he found a seat at the bar overlooking the farmland. He ordered his first red wine of the day. The time was 11am.
His phone buzzed.
Sakura: Where are you?
Sasuke: Here. At the bar.
Sakura: Okay. We are 5min away.
Sasuke prepared himself. By taking another big sip of wine.
He heard before he saw the crew. It was a decent sized group, Ino really hadn’t limited the invite list. Basically all the girls from high school + Naruto and Sasuke who seemed to always be invited to these things (Naruto because he was charming and friendly with everyone, Sasuke because - he didn't really know why). The only one who was excluded was the groom himself, Rock Lee.
‘Wooooo, nice place,’ he heard Tenten call out. She was admiring the homestyle decorations and high ceilings. She nearly bumped into another patron sitting for lunch. ‘Whoops, sorry,’ she said, very insincerely. Sasuke had a strong suspicion there had been alcohol on the bus ride over.
He didn’t bother waving or standing up, because the next second Ino was sliding into the seat next to him. ‘Hello, cutie,’ she said.
‘Hi, Ino.’
‘I nearly thought you weren’t going to come. You know what would have happened to you if you didn’t.’
Sasuke rolled his eyes, but he was actually curious. ‘What would you do?’ Maybe she'd finally tell him about her secret-not-so-secret psychic powers.
Ino cocked her head but then immediately got distracted by Tenten grabbing her shoulders. Tenten was already nicely flushed in the face. ‘So, what’s the plan? Where's the drinks? Hey! Sasuke already has wine. No fair!’
Hinata and Sakura caught up and joined the commotion. Ino offered to go with Tenten to find the bar staff and start the wine tasting and Hinata and Sakura paired up to go find a bigger table. Trailing behind them, Sasuke saw Naruto coming towards him. Naruto was dressed kind of formally, for him. Proper dress shorts and an orange striped button up shirt. It looked like he’d tried to style his hair that morning with a bit of gel, but it had all come undone, anyway. Sasuke felt himself going red. This man had seen his dick in picture format.
‘Hey!’ Naruto exclaimed. He came forward and looked like he wanted a full proper hug, but because Sasuke was already sitting and refused to get up, he made do with an awkward side hug with an arm on his shoulder.
‘Hello,’ Sasuke replied, trying to keep the nerves out of his voice.
Naruto slid into the seat next to Sasuke, now vacated by Ino. ‘What you got there?’ He asked, looking at Sasuke's wine. Before Sasuke could reply, he leaned in. ‘Everything all good?’
Sasuke quickly leaned away. He hated Naruto.
So. This was how it was going to be. The teasing had started now. Sasuke wasn’t fooled by Naruto’s one word answers last night of ‘What?’ and ‘Huh.’ He would have a lot to say about the whole situation. Sasuke took in a deep breath. He had dealt with Naruto his whole life. He could handle this. He hoped.
Sasuke was very happy to see Sakura make her way towards them, after deciding to leave Hinata with table-finding duties. Sasuke actually stood up and gave her a proper hug.
‘Sakura, happy bachelorette,’ Sasuke said. He had no idea if that was a thing people actually said, but he needed to change the subject ASAP.
Sakura was wearing a white and pink dress along with some short white stilettos that were completely inappropriate for walking around the grassy hills surrounding a winery. She looked a million bucks.
‘Thanks for coming. What’s been going on?’ Sakura asked.
Sasuke was about to say something along the lines of work blahblah, but Naruto immediately butted in. ‘He's been busy!’
Sasuke frowned. ‘I’m always busy.’
‘Yeah, but busy in a new way,’ Naruto winked.
Sasuke’s face burned. ‘I don’t know what you are talking about.’ He didn't notice it before, but Naruto's was smiling. More than usual. And he looked a bit too relaxed. Sasuke realised that whatever they had been drinking on the way there, it was affecting Naruto too.
Sakura looked immensely curious, loving a good bit of gossip. Sasuke was surprised Ino’s psychic senses hadn’t picked up on the conversation and dragged her right over with the promise of juicy gossip too. ‘Busy in what way?’
Sasuke tried to interrupt. ‘I’m busy with…
Naruto laughed and grabbed a hold of one of Sakura’s hands like he couldn’t believe what he was about to say. ‘Forget that - Get this – okay – get this – Sasuke sent me a dick pic last night!’
Except, he said it so loud that everyone heard. At that moment, Tenten and Ino all turned and looked right at them, completely forgetting about trying to arrange the wine tasting. The patron Tenten nearly tripped over seemed to be looking their way too. Sasuke's felt some armpit perspiration start up at an alarming rate.
Sasuke wanted to sink into the floor, but not without first dragging Naruto down with him to hell. He grabbed his wine and took a big gulp.
Sakura looked at Sasuke sympathetically. He knew what that look meant. Sakura had suspected/figured out somewhere along the way that Sasuke may or may not have had a massive crush on Naruto. Sasuke really hoped that Sakura didn’t think the dick pic was Sasuke finally losing his mind and taking his shot.
‘Shut. Up. I already told you – it was an accident.’
Naruto winked at him. WINKED. ‘Sure, sure.’
Oh. My. God.
Sasuke couldn’t believe how blasé Naruto was being. He finally lost it. ‘It wasn’t for you. It was for Nick,’ he spit out, but he could see Sakura already trying to hold in a laugh. This was probably making her day.
‘Nick? Isn't that a guys name? You’re gay?’ Naruto said, actually sounding surprised.
Now it was Sasuke’s turn to be surprised. He thought his sexual orientation had been pretty blindingly obvious. ‘Yes, I’m gay, Naruto.’
Naruto didn't do or say anything for a moment. But then he brought his hand up for a high five. Sasuke looked at it like it was poison. It didn’t deter Naruto. He grabbed his hand from his lap and forced him to return the high five. ‘Same! I guess. Half-same. I’m bi,’ Naruto said, grinning proudly. 'If you didn't already know, but maybe you did. Hey, we have so much in common! No wonder we're friends!'
Okay. Sasuke was a bit stunned by that. He didn’t know how he couldn’t have known that after how many years of friendship. Hinata was still standing a bit aways, but Naruto and her had gotten together in high school. Sasuke was pretty sure they had been on track to marriage. Until a messy breakup after their first year of uni. Sasuke had assumed Naruto’s straightness after that long messy relationship.
‘I didn’t know you were a nudes guy,’ Sakura said.
‘It’s not something that often comes up in conversation,’ Sasuke replied, gripping the stem of his wineglass.
Sakura found that hilarious. She laughed and slapped him on the back. So hard that Sasuke nearly faceplanted into the bar table. Sakura didn’t seem to realise. ‘Ha, never change, please.’ She also pinched his cheek and Sasuke considered the fact this may have been a close second in the rankings for worst ten minutes of his life. ‘I’ll go check on the wine tasting.’
It was only Sasuke and Naruto now, sitting at the bar.
Naruto bumped their shoulders together. ‘So. Does this mean you're getting some?’
Sasuke didn’t know what to do. He slowly nodded.
Naruto looked thrilled. ‘That’s my man.’